Life Goes On
by NettieC
Summary: The continuing saga of Harm, Mac and family and their life on the farm. Follows on from 36 Hours, Change and Life on the Farm .
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine  
>AN: Life Goes On is the new sequel to the 36 Hours  Change /Life on the Farm story. This time around, we will have fewer but longer chapters focusing on a month at a time. With this format, I won't have to update as frequently as each chapter will contain a complete story (hopefully!).

Thanks to Beth...

I should probably say there is a Kleenex warning with this chapter.

Life Goes On...  
>March<br>Birthday Babies

It was a week of hustle and bustle, well, probably more bustle than hustle. With three children celebrating birthdays on two consecutive days there was a lot to organise. Mac had purchased most of their gifts online and only had to wrap them as they arrived in the post. With the twins turning four on Saturday and Frankie turning one on Sunday, there was a lot to do but she didn't seem to be getting there very fast and Harm was no help.

They had argued about the children's birthdays a few weeks ago and while the fight appeared to be over, Harm had been noticeably absent from preparations this week. The argument had been over what form the birthday celebrations would take. Mac wanted something for the twins on Saturday and a first birthday party for Frankie on Sunday. Harm thought they should just do a combined thing on Saturday and, if they had to, have a cake for Frankie on Sunday. Mac had countered with the fact they had had first birthday parties for the others and Frankie shouldn't be the exception and they were not triplets and therefore shouldn't have to share the one event. Harm's response had been that a) Frankie was one and he wouldn't know the difference, b) the twins wouldn't care as long as there was cake and c) Saturday made more sense as Lily had school on Monday and didn't need a sugar high. It escalated from there.  
>Neither could see the other's view point.<p>

For Mac, she wanted the world to know her baby boy – the one that was completely unexpected, the one who fought the odds to be with them, the one who was their own little miracle – had achieved the milestone of turning one. It was a day to be celebrated. He was a child to be celebrated.

For Harm, he still struggled to separate himself from the events of Frankie's birth. While he loved his son desperately and was intensely proud of the little guy and how he was going, the day of his birth was also the day he almost lost his wife. He didn't blame Frankie for it, he still blamed himself and while he wanted to acknowledge Frankie turning one, he didn't want to do it on that day. Maybe in the coming years he'd get over it, but the pain was still raw.  
>"Do whatever you want!" he had finally yelled as he stormed out of the house the previous week, so Mac had.<p>

With her in-laws due the following morning, which was Friday, and Mattie four months pregnant and suffering from severe bouts of morning sickness, Mac's reinforcements on Thursday were limited. Rather than ask Harm to watch the kids so she could do the last errand run to Charlesville, she bundled them all into the car and set off not long after breakfast.

Not realising Mac was going anywhere; Harm returned to the farm about ten and was surprised to find them gone. Deciding against calling her, he collected the folder he needed and headed back to the hangars and office.  
>"Did Mac say anything to you about going out today?" he asked Mattie as he slid behind his desk once more.<br>"Not specifically," she replied, looking up. "But yesterday she had said she had some errands to run and so she's probably gone into Charlesville.  
>"She'll have her hands full trying to do that with the kids," he said, grabbing his cell and wondering whether he should check on things.<br>"Well, she's a marine, I'm sure she can manage," Mattie replied. "Are you two still not talking?"  
>"We're talking," he said very quickly.<br>"Just not about the birthdays," Mattie said and Harm glared at her.  
>"Is that what Mac told you?" he questioned, dropping his cell on the desk.<br>"No," Mattie said slowly, "It doesn't take a genius to figure out there is something amiss between the two of you and since you have not mentioned the kids' birthdays once, it speaks for itself."  
>"Well, we are talking," he repeated, not wanting to explain himself.<br>"Okay," she replied, not that she believed him.

An hour later, Mattie's phone rang and she answered it. It was Mac.  
>"Don't say anything," Mac started with. "But is Harm there."<br>"Yes," she replied and glanced up at Harm to find him involved in a call of his own.  
>"I need some help," she continued. "The car has sustained damage and I need to leave it in the garage, I need someone to come pick us up. I was hoping Colin could do it but I can't get a hold of him."<br>"First things first," she started. "Is everyone okay?"  
>"Yes," she replied. "We weren't in it. It got sideswiped in the car park."<br>"Thank goodness for that," Mattie replied, not aware Harm had concluded his call and was watching intently.  
>"Is there much damage?" she asked, playing with a pen.<br>"Yeah," Mac replied. "Doors are quite damaged and the back wheel has been hit, so it's not driveable."  
>"I'll come and get you," Mattie said, knowing Colin was busy today. "Can you get the child seats out?"<br>"Yes, the mechanic said he'd get them for me," Mac replied, struggling with the phone and to control three young children, thankful Frankie was in his stroller.  
>"Alright," she replied. "Give me a couple of minutes to clear out of here and I'll be on my way."<br>"Thanks so much, Mattie," she replied. "We'll be in O'Halloran's Cafe; maybe an early lunch will settle the troops."  
>"I'll be there as soon as I can."<p>

Forty two minutes later, after interrogating Mattie, Harm pulled his SUV into a parking bay near the garage which was down the street from the O'Halloran's. Seeing three car seats near the front desk, he went up and introduced himself. Before long the seats were anchored in Harm's vehicle and he made his way into the cafe.  
>"Oh, I wasn't expecting you," Mac said when he sat down beside her.<br>"Daddy!" Harry said, jumping up. "Car got squashed!"  
>"I know," he said, "I saw it."<br>"Big bang!" said Rosie, the sound of the collision loud enough for everyone to hear.  
>"I'm sure it was," Harm said. "How close were you to it?" he asked, turning his attention to his wife.<br>"Across the road," she replied. "The other car went through at speed and didn't negotiate the corner."  
>"Would have given you a fright," he commented, his hand running across her back and around her shoulder.<br>"Yes, it did," she replied with a nod.  
>"Why did you call Mattie and not me?" he questioned, his voice even and neutral.<br>"Didn't think you'd be all that sympathetic given we were here to do errands for the birthdays," she said, taking a napkin and wiping Harry's face.  
>"For future reference, Mac," he said, waiting until he had her full attention. "Regardless of the circumstances I will always care and be sympathetic when it comes to you and the kids. I know we've had our disagreement about this weekend but I love you very much and always will."<br>"Thank you," she whispered leaning in to kiss him.  
>"What can I get you, sir?" asked the waitress interrupting the moment.<br>"Ice cream!" Rose said and Harry copied. "Please," he added, when Harm looked at him.  
>"Um...three bowls of vanilla ice cream," he said, knowing he couldn't eat anything he ordered in peace if they weren't occupied. "And can I get a tuna melt with onion rings and a coffee, thanks? Mac?"<br>"I'll have a refill," she said, gesturing to her mug.  
>"No dessert?" Harm asked and she shook her head.<br>"No, thanks, just the coffee," she replied, knowing that Harm only ordered onion rings as they were her favourite.

After lunch, once the kids were cleaned and had a bathroom break, Harm and Mac loaded them into the SUV and buckled them in tightly. Moving to the back, Mac folded the stroller and placed it and her purchases into the back.

Stepping back, she closed the door and found she was standing face to face with her husband.  
>"Just one thing," he said, glancing into the back seat to make sure the kids were fine.<br>"What's that?" she asked, following his action.  
>Stepping in, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. "I'm so glad you weren't hurt."<br>"Thank you for coming to get us," she replied, kissing him back. "Sorry I didn't call you."  
>"I do understand," he said. Had the roles been reversed, given the events of recent times, he would have most likely done the same thing.<p>

Mac had imagined that with Harm having come to their rescue, the dynamics would have changed things but Thursday evening nothing was different. While they had tried to keep their difference of opinion to themselves, it was the first thing Trish picked up on after their arrival midmorning Friday.  
>"What's going on with you and Mac?" she asked, cornering her son in the kitchen as he prepared morning tea,<br>"Nothing," Harm replied, not looking at her.  
>"Harmon?" she said sternly and Harm paused before turning to look at her.<br>"What?" he asked, and instantly regretted his tone.  
>All Trish had to do was look at him and Harm drew a deep breath.<br>"We had a difference of opinion on how to celebrate the kids' birthdays," he said, turning his attention back to his task.  
>"This is more than a difference of opinion," she said, surprised they would fall out over what should be a happy time.<br>"Mom, just drop it," he said, not wanting the whole emotional upheaval discussing it would bring.  
>"Only for now," she replied as Rosie came running in.<br>"Grandma," she called, sticking her arms up and waiting to be picked up.  
>"You've grown so much," Trish said, making sure the child was looking at her.<br>"Bigger than Harry," she said with a laugh.  
>"You are," Trish replied. "Let's go see your mother."<p>

With the children busy on the floor of the living room, Trish sat on the sofa beside Mac.  
>"I'm sorry to hear you and Harm are having difficulties," she said quietly, Frank excused himself, he really didn't want to hear what came next unfortunately going into the kitchen to help Harm wasn't the best choice.<br>Finding his son leaning over the bench, his arms braced and head hung low, he realised this was more than just a tiff.  
>"Do you need some time?" he questioned, not too sure what to make of the situation.<br>"They're turning four and one, why does it have to be a damn production?" he hissed and Frank frowned feeling they may be intruding.  
>"I think you and I need to take a walk," he said, concerned by Harm's hostility directed at his wife.<br>Taking the tray into the living room, Frank made their apologies and took the twins with them as they went for a walk through the fields.  
>"Want to tell me or do I need to ask a lot of questions?" Frank asked as they walked along, their eyes on one twin each.<br>"Not a lot to tell," he replied, glancing over at his father. When Frank didn't reply, Harm continued. "Mac wanted a thing for the twins tomorrow and a birthday party for Frankie on Sunday."  
>"And you didn't?" Frank asked, smiling as Harry picked a flower and gave it to his sister.<br>"I thought we could do it all Saturday ... after all, he's only one, what does he know of it all?" Harm asked with a sigh. "But Mac insisted we needed to have a birthday party for him on Sunday."  
>"You had one for the others and there wasn't a problem, was there?" Frank asked.<br>"No," he replied, "But this is different and Mac just doesn't get it," he snapped.  
>"What doesn't she get?" he questioned. For a couple who were desperately in love, it didn't sit right that they would have fought over a child's birthday.<br>"That this is different," he repeated. "Hey, Harry, slow down," he cautioned.  
>"Why is this one different?" Frank probed, taking Rosie's hand.<br>Harm's response spoke volumes.  
>"Harmon, why is this one different?" he questioned, not prepared to let this go.<p>

Meanwhile, Trish and Mac were having a similar conversation. It was open, honest and by the end Trish could not see why her son would have a problem celebrating his son's birthday.  
>"I've never seen him like this," Mac finally said. "If it was anything else I'd probably give in and say fine, but this little guy deserves all the fuss and attention," she said picking the boy in question up off the floor.<br>"He certainly does," Trish concurred, knowing as well as Mac how much of an ordeal it had been for Frankie and the family during the pregnancy and birth. She took her grandson from his mother. "What's gotten into your daddy?" she questioned.

Late Friday night , when Trish and Frank climbed into the bed in the mobile home, she got her answer.  
>"I don't get what Harm's problem is," she said as she settled into the bed. "I would have thought he'd be elated about Frankie turning one, just like the others. If I remember correctly, Mac hadn't wanted a party for Lily and he was the one who insisted."<br>"Think about it, dear," he said, getting in beside her. "Think about it from Harm's point of view."  
>"I am," she replied, turning off the lamp. "He should be celebrating the fact that his baby boy came into this world a year ago."<br>"Trish, what else happened on that day?" Frank asked and Trish sat back up and turned on the lamp.  
>"What?" she asked, curious to know what her husband knew that she didn't.<br>"He nearly lost his wife," he said quietly. "He watched his son come into the world and then Mac nearly died."  
>"Oh," she replied softly. She hadn't forgotten that day but she hadn't considered it to be the cause of these problems.<br>"Yes, oh," he echoed. "Harm loves his son very much and was fine about celebrating his birthday with the twins but, deep down, he doesn't think he's strong enough to deal with the emotions which will surface for him on Sunday."  
>"Why didn't he explain that to Mac?" she questioned. "I'm sure she would understand."<br>"Because he doesn't want to upset her," he replied. "Mac has done well in the last 12 months to recover from the birth and the effects of the birth, the endometriosis and hysterectomy. She has had those counselling sessions and has moved on."  
>"But not Harm," Trish said sadly.<br>"No, it doesn't seem that way," Frank said. "He spent his energy on looking after Mac and Frankie for the months they had to stay in DC, then on the kids, Mac and the airfield when they returned. Then of course Grams passed, and that was took his focus, next it was Rosie and her problems, then Mattie and the wedding and then, hey presto, he's looking at his baby turning one and it all hit him."  
>"Oh, my poor boy," Trish said tearfully. "I can't believe he told you all of this."<br>"It wasn't easy for him," Frank said recalling the conversation. "He feels ashamed of his actions of late, ashamed he can't cope but he didn't know what else to do."  
>"Is he going to tell Mac?" she asked and Frank nodded slowly.<br>"He said he was going to try. I guess we'll know in the morning if he has," Frank said closing his eyes.  
>"I guess we will," she agreed turning off the lamp once more.<p>

Saturday morning saw the excitement of two little four year olds taking immense delight in their gifts which included new bicycles with training wheels, balls, Lego, clothes and colouring books. They wanted their dad's famous choc chip pancakes for breakfast, the recipe had been Grams' but they were too young to know that, and Harm obliged. Trish watched it all and knew nothing had change between her son and his wife.

After breakfast, Frank, Harm and Colin took Lily and the twins horse riding while Mac, Trish and Mattie set up the small family party they would have for lunch. All through the preparations, Trish was desperate to talk to Mac, to tell her what Frank had said, but she didn't. She knew it had to come from Harm.

By the time Veronica and Jessie arrived, the table was set, the decorations were up and the food was just about ready.  
>"It all looks great, Mac," Veronica said as she placed the napkins on the table. "And to think you are going to do it all again tomorrow for Frankie."<br>"That's what happens when you have three children a day apart," she replied with a laugh.  
>"I don't want to think about the future," Mattie said, placing a jug of water on the table. "The twins will turn 21 the day before Frankie turns 18."<br>"Oh goodness, I hadn't even thought of that," Mac replied. "I'd better start saving now."

Lunch was a chaotic affair with seven adults and five children, everyone ate heartily, everyone except Harm who didn't seem to be enjoying the food his mother had prepared for him.  
>"Something wrong?" Trish whispered as she leant over his shoulder to clear Veronica's plate.<br>"Ah, no," he replied, shaking his head. "You sit, I'll clear."

Happy to be doing something, Harm cleared the table ready for the birthday cakes his wife was preparing in the kitchen. Rather than the twins sharing one cake and as she didn't want to have two cakes today and another one tomorrow, Mac and Trish had baked and decorated a dozen cup cakes. Each one had a different decoration from trucks to bugs to dolls and teddies. Each twin had a bigger cup cake with their name and a number four candle.

The song was sung with gusto; Colin recorded it with his new flip cam while Mattie took dozens of snaps. The candles were blown out twice each before the twins were happy to eat the vanilla sponge cake. Games were played and cuddles were given before Harry decided he wanted to test out his new bike and Rosie followed suit.

It didn't take them long to get the hang of their new wheels and while daddy was never too far away, they didn't need him too often. Once again, it was all captured for posterity.  
>"Is Harm still upset about having a party for Frankie?" Mattie asked as she stood at the sink washing up.<br>"I think so," Mac replied, looking out at the man in question.  
>"I don't understand it," she said, shaking her head.<br>"Join the club," she answered with a sigh, still not able to figure out her husband. Trish had to bite her tongue; such was her desire to help Mac understand it.

After a day of festivities and food, it was no surprise to Mac that she had five tired children in the house. With Jessie coming back the following day for Frankie's birthday, she had invited herself to stay over and it was only 7:30 when Harm was carrying her up the stairs to bed.  
>"It's so cool to have two parties in two days," she said as he settled her in the bed. "Especially as this is the only place I get invited to for them."<p>

Harm smiled and kissed her head. "I'm glad you're excited, sweetie," he said, feeling for the child. She was a beautiful, friendly child and it annoyed him other parents didn't make the effort to include her. "Goodnight, Jessie."  
>"Goodnight, Uncle Harm," she replied with a big smile. She really did feel at home with these people.<p>

With his parents in the living room and Veronica gone next door with Mattie and Colin, Harm went back down to help Mac finish in the kitchen. To his surprise everything had been cleaned and put away, Mac was just preparing jello for the following day now she had a bit more room in the fridge.  
>"Anything I can do?" he asked quietly, not too sure what reception he'd get given things had been stilted between them today.<br>"No, thank you," she replied, not all that happy with him. "I'm sure you have better things to do."  
>"Please don't be like this," he protested, glancing around to check they were still alone.<br>"Like what?" she challenged, not even looking at him.  
>"I don't want you to be mad at me," he said, trying to get her to look at him.<br>"I'm not mad at you, Harm," she said, finally looking up at him. "I don't understand you and I'm disappointed in you, but I'm not mad. I just figure it's easier not to talk about this since we're never going to agree."

Harm shook his head and disappeared up the stairs before returning dressed in sweats and his trainers.  
>"I'm going for a run," he said heading straight to the backdoor before his wife saw his tears. The only thing worse than having her mad at him was her being disappointed in him.<p>

Not waiting for an answer or hearing her protest about the darkness or the weather, Harm took off down the driveway and Mac had no choice but to let him go.  
>"Everything alright?" Trish asked as she brought them coffee in the living room.<br>"Harm's gone for a run," she said, busying herself with the mugs.  
>'At this time?" she questioned. "And in this weather?"<br>"Yep," Mac said shaking her head.  
>"Is he still upset about tomorrow?" Frank asked, surprising Trish.<br>"Seems to be," she replied, handing him his mug.  
>"Do you know why?" he prompted and Mac shook her head. "I'll tell you..." he said, not wanting to break Harm's confidence but knowing he needed more support than he realised.<p>

For the next hour, Mac was a mess, she couldn't believe she hadn't realised how much distress her husband was in. She had known his response was uncharacteristic, she'd known something else may have been at play but she'd been so focussed on the kids she'd missed it. At every sound she was up seeing if he was back from his run. In the end, Trish and Frank excused themselves and went to bed, knowing the younger couple needed some time to themselves to sort things out.

To get her mind off things, if only for a minute, Mac took a hot shower before going to her room to dress. Hearing something in the nursery as she dressed, Mac padded across and stood silently in the doorway as she watched her husband cradle their infant to him.  
>"I'm really sorry, little man," he said, the tears on his cheeks evident in his voice. "You must think I don't love you but I do, so very much. You are so special and so precious and I am very, very proud of you." Frankie looked up and smiled at his daddy. Mac wiped at her own tears. "You don't remember your birth but I do ... I remember every single minute of that day and night. You were early ... by nearly seven weeks and we weren't expecting you to have your birthday the day after the twins but things don't turn out how you expect." Harm paused and caressed the child's face.<p>

Inhaling deeply, he continued. "We were both scared, your mommy and me, that it was too early but you were a superstar and only spent a short time in the special nursery before being moved to the regular nursery. We were expecting the NICU and things like that, but you were a champion and I loved you from the moment you were born...actually, I loved you from the moment I knew you existed." He stopped to dry his eyes, Mac didn't.  
>"And I know your mommy wants to celebrate that, and so do I... I'm just having a lot of trouble doing it on that day," he said with a sniffle. "You see, your mommy nearly died that day and if Lily's dreams were right, she probably did. I've had lots of frights in my life but that was by far the biggest and scariest moment of my whole life. I stood with you in the next room and heard the machines and the staff and I knew it was bad...very bad and I felt so helpless and so guilty. I never want you to feel that way about anything, okay? And, just so you know, I never, ever blamed you...how could I when I was blaming myself? Anyway, it was the worst night of my life, and the best night with your arrival, and I really, really struggled with that emotion...I still do...obviously. It was so long before I knew your mommy was really going to be okay and I don't really think I breathed until I knew... I couldn't – it was like every bit of air had been sucked out of my lungs...I felt like I was drowning in this sea of pain and I couldn't breathe."<p>

Mac sobbed quietly but Harm was too absorbed in his story for it to register.  
>"And then everything just snowballed from there," he admitted, kissing the child's head as sleep tried to claim him once more. "I tried really hard to support your mommy and you...and then we came home and there was everything here and the new business and then Grams died and that...that...it kills me you won't know her as she loved you so very, very much...and she loved me too and I miss her so much it hurts." He stopped again to compose himself, it took five agonisingly long minutes.<p>

"Then Rosie was sick and now has a hearing impairment and Mattie was getting married and all the other things about life on the farm and I was so busy trying to go forward with things I didn't deal with the past...and when your mommy mentioned your birthday, it all hit me and once again I felt I was drowning and couldn't get enough air," he confessed, his tears dripping onto his son as his body trembled. "And I felt weak and useless once more and I couldn't tell your mommy..."  
>"Why not?" asked Mac coming into the room.<p>

Harm closed his eyes trying to hide from the truth but he knew Mac had heard everything. Gently, Mac took the sleeping infant from his arms and settled him in the crib before standing in front of him.  
>"Harm," she said quietly, sitting across his lap, her hands framing his face, making sure he was looking at her. "Why couldn't you tell me? We're supposed to be able to tell each other anything."<br>"I...I..." he said falteringly as he struggled to catch his breath. "It all hurt too much...I felt guilty."  
>"There was nothing to be guilty about," she said, her tears streaming down her face.<br>"There was," he said, his voice catching. "I'm supposed to be the one who protects you...keeps you safe and you nearly died that night and there wasn't anything I could do..."  
>"Oh, god, Harm," she whimpered, cradling his head to her. "There was nothing for you to feel guilty about...I never blamed you. I love you desperately and it kills me that I didn't see you were in so much pain."<br>"It's not your fault, you had enough to contend with," he said, his grip on her fierce.  
>"And so did you but you were there for me...I should have been there for you," she said, kissing his face. "How can I make it up to you?"<br>"Just tell me you understand," he said with a sob. "Tell me you're not disappointed in me...I couldn't handle that..."  
>"I'm not ... I'm not... I do understand, now," she said crying hard. "I love you ... I love you."<p>

There were more tears in the nursery and a more when they lay entwined in their bed. Desperate to show Harm how much she loved him and that she was alive and well, Mac climbed on top of him and kissed him deeply before peppering his face, neck and head with kisses. Desperate to be a recipient of that love and display, Harm allowed her to have complete control and gave himself over to her ministrations and deft skill. Nothing was said as she brought him to the brink of oblivion again and again, only stopping long enough to ensure he didn't go over.

She wanted him to be filled with more than enough love to wash away the pain of a year ago.

She wanted him to know without a doubt that she was happy, healthy and deeply in love.

She wanted him to know she adored him, was proud of him and needed him.

She wanted him.

And he wanted her and had her, over and over again until their orgasmic bliss overwhelmed them and exhaustion claimed them. Loved, satisfied and sated, sleep was deep and long. So long that Trish and Frank had all five children up, dressed and sitting at the table eating a cooked breakfast before they even stirred.  
>"How are you feeling this morning?" Mac asked as she watched Harm's eyes open and focus on her.<br>"Embarrassed," he said, smiling sheepishly.  
>"Don't be," she said, caressing his face.<br>He smiled and pulled her close, kissing her head, just needing to hold her.  
>"I'm here and in perfect health," she said kissing his chest.<br>"I'm glad," he replied, kissing her head once more.

Realising they couldn't spend the day in bed reassuring each other, they got up and dressed and headed downstairs. It instantly apparent to Trish and Frank that the situation had been resolved.  
>"Happy birthday, darling boy," Mac said, picking Frankie up and kissing him several times. "I can't believe you are already one. You are so big and clever and I love you very much." She kissed him once more before handing him to Harm.<br>"Happy birthday, son," he said, kissing his head. "I love you. You are my beautiful little boy."  
>"Aren't I?" Harry asked, hands on hips.<br>"You are my beautiful big boy," Harm said, tousling his locks. Harry nodded, he was happy with that.

Sitting down, Harm held the boy to him and surveyed the room. Mac linked her arms around his neck and rested her chin on his shoulder as she smiled at their youngest son.  
>"Okay?" she whispered, kissing his head as she reached for Frankie's hand.<br>"Yeah, I think I am," he replied, turning to claim her lips in a tender kiss,

One year on and things were good. Except for Grams, they were still here, they were doing well, and after his breakdown the night before, Harm was on the way to learning there were some things he couldn't control and he would just have to accept that. More importantly, he had realised that he would have to let Mac help him learn as her love and support were still the most important things in his life, along with Lily and his three beautiful birthday babies.


	2. April

Disclaimer: Not mine

April – EasterBunny

The weather was improving as spring moved into full force. The fields were in bloom, as too was Mattie. Five months pregnant and with her severe morning sickness behind her she was glowing. Rabb Runways was picking up too. The finer weather bringing out more weekend flyers and the shortage of crop dusting pilots meant they had some local people wanting to learn to fly too.  
>"How many more sleeps now?" Harry asked, climbing into Harm's lap as he sat and the table sorting through the mail.<br>"Five," he replied, anchoring his free hand around his son.  
>"You said five last time too," he said, placing his elbow on the table and resting his head in his hand so he could study his dad.<br>"That's because you asked me an hour ago, and an hour before that," Harm reminded him gently. "It won't be four until you go to bed and sleep."

Quickly, Harry slid down and clambered up the stairs.  
>"Where are you going?" Harm called after him.<br>"To bed so it can be four," he called back.  
>"It can be four what?" Mac asked coming into the kitchen.<br>"Harry's taking himself to bed so it will only be four sleeps until the Easter Bunny arrives," Harm reported as he stood up.  
>"He does know it's too early for bed, doesn't he?" Mac asked. "Lily isn't even home from school yet."<p>

Harm laughed as he made his way up to his son's bedroom, laughing again when he saw what the boy was doing.  
>"What's so funny?" Mac asked, wrapping her arm around Harm's waist and peering in, soon she was laughing too.<br>Harry had changed into his pyjamas, his pants on backwards, and was lying under the covers on his back, squeezing his eyes closed. Hearing his parents he opened his eyes. "Sleep hasn't come yet," he reported.  
>"That's because it's not night time yet, sweetheart," Mac said, moving into the room and pulling back the covers, smiling when she saw Teddy tucked under his arm. "Lily hasn't come home from school yet and we haven't had dinner."<br>"But daddy said if I went to bed and sleeped then it would be four nights," he said climbing into Mac's lap as she sat on the bed.  
>"I think daddy meant sleeping overnight would make it four," she said, looking to Harm. "Didn't you daddy."<br>"That's what I meant," he said rubbing Harry's back.  
>"But I really want the Easter Bunny to come," Harry insisted. "And I want him to come now."<br>"Why do you want the Easter Bunny to come?" Mac asked holding him close.  
>"Because he's bringing something special," he reported snuggling in closer.<p>

Mac looked to Harm and he shrugged. Easter Bunny gifts in this family were chocolate eggs hidden as part of an Easter egg hunt and a book of some sort. Their major focus of Easter was to do something for others. Last year, the family baked dozens of cookies and delivered them to the neighbours, the year before Harm, Mac and Lily had spent a day working in the garden of an elderly neighbour in DC.  
>"What is he bringing?" Harm asked, sitting down beside them.<br>"I can't tell you," Harry said, "Otherwise he won't bring it."  
>"How does the Easter Bunny know what to bring?" Mac asked, trying to work out what the mystery gift was.<br>"I asked him," Harry said proudly.  
>"When did you ask him?" Harm asked as Harry shifted into his arms.<br>"Last week, I wrote him a letter ... just like we did for Santa," he said jumping down from his father's lap and opening the drawer beside his bed. "See," he said, waving a piece of paper.

Mac took the letter and smiled at the child's attempt to write.  
>"Can you read it for me?" she asked him but he laughed.<br>"No, mommy," he said. "I forgot which words I wroted but Easter Bunny will know."

Knowing they weren't going to learn anything more from Harry, Mac and Harm set about interrogating the rest of the family, in the nicest possible way, to find out what it was Harry was expecting the Easter Bunny to deliver. Nobody could provide an answer. Thinking that Harry would forget about it was their next strategy but when he insisted on going to bed early on Good Friday as the Easter Bunny would be close and he needed to make sure he was on his best behaviour, Harm and Mac realised their boy wasn't letting this go. Nor was he letting it go Saturday morning when he got up, dressed and cleaned up his bedroom as well as any four year old boy could.

The family's Easter deed for this year was to help Veronica and Jessie. The homeowner had done nothing to improve the house even after Mac had called him several times using her best lawyer approach. In the end she had him put it in writing that she could facilitate the home repairs, the cost of which would be deducted from Veronica's rent over the next six months.

With the vehicles packed just after ten, the Rabb family set off. Harm driving one vehicle, Colin driving the other, both filled with children and supplies. Veronica was expecting them and was feeling a little overwhelmed after Mac had discussed things with her earlier in the week.  
>"Thank you, so very much," she said embracing Mac as she came through the door, a twin in each hand.<br>"You're welcome, honey," she said, kissing her cheek before letting the children go and embracing her.  
>"I just can't believe you are doing all this for us," she said and although she knew the family well and had been the recipient of their generosity on previous occasions, this time it felt different.<br>"Well, you are family now, honey, and we help family," she said, leading Veronica into the kitchen as the others filed into the house. "So, let's get some coffee going and work out a plan of attack."

With the day's tasks identified, Mac drew up a chart. Gardening was a priority and Mattie and Veronica would concentrate on the garden beds while Mac mowed the lawn...well, it would be a lawn once it had received some TLC. Harm and Colin would concentrate on fixing up the front path which had become unstable in places and causing havoc with Jessie's wheelchair. Lily and Jessie were tasked with weeding, while the youngest three were currently occupied playing in the makeshift sandpit.

From her position in her wheelchair, Jessie found it hard to help and Lily soon saw a solution. Without asking for help, she pulled up Jessie's foot plates as Jessie undid the belt. Working together, Jessie slid down and was soon sitting on the ground more than happy to get dirty and grubby pulling out weeds. It was Mattie who drew Veronica's attention to it.  
>"She hates being stuck in that chair all day and night," Veronica said. "But she's getting too big for me to carry."<br>"Looks like they found the solution though," Mattie remarked, noticing how happy the girls seemed.  
>"Yeah," she said with a sigh.<br>"What is it?" Mattie asked wiping her hands on her jeans.  
>Veronica shook her head, now wasn't the time or place but Mattie was insistent.<p>

Finally, Veronica decided to speak.  
>"At Jessie's last paediatric appointment, the doctor was saying how Botox therapy has been helping kids who are worse than she is. They inject it into the muscles and then with physical therapy and hard work, they are starting to walk... not independently or anything but with a walking frame. Some of the lucky ones are using sticks now and the doctor was saying how wonderful it all was – how it gave the kids independence and such," she said tearfully.<br>"That would be wonderful," Mattie said enthusiastically, wondering why her friend didn't seem as happy about it. "It is good news, isn't it, Ronnie?" she asked.  
>"Yes and no," she replied with a shrug.<br>"Why yes and no?" Mattie asked, her gardening duties forgotten. "Isn't she a candidate for the treatment?"  
>"She is," Veronica replied with a nod. "Dr Hosking seemed to think with a lot of hard work, Jessie might be able to use a walking frame around the house within a year."<br>"Wow!" she said, her eyes widening. From her own experiences she knew just how much of a difference that would make to Jessie's sense of independence and self esteem. "So... when does she start?"  
>"That's the not so good news," Veronica said, wiping a tear away. "My health insurance won't cover it and there's no way I can afford it. I feel so bad for her and I feel really guilty too but I looked at my finances, I looked at what I had that I could sell...even thought of selling the car but it would leave us really isolated out here and that would be dangerous."<p>

Rosie running over with a sore finger ended the conversation.  
>"Boo boo!" she said, holding up the affected digit to Mattie.<br>"Oh, honey, it's a little scratch," she said, kissing the finger. "You'll be alright."  
>"Bandaid, please," she said putting her arms up for Mattie to pick her up.<br>"One bandaid coming up," she said, hitching the child on her hip and following Veronica into the house.

With Mac following the trio into the house with Frankie in her arms, Harry soon followed suit. It didn't take her long to change the boy's diaper and then get Harry the drink he desired.  
>"I think it must be time for lunch," she said, settling Frankie on his play mat on the floor. "What do you think?" she asked, turning to face the younger women who both nodded, food was certainly more appealing than the garden.<p>

Twenty minutes later, nearly everyone was in sitting around the kitchen table and bench waiting for the picnic style lunch Mac had brought with them. As Veronica wheeled Jessie back to the table, Harm went to collect Frankie from the play mat, beaming proudly when he carried him into the kitchen.  
>"My son is a superstar," he announced and everyone looked at him. "Frankie just took his first step!" Standing the boy in front of him, Harm waited for Mac to move and stand a short distance away.<br>"Come to mommy," she said, opening her arms.

Frankie giggled and took a faltering step before landing on his butt. Harm helped him stand again and Mac called him once more. It was on the fourth attempt that Frankie took three unsteady steps into the arms of his mother to the cheers and applause of all present, except for Veronica who found it a little hard to watch.  
>"You are a champion," Jessie said, as Mac sat down with Frankie beside her. "You're only one and you walk better than me already!" she added with a laugh. Her mother didn't share her humour and excused herself.<p>

The adults looked at each other and Mattie shook her head. "It's okay," she said, "I'll explain later," she said getting to her feet and following her friend into the bedroom.  
>"I know I'm being stupid," she cried when she saw Mattie in the doorway. "I just wish it was that easy for Jessie...she's nine, he's one and can already take more steps than she can. And she could do that – if I could afford the treatment...I'm crippling my own child," she said with a sob.<br>"No, no," Mattie said, embracing her. "This is not your fault. Jess has Cerebral Palsy, that's why she can't walk. It's also not your fault you can't afford the treatment. That's just life."  
>"How do I explain that to her though?" she said, wiping her face. "She was ecstatic when she heard the doctor say she might be walking by Christmas."<br>"You don't explain anything, yet," Mattie said, taking her hand. "Have you looked into raising the money through charities and trusts?"  
>"I looked at a few but didn't meet the criteria and then one that looked promising had closed already," she said before taking a deep breath.<br>"Then we'll look for another avenue," she said hugging her. "I promise you we'll have Jessie walking before this one," she said, rubbing her own expanded belly.

Later that night, after dinner and a bath, Harry went straight to bed without his usual protests.  
>"I sure hope Easter Bunny likes the carrots I left him," he said as Harm came in to check on him.<br>"I'm sure he will," Harm replied, adjusting the covers. "All fifteen of them."  
>"Well, I needed to let him know I was happy about what he was bringing," Harry said bluntly, after all his parents had always taught him to be thankful for what they receive.<br>"And what would that be?" Harm asked, hoping for some sort of insight into the matter.  
>"Just wait and see, daddy," he said, closing his eyes. "Just wait and see."<p>

After helping Mac in the kitchen, Mattie and Colin strolled back to their place and Colin kissed her head.  
>"You've been very quiet all afternoon and evening," he said as they stood on their doorstep. "Anything you want to share?"<br>Mattie nodded. "How about you make me some hot chocolate," she said, opening the door, "While I go to the bathroom and I'll meet you on the sofa."

Curled up on the sofa with the music playing quietly in the background and the lights down low, Mattie smiled when Colin walked in carrying a tray with two huge mugs of her favourite beverage and a plate of the honey and oatmeal cookies Harm had baked on Thursday.

Repositioning herself so she could recline on her husband and still reach her drink, Mattie was soon comfortable with Colin's arm draped around her.  
>"So, what's up?" he asked, kissing her head.<p>

Slowly, Mac told him everything about her conversations with Veronica during the day and about how she'd promised to help.  
>"I just kept thinking what if she was our daughter, what would we do for her? What would we do if we couldn't afford it?" she said, wiping at her tears.<br>"It's a tough one," Colin said, "I can see why she was so upset when Frankie started walking."  
>"Aha," she replied with a sniffle. Colin kissed her head.<br>"So, how do we help?" he asked, knowing they would be doing something to support Jessie and Veronica, just not what.  
>"We have the money to pay for the treatment," she said. After all, she had money she inherited after her mother's death, money from the sale of the Grace Aviation and the family home and while her father had died broke, his mother, who had outlived him by two years, had given Mattie his share of the family estate.<p>

While she lived the simple life out here on the farm, she could easily have a penthouse apartment on Fifth Avenue in New York City.  
>"Do you think Veronica will accept it?" he questioned. He knew of Mattie's finances, she had been more than willing to discuss it with him early in their relationship. While he was the first to admit he was a bit intimidated by it, he was relieved that it gave them security, especially in the early stages of trying to establish the farm.<br>"If she doesn't specifically know it's from us, I think she will," Mattie said, entwining her fingers with his.  
>"What do you mean?" he asked, squeezing her hand.<br>"I told Veronica I'd help her raise the funds, so if we set up a fund for Jessie's treatment and then I happen to get an anonymous donor to make a substantial contribution, then she wouldn't really have much of a choice, would she?" Mattie said with a grin. Yes, her plan was coming together.  
>"Do you know how much I love you?" he asked, leaning down to kiss her.<br>"Wanna show me?" she countered putting her arms up and linking them around his neck.  
>"Oh, yeah," he said with a grin, moving around on the sofa to be lying alongside her. "Definitely want to show you."<p>

Easter morning dawned bright and clear, everyone up early for Easter Sunday service before returning to the farm for breakfast.  
>"When can we do the Easter Egg Hunt?" Lily asked, anxious for the chocolate treats she knew were hidden around the place.<br>"When Jessie gets here," Mac said, having invited the child to join the fun.  
>"When will that be?" she asked impatiently.<br>"In about 30 minutes, do you think you can wait that long?" she asked with a smile.  
>"Yeah, I can," she said with an overly dramatic sigh. "But can the chocolate?"<br>"I'm sure it can," Mac said with a laugh. "How about you go find Harry and see what he's up to?" Mac suggested, the boy had been quiet all morning.

Lily disappeared up the stairs to the bedroom before yelling for Mac to come up.  
>"What's wrong?" Mac asked from the bottom of the stairs.<br>"Harry's really upset," she said and Mac ran up to her.  
>"Okay, honey," she said, caressing her face. "Can you go watch the other two for me, please?"<br>Lily nodded and disappeared downstairs.

Walking into the bedroom, Mac's heart broke when she saw her little boy curled up on his bed breaking his heart crying.  
>"What's wrong, baby?" she asked climbing onto the bed and wrapping him in her arms. "Hey? Tell mommy."<br>Harry cried harder.  
>"It's okay, Harry. Ssshhh," she said rubbing his back. "It's okay, honey."<p>

It took awhile for Harry to stop crying and cuddle into his mommy. Mac caressed and kissed his face.  
>"Tell mommy what's wrong," she said gently, stroking his head.<br>"Hate Easter Bunny," he said tearfully.  
>"Why?" she asked, drying his tears.<br>"He didn't do what he was supposed to," he cried clinging to his mother. "I was good and everything and he didn't do it..."  
>"What was he supposed to do?" Mac asked, her own eyes stinging with tears.<br>"He was supposed to fix Rosie's hearing," he said sniffling. "It's all I wanted."  
>"Oh, baby," Mac cried, "No. There are just some things that Easter Bunny can't do and fixing Rosie's hearing is one of them."<br>"But Rosie needs her hearing and ...and...I wanted her to have it," he said, his tears streaming down his little red flushed cheeks. Mac sat up and pulled him into her lap. "Is it my fault? Was I naughty?"  
>"No, Harry, no," she said, kissing his head. "Rosie lost her hearing because she was sick. It wasn't your fault."<br>"But we're twins," he said, not able to comprehend it all. "I have to make it better."  
>"Oh, baby," she said with a sigh. "You are definitely your father." Mac closed her eyes as she held him tightly. Her little boy was too young to understand that not everything that was broken could be fixed, his father still had trouble with that concept. He felt he should be able to fix everything for his family and if he couldn't, it meant he was a failure. It seemed his boy had inherited the same beliefs.<p>

For a long while Mac sat and rocked him, hoping he'd find comfort in her arms, just like his daddy did. Finally, when she thought he was composed enough she slipped from the bed and into the bathroom. She used the toilet before dampening a face washer and wiping her own tear stained face before returning to the bedroom planning on doing the same for her son.

To her horror, Harry had gotten his scissors from the drawer and decided that if the Easter Bunny wouldn't deliver he would and was in the process of trying to cut off his own ear.  
>"No, Harry!" Mac yelled racing to him, relieved he was using the children's safety scissors which marketed themselves on not cutting little people. "Don't do that!"<br>"I want her to have my ears," he cried as Mac picked him up and inspected the damage, happy to find none.  
>"What's wrong, mom?" Lily asked, running in having heard her mother shout.<br>"Get daddy for me, please, Lily," she said, her voice not as calm as she would have liked.  
>"What's wrong?" she asked again.<br>"Lily, now, please," Mac insisted, cradling her boy to her.  
>Running back downstairs and outside to where her father was preparing the barbecue to cook their lunch, Lily breathed heavily.<br>"Daddy, mommy wants you now," she panted gesturing to the house.  
>"Where is she?" he asked putting down his cloth.<br>"In the bedroom with Harry and she's crying and he's crying and everything," Lily reported and watched as Harm sprinted into the house.

In next to no time, Harm was standing in the bedroom taking in the scene in front of him, Lily had been right; mother and son were a mess.  
>"What's happened?" he asked sitting down next to the pair and embracing them both.<br>"Harry's upset at the Easter Bunny for not fixing Rosie's hearing," Mac reported trying to calm herself. "He thinks it's his job to fix it."  
>"Oh, sweetheart," Harm said taking his son. "Sometimes there are things that just can't be fixed."<br>"But I want her to be better," Harry protested, not sure why his parents couldn't get that concept.  
>"So do we," Harm said, kissing the boy's head. "But it can't be fixed and we have to help Rosie learn to live with it," he added knowing Rosie didn't care less really and had adapted beautifully; it was the rest of them having trouble coming to terms with it.<p>

Harry snuggled into his father, and Harm turned his attention to Mac. "And is this why mommy's so upset?" he asked, kissing her head.  
>"Yep," she said with a sniffle. "That and the fact when I went to get a face washer he tried to cut off his ear so Rosie could have it," she whispered through her fresh tears.<br>"He did what?" Harm asked alarmed, pulling away from his son to take a look at him.  
>"There's no damage," she said, rubbing Harry's back. "Just gave me a fright."<br>"Us Rabb men seem to do that a lot, don't we?" he said sympathetically pulling her to him.  
>"Oh, yeah," she said leaning her head on his shoulder. "And I wish you'd stop."<br>"Well, I'm trying," he said, kissing her forehead. "Now, just to get this one to do the same."

After five minutes of quiet in the bedroom, Harm realised they should head downstairs and see to the rest of the family and their guests whom he had heard arrive a few minutes ago.  
>"Harry," he said raising the child's face. "It's time for the Easter Egg Hunt," he said, caressing his face. "And," he continued before the boy could protest. "We need to help Rosie and Frankie and Jessie find some eggs. Can you help them too?" he asked, knowing his son loved helping.<br>"Aha," he said with a nod.  
>"Who would you like to help?" he asked, already knowing the answer.<br>"Rosie," he said, clambering down and heading out. He'd help his sister with anything.

Harm stood and pulled up Mac to him. "Are you okay?" he asked brushing a kiss against her lips.  
>"Yeah, it just killed me to see him like that," she said, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning into him. "He's just a little boy and he's taken it all to heart...then when he was trying to cut off his ear..."<br>"We're going to need to watch him closely," Harm said, kissing her head.  
>"And hide the scissors and sharp implements," Mac said, pushing off Harm and turning for the door.<br>"And maybe speak to someone about how to help him get over this," Harm said, knowing it was probably beyond their skills.  
>Mac nodded; she loved her husband dearly and loved the fact their eldest son was just like him, but Harm's obsessions with things over the years and determination to do the impossible had nearly gotten him, and her, killed on more than one occasion. It definitely wasn't the life she wanted for their beautiful son.<p>

By the time the hunt was in full swing, Harry was in a brighter mood, taking his twin's hand and running around the garden with her looking for hidden treasures.  
>"Everything alright?" Mattie asked, sitting on the edge of the porch next to Mac, her camera hanging around her neck.<br>Mac looked at her and smiled sadly before nodding.  
>"Are you sure?" she questioned. "Because there is a definite cloud hanging over things at the moment."<br>After exhaling loudly, Mac shrugged. "Harry's been quite upset this morning," she explained, her eyes tracking the child as he scampered about. "And it hurts to see him in such a state," she continued before filling Mattie in on all the details.  
>"Aww, the poor thing," Mattie said, wiping her eyes. "He's definitely his daddy."<br>"He is," Mac agreed, taking a deep breath.  
>"God help us all," Mattie muttered as Harry came running over.<br>"Look, mommy," he said holding his basket up to Mac. "Lots of eggs."  
>"You do have lots," Mac replied. "Have you found them all?"<br>"Don't know," he said pulling out a mid-sized one. "You can have this one 'cos green is your favourite colour." Then he disappeared, pulling Rosie with him to investigate a new section of the yard.

Later that night, after Mac had put the children to bed, Harm went up to kiss them good night and was surprised to find his eldest son asleep in the master bedroom. Wandering back downstairs, he found his wife curled up on the sofa, Rosie's doll tucked into her arms, her eyes closed.  
>"Room for me?" he asked and smiled when she sat up to make room for him. "Been a tough day?" he half asked, half stated, wrapping his arms around her as she settled against him.<br>"Aha," she said with a sigh, cuddling in closer.  
>"Is that why Harry is in our bed?" he asked as his fingers raked through her hair.<br>"Yeah," she said, her eyes closing once more. "Just want to hold onto him for a bit..."  
>"He really gave you a fright, didn't he?" Harm asked as he leant down to kiss her head.<br>"Yes," Mac replied. "Not just the ear cutting thing but the fact he feels things so deeply already – he's only four."  
>"We're going to have to be more vigilant with him, aren't we?" Harm asked already knowing the answer,<br>"Yep," she said, sitting up and stretching. "At least we have something on our side..."  
>"What's that?" he asked watching as she stood.<br>"Harry is a mini you...at least you have insight into these things," she replied, holding out her hand and helping Harm stand up.  
>"Well," Harm said, wrapping his arms around her. "Maybe we should call in an expert in this matter."<br>"A psychologist?" she questioned, rubbing her hands around his back.  
>"No, my mom," he said with a laugh. "She certainly had to deal with enough of it when I was growing up."<br>"I'll call her first thing in the morning," Mac said with a smile as she led him up the stairs.  
>"You do know that it's only 8:30," Harm said, following behind her.<br>"I know," she replied, opening their door.  
>"And that Harry is asleep in there," he added, in case she had planned on any sort of recreational pursuits.<br>"I know," she repeated, before changing for bed.

Harm nodded in understanding, she just needed to be closer to Harry to put her mind at ease. After all, she'd already spent a couple of hours after lunch searching the house and removing all sharp implements.

When sleep finally came, Mac had Harry tucked so tightly in her arms that Harm had to wonder if the child could actually breathe. With some deft manoeuvring, he was able to release one of Mac's arms and wrap it around himself, chuckling when Mac smiled in her sleep.

While the next few days were quiet ones, Mac and Harm remained vigilant around Harry and were happy that his desperation over his sister's condition seemed to have abated. Mac had made several long phone calls to La Jolla and had found Trish's experiences with Harm to be invaluable. She had also called their paediatrician, and after explaining the issue, was pleased they brought the appointment forward from July, when it was originally scheduled, to mid-May.

Meanwhile, Mattie had helped Veronica create the 'Jessie wants to Walk Fund' and the pair had sent out numerous emails to a range of organisations. While Mattie knew it wasn't necessary, she believed Veronica would accept the charity better if it came from an unknown source.

By the end of April, there was just over $6,000 in the fund. Enough for Veronica to contact the specialist Jessie's doctor had recommended for an appointment and to devise a chart of the funds they would need for each part of the treatment and ongoing therapy.

As the month drew to a close, things were looking up in this part of the world. Maybe the Easter Bunny's visit had brought them more than just eggs.


	3. May

Disclaimer: Not mine  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

May – Mother's Day

The first days of May saw the children all involved in different projects, at different times, as they created gifts for Mac for Mother's Day. Lily wanted to scrapbook a small album incorporating her favourite photos of mother and daughter. Deciding that it was a bit beyond his talents, he gave Mattie the money for supplies and photos for the album and set the girls to work on that one. Harry's potted plant and handmade card was more his speed, as too was Rosie's card and picture she wanted to paint. Frankie, too young to come up with his own ideas, happily painted along with Rosie, getting more paint on the table and himself than the canvas Harm had purchased the day before.

Still, it was all for a good cause and by the time the special day came around, everything was in place to ensure Mac had a great day.

First there was breakfast in bed; bacon, eggs, mushrooms and tomato served on toast, with orange juice and coffee on a tray. Harm had carried it up for them and then had to make another trip downstairs to get everyone else's breakfast when the kids decided eating mommy's food in bed with her was a much better option than eating downstairs without her.

More than happy to spend the morning curled up with her loved ones, Mac didn't mind the crumbs or small spills, all which could be fixed. What couldn't be replaced were these precious moments with her growing family. Once the breakfast provisions were cleared away, Mac was inundated with cards, gifts, hugs, kisses and greetings.

With the youngest allowed the honour of going first, Harm helped Frankie deliver his gift.  
>"Happy Mother's Day, mommy," Harm said for him as he lifted the child across the bed to his mother.<br>"Mama!" he said clapping before kissing her.  
>"Frankie made these for you," Harm said, picking up the gift and card.<br>"Thank you, darling boy," Mac said, kissing his cheeks. Frankie giggled and squirmed in her arms. "Mommy loves you very much."  
>"Love mama," he said before grabbing her around the neck and squeezing. Harm knew the tears in her eyes weren't from the hold but from their darling baby's words.<p>

Helping Mac unwrap her present, he played with the paper as Mac looked at the picture.  
>"I...ah, think it goes this way," Harm said, rotating the picture according to where the string on the back was. "Frankie did it himself."<br>"It's just precious," Mac said, taking in the tiny, multicoloured hand and fingerprints adorning the once white canvas.  
>"So are you, gorgeous," Harm whispered, leaning over and kissing her head as Mac turned her attention to the card.<br>Frankie's card had been completed with the same level of talent and enthusiasm as the painting. There were lots of squiggles and scribbles and Harm's writing over the top in black marker. 'Dear Mommy,' he had written. 'Happy Mother's Day. I love you very much, Frankie xox'  
>"Thank you, Frankie," she said kissing him once more. "You..." Anything else she was going to say disappeared when Rosie decided she was done waiting.<p>

"Me!" she said pushing past Harm and thrusting her gift and card at her mother before clambering up on the bed and claiming her hugs and kisses. "Happy Mother's Day, mommy!" she said before throwing herself at her mother, ignoring the just given gift which was getting squashed between them.  
>"Thank you, Rosie Rose," Mac said, hugging and kissing her.<br>"I did painting too," she said, pulling back and ripping the paper from the canvas. Mac laughed; knowing it would be a few years yet before she'd get to open another present on her own.  
>"Wow!" she said, turning it the right way up.<br>"That's you," Rosie said, tapping the half green blob, half person in the middle. "And daddy, and me and Harry and Frankie and Lily and Mattie and Colin..." she continued, pointing at the family she had painted.  
>"It's beautiful," Mac said tearfully, "And you are beautiful," she added, kissing her daughter once more.<p>

Harry's enthusiasm for gift giving resulted in some of the pot plant's soil tipping into the bed.  
>"Oops," Mac said, righting the pot. "It's lovely, Harry, thank you."<br>"It's a rose...just like Rosie," he said, pointing to the nearly opened yellow rosebud. "Your favourite."  
>"They are my favourite," she agreed, they'd been her favourite since they were the first flowers Harm had ever given her; yellow roses with a red tip. Its meaning had been lost at her in the moment but, after that first date, she had Googled the meaning; friendship falling in love, she had absolutely adored them, and him, ever since.<p>

After cuddles with Harry, it was Lily's turn. First, there was a big hug and kiss, then there was the card.  
>"Now, mommy," she said, still holding onto the gift. "I made this for you with Mattie's help ... and we worked really hard on it."<br>"Well, I can't wait to see it," Mac said, putting out her hand for it.  
>"Yeah, but just so you know, I worked really, really hard and some of it didn't turn out quite right but I did try," she said in her own defence.<br>"I'm sure I'll love it," she replied, "I love anything you make me."  
>Lily drew a deep breath and handed it across. "Happy Mother's Day"<p>

Mac was in tears the moment she took off the wrapping. The cover was titled 'Mommy and Me' and had the first ever photo taken of Mac and Lily in the delivery suite. Lily was pink and swaddled in white, while Mac's face was a picture of pure bliss; the tears down her cheeks were of joy.  
>"Don't you like it?" Lily asked nervously, stepping closer to her dad.<br>"Oh, Lily, I think this is the best thing I've ever seen," she said, wiping at her tears.  
>"You haven't even opened it," she said, turning the cover for Mac.<p>

For five long minutes Mac flicked through the ten page album, taking in the thirty two photos of herself and Lily. Smiling as she looked at the decorations and embellishments Lily had added. Closing the album, she placed it on the bed beside her before calling Lily over.  
>"This is one of the best Mother's Day gifts I have ever received," she said, kissing her head and pulling her onto the bed with her.<br>"What was the best one?" she asked, climbing into her lap.  
>"Having you," Mac whispered before kissing her again.<br>"But I wasn't born on Mother's Day," she said, turning to look at her mother.  
>"No, but you were the first one to make me a mother, something I thought would never happen, and since then, every day has been Mother's Day," she said, kissing her daughter. "Thank you."<p>

When Mac was finally allowed out of bed, she showered, dressed and spent a lazy morning playing with the kids as Harm prepared lunch. Colin and Mattie arrived around noon and Colin was soon working alongside his father-in-law.  
>"Harm, did you get Mac something the Mother's Day she was pregnant with Lily?" he asked quietly as he worked on the salad.<br>"Yes," he replied. "I bought her a heart pendant with a single diamond, representing our unborn child."  
>"And was Mac happy to receive it?" he questioned, his eyes never far from the door, hoping they wouldn't be interrupted.<br>"She loved it and cried she was so happy," he said, a smile coming to his face. "Then she was upset and cried about that too."  
>"Why was she upset?" he probed, tossing the chopped tomatoes into the bowl.<br>"Because she was worried the gift would jinx things," he replied. "It had taken us so long to get to that point, she was six months pregnant and thought maybe things would go wrong if we celebrated too early."  
>"So, what happened to the pendant?" he asked, facing a similar dilemma of his own.<br>"I took it back, at her insistence, and held onto it for her until Lil was born and gave it back then, when she knew that everything was okay," he reported. "What's the problem?"  
>"I got Mattie something and have tried to give it to her a few times this morning, but every time I try she gets very emotional and changes the topic," he whispered as Harry raced through the room. "I don't know if she's upset because she thinks I've bought her something or upset because she thinks I haven't."<p>

Meanwhile, Mattie had spent her time sitting with Mac in the living room, not really engaging in conversation. At first, Mac hadn't really noticed as she'd been sitting on the floor with Frankie while Mattie sat behind her and chatting away about the wonderful morning she'd had with her children and their gifts. It wasn't until she moved to sit on the sofa she realised Mattie wasn't just being quiet, she was quite distressed.  
>"Hey, hey, what is it?" Mac asked, wrapping her arms around Mattie.<br>"Nothing," she said with a sniffle, leaning her head on Mac's shoulder.  
>"Try again, honey," Mac said, caressing her face.<br>"I'm just feeling really overwhelmed today," she admitted quietly.  
>"Why do you think that is?" she questioned, though she had a fair idea.<br>"Well, it's Mother's Day," she started slowly, and Mac nodded. "And I'm going to be a mom in a few months." Mac nodded again. "And...and...I'm really missing my mom today," she said as her tears fell.  
>"Hey, ssh," Mac whispered, pulling her close once more. "It's okay, it's okay."<br>"I love you, Mac, I think of you as my mom. You know that, don't you?" she asked, pulling back, concerned that Mac would take offence.  
>"I know, sweetheart, I know," she reassured her. "It's only natural you'd miss your mom, it's a special day."<br>"I just wish she was here, you know," she cried, sinking into Mac's arms once more.  
>"I know," she replied, kissing Mattie's head. "She would be so proud of you."<br>"She would," Mattie said with a nod. "Wouldn't she?"  
>"Of course she would," she said, rubbing her back. "She would think she had done a great job raising a little girl into a lovely young lady."<br>"And Harm and you did the rest," she said, sitting up once more.

Mac caressed her face and dried her tears.  
>"Oh, shit!" Mattie said before remembering there were children in the room. "I left your Mother's Day present at home. I'm so stupid," she admonished herself. "You'd think I'd remember as it was the only thing I had to bring."<br>"It's okay, Mattie," Mac said, standing up when Mattie did so. "You've been a little preoccupied today."  
>"I'll go get it now," she said heading for the door.<br>"I'll come with you," Mac replied, not really wanting Mattie to be by herself. "I think I need some exercise before lunch."

One look at his wife's face told Colin things weren't well and he took a few steps in their direction before Mac shook her head.  
>"We'll be back in a couple of minutes," she said. "Just stretching our legs."<br>"Everything alright, Mats?" he asked and she glared at him.  
>"Just how many times are you going to ask me that today?" she challenged, her hands moving to her hips.<p>

Colin shrugged; not knowing which answer would be the best way to go.  
>"Come on, Mattie," Mac said, wrapping her arm around her. "Let's go get my present."<br>"Any ideas?" Colin said turning to Harm once the ladies were out of earshot.  
>Harm nodded; it was the same look on Mattie's face in the hours before her wedding. The same one she had worn for the first few months he knew her. "She's missing her mom."<br>"God," he said with a sigh. "I hadn't even thought about that. It all makes sense now."

Ten minutes later they returned, Harm was in the kitchen alone. Mattie walked up to him and looked around once more.  
>"Colin's gone to the bathroom," he said, drying his hands before turning to face her.<br>"Oh, okay," she said, smiling sadly as Harm wrapped his arms around her before kissing her head.  
>"You're having a rough day, aren't you, honey?" he said, pulling her closer.<br>"Aha," she replied, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."  
>"Don't apologise," he whispered, rubbing her back. "We understand."<br>"You understand what, dad?" she questioned. She had asked him if she could call him dad during the father–daughter dance during her wedding, to which he had readily agreed. While she faltered every now and then, she frequently called Mac and Harm mom and dad, and while she had no problems calling Harm dad, she was struggling calling Mac mom, especially today.  
>"That you're missing your mom today," he said in a whisper as Mac disappeared from the room.<br>"How'd you know?" she asked, snuggling in closer.  
>"Because I know you," he said, kissing her head. "And because the year Mac was pregnant on Mother's Day, we had lots of tears too. Most of them were because of her mom. It's an emotional time for you, we get that."<br>"Does Colin get that too?" she asked pulling back and raking her fingers through her hair.  
>"I get it," he said from behind, more than happy when she wrapped her arms around him and held tight.<br>"Thank you," she whispered as he kissed her head.  
>"Now," he said, dipping one hand into his pocket. "I know you are already very emotional and that you've changed the topic every time I've mentioned Mother's Day today and that you are very sensitive to the topic of your mom, but this is your first Mother's Day and, while our little one is not here yet, I do think you deserve a memento of today."<br>"You didn't have to," Mattie said as her tears fell.  
>"I know," he replied. "I did it because I love you and you deserve it."<p>

Opening his hand he revealed a black square box, he handed it to her and gently kissed her lips.  
>"Happy Mother's Day, babe," he whispered, kissing her.<p>

Slowly, Mattie opened the box and the floodgates opened and for a few moments Colin wasn't sure if he had done very, very good or terribly, terribly bad. Panicked, he looked to Harm who just shrugged before leaning over to inspect the gift.  
>"Oh, Colin," he said, realising what the younger man had done.<br>"What?" he questioned, his panic escalating.  
>"This is just like the bracelet Mattie's mom had, isn't it?" he asked and Colin nodded.<br>"Ages ago we were talking about her and Mattie showed me her mom's jewellery that she has and then showed me a photo of her mom wearing something like this," he said, pointing to the box, as Mattie sniffled and listened in on the conversation. "And she said how much her mom had loved it but how it had been lost in the accident that claimed her life and how she wished she had it still. I just thought it would be a perfect first Mother's Day gift."

Mattie's arms wound around his neck and she held tighter.  
>"I think you did very well, son," Harm said, patting the younger man's back as he left the room.<br>"Mattie, babe," he said trying to pull back slightly but her grip was tight. "Hey, hey," he soothed kissing her head repeatedly and getting as close as her bump would allow. "I just wanted you to have something that reminded you of your mom as you become one. I know you love her and miss her and I thought it was just perfect timing."  
>"It is," she mumbled, trying to take a deep breath and control her emotions, hating that her hormones were making everything much worse at the moment. "It's an amazing gift...Thank you so much!" she said, her lips moving to claim his.<br>"Love you so much," he whispered between kisses. "So much."  
>"And I love you too," she replied, before resting her head on his shoulder and sighing deeply.<p>

By the time everyone was sitting down to the barbecue lunch Harm and Colin had cooked, the mood was much brighter and lighter. The food was great, the atmosphere was great and Mac and Mattie enjoyed an afternoon of leisure as the men worked to clean up and look after the children.

With Frankie down for a nap, the men took the other children off horse riding for a couple of hours. While it was custom for all the children to spend Mother's Day with their mother, Harm felt that, on this particular day, Mattie deserved some special mom time and the person to give it to her was Mac.

After watching them ride off, Mac sat alongside Mattie and placed a mug of hot chocolate in her hands. For a while there was a gentle silence until Mattie decided to make good use of the time.  
>"Can you help me with something?" she asked Mac and Mac nodded. "I've been trying to decide what names this little one," she said, rubbing her belly. "Will call you and Ha...dad..."<br>"What have you come up with, honey?" she asked, not too sure of what she wanted to be called. She was still a little lost in dealing with the idea of having a grandchild and a one year old herself.  
>"Well, I always thought of grandad and grandpa," she started and Mac nodded. "But they are what the kids call Frank and Harm Sr. So I was thinking of Pappy...I know that was his nickname when he went back to flying...or maybe just Pa. What do you think?"<br>"I think he'll love Pappy," she said with a smile. "It will be a link to those days...and to the future. Ask him when he gets back."  
>Mattie nodded before sighing. "Colin's parents are Gran and Pop...that's what the other grandkids call them so we'll do the same – less confusing."<br>"Sounds the right way to go," Mac agreed.  
>"What would you like to be called?" she asked, this being the thing she needed help with but not sure how to raise it.<br>"What would you like the baby to call me?" she countered, seeing the concern on the younger woman's face.  
>"Well..." she started slowly. "Trish is Grandma and Grams was...well, Grams...Colin's mom is Gran..." she said, ruling out the names as she went.<br>"Did you have something in mind?" Mac asked, not quite able to get a read on Mattie's train of thought.  
>"Tell me if you hate it...okay?" she said, prefacing her coming comments. Mac nodded. "Well, my mom wanted to be called GiGi when she became a grandmother."<br>"GiGi," Mac repeated, that wasn't so bad. "When did you talk about it?" she questioned, knowing Mattie was a young teen when her mother passed.  
>"I was about 12 – 13," she said. "Two ladies she knew from church had just become grandmothers, one wanted to be called Grandmother, and mom thought that was too formal and stuffy, the other one wanted to be called Grandmama, but she thought it was too close to Grandma and wanted something different and trendy...she'd heard of someone being called GiGi, you know, G for grandmother, and she liked it...so I said my kids could call her that so long as she was prepared to babysit. We made a deal."<br>Mac laughed.  
>"So, I was kind of thinking...well, hoping, that maybe you would like to be called GiGi..." she said slowly.<br>"I would love it," Mac said taking Mattie's hand. "But wouldn't you like to keep it for your mom?"  
>"I thought about that too," she said. "I know Harm Sr is grandad and the kids never met him...and that we could call my mom GiGi and you something different, but I think she'd be okay with it. She just wanted her grandkids to have a hip, trendy grandmother...and that's you."<p>

By the time the others returned, Mattie was asleep with her head on Mac's lap, the emotions of the day catching up with her.  
>"Everything alright," Harm asked as he approached with Harry on his hip.<br>"Yeah," Mac replied in a whisper. "Mattie's just having a tough day."  
>"And you too?" he asked, noting the tells on her face that told him she'd been crying.<br>"I'm good," she replied, and she was. Her tears had been for Mattie and the younger woman's distress at missing her mother. She knew that feeling; despite everything her mother had done, she had missed her at momentous milestones. Not for the person she had been but for the sole reason she was her mother.

Once all the children were tucked up in bed for the night and Mattie and Colin had gone home, Harm secured the house before moving to the bathroom and stripping off.  
>"You've decided to join me?" Mac asked as she reclined in the luxurious bubble bath he had drawn for her while she had read to the children.<br>"I have," he said as he pulled off his boxers. "Offer still open?"  
>"Ohhh, I think it's good for another 30 seconds," she replied moving forward.<br>"In that case, I'd better hurry up," he said stepping in and slipping in behind her. Soon, his arms were around her waist as she reclined on him, his mouth placing gentle kisses on her shoulder and neck.  
>"Aww, that feels so good," she said, tilting her head to give him more access.<p>

Being very skilled, he used his mouth and hands in unison to create all sort of sensual sensations within his wife.  
>"God, Harm," she moaned arching backwards.<br>"Good?" he asked as she managed to nod. "Love you."

As things progressed in the tub, Mac turned herself around and claimed Harm's mouth with hers and very soon, the calm, relaxing bathtub became a frenzied freshwater encounter as two became one. It wasn't long before Mac was slumped against him trying to catch her breath. Once she did, she peered over the side of the bathtub.  
>"Oops," she said with a grin, looking out at the amount of water now outside the tub.<br>"Looks like we made a mess," Harm said, looking over the side.  
>"Wanna clean up things in here and get messy in the bedroom?" she questioned and Harm readily agreed.<p>

Within a few minutes, Mac was lying naked in her bed as Harm dropped the water soaked towels in the laundry. When she saw him reappear in the doorway, she couldn't help but smile – he had a tray with two tall glasses of milk and two big pieces of chocolate cake.  
>"I figured we could use the break and the energy," he said, handing her the tray as he slipped of his robe and climbed naked into bed, "We're not as young as we used to be."<br>"Speak for yourself," she said with mock indignation. "I'm just hitting my sexual peak."  
>"And I'm very grateful," he said, leaning over and stealing a kiss.<p>

With Mac preoccupied with the rather large slice of cake Harm had given her, Harm reached into his side drawer and pulled out a small gift bag. Sensing his movement, Mac glanced over and stopped mid-munch.  
>"For me?" she mumbled around her mouthful of cake.<br>"Happy Mother's Day," he said, leaning in to kiss her as he handed over the bag.  
>"Thank you for making me a mother," she said, kissing him.<br>"Oh, believe me, it was my pleasure," he said with a grin as he took the tray away and placed it on the floor. "Care for a re-enactment of the event?"  
>"Which particular event?" she asked sliding down in the bed and pulling him to her,<br>"It's Mother's Day, your choice," he replied, as he started trailing kisses along her jaw.  
>"The twins," she replied and Harm laughed. The twins had been conceived on a weekend away before Harm's four month deployment. While he couldn't remember every encounter specifically, he knew they saw very little outside their door, they had minimal need for clothes and they had one particular encounter which, according to Mac, was the reason they ended up with twins.<br>"Well, if I recall..." he said, tumbling backwards with her. "It went something like this..."

There were no more words, aside from a few muted exclamations and devout declarations of love into the early hours.

It would be morning before Mac would open her present to find five beautiful new spacers for her Pandora bracelet, the first four had one of their precious children's names on each, the fifth had Mattie & Colin. She would go on to find a second box; it would contain one plain spacer and an otherwise empty bracelet. When she asked, Harm would explain that the blank spacer was for the name of their first grandchild, the new bracelet ready for the next phase of her life. And Mac would be happy with this, with preparing for the future. However, righht now, on this particular Mother's Day night, she was more than content to celebrate everything that had got her to this point in her life...this point of achieving her dream to be a mother...and the man who had made it possible.


	4. June Pt 1

Disclaimer: Not mine  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

June Part 1/3  
>School's Out<p>

Lily was the most excited person in the household when she awoke and remembered it was the last day of the school year. There were countless weeks ahead of her for summer fun and they were taking a trip out to California to spend some time in La Jolla, and, if they were very good, maybe...and her dad had emphasised maybe a lot, so Lily knew it was an important word in the scheme of things, they would go to Disneyland.

Up, dressing and bounding down the stairs, Lily had organised her breakfast in a sleeping house and was munching away when Harm made it down the stairs.  
>"Good morning, daddykins," she said with a grin.<br>"Morning, Lil," he replied, blinking several times and trying to focus on the clock. "What are you doing?"  
>"Breakfast," she said with a laugh, it was quite obvious that's what she was doing. "I've had my cereal and now I have my toast and juice."<br>"Aha," he replied, still half asleep. "Ah, Lily...what time do you think it is?"  
>"It's time for breakfast and then my last day of school before summer!" she declared, absolutely thrilled by the prospect.<br>"Aha," he said with a nod. "And, ah, do you need to be there early?"  
>"No, dad," she replied. "The bus will pick me up at 7:45, same as usual." She picked up her second piece of toast.<br>"Okay," he said, scratching his chest. "Lily, honey, you do realise that it's only 4:30, don't you?"

Freezing mid-bite, Lily looked from Harm to the clock and back. "Seriously?" she asked.  
>"Seriously," he replied, smiling at her stunned expression.<br>"I mean I thought it was a bit dark outside but I just figured it was overcast," she said, putting down her toast.  
>"It may well be overcast," Harm said, "But we won't know that until dawn," he said with a laugh.<br>"What do I do now, dad?" she asked, more than confused by the turn of events. "I mean I'm up and dressed and most of my breakfast is gone. It seems a bit odd to go back to bed."  
>"What would you like to do?" he asked, knowing he was heading back to his own bed as soon as possible.<br>"I don't know..." she said. "Maybe you and me can play that game of Scrabble we wanted to play last night and the night before but the kids keep interrupting."

Harm smiled; he knew all about planning things and having a child interrupt.  
>"At 4:30 in the morning?" Harm questioned.<br>"Yeah," she said enthusiastically. "It'll be just you and me...and so cool. Besides," she added, standing up and picking up her crockery and cutlery. "It's holidays from tomorrow so I can sleep in all I want."

Any clear thinking, rational parent would say no and send their child to bed. Harm wasn't either at this hour of the morning and agreed before he truly considered it. Lily set up the game in the living room while Harm made himself a coffee and toast.  
>"It's so good to be able to play without the others butting in," she said brightly as he sat down alongside her. "Isn't it? I mean I know you and mom say they are only trying to help but, really, come on, dad, they are four...they can't even spell their own names so I don't know how they're supposed to help us."<br>"Lil," he said slowly, "How about you concentrate on your first word quietly," he suggested. His head still not capable of coping with her bright chatter at this ungodly hour.

PLAYING was Lily's first word. Using all seven letters earned her a 50 point bonus. Not to mention her double word, double letter and triple word bonuses. The game blown out of the water before Harm had a turn.  
>"Great work," he said with pride. He could have conceded the game there and then but he wouldn't. Whenever he conceded too early, his darling daughter would look at her mother and say, "You can tell he's not a marine, right, mom?" He wouldn't give her the pleasure this time.<p>

Nine more words were played before Harm excused himself to use the bathroom. Returning a few minutes later, he shook his head. Lily was curled up in the sofa sound asleep. It was 5:25. Covering her with a throw rug, Harm dimmed the light and headed back up to his own bed, hoping he could fulfil the plans he had when upon waking an hour ago.

Closing and locking the door behind him, Harm climbed back into bed, with a bit more movement than he normally would and waited to see whether Mac would stir. She did and turned around to move closer to him.  
>"Where have you been?" she mumbled, wrapping an arm around him.<br>"Playing Scrabble with Lily," he replied, kissing her head.  
>"Huh?" she replied. "Isn't it still dark?"<br>"I'll tell you later," he said, kissing her once more.  
>"You got something else on your mind?" she said with a grin, he's proximity not keeping anything a secret.<br>"Maybe," he said as she ran her hand under his tee. "Interested?"  
>"Maybe," she replied, before grinning. The only reason she knew he had been missing was because she woke feeling she needed some urges addressed. Now he was back, Harm was more than willing to oblige.<p>

As Lily spent her last day at school, Harm and Mac were doing the packing for their trip. It would be three weeks going west and Harm was more excited than he expected to be. Not because he'd see his parents but because Disneyland was on the agenda. He'd never been before and he was sure he was more excited than Lily about it.

They had initially thought they'd go for longer, but with Mattie no longer comfortable with flying, Harm could only take the three weeks, their clients happy with that arrangement, Between cases and clothes, their phone seemed to ring every time Mac walked past. And, each time she answered it, the line would go dead.  
>"You answer it next time," she said in a huff as she fixed lunch.<p>

Ten minutes later it rang again and Harm answered it quite gruffly.  
>"Um...Uncle Harm?" came the hesitant voice and Harm's mood improved.<br>"Jimmy?" he questioned.  
>"Yes, it's me," he said, "Hi...is everything alright?"<br>"Yes, it is," Harm said. "We've had a few calls here today and whenever Mac answered it it went dead...got very annoying."  
>"Oh, um...well..." Jimmy stammered. "That was me."<br>"Really?" he questioned. "What's wrong?"  
>"Well..." he said before drawing a breath. "I really wanted to ask you something and mom said you were going on holidays tomorrow and so I had to call you to talk to you today before you went and I really wanted to talk to you because ...well, you're a man and whenever Aunty Mac answered I got nervous and hung up and I'm really sorry."<br>"That's okay," he said slowly, hoping the nearly seventeen year old would take a few breaths. "What's happening?"  
>"You can say no," Jimmy said quickly.<br>"How about you actually ask me, Jim?" he said, shrugging at Mac when she looked at him.  
>"I wanted to know if I could come and spend some of my summer holidays with you," he said nervously.<br>"Sure," Harm said, "You know you're welcome at any time."  
>"I wanted to work with you or Colin and get some experience," he explained, Harm still concerned at the boy's uncustomary nervousness.<br>"What sort of experience?" Harm asked, trying to get some more information.  
>"Can I talk to you about it when I'm there?" he said quietly.<br>"Sure," Harm said and soon after the call was concluded.  
>There really wasn't anything Harm could explain to Mac about the call, other than the fact Jimmy wanted to come and stay when they returned home.<br>"Do you think we should call Bud and Harriet and see what's what?" she asked, bringing plates of sandwiches to the table.  
>"No," Harm said. "I'll give Jimmy a call from La Jolla and see what I can find out. If we're still as confused, I'll call his parents."<p>

Not sure how the children would go flying, Mac was a little worried about the flight, especially where Rosie was concerned. She had spoken to the child's doctor and he'd reassured Mac that Rosie was fine to fly and just to encourage her to suck a lollipop or the like to relieve any pressure. Frankie didn't know much about what was happening; the older three were very excited by the prospect of going in a plane that was much bigger than daddy's.

With Frankie flying for free, as he was under two, they had five seats booked and it was allocated as three on the side and two across the aisle in the middle lot. Even before they were on the plane, Harm and Mac had a long conversation about the seating arrangements. With her nerves growing, Mac wanted all her children near her and Harm gently explained that it wasn't possible. Lily wanted to sit by the window and so did the twins, so Harm suggested rotation as a compromise and the kids agreed.

So, when the United flight took off, Lily was by the window, Rose was in the middle and Mac on the aisle. Harry was in the first seat in the middle and Harm was beside him holding Frankie. After handing out lollipops to three of the children, Mac pulled out a milk filled baby's bottle for Frankie. He rarely had a bottle these days but Mac knew it would help his ears.  
>"Mac?" Harm called bringing her back from her distraction. "Can I have the bottle please?" he asked, stretching out a hand. But one look at her face told him she was very concerned. He had always known she wasn't the best flyer, and her experiences with him wouldn't have helped matters. Now, she had the most precious cargo on board with her and it was no wonder she looked as nervous as hell. "Mac?" he called again and she looked over at him. "I think Frankie would prefer to be with his mommy at the start of his first flight. Would that be alright?"<br>Mac smiled; it would be more than alright. It would be exactly what mommy needed.

A few whimpers and grizzles during ascent but by the time the plane evened out at altitude everyone was happy and occupied with games, food and music. It wasn't long before Harry needed the bathroom and Harm took him, stopping at Mac's side on the way back and crouching alongside her.  
>"Are you doing okay?" he whispered, taking her hand, as Frankie slept against her.<br>"Yeah," she said, her eyes slowly lifting up to meet his. "I guess I was a little more apprehensive than I thought," she admitted.  
>"Do you want me to take Frankie for a bit?" he asked, caressing his boy's head.<br>"No, I'm fine for now," she replied, quite comfortable with the current arrangement. "But I'm sure these two will want the bathroom soon."  
>"Just let me know," he said standing up and kissing her head before sliding past Harry and taking his seat.<p>

All in all, it was an uneventful flight, the kids were reasonably well behaved and quiet for the duration. Frankie slept for most of it and was awake and in his mother's arms for descent. After a few shuffling of seats, Harry was now at the window, with Lily in between and Rosie was with her dad. Another round of lollipops and fifteen minutes and they would be in San Diego.

Watching his wife and children across the aisle, Harm missed the growing distress of his youngest daughter right alongside him. It wasn't until her lollipop hit Harm's face he registered he should be more attentive.  
>"What's wrong?" he asked her, taking the lollipop from her.<br>"Ears hurt," she whimpered, her brown eyes filling with tears.  
>"Okay, okay," he said rubbing her back as she tried to bury her head against him, something which wasn't that successful given her seat belt.<br>"Daddy," she pleaded, looking up at him. "Hugs...please."  
>Knowing he shouldn't but trusting his own strength, Harm released her seatbelt and picked her up, holding her head against his chest as she cried.<br>"Suck the lollipop," he said handing it back to her. "It will help your ears."  
>But Rosie wasn't listening and continued to cry.<p>

Looking across, Mac realised what was happening and wanted to moved over to them, but midway through landing and with a fourteen month old in her arms, it wasn't practical. Instead, she handed across Frankie's half full bottle.  
>"See if this helps her," Mac said, her eyes never far from Rosie's face.<p>

It took some convincing by Harm that he didn't think she was a baby, for Rosie to try the bottle. A couple of gulps in and the pressure was alleviated and the tears stopped, much to Harm's relief. "You're okay, sweetie," he said, caressing her face. "We're nearly there and soon we'll see grandma and grandpa and have lots of fun."

It had taken Harm several emails and a rather long phone call to get the hire vehicle he wanted with the appropriate child seats and restraints, as well as having space for the luggage. Given that it was all organised, he had told his parents that there was no need to meet them at the airport, but instead wait for them at home. And they had agreed.

Still, it surprised no one that when they emerged with their luggage and were about to make their way to the car rental place that Frank and Trish were standing there waiting. It was Lily who spied them first.  
>"Grandma! Grandpa!" she squealed before running the 60 yards and launching herself at them. "I've missed you both so so so so much," she said, hugging them tightly. "Dad said you wouldn't be here."<br>"I couldn't wait to see my gorgeous granddaughter," Trish said, kissing the child again.

Soon there were hugs and kisses all around before they all walked across to the rental desk. As Harm and Frank loaded the luggage in the rental car, Lily was begging her grandmother to be allowed drive to the house with them. Not wanting the twins to follow suit, Mac tried to encourage Lily to come with them but Trish said yes before she considered the implications.  
>"I wanna go with grandma too," Harry said, running up to his mother.<br>"But your seat is in the new car," Mac said, picking him up.  
>"But I wanna go too," he protested, not liking being left out.<br>"But if you go, Rosie and Frankie will want to go too," Mac said, not wanting to create too much of a fuss as the kids were already tired.  
>"I've missed grandma," he said, putting his arms out for Trish to take him.<br>"Well, what if grandma comes with us in the new car?" she said over enthusiastically.

Both Lily and Harry stopped and considered the offer.  
>"And grandpa too?" Harry asked happily.<br>"No, not grandpa," Trish said. "Grandpa has his own car to drive."  
>"Won't he be lonely if you come with us, grandma?" Lily asked, looking over to the men.<br>"I'm sure grandpa will be fine," she replied, impressed with the child's consideration of others.

It felt like forever since they had left home. With the long trip to the airport and the flight, the kids were sure it was bedtime. However, with the time difference, they were at the house by midafternoon and had a snack while Frankie napped. All the children were tired, but Mac knew if they went to sleep now they would be up half the night, something she didn't want.  
>"How about daddy takes you down to the beach?" Mac suggested knowing the sand and waves were something the twins really had no idea of.<br>"I have some things you could take with you," Trish said, opening a box to reveal assorted beach toys.  
>"Can you come too, mommy?" Harry asked, picking up a bucket.<br>"I have to stay with Frankie," she replied and Rosie pouted. If mommy wasn't going she wasn't going either and climbed up on her lap. It was one thing going on a big plane which hurt her ears, it was another thing going near all that water.  
>"I'll stay with Frankie," Trish offered. "It would be good for you to get some of that fresh sea air after your flight."<p>

Twenty minutes later, with everyone changed into beach attire, Harm carried the tub of play things to the beach fifty metres in front of the house. Harry and Lily trailed behind him carrying their towels while Rosie held Mac's hand who stopped every few feet to investigate something new in the sand.

The next hour was spent digging for treasure, building sandcastles and playing in the shallows of the water. Mac had brought her camera with her and captured these precious moments, the sand and surf a totally different environment from the farm. Smiling endlessly, she wished she had a better way of capturing the utter delight of each child as they discovered a new wonder.

Rosie's squeal when she found a starfish in the hole she was digging.

Harry's surprise when a piece of seaweed wrapped around his leg in the water and he wasn't too sure what to make of it.

Lily's shrieks of joy when Harm unexpectedly splashed her with water.

When Frankie awoke, Frank brought him down to join in the family fun and he happily sat between Mac's legs and made sandcastles with her. With the heat still in the day, Mac decided it was time to hit the water and stood up holding her youngest son.  
>"Will we go for a swim?" she asked him, and as Frankie knew no different, he happily went along. That was until the water, which was a fair bit cooler than his bath water hit his little legs and he gripped onto his mother tightly in panic. "It's okay, it's okay," she soothed, rubbing his back.<br>"No, mama! No mama!" he said, trying to climb up her to get away from the gentle waves lapping at his feet.

Realising she was about to lose her grip, Harm came to her rescue.  
>"Not a water baby, hey, Frankie," Harm said, taking his son who was more than happy his dad was a lot taller.<br>"Mommy! Rosie called, putting her arms up. "My turn."

While Mac kept a close eye on the girls, Harm watched the boys, easy enough as one of them was in his arms. Harry had taken to the water like a fish and was forever ducking under and coming up breathless and shaking off excess water. Lily wasn't as adventurous, not wanting to put her head under but happy to put on the mask her grandmother had bought her so she could put her face in and look under the water.

All too soon, Trish appeared on the shore and called them all in.  
>"Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes," she said. "And I think baths are in order before we sit down and eat."<br>"But grandma," Lily protested. "We're already clean. That's one big bath out there."  
>"It is," Trish agreed. "But sea water is full of salt, not to mention the sand, so I think a freshwater soak is best."<p>

Lily looked to her dad, hoping he'd be on her side and allow them some more time in the water but he just picked up a towel and wrapped it around Harry before doing the same to himself.  
>"We have three weeks of swimming in the ocean, Lil," he said, picking up the tub. "We don't have to do it all today."<p>

A great thing about the Burnett house in La Jolla was the multitude of bathrooms. Each bedroom had its own ensuite and that meant Lily could shower in her grandparents' bathroom as Harm and Mac tended to the other three. Mac, showering and dressing herself and Rosie while Harm sorted out himself and the boys.  
>"Need a hand?" she asked, finding him still in the bathroom naked once Rosie and Lily had headed downstairs.<br>"Always," he said, with a grin, thinking of another way she could help him.  
>"With the boys?" she clarified with a matching smile.<br>"Yeah, with them too," he said, handing her a partially dried one year old.

It wasn't long before everyone was seated at the table for dinner, happily eating the chicken, coleslaw and potato salad Trish had whipped up.  
>"This is great, mom, thanks," Harm said, gesturing to the tuna she had prepared for him.<br>"Anytime," she said smiling. "It's been a very long time since I've cooked for you in this house."

And it was, the last time Harm had visited was the time he brought Mac with him, they had been married three months.  
>"I know, too long," he said, shaking his head. Where had the time gone?<br>"Well, you've been busy having a family and serving our country and starting life on the farm," she said, knowing his absence from La Jolla had not been an intentional slight.

There were five fabulous days of sun, sea and superb food before Harm decided he was done waiting.  
>"Mac," he said, nudging her in the early hours of the morning.<br>"What?" she mumbled, nowhere near awake.  
>"Mac," he said, nudging her again.<br>"Again?" she questioned, figuring he wanted sex; the fresh sea air and vacation vibe doing wonders for their sex life.  
>"No," he said, but that didn't stop him kissing her awake.<br>"What?" she said again, pulling back breathless from a kiss.  
>"Can we go to Disneyland today?" he asked, his eyes bright with excitement.<br>"Huh?" she questioned, still half asleep.  
>"Can we go to Disneyland today, <em>please<em>?" he added for extra persuasion.  
>"You want to go to Disneyland today?" she asked, propping herself up on one elbow.<br>"Yes, I do," he said excitedly.  
>"Aren't we going up there tomorrow?" she asked rubbing her face. "With the kids."<br>"Yes," he agreed. "But I was thinking just me and you and the Magic Kingdom. Tomorrow will all be about the kids and I just want some time to enjoy it with you."

Mac leant forward and kissed him gently. He was so excited and looking so much like Harry did when he was looking forward to something she couldn't bring herself to say no...which was his plan. "Have you come up with a plan on how we get away without the kids?"  
>He nodded vigorously.<p>

Harm's plan was simple in both planning and execution. They would get up now, pack their bags, wake Trish and Frank and talk to them. They were all heading up to Anaheim the following day for three nights and the kids cases were pretty much still packed. All Trish and Frank would have to do is babysit the kids for the day and bring them up tomorrow, so they could all enjoy three days in Walt's paradise – grandparents included.  
>"What do I tell the children?" Frank asked, not believing they were having the conversation at five in the morning.<br>"Tell them we had to go and check on things to make sure we could have our vacation," he said. "Tell them they can only come if they are on their best behaviour with you today and that we will be sorting out the hotel villa for them."

Frank muttered something in reply and sunk back down in his bed. Trish just shook her head.  
>"Okay," she said ,with a nod. "Go, have fun," she added, quite amused to see her 49 year old son so excited about Disneyland. It's a place she had always wanted to take him but it had never eventuated. First, it was because he didn't want to go without his dad, then, because he was too obsessed about finding him. Next, because he wasn't at all interested in doing anything which involved Frank and then he was too old...or that's what he'd said at the time.<p>

Mac didn't really like the idea of leaving all four children behind without at least talking to them first and was quite glad when Lily woke as she was kissing her goodbye. In hushed tones, Mac explained the coming events of the day and Lily's eyes opened wide.  
>"So, we're really, truly going tomorrow?" she asked, sitting up.<br>"You are," Mac confirmed. "But daddy and I need to go today to make the arrangements. You, your sister and brothers will spend today with grandma and grandpa and they will bring you to us tomorrow."  
>"Oh, that's so cool," she said, too young to think of questioning the need for her parents to be waking her at some ungodly hour to tell her this and for their need to spend 36 hours 'setting' up.<br>"So, you will have to be extra good today and help with the little ones," Mac said, kissing her once more.  
>"Oh, I will, I will," she said, wrapping her arms around Mac's neck. "I'll do anything."<p>

Feeling better about things, Mac grabbed the small case and left it by the front door before going back upstairs and kissing her sleeping babies once more.  
>"They'll be fine, Mac," Trish said, appearing on the landing tying her robe.<br>"Oh, I know," she said with a sigh, "I'll just miss them."  
>"Looking at the excitement of a certain someone," she said gesturing down the stairs. "I don't think you'll have much of a chance to miss anyone."<p>

They'd been on the road a short time and just taken the on ramp for the I-5 N before Mac turned in her seat to look at her husband who was looking quite comfortable driving Frank's Mercedes S Class Saloon.  
>"Harm," she said slowly. "Disneyland is about an hour and a bit from here... and it's only 0530. Don't you think we'll be a bit early."<br>"Yes, but I thought we could check into the Hotel...I called them while you were in the shower and while we can't have our villa until later today, we can check in, leave the luggage and go across to the park.  
>"Oh, okay," Mac said with a nod. "Can I ask a question?"<br>Harm looked at her curiously; it had been a long time since she had asked if she could ask a question.  
>"Go ahead," he replied, glancing across at her.<br>"What has you so excited about going to Disneyland? And going today?" she said, throwing in a second question.  
>"I have never been before," he said, his eyes firmly on the road.<br>"Yes," she said, she already knew this. "But there's more, isn't there?"  
>"Aha," he said with a nod. "When I was very little, I wanted to go. Before dad left that last time he said he'd take me when he returned...he never returned and I didn't believe he was dead so I didn't want to go without him. I figured that when he eventually came home he'd feel like I betrayed him by going without him."<br>"Oh, Harm," Mac whispered.  
>"I know it's been a number of years since we found the truth," he said, reaching across and taking her hand. "But ...well, you're as familiar with what our lives have been like since that moment, so you know why it hasn't happened. Now, seems to be the perfect time."<br>Mac squeezed his hand. "It is the perfect time...which is why we had planned to go tomorrow with the kids," she said, knowing the fact that they had completed their family was a reason why it was so perfect, even if Frankie was a little too young to remember it.  
>"I could say it's because I wanted to spend a night alone with you," he said with a smirk. "And that has merit in it too, but actually, today is dad's birthday and when I awoke I just thought that ...well," his voice trailed as he struggled to find the words.<br>"What is it?" she asked squeezing his hand.  
>"My dad was my hero, and he was for so much of my life," Harm admitted, his eyes tearing up. "Going to Disneyland with him was going to be the highlight of my life, but in the last dozen years, I have come to terms with the fact it was a pipe dream...until I realised that I had another hero ...that is you... and I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind me going with my hero."<br>"I'm your hero?" she asked, her voice almost gone, tears welling in her eyes. "Why?"  
>"You are the bravest, strongest, most loving, most beautiful, gorgeous, kindest, generous person I know," he said, looking over at her before squeezing her hand. "How could I not look up to you? Idolise you? Believe in you?"<br>"Oh, Harm," Mac whispered for the second time in the conversation, not knowing how else to respond.  
>"You, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb, are the most amazing person I know and I am very much, very deeply and still very definitely head over heels in love with you," he said, stroking her leg.<p>

Wishing she could fall into his arms and kiss him deeply, Mac had to make do with raising his hand to her lips and kissing it as they continued to travel along at speed.  
>"I love you so much too," she replied. "And when we have our villa, I'll show you how much."<br>"I'm counting on it," he replied with a cheeky grin.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

June Part 2/3  
>School's Out<p>

AN: This Disneyland Vacation has taken on a life of its own...therefore there will be a part 3...oops.

Pulling up in the driveway of Disney's Grand Californian Hotel and Spa, Harm and Mac climbed out while a bellhop appeared and picked up their luggage as Harm organised valet parking. The car would be spending the next few days parked and Harm wanted to ensure it was done so safely. After checking in, Mac suggested they have breakfast in the Hearthstone Lounge as they were still too early for the opening of the park and she didn't want to use the Magic Morning passes as they'd need those with the children.

When Harm agreed, they walked hand in hand across the foyer and headed to the cafe. Glancing around, Mac saw the perfect spot for a quiet, intimate moment. Tugging his hand, Mac drew him into a small area surrounded by trellis and healthy green plants.  
>"Mac?" he questioned before he realised his wife's intention and quickly surrendered. "Wow!" was the next word he could manage, breathless as he was.<br>"Just want you to know how much your words meant to me and how I love you very much," she explained before kissing him briefly. "Thank you."  
>"Believe me when I say it is my pleasure," he replied, kissing her forehead, nose then lips.<br>"You're my hero too, Harmon Rabb," she said, linking her arms around his waist. "Always have been."

Breakfast, bathroom and then twenty five minutes waiting at the front gate of Disneyland was all it took before Harm and Mac were allowed into the Magic Kingdom. Holding hands, as they ambled along Main Street, USA, Mac was more than happy to let Harm set the pace and the agenda; after all, this particular day was all going to be about him.

Their first stop was Tomorrowland and Space Mountain. This was one particular ride they didn't think they'd be taking the kids. Lily wasn't a fan of rollercoasters and the others were too young. With crowds still a little slow in arriving, they were inside in under ten minutes and soon seated and secured in their rocket before being launched on their mission. Being a fan of speed and thrills, Harm enjoyed it immensely. It had been a long time since he had been thrown about in any sort of 'aircraft'. Mac, on the other hand, wasn't a fan. While she wasn't scared, she wasn't impressed with the sudden and severe turns which she couldn't see in the darkness of the ride. Still, she had Harm's arm around her and was content to know he was happy.

Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters was more her speed and she couldn't help the smile on her face as she spun, turned and twisted around space fighting Zurg's army. She knew that there was a certain four year old boy who would be in his element. Buzz being the flavour of the month.  
>"I enjoyed that," Mac said as they disembarked.<br>"A bit more sedate than Space Mountain." Harm said, taking her hand once more.  
>"Yes, it was," she agreed. "Perfect for Harry. I think we'll be doing that one a few times."<br>Harm smirked; there were things he was planning on doing a few times too.

Tomorrowland was followed by the Tiki Room and Pirates of the Caribbean before a stroll through New Orleans Square and a drink stop at the Mint Julep Bar, the non-alcoholic variety.  
>"Where to next?" Harm asked, studying their map as they enjoyed the sunshine and gentle breeze while sipping their drinks.<br>"Anywhere you like," Mac replied, rubbing her hand up and down his arm.  
>"Why don't we head to the Haunted Mansion?" Harm suggested. "Lily will love it; don't know about the twins though."<br>"Lead on," she said standing up, her hand slipping into his with ease once more.

Far from being scary, Mac found the mansion a delightful ride. While she knew Rosie wouldn't like the darkness in parts, she was sure the child would be fine, especially in the arms of mommy or daddy.

The Big Thunder Mountain Railroad got a definite yes for Lily and a big maybe for the twins. Mac not altogether sure they would both make the height requirement. The Mark Twain Riverboat would be fun for the whole family, including grandma and grandpa and it would allow the younger ones to rest their little legs.  
>"Grandma and Grandpa!" Harm said out of the blue and Mac turned expecting to find them there.<br>"What?" she asked, confused.  
>"Sorry," he said, shaking his head. "I was just thinking this is perfect for all the family...even grandma and grandpa and I realised we should call them and check on things."<p>

As Mac leant on the railing on the Promenade Deck looking at the sights from the 19th century, Harm called La Jolla and was pleased to find things were going well. It was only then he had the first pang of guilt at leaving his aging parents to care for four lively children.  
>"Don't sound so sorry," Frank said, rocking Frankie in his arms. "My namesake is the easiest baby to care for and the other three are on their best behaviour, so they are very cooperative and very compliant. "<br>"Glad to hear it, dad," he said before smiling at Mac."Call us if there's any problem."  
>"I will," he agreed. "But I'm sure it won't be necessary."<p>

Within fifteen minutes, Harm and Mac were at The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. While it wasn't necessary to test drive this particular ride, Mac had a fondness for the honey-loving bear, something Harm wasn't aware of until he saw her staring at the costumed character nearby.  
>"Are you a fan of The Pooh?" he asked as he slipped his arms around her.<br>"Yeah, I am," she replied with a guilty smile. "It's the first book I remember...actually, it's the only book I remember my mom reading to me." Harm leant forward and kissed her head. "He's just a cutie."

Once on the ride, Mac was impressed that the beehives used for transportation held six people, meaning the whole family could travel together for the four wonderful minutes in the 100 Acre Woods. She knew this was one ride she'd definitely have the camera out for.

After disembarking, Harm excused himself to use the bathroom while Mac wandered nearby, taking in the sights and sounds. The few minutes he usually took elapsed, then ten minutes, then fifteen. Turning around, Mac headed towards the restrooms to find him coming out.  
>"Everything alright?" she asked, studying him.<br>"Everything's just fine," he replied, kissing her. "Bit of a line," he said, neglecting to tell her it wasn't a line in the restrooms but in the shop. He'd picked her up something Pooh and had arranged to have it posted to the farm...a surprise for when their holiday ended.

By the time 2:00 pm rolled around, Mac decided it was lunch time.  
>"Where would you like to eat?" Harm asked, as they stood in front of a huge map of the park.<br>"In bed," she replied as she looked at the map.  
>"Ah...that would be..." he started, moving his finger across the board until her actual words registered. "Really?" he said, turning to face her.<br>"I'd like to come back later and see the parade and maybe the fireworks and thought lunch and a nap would be perfect...we did start off very early this morning," she explained, her arm slipping around his waist.  
>"You're right," he said, leading her away from the board and back towards Main Street and towards the exit.<br>"Lunch and a nap would be good," he said, pulling her a little closer.  
>"Not just a lunch and a nap," she said with a smirk. "The rides here have been good, but I know one which is always spectacular," she said, raising her eyebrow. "That's if you are up for it."<br>"When it comes to you and rides, I am always up for anything," he whispered, knowing this was a family place and all the other visitors didn't need to know they were planning an afternoon of hot sex.

Once they had entered the hotel foyer, Harm suggested they grab a bite at the Storytellers Cafe. It looked good, smelt great and felt it was a little too extravagant ordering room service for lunch. As they walked into the cafe, Mac stopped at a poster for the Mandara Spa, located within the hotel. Harm watched as a dreamy expression drifted over her face as she read all they have to offer.  
>"Interested?" he asked, coming back to stand next to her.<br>"Oooh, yeah," she said with a slight moan. "It's been so long since I've had a massage..."  
>"I offer to massage you all the time," Harm reminder her as his arm slipped around her waist.<br>"Yes, but your massage has a whole different ending," she said with a smirk. "I haven't had a therapeutic massage in a long time."

Orders taken, Harm ordered the lobster Cobb salad, minus the bacon, and Mac chose the chicken Caesar salad, both opting for a light option given their anticipated afternoon activities. As the waitress reappeared with their water and the iced tea they had both ordered, Mac excused herself to use the bathroom and Harm pulled out his cell. By the time Mac had returned, Harm had pocketed his phone and was quite pleased with himself.

Lunch was a leisurely affair and Mac had to admit she was surprised that Harm wasn't rushing things so they could get upstairs. When Mac suggested they make a move the time was 3:15 and Harm nodded before taking his time to pay the bill.  
>Walking out, hand in hand, Mac headed towards the elevator while Harm headed the other way.<br>"Elevators are there," she said, pointing with her free hand.  
>"But the spa's there," he said pointing across the foyer.<br>"Yes, but..." she started before it clicked. "We're going to the spa?"  
>"Yes," he said, leading her towards his intended destination. "I called them while you were in the bathroom. They had a cancellation at 3:30 in the Couples Pavilion for something called the Elemis Aroma Spa Seaweed Massage."<br>"What does that entail?" she asked as he opened the door for her. Harm could only shrug, not really believing he was doing this too.

What it entailed was having a warm seaweed body mask being applied before being wrapped in foil. Harm couldn't help but think it was something similar to how he prepared fish for the barbeque. Those thoughts dissipated as the scalp massage started. As the masseuse finished and made her way to his feet, Harm turned to look at Mac, smiling when he found her smiling at him.

When they were 'done', the foil was removed and a full body massage followed, during which Harm drifted off to sleep well and truly relaxed.  
>It was Mac's gentle caress and kiss to his head which woke him, and he smiled up at her.<br>"I fell asleep, didn't I?" he said as he rolled onto his side and sat up.  
>"Yep," she said, stepping closer and kissing him once more.<br>"Wanna take this upstairs?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.  
>"Oh, yeah," she replied.<p>

It wasn't long before they were up in their villa; they had chosen the two bedroom villa and had gotten Trish and Frank a one bedroom one next door. All four children would share the second bedroom and while there was a rather comfortable fold out sofa bed in the living room, Harm believed Trish and Frank deserved their own space.  
>"This place is amazing," Mac said, taking in the beautifully appointed room before walking to the balcony and taking in the view. "Just amazing."<br>"Can we appreciate the view tomorrow when the kids are here?" Harm asked, taking her hand and leading her into their room.

It wasn't long before they were naked once more and entwined beneath the crisp, white sheets.

The events of the day, the quietness and perfect temperature of the room meant sleep, after their encounter, was swift and deep. It was only the need for the bathroom which stirred Mac much later. She had gotten up and used the bathroom before the time registered; it was 8:44 pm. Their original plan had been to return to the park, have dinner and enjoy the fireworks, but now, Mac had no inclination of going anywhere.

Slipping on her robe, Mac went into the living room and pulled back the drapes covering the balcony and opened the door, closing her eyes momentarily and letting the warm night air caress her face. Moving to the desk, she picked up the compendium and flicked though to in-house dining and ordered the sea bass and farmer's market salad for Harm and the chicken enchiladas for herself, along with a couple of sodas each and a very decadent Death by Chocolate for dessert.

It was only when the meals arrived that she woke Harm and led him out to the living room. Blinking a few times at the rearranged room, Harm smiled at the picnic he found on the floor by the balcony door. A spare blanket was spread out with all their goodies and cushions from the sofa and pillows from the children's beds and spare beds scattered about for their comfort.  
>"Can't believe it's 9:30 already," Harm said yawning before scratching his chest.<br>"We had a big day," Mac said, taking his hand and leading him to the picnic. "I got you the sea bass and farmer's market salad."  
>"Mmm," he said, "Sounds great."<p>

Dinner was delightful in the dimly lit living room, and when they were finished, Harm moved the plates to the tray which was on the kitchenette bench.  
>"Can I get you anything?" he asked, watching as she reclined amongst the pillows.<br>"Nope," she said, "There's dessert for later but the fireworks are about to start."

Harm turned off the lights in their villa and curled up with Mac as they watched the colourful fireworks bring the night sky to life. The ten minute display was bright and dazzling. There were cloud bursts and shooting stars, Mickey's head appearing more than once in the display of pyrotechnic delights. As good as they were there was another kind of fireworks Mac and Harm enjoyed a little more, later that night, after dessert.

"Hello?" Mac said with a yawn as she answered her cell early the next morning.  
>"Hi, Mommy," Lily's voice came brightly down the line. "Grandma said I could call you and tell you that we have been good this morning and grandpa said to tell you we are about 20 minutes away and to make sure you're decent. I don't know what that means but he and grandma both laughed and ..."<br>"Hello, Lily," Mac said, the sleepiness disappearing. "So, you're nearly here...that's so exciting."  
>"I know," she said. "We're all excited...well, Frankie is asleep at the moment but the twins are excited and ..."<br>"Did you all have breakfast?" Mac asked as she shook Harm.  
>"Hmmm, breakfast," he muttered, rolling over.<br>"Yes, mom," Lily replied. "Ate it all up and we're all ready for a day at Disneyland."  
>"Just one?" Mac asked, "Daddy and I were planning three days at Disneyland. Do you think you could do that too?"<br>"Oh, yes, mom...I could definitely do three days," she said, her excitement bubbling away.

After she disconnected the call, Mac shook Harm again. Still in the realms of sleep, he reached out and wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close and kissing her deeply.  
>"Mmm," she said, pulling back."Nice and all but your children and parents will be downstairs in fifteen minutes and we still have to shower and dress."<br>"Can I shower with you?" he asked, opening one eye, grinning when Mac nodded.

They made it downstairs in time to see their hire car pull up in the driveway.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Lily said as she climbed out of the car and ran across to them. "We are here!"  
>"So we can see," Harm said, scooping her up. "Hello, sweetie."<br>"Hello, daddy," she said, kissing his head. "We are ready for the park. Did you get everything done yesterday you wanted too?"  
>"We did," Harm said. "Everything worked out perfectly," he added, winking at his wife.<p>

Putting Lily down, Harm walked to the car as Mac helped Rosie and then Harry out before unbuckling Frankie who was still sleepy.  
>"Hello, little man," she said as Harm greeted his parents. "Have you had a big day already?"<br>Frank unfolded the stroller and held it as Mac put the infant in.  
>"Mommy, hugs for me too," Rosie said, putting her arms up once Mac's arms were empty.<br>"Hello, Rosie Rose," she said, kissing the girl. "Ready for lots of fun?"  
>"Yes, mommy," she said. "I want to see Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse and Cinderella and ..."<br>"Winnie the Pooh..." Mac added, hoping her daughter wanted to see the honey loving bear too.  
>Rosie's eyes opened widely. "Winnie the Pooh is here too?"<br>"He is," Mac said, kissing her head as she put her down. "He has his own ride and everything,"  
>"Oh cool!" she said, wrapping her arms around Mac's leg.<br>"I don't wanna see Winnie the Pooh," Harry announced as walked up to Mac wanting his cuddle.  
>"Well, Rosie does," Mac said, picking up her boy. "And so we'll see Winnie...just like we'll see Buzz Lightyear because you like him."<br>"Buzz is here?" he asked, his eyes widening.  
>"Yes, and he has a ride called Buzz Lightyear Astro Blaster," Mac said kissing his head as she put him down alongside his sister.<br>"Okay," he said, "We can see Winnie and then Buzz," he added, quick to concede if it meant seeing his rocketman hero.

Within half an hour the group of eight were at the gates and the fun was underway.

Excitement abounded as three very enthusiastic children wanted to head in different directions, something which wasn't going to happen. Lily felt everything the twins suggested was too babyish and wanted something with a bit more edge. Not wanting the day to deteriorate into an argument, Mac took Lily aside.  
>"I know you're older than the others and it seems likes we're picking their rides but that's for safety as much as anything," Mac explained, her arms linked around her daughter's neck. "But, I'll make you a promise, if you do the things the twins want to do today, then tonight when they are in bed, daddy and I will bring you back by yourself and we'll get to do whatever you want. How does that sound?"<br>"Just me, not them or Frankie?" she checked, liking this arrangement very much.  
>"Just you," Mac confirmed. "Do we have a deal?"<br>"Yes!" she said, hugging her mother. "Definitely."  
>"Just don't tell the twins or they'll want to come," Mac reminded her as they headed back to the group.<br>"Everything alright?" Harm asked looking from his daughter to his wife.  
>"Everything's perfect!" Lily declared taking Rosie's hand and walking on. "Let's go to Fantasyland. Rosie's gonna love the carousel and Harry with love the circus train."<p>

Five rides, two shows and a trip back to the hotel for lunch and a rest before the late afternoon session in the park which included Dumbo the Flying Elephant. Mac took 36 photos of her family on the ride and felt that not one of them accurate captured the joy on their faces. Although, she had to admit, Harm had the biggest smile as he held Frankie in one arm and Harry in the other, the Rabb boys thoroughly enjoying the wind in their face, flying above the ground.

Frankie stayed with grandma as the remaining adults paired up with a child for the Go Gadgets Coaster. Designed for children, Mac was more than happy with this level as thrill seeking. She knew there was the rollercoaster across in the California Adventure park that Harm really wanted to go on, not to mention the Tower of Terror. Currently, they were the two last things on her list.

There was Mickey's House and then Minnie's House and photos for everyone with each character, and any other character they encountered. There were photos of the castle and of family shots in front of it. There was a bathroom break and a visit to the Chip 'n Dale Treehouse for the twins while Mac and Harm scouted the area for dinner options. In the end it was Clarabelle's, a place which promoted itself on healthy meals...which pleased Harm and sweet frozen treats, which pleased Mac.

After watching the grand parade, which was thoroughly enjoyed by all, the family ambled back to the hotel. Harm was carrying Rosie while Mac carried Harry and Trish pushed the stroller which contained a sleeping infant and the day's purchases.

Frankie was bathed and bedded down in a portable crib, Mac liking the option better so she could put the twins on the bottom of the two bunks. As Trish readied the twins for their soak, Mac walked out to the living room to find Frank asleep on the sofa and Harm and Lily standing on the balcony looking at the sights.  
>"I'm feeling kind of tired," she said to them both, and Lily's face fell. "So, I was thinking that maybe you would like to go and have some daddy and daughter time," she added, caressing the child's face. While it wasn't a lie as such, she felt it would take the pressure off Lily to choose which parent to take with her on the rides she wanted to go on.<br>"Are you sure?" Harm asked, touching his wife's face.  
>"Yeah," she replied with a wink. "Just thought that you wanted to go on those rides Lily did, you know, Splash Mountain, the Teacups, Star Tours..." she trailed, hoping Harm would get the point that she didn't want to be the third wheel.<br>"I guess there's no point coming if you don't want to go on the rides," Lily said, not sure if her mom staying was a good thing or not.  
>"I was just thinking that grandma and grandpa are really tired," she said, pointing to Frank who was snoring softly behind them. "So, I should stay with the little ones so they can get some sleep. Remember, we're doing the special character breakfast tomorrow."<br>"Oh yeah," she said smiling once more. "I guess it's only fair to let them sleep because they did have us all day yesterday too and they are old."  
>Mac nodded and kissed her forehead. "You're not too disappointed, are you?"<br>"No, I understand," she said, hugging Mac . "But if daddy and I go tonight do you think he can take me on Space Mountain too?"  
>"I didn't think you liked rollercoasters," Mac said, not sure of what her answer was going to be.<br>"It'll be alright with dad there," Lily replied. "I'll feel safe with him."  
>"Well, after you do everything else, maybe you and daddy can decide," Mac said, glad to put the decision on someone else.<p>

The decision daddy and daughter made was the wrong one. This was proven when Lily became so ill and disorientated on the ride she vomited...over herself, over the non –to-impressed man in front of them, over the equally unimpressed woman behind them, over the ramp while exiting the ride and over her daddy as he carried her first to the family bathroom and then back to the hotel, the child still too dizzy to make her legs cooperate with the rest of her body.

Deciding he needed a little more help than he thought, he phoned Mac from the lobby as Lily perched over a trashcan.  
>"Having fun?" Mac asked as she answered the call.<br>"We were," Harm replied. "We had a great night."  
>"Until?" Mac prompted, knowing from his tone there was a definite 'until' coming up.<br>"We went on Space Mountain and let's just say they should rename it Splash Mountain," he said in hushed tones.  
>"Oh no, Lily wet herself?" Mac asked cringing, the child would be so embarrassed.<br>"Wet herself and vomited over anyone and everyone," he explained. "I didn't think a nine year old stomach could hold so much."  
>"Where are you now?" she asked, desperate to see her girl.<br>"In the lobby," he replied. "Got her back here but going to need some help with the elevator and door..."  
>"I'll be down in a minute," she replied, opening the adjoining door to Frank and Trish's villa, knowing they would hear if any of the children became distressed.<p>

Grabbing a few towels, Mac headed down to the lobby and was met with a very sick and sorry looking girl and a guilty looking husband.  
>"I'm really sorry, Mac," Harm apologised, taking the towel she offered him and wiping his arms and shirt front.<br>"Mommmmmyyyy," Lily groaned and Mac used the other towel on her before giving up and hugging the tearful child too her.  
>"You're okay, baby," Mac reassured her. "Come on upstairs and we'll get you cleaned up."<p>

Two faltering steps on jelly legs and Harm scooped his daughter up once more before following Mac into the waiting elevator.  
>"Ooh, mommy, I feel sick," she said as the elevator climbed.<br>"You'll be fine," Mac reassured her, hoping the child would hold on until they got her into their bathroom. She did.

Turning on the shower, Mac adjusted the water before getting Lily to walk in, clothes and all. She figured she wouldn't be able to go to the guest laundry until the following day and wanted the clothes rinsed off as much as possible in the interim. Closing her eyes, Lily leant her head back against the cubicle wall before holding onto her mother's arm to steady herself.  
>"You okay, sweetie?" Mac asked, caressing her face.<br>"The room keeps moving," she said, her head and stomach still somewhere in Space Mountain.  
>"It will pass," she said helping the child undress in the warm water spray.<br>"I'm really sorry," Harm said from the doorway, not sure if he should come in and help or not.  
>"Why don't you go clean up in the kids' bathroom," Mac suggested, looking at his splattered clothing.<br>"Okay," he said, backing away slowly.

A little while later, Lily was dried and dressed in her pyjamas and curled up on the edge of the master bed, a trashcan alongside the bed, a bottle of water on the side table.  
>"You're not going to leave me here by myself, are you?" she said tearfully as Mac headed to the door.<br>"Only for a little bit, honey," Mac replied. "I'm going to clean up the bathroom, check on the kids and I'll be back."  
>"Oh, okay," she said closing her eyes, wishing the horrible sensation in her head would disappear.<p>

Mac was all set for bed when Harm cornered her in the living room.  
>"I'm sorry," he apologised again. "I thought she might get a little scared, I never thought this would be the result. It's put a real dampener on the first day..."<br>"Not to mention tomorrow," Mac added, knowing Lily would be feeling too washed out to do anything.  
>"I'm sorry," he said quickly.<br>"Look, Harm, you need to stop apologising," Mac said with a sigh. "You didn't do it on purpose, you weren't to know..."  
>"I know," he agreed but he still felt guilty. "What if I can see about adding a couple of days to this trip? Give Lil the chance to feel better tomorrow and then start the three days again."<br>"We've got the time and flexibility," Mac said, "Sounds like a good idea to me."

As Mac returned to the bedroom, Harm went downstairs to the desk to make arrangements. He returned twenty minutes later to find mother and daughter sound asleep, Mac's arms anchored around her daughter. Thinking her exhausted girl would sleep through the night, Mac was mistaken. About half an hour later, Lily awoke wanting a drink. Then, an hour after that, she was clinging to Mac asking her to stop the ride. Sometime around one, it was a trip to the bathroom, then another drink, then tossing and turning.

Finally, about six, she drifted off into a deep sleep once more, just as Frankie woke up, ready to take on the day.  
>"I'll get him," Harm said as Mac went to get up once more. Too exhausted to argue, Mac slumped into the plump pillows once more.<p>

It was both his boys Harm brought back, both of them awake and a little too bright and bubbly for Harm's current state of mind.  
>"Climb on in," Harm said pulling back the covers and letting Harry get up. "But shhh because Lily's not well."<br>"Poor Lily," Harry said, leaning over his mother to peer at his sister, waking them both in the process.  
>"Hi, Harry," Mac mumbled, putting her hand back to caress his face.<br>"I want to cuddle with you," he announced trying to climb over and in between mother and daughter.

Slowly, Mac rolled onto her back, hoping it would allow her to cradle both children.  
>Harm slipped into the bed with Frankie and he too wanted Mac.<br>"Well, don't I feel popular," Harm said, as his youngest some climbed over Harry to lie on Mac's stomach. His head ducking under Mac's child and a chubby little hand going around her neck.

Mac smiled at him sympathetically. At home, the kids showed no preference for either parent, this trip, however, mommy was definitely the one in favour.  
>"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I'm sure tomorrow they'll all want you."<br>"Aha," he said, not all too sure.

It didn't take long for the kids to drift off once more and Mac appreciated the extra precious moments of sleep, Rosie ended that when she appeared at Mac's bedside with her hands on her hips.  
>"How come everyone else is here?" she asked, not at all impressed by her apparent exclusion in the family fun.<br>"Well," Mac started slowly. "Lily was sick and the boys woke early."  
>"Well, it's my turn," she said, trying to move Lily so she could climb in too.<p>

Lily groaned in her sleep and Mac put a hand out to stop Rosie touching her. "Stop!" she said quietly. "Lily's not well."  
>"You can come around this side," Harm said, opening his arms.<br>Rosie looked from Harm to Mac and shook her head. "But I want mommy."  
>"Fine," moaned Lily, sitting up and slowly swinging her legs out. Gradually, she made her way around the bed and to Harm's side. "I'll sleep on this side."<p>

Feeling washed out and wiped out, Lily was soon asleep once more, just as her brothers decided it was definitely time to wake up and get the day started. Reluctantly, Mac dragged herself from bed and fixed breakfast for the younger three while Lily continued to sleep in her father's arms.  
>"Good morning, my darlings," Trish said opening the adjoining door. "Are we all ready for another wonderful day?"<br>"Yes!" Rosie and Harry said in unison and Frankie just laughed.  
>"And what about..." Trish started before actually looking at Mac. "Are you okay? Did you get any sleep, honey?"<br>"Lily's sick!" Harry announced reaching for another piece of toast.  
>"Oh no," Trish said. "What's wrong?"<br>"Space Mountain," Mac said. "It was the last thing she and Harm did last night and it left her quite unwell."  
>"Oh, the poor thing," Trish said. "Did she actually vomit or just dizzy?"<br>"Definitely dizzy and, as for vomiting, at least 7 or 8 times," Mac reported, based on Harm's reports.  
>"How is she feeling this morning?" she asked, wiping Rosie's face.<br>"Drained and exhausted," she replied. "We were up and down several times through the night but she's doing okay."  
>"So, what does that mean for today's plans?" she asked, "Obviously not breakfast with the characters," she said, indicating the food already on the table.<br>"No, thought we'd put that off until we could all enjoy it," Mac answered. "Harm has booked us in for another two days, figure we'd have an easier day today and start again tomorrow. He's booked you and dad in two but can cancel it if you have other commitments or want a break from us."  
>"Another two days would be perfect." Trish said kissing her head. "We can make it a bit more leisurely."<p>

Just after nine, Trish, Frank, Harm and the three youngest children set off to visit Californian Adventure and decided to do the activities which were infant and preschooler friendly. They started with Turtle Talk with Crush, Finding Nemo being a family favourite. There was Muppet 3D, which Rosie loved but Harry found a bit overwhelming and Toy Story Mania which they had to do twice, at Harry's insistence, and promise to do it again with Mommy and Lily.

Deciding it was time for a drink and a small snack, Harm decided on Mickey's Fun Wheel as the location. The fact they could all sit in one gondola and it was a confined space a bonus. Choosing to sit in a traditional gondola, they waited patiently and it was surprised them they were on board in 15 minutes.

There were lots of oohs and aahs as they moved slowly while others got on and off the following gondolas.

There were oohs and aahs of another kind in the villa. Those were coming from Lily as she climbed from the bed made her way out to Mac who was seated at the kitchen table.  
>"How are you feeling, Lil?" she asked, opening her arms.<br>"Oh, alright, I think," she said, hugging Mac and resting her head on her shoulder. "Where's everyone?"  
>"They've gone across to Californian Adventure," she replied and Lily's eyes filled with tears. "What's wrong?"<br>"I don't want to miss out," she said with a sniffle. "It's a long way to come and we won't be back in a hurry."  
>"You won't miss out of anything, baby." Mac said, kissing her head. "You'll have done everything before we go home because we've decided to stay an extra two days."<br>Lily nodded; "Okay," she said, "So, does that mean you and me can do something today too?"  
>"What would you like to do?"<br>"Can we go downstairs to the pool for a bit?" she asked "And maybe have lunch at White Water Snacks?"  
>"Sure, honey," Mac said. "Why don't you go change into your bathers and put on some shorts and a top and I'll organise the towels?"<br>"Thanks, mom, you're the best."


	6. June Pt 3

Disclaimer: not mine  
>AN: This completes June...finally...can't promise when the next update will be due to personal reasons.<p>

By the end of Day 4 of the MacKenzie-Rabb Disneyland extravaganza, Harm and Mac sat on their bed and regrouped. Mac had the maps of the two parks and a marker, Harm had a notebook with what they had planned to do before they set out from the farm and a pen.

In Disneyland itself, they had done everything from Alice in Wonderland to Tarzan's Treehouse, some of them twice. They had seen at least ten shows, four parades and two firework displays. At Californian Adventure, they had done everything from Animation Academy to Tuck and Roll's Drive 'em Buggies.

They had met and been photographed with a dozen characters and had bought an array of souvenirs. For Harry, all his purchases related to Buzz, for Rosie it was mainly Winnie, though there were a few Mickey things too. Lily had ten different character souvenirs and Frankie had whatever the others thought he would like.

Grandma and grandpa had bought eight sets of Mickey Mouse ears, each one embroidered with a name and the year and had a guest services officer take a family shot of them all standing in Main St, the castle in the background, all with their ears atop, even if somewhat a little skewed.  
>"So, if we've done everything in the parks, is there anything else to do tomorrow?" Mac asked, folding the maps, pleased with everything they had accomplished.<br>"Well, we haven't spent much time in Downtown Disney," he said, dropping the notepad on his lap. "Why don't we pack in the morning, check out, then go for a walk and have lunch at the Rainforest Cafe, it was somewhere Lil really wanted to go and now she's got her full appetite back it will be worth it."  
>"Sounds like a plan," she said, putting her things on the bedside table. "I know we've spent a lot of money on this trip..."<br>"But it was worth it," Harm interrupted. "Wasn't it?"  
>"Oh, definitely worth it," she replied. "We've never had a family holiday and it's been worth every dime. I was going to say, do you think we could go to Build-A-Bear?"<br>"You want to make a teddy bear?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. First there was Winnie the Pooh, now a teddy bear.  
>"It's just that all the kids are at an age where they can appreciate it and it would be a great keepsake." Mac explained.<br>"And the hundreds of souvenirs we had accumulated wouldn't be a good keepsake?" he questioned as he looped his arm around her, gently pulling her closer to him and kissing her head.  
>"If you don't want to..." she began.<br>"I never said that," he interrupted.  
>"But if..." she began again.<br>"Gorgeous, we can go and make a hundred bears if you want," he said, kissing her briefly.  
>"No, just one each," she replied, looping her arms around his neck and pulling him to her.<br>It was then something dawned on him. "Mac, have you ever had your own teddy bear before?"  
>She shook her head; "No, I've been given bears for the kids but growing up I never had one," she said sadly.<br>He kissed her again; wishing he had a magic wand which would take away the pain memories of her early life brought her.

Waking and eating breakfast in the villa, no one was overly impressed they were packing to leave; Lily and the twins very vocal in their desire to stay for longer. Alas, the decision wasn't changed. With four children underfoot and not making the process any easier, Trish and Frank offered to take them into Disneyland while Harm and Mac packed and checked out; an offer they quickly accepted.  
>"We'll meet you for lunch at noon in the Rainforest Cafe," he said to his parents and Lily grinned. Jessie had told her all about this place. She had visited the one in New York recently when she went to see about her injections.<br>Repacking was never going to be an easy task, not given the fact there were four children, countless mementos and an array of brochures, maps and other papers they had accumulated.  
>"Well, all we have to do is get it back to La Jolla," Mac said, trying to fit Lily's jacket into Frankie's bag.<br>"And how do we get it home?" Harm asked, holding the bag together as Mac zipped it.  
>"We can take another case," Mac replied. "Or get your parents to bring some of it when they come next month. They fly business or first class, depending on the airline and can get twice the baggage allowance we do."<br>"Good thinking," he said, placing Frankie's bag next to the door with three out assorted pieces of luggage.

Having loaded the car and checked out, Mac and Harm wandered into Downtown Disney hand in hand. Early, they checked out a few of the other shops as they went along before arriving at the Rainforest Cafe and organised a table for eight.  
>"Daddy!" Lily squealed running towards him and launching herself at him, a white Disneyland bag in each hand. "Look what grandpa bought!"<br>"More things?" he asked, shaking his head. "What did grandpa buy now?"  
>"Two Disney tees, one for Jessie and one for Ronnie, a sweatshirt for Colin, a shirt thingy for Mattie and a jumpsuit for the baby," she explained, trying to pull it all out.<br>"And how does grandpa think we're going to get it all home?" Harm asked winking at his dad. "Maybe we'll have to take everything we've bought and leave a kid or two behind."  
>"That's doable," Frank said, picking up Rosie as they climbed the stairs. "We're heading out your way in a couple of weeks anyway; we can keep a child or two until then."<br>Mac laughed; thinking he was joking but he wasn't. She didn't want to offend Frank and Trish but she really didn't want to leave a child on the opposite side of the country. It was hard enough when they were divided between DC and the farm.

Ten minutes and two visits from the waitress later, their orders were taken.  
>"Hi, can we get the Rainforest Rascals for Lily," Mac said, indicating which child she was referring to. "Mini hotdogs for Rosie, Poppin' Shrimp for Harry, the Gorilla Grilled Cheese Delight for Frankie with the applesauce. Um, I'll have the Primal Salad, and Harm?"<br>"I'll have the Shrimp Platter," Harm said, handing back his menu. "Can we get four apple juices, a sprite, Coke zero...and mom and dad?" he said, looking their way.  
>"We'll take the Tribal Salmon and the Tuscan Chicken," Trish said, handing back both menus.<br>"And to drink?" the waitress asked.  
>"I'm happy with the water," Trish said, indicating the jug on the table.<br>"So am I," Frank agreed.  
>"Can we please have dessert too?" Lily asked as she watched the waitress disappear.<br>"Let's just eat lunch first and then see if you can fit anything more in," Harm said, raking his fingers through her hair. "Don't forget we have a long drive afterwards."  
>Lunch was delicious and not only wasn't there room for dessert, there wasn't even enough room to finish many of the meals.<p>

Exhausted after a whirlwind five day active vacation and having a full belly meant the hour and a half drive back to La Jolla was a fairly quiet one as all the children had fallen asleep by the twenty minute mark of the drive. Mac soon followed. Glancing at his wife to find out why she hadn't answered his last question, Harm smiled, she was adorably cute when she was asleep.

Pulling up in the driveway of the Burnett house, Harm parked the vehicle and climbed out. Walking around, he opened Mac's door and caressed her face.  
>"You ready to wake up, gorgeous?" he asked and smiled when she blinked a few times and looked at him oddly.<br>"If you're here, who's driving?" she said in a sleep haze.  
>"We're parked, Mac, we're back," he said with a chuckle.<br>"Oh," she replied, shaking her head, "Didn't think I was so tired."  
>"Well, it's mid afternoon, so I say we wake the kids, maybe take them to the beach for a bit, bath, dinner and a very early bedtime," he suggested, knowing all his babies were exhausted.<br>"Sounds like a good plan," she said undoing her seatbelt. "Now, if I only had the energy to get out of the car..."

It took half an hour to unpack the car and as Mac started sorting out the laundry, Harm organised the children for the beach. When they were ready to go before Mac was, Trish shooed her away from the washing machine.  
>"Go spend time with your family," she said, "I can do this."<br>"But it's our laundry," Mac protested not wanting to burden Trish with the clothes of six people.  
>"And what? I can't put it in the machine and switch it on?" she said, turning Mac around and pushing her towards the door. "You only have a week left here, go make the most of it."<p>

With their midafternoon siesta, every child was ready for the adventures of the beach. There were castles to be built, moats to be dug, water to be splashed and shells to be collected. An hour into their adventures on the beach, Frank appeared carrying a basket with drinks and afternoon tea.  
>"Grandma thought that as no one had dessert at lunch, that maybe it was time for an afternoon snack," he said, placing the basket on the blanket.<br>"Isn't it a little close to dinner to have a snack?" Harm asked, taking away the cloth over the goodies. "Oh, yum!"  
>"What is it?" Mac asked peering over to check on the contents.<br>"Oh, only my favourite," he said, taking Frankie from her. "Would you like some, little man?" he said, pulling out a small cup of fresh fruit salad with a dollop of yoghurt on top.  
>"Trish thought it would be okay to have these," Frank said, making himself comfortable on the blanket. "She said that if you argued to tell you it could be classed as appetisers or, alternatively, just having dessert first."<br>It wasn't long before all four children were eating, thoroughly enjoying the fresh flavours and healthy treat.  
>"Maybe they do take after me," Harm said with a smirk, he was sure they had all taken after Mac in the eating department.<p>

After another forty minutes of play, Mac started packing up as Frank and Harm rounded up the children.  
>"What's for dinner?" Lily asked, taking Rosie's hand as they headed up to the house.<br>"Brussel sprouts," Frank said and the response was three resounding 'blecks!' "Well," he said with a laugh. "Well, maybe not brussel sprouts, maybe it was make-your-own tacos and fajitas."  
>"Oh, yummmmmmy!" Lily said running towards the house.<br>"Lily Patricia MacKenzie Rabb, you stop right there!" Harm said as she went to pull open the backdoor.  
>"But, dad, tacos," she said opening the door, a little slower than she had planned to.<br>"Will still be there after you've had a shower and put your pj's on," he said, ushering the twins into the house.  
>"But, dad," she protested again, the tantalising aromas drifting through the house.<br>"Up the stairs and into the shower, missy," Mac said, with a smile, hoping she could get to the dining table fast...those aromas were mouth watering.

Dinner was a wonderful success and it was lights out for everyone under ten by seven, a bed check at ten past found everyone sound asleep. Harm smiled as he closed the bedroom door, this family vacation had been the best idea he had had in a really long time...maybe his best one since agreeing to marry Mac.

While Mac found it was a little odd for such an early bedtime for the children, she didn't argue and it was only an hour later before she climbed between the sheets herself. When Harm joined her ten minutes later all he got was a mumbled 'love you' and an arm thrown across his chest. Her quickly found slumber wasn't a lasting one and sometime around three, Mac awoke, checked on the children and headed downstairs.

It was where Harm found her half an hour later, sitting on the swing on the back porch, a nearly empty cup of tea in one hand, a plate which now only held cookie crumbs resting on the seat alongside her.  
>"Hey?" he said, picking up the plate and sitting alongside her. "Everything okay?" he asked as he slid his arm around her and drew her close.<br>"Aha," she said, the catch in her voice matching the tears in her eyes.

Harm kissed her head and used his weight to swing the seat gently, knowing that she would share her thoughts with him when she was ready. On this particular occasion it took seven minutes.  
>"Life couldn't get much better, could it?" she said quietly as she stared out into the vast expanse which was the Pacific Ocean.<br>"I don't think so," he replied, watching her face.  
>"Me neither," she agreed. "We have the kids, the farm, an extended family, financial security and each other," she said, summarising her thoughts.<br>"We do," he concurred, kissing her head once more.  
>There was another silence.<br>"Mac, what is it?" he asked, the silence killing him.  
>"I don't know," she replied honestly as she turned to face him. This response concerned him more than anything else she could have said.<br>"Are you feeling alright?" he asked, caressing her face and tilting it up so he could look into her eyes.  
>"I am," she replied, smiling gently at him.<br>"Are you worried about something?" he asked, his finger tracing the contours of her face.  
>"Nope," she said with a shake of her head. "At least I don't think so."<br>"Okay," he said, leaning in and kissing her briefly,

It was another hour of relative silence on the swing in the balmy air of the Californian night before Harm and Mac returned to the bedroom. It was ten minutes after that Mac fell asleep once more, it took Harm much longer.

The following day, Harm kept an eye on Mac. He didn't say anything, didn't make it obvious but he kept track of everything she said, did and ate. Most of the day was spent relaxing after the adventures of the week; Trish took Lily and Rosie with her when she went to run some errands. Frank took Harry to a neighbour's when he went to visit.

With Frankie down for an afternoon nap and no one else in the house but Harm, Mac called Mattie and was pleased to hear everything was going well. Having had her OBGYN appointment that morning, Mattie was happy to report it was all good news and plain sailing. After general chatter about the day, Mattie had to go, due to a pressing need for the bathroom, something happening more and more often.  
>"All well with Mats?" Harm asked, coming into the living room with a cup of coffee for her.<br>"Very," Ma replied taking the mug. "Thank you."  
>"What did the doctor say?" he asked, sitting alongside her.<br>"That everything was looking good," she reported. "The baby's turned, the heartbeat's strong, Mattie's health is good."  
>"Great," he said before taking a sip from his mug.<br>"She's so excited," Mac said. "She was talking a million miles an hour."  
>"I think she's going to make a wonderful mother," Harm said, smiling proudly at the thought,<br>"Yeah, me too," Mac agreed. While she wouldn't have thought it in the early days with Mattie, since they had had the children, Mattie had demonstrated a natural affinity with babies and children and the move to the farm had seen her relationship with her younger siblings' blossom.

Silence fell once more and while it was an easy silence, Mac couldn't help but wonder at the mood of her husband.  
>"I'd thought you'd ask me about last night," she said, shuffling around so she could face him and sit cross legged.<br>"Well, if you have an answer I would like to hear it," he said quietly, "But I wasn't going to push."  
>"I appreciate that," she said, and she did, but while she didn't really have a clearer understanding of the problem herself, she figured they may as well discuss it in daylight.<br>"Well?" he asked when nothing more was forthcoming.  
>"The other shoe," she said slowly as she tried to put her thoughts and feelings into words.<br>"What shoe?" he asked, totally confused.  
>"I'm really happy," she said with an easy smile. "Everything is finally going our way. It's the end of June and the first six months have been pretty much drama free. No hospitals, accidents, illnesses. No splitting our time between home and Bethesda. The kids are healthy and thriving. Mattie and Colin are married, settled and their baby is nearly here. Rabb Runways is taking off..."<br>Harm nodded; after the way things had been the year before, he was beginning to wonder if their luck would ever improve. This year was going so much better in comparison.

And then Mac's 'shoe' reference made sense.  
>"And you're just waiting for the other shoe to drop?" he questioned and she nodded.<br>"I don't want to think negatively, I want to be happy," she said, putting down her mug on the coffee table.  
>"But our track record doesn't instil a lot of confidence, does it?" he questioned, placing his mug alongside hers and putting his arms out. Mac didn't require much encouragement to drape herself over his lap and lean her head on his.<br>"Nope," she said, raising her head to kiss his temple.  
>"Unfortunately, gorgeous, as much as I'd love too, I can't make you any promises," he said, holding her a little closer.<br>"I know," she replied. "And I don't expect you too. I guess these feelings are borne out of a lifetime of things never being easy."  
>"And things may become more difficult," he said, "Something not too pleasant may happen, but always know that we are a pretty formidable team and we have shown we can overcome anything that is thrown at us."<br>"And that's why that although I am a little uncertain about things, I'm not scared, not even worried really," she said, kissing his head. "Just very appreciative of who, and what, I have in my life right now."  
>"I'm very appreciate of that too, gorgeous," he said, brushing his lips against hers.<br>"Love you, Harm," she whispered against his lips.  
>"Love you too, Mac," he replied before deepening the kiss.<p>

The last week in La Jolla was spent with local activities, Sea World and San Diego Zoo on the itinerary. Alas, it also meant more souvenirs from overly generous grandparents.  
>"How on earth are we are going to get this all home?" Mac said to Harm as she looked at the excess of items she still had to fit in the cases while keeping them below the luggage limit.<br>"My suggestion ..." Trish said, entering the master bedroom. "Would be to use our spare suitcases to pack your clothes. The cases are bigger and would fit more..."  
>"And then be too heavy," Harm interrupted.<br>"Not for us to bring with us," she said, "Our luggage limit is higher and it won't be a problem."  
>"Then you could take the basic clothes you need home and all your shopping," she said, gesturing to the countless bags.<br>"I think you're responsible for much of the shopping, mom," he said trying to be stern but the smile on his face giving him away.  
>"They are my grandchildren, I can spoil them as much as I like," she said putting her hands on her hips. "It's in the grandparent manifesto."<br>"Thanks, mom," he said, kissing his mother's head. "We really do appreciate everything you have done for us...this vacation has been amazing,"  
>"I was just glad we could be a part of it," she said, hugging him. "It has meant the world to us."<br>"Us too," said Mac, moving across to rub Trish's arm. "Now, are you sure about the luggage?" she said, knowing they had 19 hours to get it sorted.

Frank brought in the two extra cases and placed them on the bed and looked around at the six assorted bags and cases already there and the rest of the items needing to be packed. "It looks like a luggage carrier exploded in here," he said with a laugh.  
>"Yep," Harm agreed, shaking his head. It didn't seem that long ago he could travel the world for six months with a seabag.<br>"Have you thought anymore about leaving Lily here?" Frank said as he unzipped the cases. "She'd be no trouble and she really wants too."  
>"And we could change our flights to come out next week, so she's only here a week," Trish added, excited at the prospect of having uninterrupted time with her precious granddaughter.<br>"I know she's excited," Harm said. "I think she's asked me a dozen times in the last two days. What do you think, Mac?" he asked before the look on her face registered.  
>Trish caught the look too. "Maybe we'll give you two a chance to talk about it," she said. "Come down for coffee and cake when you're ready."<br>"It's no, isn't it?" Harm asked as soon as his parents were out of earshot.  
>"Why does La Jolla have to be so far from home?" Mac said with a sigh.<br>"Is it the distance? Or the flight? Or having your baby away for a week?" he asked, looping his arms around her waist.  
>"All of the above," she replied with a wry smile. "I trust your parents," she added quickly. "I love them dearly and know she'll be in good hands and love being an only child for a bit..."<br>"If you against this, we'll just say thanks but no, not this time," he said, pulling her a little closer.  
>"What do you think?" she asked, hooking her hands over his shoulders.<br>"I think it's a great opportunity for her," he said honestly. "It is only for a week and if she gets too homesick I'm sure they'll come earlier."  
>"I'm going to miss her so very much," Mac said tearfully.<br>"Oh, honey," he said kissing her forehead. "She doesn't have to stay, not if it's going to upset you."  
>"No, you're right, I think she should stay, if she wants," Mac said with a sniffle. "She's just growing up too fast...next thing you know she'll be heading off to college and we won't see her for weeks or months at a time."<br>"Whoa! Whoa!" he said pulling back marginally. "She's not even 10 yet, we have eight years until college..."  
>"See, our time with her is already half over..." Mac said wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Harm could only hold her and kiss her head and reassure her that Lily spending a week with her grandparents didn't mean they were losing their little girl to the big, wide world.<p>

With three children and eight pieces of luggage packed into the rental car, Harm was set to go. Lily was staying and he thought it best for everyone if they did their goodbyes at the house and not at the airport. Lily was all smiles and giggles hugging and kissing everyone, only getting a little tearful when she said goodbye to her mom. Sensing the building emotion, Harm intervened and guided his wife into the car before saying goodbye to his daughter and parents.

Hugs, kisses and waves and Harm reversed out of the driveway and onto the road before heading in the direction of the airport. Knowing his wife was very emotional; he reached across and took her hand.  
>"Are you doing okay?" he asked, squeezing her hand.<br>"Yep," she managed, though it wasn't all that convincing.  
>"She'll have a great time," he said, glancing in the rear view mirror to check on the others.<br>"I know," she replied, trying to tell herself to suck it up.  
>"And she..." Harm continued.<br>"Harm..." she interjected. "I really don't want to talk about it."  
>"Okay, okay," he said, raising her hand and kissing it.<p>

Returning the vehicle and checking in with three young children and a lot of luggage was a bit of a handful and in the end, Harm grabbed two trolleys and placed three cases and the twins on one and the rest of the luggage on the other and had Frankie on his hip. It took thirty eight minutes in line before they could check in but it was well worth it to be able to check in their luggage and have their hands free for other things.

Knowing the time difference was going to cause a few problems, the children had been awoken earlier than usual to start the adjustment process. They had breakfast early and their last chance to play on the beach. There was an early lunch and the last trip to a local park to burn off some more energy. Now, as the time neared four, Mac figured it was about dinner time and that a good meal, and the activities of the day, should see three children sleeping most of the way to the east coast.

Given the row of four seats in the middle of the plane, Harm sat on one side, Mac on the other, the twins alternating seats between them and Frankie in his father's arms.  
>"Pick a seat," he said to the two who couldn't decide who was sitting where. "It's time for seatbelts to go on."<br>In the end, Rosie was next to Mac, as she produced lollipops for the pair as well as a small bottle for Frankie. In her bag she also had another small bottle made up in case Rosie needed it. She needn't have bothered, Rosie found the flight a breeze. Once the flight was airborne, Mac pushed back the arm rest and Rosie's head was soon on her lap. Before long she was asleep, only waking when the plane touched down once more.

Having chosen to pay the price to have their own car left in long term parking, Harm left Mac and the kids in the terminal with the two trolleys of luggage, Frankie asleep in his stroller, Harry asleep amongst the cases. It was only Rosie keeping Mac company.  
>"Where's Lily?" she asked, just remembering she hadn't seen her sister.<br>"Lily stayed with grandma and grandpa," Mac said, picking up her daughter. "She'll be home next week."  
>"I want to stay with grandma and grandpa too," she said with a pout as she put her arms around Mac's neck.<br>"Not for a few years yet," Mac said.  
>"But I'm a big girl," she said, one hand moving to her hip.<br>"Oh, I know you are," she said smiling at her daughter. "But mommy's not ready to let you go too."  
>Pulling her closer, Mac kissed her and held her tightly. "You're squishing me, mommy!"<p>

The drive back to the farm was filled with chatter and songs and Harm grinned when he saw the farmhouse in the distance, the lights on, welcoming them home. He'd come home to many different addresses in his life after vacations, duties and deployments, but no other place filled him with such a sense of welcome and belonging.  
>Nearing the end of the driveway, Mac watched as Colin and Mattie came out from the farmhouse, waiting for them to park the car.<br>"Wow! Look at you!" Mac said climbing out of the car and embracing Mattie. "You've gotten so big in three weeks and you're glowing. How are you feeling?"  
>"Wonderful!" she said with equal enthusiasm. "Well, tired...but wonderful. Welcome home! I've missed you guys so much."<br>"We've missed you too, honey," he said, kissing and hugging her before greeting Colin. "It was a great trip but it's also great to be home."  
>"Um...aren't you one short?" she asked, counting only three children exiting the vehicle, the youngest one with his father.<br>"Lily stayed with her grandparents," Mac said as she opened the back to start unloading the luggage.  
>"Oooh," Mattie replied, "And how does mommy feel about that?" she asked wrapping her arm around Mac.<br>"Mommy is okay," Mac said with a forced smile.  
>"But mommy doesn't want to talk about it," Harm said, handing Frankie to Mattie.<p>

It didn't take long for the luggage to be brought in and children readied for bed. As Mac finished tucking the twins in, Harm came in and wrapped his arms around. "Mattie has supper ready whenever you are," he said, kissing her head.  
>"I'm not fragile you know," she said, looking up at him. "I can cope with Lily being away without being a mess. I can talk about it."<br>"I know," he replied, holding her a little firmer. "But maybe I can't," he said with a tilt of his head and for the first time, Mac saw his true emotions on the matter; daddy was already missing his little girl and was struggling to keep his emotions in check.  
>"Oh, Harm," she said, pressing up and kissing him. "Why didn't you say something?"<br>"Because I didn't want to upset you...or myself further," he said, kissing her forehead. "Now, supper."

Over supper, tales of the last three weeks were exchanged, the adventures of Disneyland and the happenings on the farm. Details of meeting Winnie the Pooh and the latest clients for Rabb Runways.  
>"These are great," Mac said, picking up a third red velvet cupcake. "Where did you get the recipe, Mats?"<br>"Um, actually, I made them, Mac," Colin said, picking up his second one. "Mom always made them for our birthdays...a family recipe."  
>"Well, they're wonderful," she said with a contented smile. "Glad it's in the family now."<p>

As they climbed into bed later that night, Mac slid into Harm's arms and rested her head on his chest. It had been an amazing three weeks and she felt herself amazingly blessed. "Are you asleep?" she asked him when she had heard nothing from him in a while.  
>"No, I'm still awake," he said, kissing her head.<br>"I just want to say thank you for the vacation," she said, rolling onto him and bracing herself on her forearms which were on his chest. "It was the best one of my life."  
>"Mine too," he agreed, his hands moving slowly over her back and butt. "There's something very special about a family vacation."<br>"Especially with the perfect family," she said proudly.  
>"I don't know about perfect," he said, with a smile. "But it's everything I ever wanted, everything I ever dreamed of."<p>

Leaning down, Mac kissed him deeply before bringing their perfect vacation to the perfect conclusion.


	7. July Part 1

July Pt1/2 - Jimmy

Disclaimer: not mine

Home two days, life was returning to normal, or as normal as things are during the summer. Harm had spent the day in the office catching up on mail and taking bookings, while Colin worked in the barn, trying to avoid the heat of the day. The twins and Frankie were sitting in an inflatable pool which was set up on the porch so there was shade for the youngsters while Mattie sat on the sofa and supervised; not feeling up to doing much else in the heat.

Inside the house, Mac was still busy with laundry and getting everything put away into the closets. She spoke to Lily three times a day for the past two days; when Lily called her when she woke up, when Mac called around lunch time east coast time, and when Lily called as she was going to bed. Glancing at the clock, Mac was wondering if she should call at all. She knew they were out somewhere and she didn't want to appear overanxious or overprotective.

While she was debating herself, there was a knock on the front door surprising her; after all, no one ever used the front door.  
>"Ma'am, good afternoon," the man on the other side said. "UPS, I have a parcel for you."<br>"Thank you," she said, opening the screen door and signing for the big brown box.

Thinking it was something Harm had ordered for the business, she carried it into the kitchen and placed it on the table before glancing at the label. 'Mrs Sarah MacKenzie Rabb'. Turning the box around she noted the sender details 'Disneyland'. Opening the box, she smiled and then cried as she pulled out a stuffed Winnie the Pooh which was about the size of their youngest son. Pinned to his shirt was a note and Mac carefully removed it before unfolding the paper.  
>'Hi Gorgeous, Surprise! I watched you looking at The Pooh and knew you needed your own. This one looked very cute and cuddly and I thought he'd be perfect, love you so much, Harm xox PS...I hope you think I'm cuter and more cuddlier though xox .<p>

Folding the paper, she put it in her pocket before taking the gift upstairs and placing it on their bed. Knowing that otherwise it would be saturated the moment her mermaid and mermen came into the house. Heading back outside, she checked on them and Mattie before heading down to the office.  
>"Hey," Harm said, standing up to greet her as she walked into the office. "Wasn't expecting you."<br>"Thank you," she said, wrapping her arms around him before kissing him deeply.  
>"You're welcome," he replied, pulling back only as far as he had to so he could see her face. "For what?"<br>"Winnie the Pooh," she said, kissing him once more.  
>"Wow!" he said, "That thank you was well worth it."<br>"I always wanted a Winnie the Pooh, never thought I'd get one," she said.  
>"Well, you have one now," he said. "Did you check his honey pot?"<br>"No, why?" she asked, her arms still looped around him.  
>"There's a Pooh charm for your bracelet," he said, gazing into her tear filled brown eyes. "I wanted you to have the toy too but I kind of figured he'd be very popular with the little ones and maybe you wouldn't get a look in ... at least with the charm you'll always have it."<br>"God, I love you," she said, kissing him so deeply, he was grateful for the support of the desk behind him.

Later that evening, when the kids were all bedded down and the chores all done, Mac sat on the sofa on the porch drinking her coffee and waiting for Harm to come out and join her; eventually he did.  
>"So, have you solved the mystery?" she asked him as he sat beside her and he shook his head.<br>"Nope," he said. "Found out nothing different to when I spoke to him while we were in California," he said, referring to Jimmy Roberts. "Spoke to Harriet afterwards and hedged around the topic and she said that Jim was having a hard time lately. Apparently a classmate of his committed suicide before final exams and he was really struggling with it."  
>"Oh, the poor thing," Mac said curling into her husband. "I guess that would explain his state when he called just before we left."<br>"It would," Harm agreed, draping his arm over her. "He's still eager to come..."  
>"Probably just wants to get away from everyone and everything," Mac interjected and Harm nodded.<br>"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," he agreed. "Bud's away at the moment and Harriet has commitments with the twins, so I told him I'd come and get him but he said no, he'd catch the train to Charlesville and then the bus out but I talked him into letting me pick him up from the station."  
>"He sounds just like Harriet, never wanting to put anyone out," Mac said as she played with the buttons on his shirt.<br>"He certainly has those qualities, but it did concern me he kept saying he didn't want to be a bother to anyone," Harm reported, "Like him being here was going to annoy or burden us."  
>"Well, that's not the case," Mac said quickly, looking up at him.<br>"I know, and I told him as much," he replied. "I guess we'll just have to wait until he's here to see how he is."  
>"When's he coming?" she asked going back to her previous activity.<br>"Train should be arriving in Charlesville at 1109 tomorrow," he said, raking his fingers through her hair.  
>"That's very soon," Mac said, thinking about everything she'd need to do before he arrived.<br>"He had considered the one leaving DC at midnight but Harriet said no," he said with a laugh.  
>"Seems our godson is desperate to be here," she said, closing her eyes as his magic fingers caressed her scalp.<br>"It does," he said, kissing her head.

With a range of activities to complete before their guest arrived, Mac stripped Lily's bed and made it up in more masculine colours for Jimmy. When their daughter arrived with her grandparents, in five days time, she could share the mobile home for the duration of their stay or until Jimmy went home, whichever happened first.

Rosie was mommy's little helper, dragging the linen downstairs to the laundry before returning with the feather duster while Harry was being Colin's ghost out with the animals and Frankie headed to town with Harm.  
>"Mac," Mattie called from the bottom of the stairs, eight months pregnant and melting in the summer heat, she didn't have the inclination or energy to make the trek up.<br>"Yes, honey," Mac called back peering down to her.  
>"I'm going to start making those sandwiches for lunch and organising the table," she announced, her hand absently rubbing her stomach to settle a very active baby.<br>"Yeah, that's a good idea," she replied realising the time. "Are you okay?"  
>"I'm fine," she said with a sigh. "Junior here thinks he's playing football at the moment."<br>"He?" Mac questioned, wondering if Mattie indeed knew the gender of the unborn baby.  
>"It is a he at the moment," she said with a smirk. "Only males can cause me such problems."<br>Mac laughed; she'd said similar things during her pregnancy.

Finished upstairs, Mac and Rosie went to the kitchen to help Mattie with whatever was left to do. While Rosie helped Mattie set the table, Mac prepared a pitcher of iced tea and placed it on the table,  
>"Anything else?" she asked and Mattie shook her head.<br>"Nope," she said. "I think we're right...just need the menfolk," she said with a laugh.

It took Jimmy three days on the farm to start looking like he was comfortable, prior to that he was overly formal and very unsure of himself, something which concerned Harm and Mac greatly. Knowing they needed a good bonding experience before he broached the hard subjects, Harm suggested they take the Stearman up for a run and Jimmy jumped at the opportunity.

The 15 year old seemed to be genuinely happy as Harm took the plane through its paces, when they landed Jimmy was actually smiling – not the forced 'I have a smile on my face because I'm happy to be here' look, but a real smile that reached his eyes.

It was later that night, after dinner and the youngsters had gone to bed that Mac nudged Harm as they stood in the kitchen.  
>"What?" he asked and Mac pointed out the window to a forlorn looking young man sitting on a post near the barn. "Oh," he said. "Think it's time for a father – son chat...well, godfather – godson."<p>

Taking a deep breath, Harm headed out to the young man and sat alongside him; his plan was to give Jimmy a chance to speak for himself before Harm started asking questions. Actually, the plan was to give Jimmy a chance to talk so Harm could come up with some questions if they were needed.  
>When Jimmy offered nothing, Harm decided it was time to speak.<br>"I've been a bit worried about you since you first called to ask if you could come and stay over the summer," Harm said quietly. "You didn't seem yourself and, now that you're here, I can see I had reason to worry. Now, I'm not going to put any pressure on you to talk to me, but I want you to know I love you very much and, regardless of what's going on, I am here for you."

Silence reigned once more before Jimmy moved slightly and rested his head on Harm's shoulder, carrying the weight of the world was exhausting. Harm eased his arm backwards and wrapped it around the boy, taking this as a good thing.  
>An interminably long time later, he spoke.<br>"Life is really hard, Uncle Harm," he said quietly and Harm didn't need to see his face to know there were tears there. "And it just seems to be getting harder."  
>Harm waited.<br>"I'm not suicidal or anything like that," he said quickly, in case his godfather got the wrong idea. "But after Jack died ...he's the kid in my class mom told you about... I'm finding it hard to understand what it's all about...and whether it's worth it."

Harm's heart started beating faster.  
>"When people die we often stop and think about our own lives and what's happening in them," Harm said quietly. "Particularly when that death is sudden, or the life lost is so young."<br>"That's what dad said," Jimmy replied."He said it makes us aware of the fragility of life and how it can all be gone."  
>"That's right," Harm agreed, knowing too many occasions where the fragility of life was pointed out to him.<br>"And I can't help but think it's all too hard and if it can all be over in the blink of an eye then what's the point of struggling through it," he said sadly.  
>"I'd like to think the point is the good things you'd miss out on if you weren't here," he said, holding the boy tighter. "It would absolutely destroy me if something happened to Mac or the kids but I wouldn't have missed out on a life with them just to save myself from pain."<p>

Jimmy stood and took a few steps away before turning to look at Harm. "What if the life you had wasn't worth anything in the first place?"  
>"Every life is worth something, Jim," he said standing up too.<br>"I'm not so sure," he said dropping his head. "I don't think mine is."  
>"Why do you say that?"Harm asked; it would be easier to tell Jimmy he was wrong but the boy was in genuine distress and Harm wanted him to open up.<br>"I'm not going to have the same life as you or dad or even AJ," he said looking up at Harm. "It's not going to be a military career or wife and kids..."  
>"Military careers and marriage are not the prerequisites to a worthwhile life," Harm interjected. "Being a good person, contributing to society, having family and friends who love you...they're important too."<br>"For you," he replied sharply.  
>"Yes, for me," Harm said calmly. "But you need to remember life was never easy for me...yes, it's worked out well but it was extraordinarily hard along the way."<p>

Jimmy nodded; he knew bits and pieces about the hardships in Harm's life and understood it wasn't easy.  
>"What if my life's not easy and doesn't work out well?" he said before taking a deep breath. "Wouldn't it be a waste?"<br>"Why do you think your life won't work out?" Harm countered.  
>"I think I'm going to disappoint my parents, my grandparents, even you and Aunty Mac," he said honestly, more tears rolling down his cheeks.<br>"Why would you think that?" Harm asked, wondering where the nearest psychologist was located and how soon they could get to him or her.  
>"Don't ask. Don't tell," he replied simply.<p>

It was hours later Mac stirred when Harm slipped into their bed.  
>"It's 0451," she said with a yawn. "Are you just coming to bed?"<br>"Yeah," he said with a matching yawn as he slid down beside her. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."  
>"That's okay," she said repositioning herself to rest on him. "Has Jimmy gone to bed too?"<br>"Yeah, 'bout half an hour ago," he said with another yawn.  
>"So, how are things?" she asked and Harm kissed her head.<p>

Jimmy hadn't sworn him to secrecy, quite the opposite; he'd asked Harm to help him by telling Mac, and his parents when he went home.  
>"Well, things are a little difficult for Jimmy right now," he said closing his eyes as fatigue took control. "Actually, they're a lot difficult."<br>"What's wrong?" she asked, not wanting to start a guessing game at this hour of the morning.  
>"It seems our godson is gay," he said and Mac sat up.<br>"He's gay? He told you that?" she questioned; of all the things she'd thought about that wasn't one of them.  
>"He did, eventually," Harm said desperate for sleep. "He's very confused and quite scared."<br>"Oh, the poor thing," Mac said lying back down. "I take it his parents don't know."  
>"No," he replied. "He wanted some time away from home to figure out how he was going to tell them."<br>"So, he's current state has nothing to do with that boy's death?" Mac asked, rubbing Harm's chest.  
>"No, that's a part of it too," he said, kissing her head. "Jack, the boy, was also gay...couldn't handle the pressure of school and the rumours about him."<br>"Jimmy's not going to do anything like that, is he?" Mac asked, sitting up once more.  
>"No," Harm replied, pulling her back to him once more. "We had a long chat about things and how regardless of his sexual orientation we still love him and always will and while I'm sure his parents will say the say the same thing, that we will be there to help him with whatever he needs."<p>

Mac leant down and kissed his head; that was the perfect response.  
>"So, what does he need?" she asked, settling against him.<br>"Time and space for a bit," he said yawning. "Love and understanding for the long term and a society which is a little more accepting."

Soon, Harm drifted off into a deep and peaceful sleep and while Mac dozed on and off she was busy thinking about the young man who was across the hall and hopefully sleeping well too. Not wanting to disturb Harm more than she needed to, Mac got up just after seven and did a bit of tidying up around the living room before she heard movement from upstairs.

Thinking it was Frankie, she headed up the stairs only to meet Jimmy moving from his room to the bathroom.  
>"Good morning, Jimmy," she said brightly. "I wasn't expecting to see you until much later."<br>"I just needed the bathroom," he said pointing in the general direction of where he was headed. "But I did plan to go back to bed...if that's alright."  
>"Certainly," she said nodding. "Now, Uncle Harm told me a bit about what you two were discussing all night and..."<br>"Oh," he said, his head dropping as his cheeks coloured.

Mac reached in and used her fingers to raise his face to meet hers. "There's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, Jim," she said, caressing his face. "Nothing has changed between today and yesterday. You are still our godson, I still love you and you are still and will always be welcome in our home...and in our lives. Do you understand that?"

Jimmy nodded before wrapping his arms around Mac and hugging her. He'd known for a while he was gay, he'd known he was different from about the age of eight but it wasn't until puberty he realised the feelings he was having towards others weren't directed to the 'right' gender.

Since then, he'd stressed himself to the point of sickness about what would happen when he came out. Well, now two of the most important people in his life knew and it had been far easier than he had expected; thankfully.  
>"I think you're incredibly brave to open up and tell someone," she said hugging him before kissing his head. "Lying to yourself about who you are and who you love is very hard but it seems so much easier than the truth."<p>

Jimmy nodded; that's exactly what he was feeling. "What were you lying about?" he asked but he had already guessed the answer.  
>"Harm," she said quietly. "I lied about my feelings for him for so long and it killed me to do it but I thought it was for the best...Figured what he didn't know couldn't hurt me...but it's not the way to live your life."<br>"What happens if I don't get the happily ever after that you and Uncle Harm got?" he questioned dropping his arms and stepping back.  
>"You are an amazing young man," Mac said, caressing his face once more. "There is someone out there for everyone and you will find him when the time's right and he will be very lucky to have you."<p>

Having Harm and Mac know his well kept secret, Jimmy was more like himself and relishing in the practical work around the farm. Never one for academia, he loved working with his hands and had spoken to both Colin and Harm about the different trades he could look into for an apprenticeship back home and whether he drop out of school to do it.

Both Harm and Colin had said a resounding 'no' to dropping out of school. While doing an apprenticeship was a career choice, he needed to graduate from high school. If he ever wanted to work for himself, own his own business, then he needed to complete his education. Something that Jimmy had conceded made sense.

Lily was making big announcements of her own and the first one was from La Jolla telling her mother that she really wanted to stay another week...or longer...  
>"I'll have to talk to daddy first," was Mac's immediate reply. "And to grandma."<br>"Oh, grandma says it's alright with her if it's alright with you," Lily said quickly.  
>"I'm sure grandma is happy to have you," Mac said. "I'm just not sure if..."<br>"But, mommmm," she protested. "The Midtown Market's on next week and ..."  
>"I will speak to daddy first," Mac interjected, already knowing the answer would be no. "Can I speak to grandma, please?" asked Mac deciding to find out exactly whose plan this was.<br>"Oh, grandma's not here," Lily said. "She had some errands to do."  
>"Well, can I speak to grandpa then, please?" she asked but Lily shook her head.<br>"Grandpa's in the den on his cell taking to someone," she reported and Mac was suddenly wondering if they even knew Lily was on the phone looking to extend her vacation.  
>"Well, you get one of them to call me when they can," she said.<p>

Coming in for lunch, Harm found Mac standing in the kitchen staring into space as she stood over the half prepared meal.  
>"What's got you so preoccupied?" he asked, kissing her head before reaching past her to grab a carrot stick.<br>"Your daughter," she replied, blinking a few times and bringing herself back to the present.  
>"Oh, my daughter," he said, "What has my daughter done?" he asked with a smirk, she usually only referred to the kids as 'ours'...unless they were in trouble.<br>"Your daughter just called me and asked if she could stay in La Jolla another week...or longer," Mac said, putting the sandwiches onto a plate.  
>"Ohhhh," he said, instantly understanding her mood. "And mommy isn't happy with that."<br>"No, mommy isn't happy," she said, "I was expecting her Tuesday and don't want to wait another week...or longer."  
>"What did you tell her?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind.<br>"I told her I had to speak to you first," she said, "I tried to speak to your parents but they weren't available...according to Miss Lily."  
>"Well, let's see if they're available now," he said, grabbing his cell and calling his mother.<p>

It took six rings for her to answer and when she did she was bright and bubbly.  
>"Hello, dear, how are you today?" she asked him as she put the last of her parcels in the car.<br>"Fine, thanks, mom, and you?" he asked observing common niceties before he asked the burning question.  
>"Great," she replied. "Just doing a few last minute things before our trip."<br>"Speaking of which, are your plans all set for Tuesday?" he asked, maybe this would be an easier conversation that he expected.  
>"Yes, all set," she replied. "We'll be there in time for dinner," she added, "I know a certain young girl who is eager to see you."<br>"Are you sure?" he asked, moving away from Mac.  
>"Yes," Trish replied. "Why do you ask?"<br>"Well, she called her mother a little while ago asking to stay longer," he reported and suddenly felt he was nine once more and telling tales.  
>"Did she just?" she asked, "Well, I'll be home in about fifteen minutes and Miss Lily and I will be having a little chat."<p>

After he concluded the call, Harm returned to his wife's side.  
>"Mom's on the case," he said, "And she didn't seem overly impressed that Lily was making her own plans, especially considering everything's booked to have them here by dinnertime Tuesday."<p>

Mac nodded; having Trish on the case was a good thing...she trusted her methods.

It wasn't long after they'd finished lunch that the phone rang again.  
>"Hi, mom," Lily said quietly.<br>"Hello, Lily," Mac said flatly.  
>"Grandma said I had to call you back and tell you sorry," she said and Mac couldn't help but smile imagining the look of remorse on her daughter's face.<br>"What do you need to say sorry for?" she questioned, leaning back on the counter.  
>"That I called you earlier and told you grandma said I could stay longer," she said. "Grandma didn't say that...she said that maybe next vacation I could spend longer with them..."<br>"So, why did you say it?" Mac questioned, knowing lying wasn't a trait she'd associate with her daughter.  
>"I guess I wanted to be spoilt a little more," she said honestly. "I mean I love you and everyone there but sometimes ..." she paused not being able to find the right words.<br>"Do you feel you get overlooked?" Mac offered. "That there are lots of people and lots of little kids?"  
>"Yeah, sometimes," she said. "Disneyland and being here has been fantastic and I guess I was just thinking it was better than being home."<p>

Tears formed in Mac's eyes at her daughter's brutal honesty. She loved her little girl desperately and while she didn't doubt the child loved them, she was hurt by her daughter thinking that life away from them was better.  
>"Um..." she replied, not quite knowing what to say. "Talk to daddy," she said, handing him the phone as he entered the kitchen.<br>"Hello," he said slowly, grabbing hold of Mac's arm as she tried to leave, gently he tugged her back to him and wrapped his arm around her as she leant against his chest. "How are you, Lily?"  
>"Did I make mom mad?" she asked quietly.<br>"No," he replied, the woman in his arms looked more sad than mad.  
>"Because I just said I was loving being here and it felt good not being there," she repeated and Harm sighed.<br>"Aha," was his reply, now he knew what was wrong with his wife, he was feeling something similar.  
>"But I love you all," Lily said quickly. "Just nice to be spoilt."<br>"It is sometimes," Harm agreed. "But we're missing you and can't wait to have you home."  
>"I miss you too," she said, "I can't wait to see you."<p>

After Harm had disconnected the call, he placed the phone on the counter and wrapped his other arm around his wife, who was yet to move. Increasing the pressure of his grasp, he kissed her head before tilting his and kissing her cheek.  
>"You okay?" he whispered, kissing her ear.<br>"She doesn't want to come home," Mac mumbled into his shirt.  
>"She's just enjoying being an only child," he said gently. "I'm sure mom and dad are spoiling her and it all seems so much better than being here."<br>"But I don't want her to feel that way," Mac said raising her head to look at him.  
>"You just wait," he said, caressing her face. "By Monday she'll be desperate to get home and when she does on Tuesday, she'll hug you and not want to let go all night."<br>"You think so?"she questioned, still not happy with the situation.  
>"I know so," he replied, hoping he was actually right this time.<br>"Okay," she said with a sigh, leaning her head on his chest once more.


	8. July Part 2

July Pt2/2 - Jimmy

Disclaimer: not mine

By Monday lunch time, Mac had had enough and wanted her daughter home already. Just as she was about to call La Jolla and see if things could be sped up a bit, she heard a car horn outside, picking up Frankie she went out to investigate.  
>"Surprise!" Harriet said, standing alongside their car. "I hope you don't mind us just dropping in..."<br>"Certainly not," Mac said moving to hug and kiss her. "You're always welcome."  
>"My gorgeous boy," Harriet oozed as she took Frankie from his mother. "Just look at how big you've gotten..." Frankie giggled.<br>"Bud, it's great to see you too," she said rounding the car to greet him.  
>"Uncle Bud!" Harry called jumping off the back step and running across, Rosie not far behind him.<p>

There were lots of hugs and kisses as Harriet explained that Michael had been away on camp for a few days and would be home Wednesday, while Nikki had left that morning. With Bud home from investigation, they thought they'd stay overnight and visit their son and good friends.  
>"Come on in," Mac said, ushering the new arrivals and the children into the house.<p>

Soon, the adults were sitting at the table with cake and coffee; the youngsters had cake and milk. Mac had phoned Harm and let him know about their guests, he in turn had informed Mattie and Jimmy, Mattie had called Colin and, within 10 minutes, everyone had arrived and were chatting away.

Everyone except for Jimmy, he ushered the twins into the living room and occupied himself with their activities.  
>"Has he opened up at all?" Harriet asked in hushed tones, pointing towards the closed living room door.<br>"He has," Harm said with a nod.  
>"What's wrong?" Bud asked. "I've tried a hundred different ways to let him know we are there for him ... to let us in, but nothing."<br>"He's struggling with some things," Harm said quietly. "But he knows you love him."  
>"So, what's wrong?" Harriet asked, repeating her husband's question.<br>"That has to come from him," Harm replied gently. "But he is okay."

The afternoon was spent with Bud joining Harm, Jimmy and Colin around the farm and with the business, while Harriet helped Mattie and Mac preparing dinner. With the unexpected visitors, Mac hadn't called La Jolla and was a little worried she hadn't received a phone call from them either.

Putting herself out of her misery, she called the house but there was no answer, nor were there answers on either Trish or Frank's cell. That's when her being a 'a little worried' escalated.  
>"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation," Harriet said, patting Mac's arm.<br>"A very reasonable one," Mattie agreed looking out the kitchen window and realising why Lily had been so hard to get a hold of today.  
>"I can't think of any excuse that would..." she started with a shake of her head.<br>"MOMMY, I'M HOME!" Lily yelled from somewhere outside and Mac's face lit up.  
>"I told you there was a good reason." Mattie said with a grin but Mac didn't hear, she was already running out the back door to greet her daughter.<br>"Mommy!" Lily called running into her open arms and jumping up to hug her.  
>"Hello, baby girl," she said smothering her with kisses.<br>"I've missed you sooooo much," she said, holding her tightly.  
>"Missed you too, Lil," Mac replied putting the child back down. "We weren't expecting you until tomorrow."<br>"Things changed," she said simply and Mac frowned as she looked to her in-laws.  
>"Later," Trish mouthed and Mac nodded before she moved to hug and kiss them.<p>

Racing into the house, Lily stopped suddenly when she saw Harriet.  
>"Wow! Aunty Harriet!" she said running to hug her. "I didn't know you were here."<br>"We're just here tonight, we came to surprise your mom and dad and Jimmy," she explained.  
>"And me!" Lily said with a grin.<br>"Well, I'm very glad you came home today so I could see you too," Harriet said, kissing her head again.  
>"Where's Nikki and Michael?" she asked looking around.<br>"They're not here, honey," she replied. "But, we'd like to have you come and stay with us for a week before school resumes. That would be fun, wouldn't it?"  
>"It would be," Lily said slowly before looking around and realising Mac still wasn't there. "But maybe they could come here," she whispered. "I loved being with grandma and grandpa but I missed my mom and that's why we came home early."<br>"Okay, Lily," Harriet said, hugging the child to her, "Maybe they can come and visit you."  
>"Thanks, Aunty Harriet, that would be cool."<p>

With lots of people to catch up with and a big trip east, Lily was exhausted but was reluctant to go to bed. She knew she'd be sleeping in the mobile home with her grandparents and she was happy with that but when Harm suggested she go and change for bed, she became more reluctant.

Finally, Lily tugged Harm by the arm away from everyone else and put her arms up to be picked up, just as she had done when she was little.  
>"What's up, Lil?" he questioned picking her up and holding her tight.<br>"Do you think it would be okay if I slept in your bed?" she whispered. "Just for tonight...I missed mommy so much and..."  
>"I think it's fine," he replied, kissing her head. "I know mommy missed you very much too."<br>"Great!" she said jumping down before racing up the stairs not bothering with saying goodnight to anyone.

At any other time Harm would have called her back and made her observe the common courtesies he expected from her, this time he let it go, happy that she was excited to be home with them.

After Lily hadn't reappeared in the living room ten minutes later, Mac grew concerned.  
>"She's gone to bed," Harm said from the doorway as he carried in a tray of fresh coffees, teas and cookies.<br>"Without saying goodnight?" Mac questioned, and Harm nodded.

Standing, Mac walked out of the living room and towards the door which led to the mobile home.  
>"Mac?" Harm called as he realised she was upset.<br>"What?" she replied turning around to glare at him. "I can't believe she didn't even say goodnight. Maybe she's not as happy to be home as she said."

Having delivered his tray, Harm went and took Mac in his arms. "She is ecstatic to be home and if you go out there you won't find her."  
>"She's not in her bed, is she?" Mac questioned. "Because that's where Jim..."<br>"No, go look," he said, turning Mac around and gently pushing her towards the stairs.

It only took Mac a few minutes to find Lily asleep in her bed; Mac couldn't help the tears when she realised Lily was wearing her mom's favourite nightgown, had her mom's robe tucked up tightly in her arms and had sprayed her favourite perfume onto the pillow she was now sleeping on. All in all, Lily was completely wrapped up in and surrounded by her mother and this moved Mac more than a simple kiss good night would have done.  
>"See, she did miss you," Harm said from behind her before kissing her head. "And she loves you very, very much."<br>"I know," she said. "Now."

Once they had headed back down to the living room, Harm noticed Jimmy had rejoined them and was looking a bit edgy. Walking past him, Harm rested his hand on his shoulder.  
>"Okay?" he asked quietly and Jimmy nodded.<br>"Can we...um...tell them?" he asked, nodding towards his parents.  
>"In here? Now?" Harm asked and Jimmy half nodded.<br>"Now but maybe outside..." he said slowly, looking at the four additional people in the room.  
>Harm nodded and smiled at him; it was a big step for a young man to take.<p>

While the others hadn't commented, they had all watched the scene between Harm and Jimmy and soon Bud was on his feet.  
>"It's so clear tonight, the stars are so bright," he said with a stretch. "I might just go outside and take a look."<br>"I'll join you," Harriet said standing and taking fierce hold of her husband's hand. She had the very uneasy feeling that their world was about to be rocked.

When Harm and Jimmy left the room, all eyes were on Mac. While she knew the question they all wanted to ask, she sidestepped it.  
>"So, mom, dad, you didn't say why you came a day early," she said taking a sip of her coffee. "Lily just said 'things changed'. What happened?"<br>"A severe case of homesickness," Frank said, with a smirk. "Young Lily went from wanting to stay another week to crying herself to sleep and wetting the bed she was missing you so much."  
>"Aww," said Mac, her eyes filling with tears.<br>"We were going to try and hold out until tomorrow but when she cried for two hours last night we decided to bring things forward," Trish said, taking another cookie.  
>"Aww," Mac said again with a sniffle; her little girl really did love and miss her.<br>"She didn't want us to tell you," Frank said. "Especially the part about the bedwetting."  
>"That's understandable," Mattie offered. "I wouldn't want anyone to know that either."<br>"I won't say anything," Mac said, wanting nothing more than to go upstairs and hold her daughter but delaying it because her godson, or his parents, may need her and their needs were more pressing than her own.

Meanwhile outside, Harm leant back against Colin's vehicle as he pointed out features in the night sky. It was clear to all that he was trying to fill in time and the growing suspense was making things uneasy all around.

Glancing at his godson, Harm tilted his head towards Bud and Harriet and Jimmy nodded before taking a deep breath.  
>"Mom, dad," he began slowly, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, his eyes darting everywhere but his parents' faces. "I have something to tell you."<br>"Well, go right ahead, son," Bud said, taking hold of Harriet's hand.  
>"I don't really know what to say," he said quietly. "It's really hard..."<p>

Harriet moved from her husband's side to stand in front of her struggling son. Gently, she placed both hands on his cheeks and raised his face to meet hers.  
>"Whatever it is, it's okay," she said, her blue eyes filled with tears. "There is nothing you can say that will make us love you any less. Okay?"<br>"Okay," he said with a nod before drawing in a deep breath. "I love you both and I don't want to disappoint you and I don't know how you're going to react but I'm...um...I'm gay."  
>"Gay?" Harriet echoed, her eyes still locked on her son's.<br>"Yes, mom, gay," he said as his tears began to fall.  
>"Oh, Jimmy," Harriet said, wrapping him in her arms. "Don't cry...please, don't cry." But her pleas went unheeded as her own tears started to fall.<br>"I'm sorry, mom," he whispered hoarsely. "I didn't want to be...pretended I wasn't...but I am...it's who I am..."  
>"It's okay," she replied, pulling him closer still. "I love you very much...very, very much..."<p>

While she had a million thoughts and emotions coursing through her at this very moment, the biggest priority was her son knowing she loved him.

Standing to the side, Harm was a little unsure as to whether he should stay to support the family or to go in and give them some space; not able to make up his mind, he stood as unobtrusively as possible.

Watching his wife and son, Bud was also a little hesitant about what to say or do. The news had floored him and it was all he could do not to show that emotion on his face. As his wife pulled back from Jimmy, he knew he had to say and do something.  
>"You still like working with your hands?" Bud asked moving to stand with them.<br>"Yes, dad," Jim said, wiping his face.  
>"You still like the Redskins?" he questioned, resting one hand on the boy's shoulder.<br>"Aha," Jim said, nodding.  
>"You still gonna help me landscape the yard come fall?" he asked and Jimmy nodded once more. "Well then, son," he continued, resting the other hand on Jim's other shoulder. "I can't see much has changed here tonight."<br>"But I'm gay," Jimmy said, just in case Bud had missed the point.  
>"I know," he said. "But it didn't happen tonight...if I understand the whole homosexual thing it's not something you chose...it's just who you are...and your mother and I have had you for fifteen years now and we love you very much...all of you..."<p>

Hugging him fiercely, Bud held on for much longer than he normally would, realising once he let go there would be a whole new world of understanding and acceptance to come to terms with. As Bud embraced the boy, Harm slipped his arm around Harriet's waist before kissing her head.  
>"You okay?" he whispered.<br>"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "I think so."  
>"Good," he replied before kissing her head once more. "I might just go inside and give you all a few minutes. Just yell out if you need anything."<br>"Ah, Uncle Harm," Jimmy said moving from his father to stand next to him. "I know Aunty Mac knows but do you think we need to tell the others...not the kids, I'm not ready for them or even my brothers and sister to know just yet, but Mattie and Colin and your parents...I mean I kinda feel they're my family too, you know."  
>"They are your family," Harm said patting his arm. "Whether you want to tell them is your decision...as is how you want to tell them."<br>"Given that I'm going to be here for another month and so are they then I think they should know...they know something's up anyway, they should know the truth," he started and Harm nodded. "But um...can you tell them? I'm exhausted."  
>"It's all the emotion," Harm said hugging him. "I'll tell them," he said turning to look at Bud and Harriet. "Is that alright with you?"<br>"Yeah," Bud said, with a quick look to Harriet who nodded too. "They should know."

As Harm left the Roberts family to talk, he walked back inside and had a drink of water before returning to the living room and slipping onto the sofa beside his wife.

Instantly all eyes were on him.  
>"How are things?" Mattie asked nodding towards the door.<br>"Things are okay," he said quietly. "Jimmy just did the hardest thing he will probably do in his life ... he came out to his parents."  
>"Came out as in said he was gay?" Mattie checked just needing her thoughts confirmed.<br>"Yep," Harm said with a nod.  
>"And how did they handle the news?" Mac asked quietly.<br>"Really good," he replied. "They said all the right things, I think they'll just need time to accept it."  
>"Well, I'm sure they don't need a big scene," Trish said, getting to her feet. "So we may just head to bed..."<br>"You don't have to mom," Harm said but Frank nodded.  
>"They may want to talk to you both," he said, "Without an audience, besides, it's been a long day."<p>

With Frank and Trish gone, Colin decided it was time to make tracks too and they headed for the front door, only staying outside long enough to see the Roberts head inside before they crossed the yard to go home.  
>"What are your thoughts?" Mattie asked as she slipped her hand into Colin's.<br>"On?" he asked, navigating the darkened path to their house.  
>"Oh, I don't know," Mattie said with an annoyed air. "What about Jimmy being gay?"<br>"Bit of a surprise," he said, opening the gate.  
>"Is it going to change the way you are with him?" she asked and he stopped.<br>"Why would it?" he asked defensively.  
>"Because you had a problem with Barry being gay," she said, referencing a former colleague.<br>"Yes," Colin admitted with a brief nod. "I have...had a problem with 'over the top' gay or camp as my grandfather used to say..."  
>"So, I ask again, is this going to change your relationship with Jim? He really looks up to you," she said as they stood in the middle of their path.<br>"No," he said. "My biggest problem with Barry was he couldn't take no for an answer."  
>"What do you mean?" Mattie asked as Colin resumed his journey to the house.<br>"He kept hitting on me," he replied as he opened the front door. "Kept asking me out."  
>"Really?" Mattie asked with a giggle.<br>"Yes, and to tell you the truth it made me very uncomfortable," he said turning on the light.  
>"So you don't have a problem with people who are gay as much as you do with men who keep asking you out," she said finding this little disclosure quite amusing.<br>"Exactly," he said, closing the door behind them.  
>"Well, good," she said firmly. "You're all mine and I too have a problem with anyone asking you out – man or woman!"<p>

Wanting a little time and space to himself, Jimmy took himself to bed as Harriet and Bud went back to the living room, Harm and Mac having assembled their bed in the interim. Mac's first instinct was to hug them both before offering them something more to eat or drink; they both declined. Then she offered them time and space and while Bud said yes, Harriet said no. The compromise was that Bud and Harm both headed to bed while Mac and Harriet went and sat on the porch.

Mac said nothing, knowing that Harriet probably needed a few minutes to think things through, hell, she probably needed a year.  
>"Is it my fault?" Harriet asked, tears evident in her voice. "I mean I know they say it's something you're born with but is it my fault? I mean he was born after we lost Sarah and I desperately wanted him to be a girl...not to replace her but to give us the daughter we were denied...maybe I influenced his thoughts and feelings when he was little..."<br>"It wasn't your fault, Harriet," Mac said, patting her arm.  
>"Why couldn't he tell us? Why could he tell you and Harm but not Bud and I?" she asked staring out into the darkness and tears streamed down her cheeks.<br>"He didn't tell me, he told Harm," Mac said gently. "And he did it so he could have Harm's help in telling you. He wanted you to know but he didn't know if he could do it by himself."  
>"How long ago?" she asked. "Last week? Month? Year?' she added quickly, not sure of which period of time would make her feel better.<br>"Only a few days ago, Harriet, Mac reassured her. "And only then because Harm told him how he was worried about him, how regardless of what the problem was he loved him and would be there for him."  
>Harriet nodded; glad her son had someone so compassionate and understanding there for him when he needed it most. While she would have liked Jimmy to come to her and her husband at this critical time in his life, she was glad Harm had been there for him.<p>

It was two hours of stilted chatter before Harriet took herself to bed for a disturbed night's sleep while Mac retired to her room.  
>"Thought you'd be longer," Harm said quietly propping himself up one elbow.<br>"Harriet's exhausted," she said stripping off and pulling on a nightgown.  
>"You think they'll sleep?" Harm asked carefully pulling the covers back so Mac could slip in beside Lily.<br>"Probably not," she said, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "I know they said all the right things but I think it will take a lot for it to actually sink in."  
>"I'm sure it will," he said, reaching out to caress her face. "I've been lying here wondering how I'd react if one of ours came to us and said the same thing...whether I'd be as okay with it as I am with Jimmy being gay."<br>"And what did you come up with?" she asked, as his hand slid down to her back.  
>"I'd like to think I would be..." he said slowly, "I'd like to think they would be able to tell us anything and that we would be supportive and loving regardless of what it was."<br>"I'd like to think that too," she said, caressing her child's head and wondering why they couldn't stay little forever.

The following day things were a little quiet around the farm and only Lily commented and was quickly sent on an errand next door to Mrs Anderson to stop her asking anything else. Jimmy had asked his parents whether they wanted him to go home with them or whether they were still okay with him staying another few weeks. They had agreed that being on the farm had done him wonders and perhaps, given the circumstances, that it was best for him to stay.  
>However, they did organise with Harm and Mac to come and visit again in a couple of weeks, and for Jim to call them daily.<p>

In the early afternoon, as the extended family was standing by the car, Mac embraced Bud and Harriet before helping the younger children do the same and taking them up to the porch, Mattie and Colin, Trish and Frank soon followed.  
>"Drive safe and call us when you're home," Harm said embracing Bud before doing the same to Harriet.<br>"Look after him," Harriet whispered tearfully.  
>"Always," he replied, kissing her cheek. "And I'll make sure he calls...and I'll call you too," he added, kissing her head.<br>"Thank you," she whispered hug him once more. "And thank you for being there for him."  
>"Anytime," he said with a wink.<p>

Patting Jimmy's back, Harm headed up to the rest of the family while Jimmy looked at his feet.  
>"This feels a bit like leaving you behind on parents' day during your first summer camp when you were eight," Harriet said, reaching out and taking his hand.<br>"Yeah, I know," he said looking up to make eye contact.  
>"You know we both love you very much, don't you?" Harriet said, taking him in her arms.<br>"Yeah, I do, mom," he said resting his head on hers. "And I love you both."

Slowly she released him so Bud could say his goodbyes.  
>"You mind Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm," he said, tilting his head to maintain eye contact.<br>"Yes, sir," Jimmy said. It had been the same warning he'd given him before he left home.  
>"And help out wherever you can," he continued, and Jimmy nodded. "And call your mother everyday to stop her worrying..."<br>"Yes, sir," he repeated with another nod.  
>"And know I love you," he said embracing the boy. "And anything you want or need you let me know...while you're here or when you come home. If you want to change schools, get some counselling...join a group...whatever, you come to me, alright?" he said tearfully.<br>"Thanks, dad," he said, hugging him.  
>"Anytime," Bud replied, kissing his head.<br>"Um, dad, there is one thing..." he said hesitantly, wondering if he should push his luck.  
>"What's that, Jim?" he asked prepared to do anything to help the lad.<br>"When I get home, you think we could talk about you buying me a car?" he said with a grin.  
>"Nice try, kiddo," he said with his first genuine smile all day. "You know the deal...just like with AJ, we will match you dollar for dollar. So, if you want the car, start saving."<p>

Life started getting back to normal with the mundane tasks around the farm that needed to be done. Mattie was getting bigger and more uncomfortable doing much, especially in the harsh summer heat, so Mac was thankful Trish and Frank were on hand to help with the youngsters as she helped Harm with the administrative side of the business.

Jimmy and Colin were spending their days putting together the last of the baby furniture and maintenance that needed to be done. Their relationship didn't seem to be affected and for that Jimmy was grateful. Every now and then, Harm would take him aside and talk about things, checking in with him and making sure he was feeling okay about things. When he asked him if there was anyone special in his life, Jimmy had blushed and dropped his head.  
>"Jack," he said quietly. "I had a crush on Jack."<br>Harm wrapped his arm around him knowing how hard it was to lose someone you cared about.  
>"Will you promise me something, James Kirk Roberts?" Harm asked and Jimmy pulled back to look at him.<br>"If I can, Uncle Harm," he said, taking a deep breath.  
>"Never, and I mean never, think that suicide is the only option you have, okay?" he said taking hold of the boy's hand. "Taking your own life is never the answer...there are always choices...ways out."<br>"I know," he said tearfully.  
>"No matter how old you are, or wherever you live, so long as I'm around you come to me...for whatever you need...even if it's just to talk... you understand that?" he said with a quiet desperation.<br>"I do, Uncle Harm, and I promise you I'll never do what Jack did," he vowed.

And while Harm knew they were only words, it was all he could offer. Jimmy was going to have many difficult times ahead and he could only hope that the boy was strong enough to become the man he was born to be.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: the usual

August – The next generation

With summer in full flight, the farm was a mix of hustle and bustle with the number of people around and relaxation. Most days someone was going somewhere, doing something and Harry was in his element as he loved car trips. With a cooler day forecast, Trish and Frank thought it was a good day to do a few errands in Charlesville and offered to take the children out for lunch and to the park. While Harry and Rosie jumped at the idea, Lily declined, the park was for the 'youngsters' as she told her mother, she'd much rather stay home with her mom. So, when her grandparents departed for the day with her three siblings, Lily happily waved them goodbye.

With a drainage issue in the office of Rabb Runways, Colin and Jimmy spent their morning waist deep in a trench trying to dig up and replace the pipe while Harm was up in the air with back to back lessons.

Mattie, at 39 weeks pregnant had managed to achieve very little as the heat of recent days had left her wiped out. Next time, she vowed, she would plan to have her baby due in the depths of winter – anything would be better than this endless heat.  
>"Damn!" she muttered opening the mail Mac and Lily had brought over to her with the lunch they had made for her.<br>"What's up, Mats?" Mac asked, looking up from the catalogue she was leafing through.  
>"The Arcadian account," she said, waving the paper. "We've paid in full...I've spoken to them three times and they still sending us overdue notices."<br>"That's frustrating," she said, taking the bill from her hand and scanning it; scowling when she read about the threatened legal action. "I'll deal with them."  
>"Thanks, mom," she said tearfully, her hormones were in control at the moment and she knew she shouldn't make a business call in her current state. "Their file is in the top drawer of the left filing cabinet."<br>"Okay," she said, getting to her feet. "Are you coming, Lily?" she said, knowing that the child had been her constant shadow since she came home.  
>"Can I stay here for a bit?" she asked looking from her mom to Mattie. "I promise I'll be good."<br>Mac looked to Mattie and Mattie nodded.  
>"Okay," Mac replied. "You be extra helpful to Mattie."<p>

It was only a few minutes later that Mattie moved from the table to get them fresh, cold drinks when she grabbed her back, the pain short and sharp. She'd been having the same twinge since yesterday and she was wishing her baby would shift and give her a break.  
>"You okay, Mats?" Lily asked, watching her older sister.<br>"Yeah," she replied through gritted teeth.  
>"You sure?" she asked, watching as Mattie leant on the kitchen bench, her arms braced and her breathing sharp.<br>"Yeah," she managed. "Baby is just...ow...in the wrong place."  
>"Isn't it in your uterus?" she questioned, her full attention now on the expectant mother.<br>"Yes," she said. "But he or she is pushing on a nerve and it's hurting."  
>"Wait til labour," Lily offered. "I remember mommy being in labour with the twins and it was all 'ow' and 'oh' and she called dad some mean names too."<br>"Can hardly wait," she said grimacing.

Stopping by the pit which held Jimmy and Colin, Mac laughed at the sight of two young men looking like they were enjoying a mud fight.  
>"How goes the repairs?" she asked, inspecting the damaged pipe they had pulled out a few minutes before.<br>"The hardest part's done," Colin said, wiping his mud streaked brow.  
>"The pipe had cracked," Jimmy informed her, pointing to the damaged part.<br>"What would cause that?" Mac asked, knowing it had been in less than 12 months.  
>"Hard to say," Colin replied. "Looking at it though, I think it's a manufacturing fault...see how there's no evidence of impact."<br>"Surely they're supposed to last longer than 12 months," Mac said, moving to stand in the shade of the building.  
>"Meant to last decades," Colin said, shaking his head.<br>"Poor quality," Jim said, digging out the last of the muck.

Mac stalked off soon after with the name of the plumbing company, more than happy to deal with them too. It took her eleven minutes on the phone with the plumbers before they agreed to send someone out to check on the condition of the other pipes, and if they were faulty, to excavate and relay the pipes as well as compensating them for the damage and repairs they were currently undertaking.

Arcadian were another matter. It took 25 minutes on hold before someone answered and, when they did, they couldn't have been less helpful if they tried. Mac wasn't deterred and insisted on staying on the line while they found someone who they thought could help her. That person came on the line 31 minutes later and, by then, Mac was fully primed for the battle.

Meanwhile, Mattie seemed to be primed for her own battle. It was signalled by a gush of water and her first inclination that she hadn't been experiencing back pain or nerve pain for the past 24-36 hours, she was actually in labour.  
>"Eww!" Lily said wide-eyed as she watched it all unfold. "Did you just wet yourself?"<br>"No," Mattie said shaking her head. "My waters broke."  
>"What broke it?" she questioned as Mattie grabbed for her cell.<br>"The baby," she said. "The baby is coming."

Her statement was followed by a low deep groan as the desire to push became overwhelming.  
>"Sorry it hurts," Lily said shifting from one foot to the other a little unsure what to do.<p>

Neither Mac nor Colin answered their cells and Mattie groaned; this wasn't the scenario they had planned. She was supposed to call, they were supposed to come running and Colin was supposed to whisk her off to hospital for a massive dose of pain relief...that was the plan.  
>"Do you want me to go and get mommy?" Lily asked edging towards the door as Mattie screamed in pain.<br>"Yes!" she said before quickly changing her mind. "No!" She knew Lily was only 9 but, god help her, she didn't want to be alone.  
>"Come and sit down," Lily said, taking Mattie's arm and leading her to the sofa before running her hand around in circles on sister's belly. "This is what mommy did; she said it made her feel better."<p>

Mattie didn't feel any better but looking at Lily's face she knew the child was trying her best to be a good and brave sister, and so she figured she could do the same.

Slamming down the phone in satisfaction, Mac grinned to herself; she hadn't lost her skills at all. After being told the issue with the account from Arcadian was a computer one, Mac had let them know, in no uncertain terms, that their computing difficulties was their issue and not hers and they were still responsible. When they told her they would 'look into it'. Mac spieled of a list of offences they were committing for demanding money that they weren't due. She let them know the amount of trouble she could cause and that they could be in. She used her finest lawyer voice and it didn't take long for the general manager to be on the line apologising profusely and guaranteeing immediate action.  
>"Well, don't you look pleased with yourself," Harm said entering the room and taking off his hat.<br>"I am," she said, moving forward and kissing him. "Sorted out the plumber and Arcadian," she said proudly.  
>"I should let you sort out all difficult creditors and debtors," he said with a grin.<br>"Anytime," she replied before kissing him again. "How is your day going?"  
>"Pretty good," he said, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. "Where's your shadow?"<br>"With Mats," she replied, taking his bottle and having a sip.

When his cell buzzed in his pocket, Harm retrieved it.  
>"Hi, mom, what's happening?" he asked, winking at Mac.<br>"What on earth is happening there?" Trish asked, her tone between frantic and confused.  
>"Not a lot, why?" Harm asked, grabbing Mac's arm as she went to move.<br>"I just had a call from Lily and she was beside herself," Trish reported. "All I could make out was 'baby's coming' and 'can't get anyone'."  
>"Onto it, mom," he said, "I'll call you back."<p>

Pocketing the phone, Harm relayed the information to Mac, when she pulled out her cell she found seven missed calls – she'd turned it off while she was making the calls in the office.

Running outside they told Colin and he looked up at them startled. He'd left his phone in the nearby vehicle as he didn't want to drop it or lose it in the watery pit.

All four ran the distance between Rabb Runways and the homestead and while the vehicle may have made it slightly quicker, none had thought of it. They were on the front path when they heard the unmistakable sound of a crying newborn.

Opening the front door, they were confronted with the scene of an infant wrapped in a fluffy yellow towel resting on its mother's chest. There were tears on Mattie and Lily's faces as well as matching big smiles.  
>"It's a boy," Lily announced, standing up and running to her mother. "He was slippery and a bit gross but he is really cute." She threw her arms around Mac; she'd never been as scared and excited in her whole life.<br>"A boy?" Colin said, kneeling down beside Mattie, still aware he was covered in mud. The tears on his face causing streaks.  
>"A boy," Mattie whispered. "A perfect baby boy." Craning her head, she kissed him softly. "I love you...would love for you to hold us but I think you need to clean up first."<p>

In world record time, Colin sprinted to the bathroom, stripped, showered, dressed in sweats and returned to his wife's side. This time, taking the quiet infant and kissing his son's forehead.  
>"Hello, little man," he whispered, his tears taking his voice. "You are amazing...daddy loves you very much."<br>Slowly, he dropped onto the floor next to Mattie and kissed her.  
>"Love you so much, babe," he said, kissing her again. "Thank you so much for our baby boy."<p>

Having been the only one to think of calling an ambulance, Jimmy offered to wait for it outside for it. Visiting a newborn and new mother in the hospital was one thing; he'd done it with his mother and Mac...seeing them on the floor of a living room in the 'unedited' form was not something he was keen on at all.

Once he had disappeared out the door, Mac moved and crouched next to Mattie before hugging and kissing her. "You did well," she said, kissing the young woman's head. "How are you feeling?"  
>"Elated...exhausted..."she said with a tired smile. "Lily was amazing...just amazing...we were both a little scared at first but she did everything I asked and was incredibly brave."<br>"That's my girl," said Harm proudly, kissing his daughter's head.  
>"It was amazing, dad," she said, "One minute he was in there and the next I could touch him...amazing."<br>"It is an amazing thing," he agreed. "It's exactly how I felt when mommy had you."  
>"And now I get to be Aunty Lily and Mattie said that I can come over and watch him at any time, after all, I delivered him," she said, feeling incredibly blessed to have such a bonding experiencing with her sister.<p>

Gingerly standing up once more with his son in his arms, Colin walked around his wife and offered the baby to Harm.  
>"Son, this is your Pappy," he said tearfully. "You don't know how lucky you are to have this man in your life...one day you'll be old enough to understand but, for now, just enjoy."<p>

With tears streaming down his face, Harm accepted the baby and mouthed 'thank you'.  
>"Well, hello there," he said, leaning down and kissing the child's head. "Aren't you beautiful? Just like your mother." Releasing an arm, he wrapped it around Mac and kissed her head. "This is your GiGi and you're going to love her...just like I do."<p>

He handed the baby to Mac before reaching in and wiping her tears and kissing her head. His cell buzzed before he could say anything else.  
>"Hi, mom," he said, with a grin. "It looks like you have your first great grandson," he said proudly.<p>

When the paramedics arrived they bundled mother and son onto the gurney ready to load the precious cargo carefully into the back of the ambulance. Knowing it had been a big day already, Mac wasn't sure if she should offer to follow her in or give her and Colin the afternoon to themselves.

Mattie took the decision out of her hand by reaching for her as they were about to load her in.  
>"Mom," she said tearfully. "I know you have all the kids but do you think you and dad could come in tonight with my stuff and then bring Colin home with you...he didn't sleep much last night."<br>"Of course we can," Mac said, leaning down and kissing her forehead.  
>"Can it just be you guys?" she asked quietly. "I mean I love the kids and Jim and grandma and grandpa..."<br>"But you just want a bit of time and space?" she asked knowingly and Mattie nodded.  
>"They can come in tomorrow but for tonight..." she trailed and Mac smiled.<br>"They'll understand," she said squeezing her hand.  
>"Good, because there are things we want to talk to you and dad about..." she said holding tighter.<br>"We'll be in, sweetheart," Mac reassured her. "You just get Colin to call when you are ready for us."

With kisses and hugs from mom and dad, Mattie and Colin were on their way to hospital while Mac and Harm set about cleaning the house. As Harm scrubbed the fluid stain on the carpet, Mac settled in the armchair to check in with their daughter before realising she hadn't seen Jimmy in a bit.  
>"He went back to the house," Harm explained. "He said he'd call his parents and tell them the news but I think he was just out of his comfort zone."<br>Mac nodded; what 15 year old boy wouldn't have been.  
>"So, Dr Lily," Mac said as Lily climbed into her lap. "You had a big afternoon."<br>"I know," Lily said. "I couldn't believe it when Mattie said the baby was coming and coming now...I thought she'd just wet herself because she's always going to the bathroom these days."  
>"But she hadn't, had she?" Mac said, wondering how much her daughter actually saw.<br>"Nope, it was her water breaking," she said before her brow creased. "How does water break though, it's liquid?"  
>"Well, the water is in a sac around the baby and it's full of a special fluid to keep him safe," Mac explained, "It's actually the sac that breaks but people just say water because it's easier."<br>"Mattie's didn't so much as break as go whoosh!" Lily said, using her hands to emphasise the rush and direction of the flow. "And she was moaning and groaning and pushing and then I sat her down on the edge of the sofa but when she had lots of pain she slid onto the floor and I got all the towels and everything and then she spread her legs and there was this thing like a brown balloon coming out and Mattie screamed and said the baby was crowning but I didn't see anything that looked like a crown just all this gunky stuff and then his head came out and Mattie said to hold his shoulders and I did and then she groaned and pushed and all of a sudden he was in my hands and we were both crying and ..." she said finally pausing to draw a breath. "And I said it was a boy first because I saw his penis and it was sooo tiny and then she picked up a towel and we sort of lifted him up together and Mattie put him against her and wiped him down and he started crying and, boy, was he loud."  
>"Wow! Mac said, smiling at her daughter's recount. "It sounds like you were very brave and very helpful."<br>"Well, you did tell me to be extra helpful to Mattie before you left," she said casually.  
>"Yes, I did," she replied, kissing her head. "I'm very glad you listened."<p>

It was after dinner that Colin called with a few additional instructions and, soon, Harm and Mac left his parents and Jimmy with the children and headed into the hospital. When they arrived they were surprised to find the new father in the corridor outside his wife's room, leaning against the wall with tears cascading down his face. He straightened marginally when he saw his in-laws and lifted up his hand which contained his cell.  
>"Was just telling my mom and dad," he said his voice broken with tears.<br>Harm nodded before a quick head tilt let Mac know he wanted her to go in and see Mattie and give them a minute.

Following his direction, Mac disappeared into the room more than ready to cradle her grandson; the concept still sinking in.  
>"Colin," Harm said, wrapping his arm around the younger man's shoulders. "Let's get some fresh air."<br>Guiding him outside, Harm walked them to an empty outdoor eating area before sitting on a bench and getting Colin to sit alongside him.

Giving him a few minutes to collect himself, Harm allowed his thoughts to drift back to the day Lily was born; he was a teary mess too. There was a distinct difference in knowing you were having a baby and becoming a dad; that only came when the baby arrived and the emotions were overwhelming. Suddenly it's all very real and there is a tiny, precious bundle who you would give your life for in an instant, who would be an integral part of your life until the day you die, who you now loved with a part of your heart, your soul, you didn't know existed until you held your firstborn in your arms.

Before long, Colin slumped forward, his head in his hands, his breathing uneven. Rubbing his back, Harm said nothing at first, eventually when Colin seemed to be pulling himself together, he spoke.  
>"None of the books ever tell you how overwhelming it can be for a first time dad, do they?" Harm said, his hand still resting on Colin's back.<br>"Nope," he said sitting up straighter and shaking his head. "And I was doing okay until I called mom and dad and they were crying and I just lost it...sorry," he said dropping his head once more.  
>"You've nothing to apologise for, son," he said patting his back. "If you weren't emotional about the birth of your boy I'd be worried," Harm said with a reassuring smile.<br>"You mean you don't think any less of me right now?" he asked surprised.  
>"Just between you and me, Col, I think I was in worse shape when Lil was born," he admitted quietly. "We had wanted it for so long...never thought we'd get it...she was truly our miracle... I held it together at the hospital for the most part but cried from the moment I left the hospital until I got back, completely overwhelmed by being a dad." Although the actual truth was he had started crying the moment Lily was delivered and then didn't stop for days.<br>"So it's not just me," he said, wiping his face.  
>"Nope," Harm said getting to his feet once more. "You're now a fully fledged member of the dad club."<p>

The ladies were chatting quietly when the men returned and while Mattie could tell Colin had been crying Harm had winked at her and shook his head so she didn't ask. Instead, she turned her attention to one of the things they had wanted to discuss with them. Mac was sitting in the armchair, the baby asleep in her arms and Harm sat on the arm of it.  
>"Colin and I have been discussing names for months...both boys and girls... and picked our favourites, then discounted them...then picked some more," she said before yawning, the day taking its toll. "And discounted them too."<br>"Then, last week, we came up with what we think is the perfect name because it ... well, you'll know why when you hear it..." she said, suddenly nervous about the idea.  
>"But while we love it," Colin continued, sitting alongside his wife, his arm sliding around her. "We need your approval before we announce it."<br>"Your son's name is purely your decision," Harm said quickly.  
>"We know," Mattie said, "But what we want to do impacts both of you..."<br>"So, what do you want to call him?" Harm asked as he tenderly ran his finger along his grandson's face.  
>"MacKenzie Rabb Bates," Mattie said, "Kenzie for short."<br>"You both have been phenomenal influences in our lives, especially Mattie's," Colin said as he saw the tears on his in-laws' faces. "And we think it's the perfect tribute to you both and a wonderful legacy to our son to give him those names."  
>"MacKenzie Rabb Bates," Mac echoed quietly. "Kenzie..." she said caressing the child's face and smiling when his eyes opened as if in response to his name. "I think he likes it."<br>"We did check, and it can be a girl or boy's name," Colin offered, wondering if he needed stronger tactics to convince them.  
>"We'd be honoured," Harm said, wrapping his arm around Mac's shoulders. "Wouldn't we?"<br>"Absolutely."

After a few minutes to test out the infant's name, Colin turned his mind to the second pressing issue. "We have also been talking about godparents and legal guardians," he said, looking to his wife.  
>"And what we thought," Mattie said, "Is that in the event of something happening to us, then we would want you to raise our son, on the farm."<br>"Of course," Mac said quickly, she wouldn't have it any other way.  
>"Thank you," Mattie said with a tearful smile. "And I know you usually pick the ones you want as legal guardians but I was hoping it was okay with you if we asked others to be godparents?"<br>"That's fine by us," Harm said, "After all, we're going to be very busy being the world's greatest grandparents."  
>"Well, we thought we'd ask Ronnie and Lily and Jimmy," Colin said. "We asked the minister and Lily has to be at least 10, which she will be by the baptism, and ..."<br>"She'll be thrilled," Mac said smiling at the response the news would get from her daughter.  
>"We obviously hadn't considered Jimmy until he came to the farm but he's a good kid," Colin said. "He loves the farm, loves working with his hands...we think he'd be a good influence..."<br>"And...now he'll realise he's free to visit anytime and he's not intruding," Mattie said, concluding her husband's thought.

In the early hours of the following morning, Mac climbed back into bed after settling Frankie who'd woken her with his crying.  
>"Izzyokay?" Harm asked in a mumbled sigh as he rolled towards her.<br>"Yes," she replied resting her head on her pillow. "Just a bit grizzly."  
>"Teeth?" he asked opening his eyes; Frankie had only really complained when he was teething.<br>"Think so," Mac said, pressing herself against her husband. "Asleep now."  
>"Good," he said, his eyes fluttering closed once more.<br>Knowing he was tired, Mac contemplated her next move. She knew what she wanted but wondered whether or not she should ask.

Realising he was still the focus of his wife's attention, Harm opened one eye.  
>"What?" he asked slowly.<br>"Nothing," she replied quietly before reaching out and caressing his face.  
>"Everything okay?" he asked, both eyes now opened.<br>"Yeah," she said and the tone told him she was lying.  
>"What's up?" he asked propping himself up on one elbow.<br>"Just thinking," she said before taking a deep breath.  
>"'bout?" he questioned, reaching out and cupping her face.<p>

It was then he noticed the tears in her dark brown orbs.  
>"About Kenzie," she said, closing her eyes and his thumb swept over the swell of her cheek. "I was in there holding Frankie thinking about holding Kenzie earlier...I'm really enjoying being a mom...all of a sudden I'm a grandma."<br>"Had similar thoughts earlier," he admitted with a wry smile.  
>"And then I came back in here and saw you and realised I'm now sleeping with a grandfather," she said with a small laugh. "I know we're getting older but it just doesn't seem possible."<br>"Tell me about it," he quipped. "I'm now sleeping with a grandmother and for most of my life every time I heard of grandmothers I thought of Grams."  
>"She would have been thrilled to meet him," Mac said tearfully. "I still miss her so much."<br>"Me too," Harm said pulling her closer and kissing her head. "There are so many memories of her here I sometimes have to remind myself she's gone."  
>"Yeah," Mac agreed. "Sometimes I go to ask her if she wants a cup of tea or go to her for advice." Harm smiled and nodded; glad he wasn't the only one. "I hope I can be the kind of grandmother for Kenzie that Grams was for us."<p>

There was silence for a bit and Harm's eyes fluttered closed once more, so Mac rolled from her position beside him onto him and his eyes popped open again.  
>"Starting something?" he asked as she trailed hot kisses along his jaw line.<br>"Planning to," she replied before working her way down his neck, stopping to suck and nibble at his pulse point. "I'm planning on being the sexiest grandmother you've ever slept with."  
>Harm laughed; she would be the only grandmother he had ever, would ever, sleep with.<p>

As her lips and tongue created their own sensations on his bare skin, her fingers worked at divesting him of his clothing. Tugging him to sit up, Mac pulled his blue tee over his head before throwing it off to the side. Raising her own arms, Mac allowed Harm to pull off her tee before he sucked and nibbled each breast.

Moving to her knees, Mac soon crawled off the bed to pull off her pyjama shorts while Harm wriggled out of his boxers. Looking up to find her husband lying there in all his glory, Mac grinned widely. He was still as glorious as the first day she had seen his naked form, age had certainly not taken the toll on his body she had seen happen to others.  
>"Like what you see?' he asked cheekily as she crawled back to him.<br>"Always do," she replied, straddling his stomach and resting her weight on her knees. "Now, the question is..." she said leaning down to kiss him briefly. "Are you too old to keep up with me?"  
>"Never," he replied, pulling her down to him and kissing her so deeply she was glad she was already horizontal.<p>

Now that the kids were that bit older, and that the privacy lock worked a treat, foreplay was far more enjoyable, and longer, than it had been in a while. However, enjoyable as it was, it was not getting the job done for Mac, she needed something more. And that something more came with a quick tumble on the bed so that Harm was on top and Mac's legs were wrapped around him, her ankles locked and feet resting on his six as he entered her.  
>"Okay?" he asked, realising their connection had come so fast in the end that they hadn't used lubricant, something very necessary since Mac's surgery and resulting menopause.<br>"Not yet," she murmured thrusting up aggressively. This grandmother was going to get everyone of her needs met, every which way she wanted.


	10. August

Disclaimer: the usual

September Perfect 10

Much to Miss Lily's dismay, summer vacation came to a close and while she was looking forward to being in the 5th grade and catching up with her school friends she was going to miss the easy life on the farm and playing with Kenzie.  
>"You need to go to bed, Lily," Harm said, it was his third reminder and his tone indicated this.<br>"I know," Lily said with an exaggerated sigh. "It's just tomorrow I'll be back at school and everyone else will be here," she said gesturing to the adults in the room.  
>"Yes," Mac said, acknowledging it as the truth. "But remember the twins start pre-school next week, and daddy and Colin are working."<br>"Yeah, I know," she said getting to her feet before wishing her grandparents, Mattie, Colin and Kenzie goodnight.  
>"What about me?" Harm said as she headed towards her mother who was standing at the door.<br>"Aren't you coming up to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight?" she asked, one hand finding its way to her hip, after all, that's what he did every other night.  
>"Didn't you say something to Mats the other day about being too old for all that now?" he asked raising an eyebrow.<br>"Well, yes," she admitted a flush of embarrassment coming to her cheeks. "But I didn't really mean it."  
>"I'm glad to hear it," Harm replied with a grin. "I'll be up in five."<p>

After stripping off and changing into her nightgown, Lily hugged and kissed Mac who had been standing there sorting out clothes for the morning. "So, you all set now?" Mac asked as she leant down and pulled back the sheet.  
>"Yep," she said with a nod. "My bag's packed with everything but food and my alarm's set."<br>"Good," Mac said leaning down and kissing the child's head before sitting on the bed facing her. "I'm sure you're going to have a fantastic time in 5th grade," she said stroking the child's face. "There are so many fun things to do and learn and this year they have their school trip to DC."  
>"Well, I won't need to go on that 'cause I've seen everything in DC that they're going to see," she said rolling over.<br>"You haven't seen it with your friends though," she said, stroking Lily's hair.  
>"I know but it's four nights away from home, I think I'm a little young for it," she said, closing her eyes and Mac smirked.<br>"You stayed in La Jolla for a week and wanted to stay another week," Mac reminded her gently.  
>"And I learnt my lesson," she said, still embarrassed she had been so homesick she had wet the bed, twice.<p>

By the time Harm came in, Lily was drowsy and didn't have much to say except a mumbled 'goodnight' in response to his. Fixing the covers, Harm kissed her forehead before moving to his wife who was standing in the doorway.  
>"Can you believe she's starting the 5th grade?" he asked before kissing Mac's head.<br>"Nope," she replied with a sigh, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning her head on his chest. "Can't believe the twins start pre-school either," she said and while they had been eligible the year before, it hadn't been possible for them to attend due to numerous factors. Now, there was a new program running out of Lily's school and Mac had signed them up for three mornings a week.  
>"How do you think Frankie will cope without them?" he asked pulling her closer,<br>"He'll probably be a little lost at first but I'm sure he'll enjoy his one on one time with his mommy and being the bigger kid for a bit, now that Kenzie's here." she said.

Lily's first week was smooth sailing; she loved her teacher, loved her class, loved the work they were doing, loved going to school – which made getting up and going in the morning a much easier task. The first day at preschool was a whole other matter.

Deciding to let Lily catch the bus, even though they were heading to her school, Mac packed morning snacks into the twins' bags and sat them by the back door. Frankie was remaining home with Trish and Frank and Harm and Mac would do the trip in for their first day and stay in town to have a coffee, just in case, before picking them up. After lots of photos had been snapped, Harm ushered the excited pair into the car and opened the door for his wife.  
>"It's just for three hours and they are going to be fine," Harm reassured her as he watched her climb in.<br>"I know," she said stoically, and she did. She was just finding the occasion a little overwhelming.

After their arrival, Harm signed them in while Mac helped the twins hang up their bags and show them the restroom. They had informed the preschool of Rosie's hearing issues and had decided to have the two in the same group. The teacher had suggested that twins should be separated to allow them to gain independence and develop their individuality but Mac had disagreed. As she watched Rosie take Harry's hand and lead him to the home corner, she knew she had made the right decision.

Then came the tears, not from the twins and not from Mac but Harm and he quickly said goodbye to the preoccupied pair and headed out to the car, Mac soon followed. Finding Harm leaning against a tree in the adjoining park, Mac went to him and wiped his tears away.  
>"Well, that was embarrassing," he said, dropping his head. "I was okay about today...I was excited for them and then they walked off hand in hand with not so much a backward glance and I felt redundant," he said as fresh tears fell.<br>"Oh, honey," Mac said, looping her arms around his neck and drawing him down. "They will always need you."  
>"They're growing up so fast..." he said, kissing her head.<br>"And they're doing it well," Mac said proudly. "Harry is mature for his age and Rosie has compensated for her hearing challenges like a dream."  
>"Guess that means we're doing a good job," he said with a sigh, leaning his head on hers.<br>"I think it means we're doing a great job," she replied with a grin.

After a long walk around town, doing a few errands and a casual morning tea at the local bakery, the morning was gone and it was time to pick up the twins.  
>"It was unreal!" Harry said, throwing his arms around Mac and hugging her tightly as she picked him up. "There was all these toys and stuff and Miss Kate is cool and everything."<br>"And what did you think, princess?" Harm asked picking up his daughter. "Did you have a good morning?"  
>She nodded but didn't say much before resting her head on Harm's shoulder. "I think she's had a big morning," Miss Kate said coming over to the family. "She hasn't stopped from the time you left!"<br>"Well, then lunch and a nap when we get home," Harm said, kissing the child's head.

As it turned out, it was a nap and then late lunch when the pair fell asleep in the car and refused to wake up when they returned home. Then they came to life filling everyone in on the details of the morning, whether they wanted to hear it or not. Come the night time, they headed to bed early, excited about going back the following morning.

A few weeks into the back to school routine, Lily announced to all assembled at dinner, one Thursday night, that she had finally decided on what she wanted for her birthday...after all, she was hitting double digits and therefore, this was a very important birthday.  
>"And what would you like, sweetie," Trish asked, happy to do anything for her granddaughter.<br>"Well, I thought about Hershey Park and the Crayola Factory and Dutch Wonderland and all those sorts of places," she said quickly before taking a breath. "But then I decided no. Then I thought about a pool party and a whole lot of other things and decided no too. Then it hit me!"  
>"What hit you?" Harm asked, his fork poised mid-air.<br>"What I want most," she said shaking her head, hadn't he been listening?  
>"And what do you want?" Frank asked, not quite following her train of thought.<br>"A picnic," she said with a big smile. "Down by daddy's part of the creek, I want us to have a big family picnic with chicken and the fantastic potato salad and coleslaw and cake...lots of cake...and everyone can come and Ronnie and Jessie too. What do you think?" she asked no one in particular.  
>"I think it's a fantastic idea," Mac said, loving the simplicity of it.<br>"Me too," replied Harm. "And because it's at home, you can invite others from school if you like."  
>"That's alright, dad," she said shaking her head. "All the important people that I want to be here will be here, I don't need anyone else."<p>

Once everyone was bedded down for the night and Harm had checked the house, he slid into bed and sat beside his wife who was reading.  
>"What did you think of Lily's choice of birthday celebration?" he asked, adjusting the covers.<br>"I'm surprised it was so low key," she replied. "I figured we were going to have something elaborate, and costly."  
>"I loved the fact she just wanted family and to be together," he said proudly.<br>"Me too," Mac agreed. "We'll have to make it the best picnic ever."  
>"I can make my famous potato salad," he said, sliding down into the bed.<br>"No offense, honey," she said closing her book and sliding down beside him. "When Lily said the 'fantastic potato salad' I'm sure she was referring to your mother's not yours."  
>"And what's wrong with mine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.<br>"Nothing," she said quickly. "Lily just prefers your mother's."  
>"That's because she uses full fat, egg mayonnaise," he said shaking his head. "It's not healthy."<br>"I know," she replied. "But it's Lil's birthday, she can have it."

When the day of Lily's birthday dawned, she awoke to the smell of choc chip pancakes and quickly descended the stairs.  
>"Happy birthday, baby girl," Harm said, opening his arms as she jumped into his arms from the third step. "I love you very much."<br>"I love you too, daddy," she said squeezing him tight.  
>"How does it feel to be 10?" he asked, turning her around from the stairway to put her down on the floor.<br>"Not much different to nine, actually," she said, hugging him again.  
>"Wow, you're up early for a Saturday," Mac observed coming from the kitchen to see father and daughter together.<br>"Well, it is my birthday," she announced, moving forward to claim her birthday hug and kiss.  
>"I know," Mac said, kissing her head. "Happy birthday, gorgeous girl. I've made your favourite breakfast."<br>"I know, I smelt it," she said, grinning.  
>It wasn't long before the dining room was full of people enjoying copious amounts of choc chip pancakes and talking about all the fun they would have that day.<p>

After breakfast, Lily helped her mother and grandmother with the food for lunch, packing it into the many baskets they would be taking. Colin, Frank and Harm had headed down to the creek to set up some shelters for shade, something necessary with the forecast for the day. As an additional instruction, Mac had told them to make sure they had plenty of blankets for the picnic and cushions to make life easier for the little ones and for Jessie to be supported and comfortable while she was sitting on the ground.

The box of presents and all other non-food items went with the men and were set up, ready for the day's festivities. They were just driving back to the house when Veronica pulled up.  
>"Good morning," Harm said brightly as he opened Jessie's car door as Colin went to the trunk to retrieve her wheelchair.<br>"Good morning, Uncle Harm," she said, putting her arms out knowing he would lift her out and into her chair. "I'm so excited about today...I've never had a picnic like Lily described and never gone swimming in a creek."  
>"We haven't decided whether that will happen today," Veronica reminded her, not at all confident about letting her daughter get into such a water body.<br>"Well," Frank said, "I don't think anyone will be swimming as there's not much water. I think today's water activities will be splashing and that's about it."  
>"And if it helps," Harm said, not wanting Jessie to be disappointed. "I can stay with her while she's in the water."<br>"Please, mom," she said quickly, as Harm placed her in her chair. "I'll be safe and Uncle Harm will be there and he's really strong and..."  
>"Alright, alright," Veronica said shaking her head; she knew when she was outnumbered.<br>"Jessie!" Lily squealed bursting through the back door and jumping off the porch. "You're here!"  
>"Happy birthday, Lily," Jessie said, hugging her friend. "I'm so excited."<br>"Me too," she said, hugging Jessie again. "Can we go now, dad, please?"  
>Harm laughed at his daughter's exuberance. "How about we check on mom and grandma and see if they're ready?"<br>"Okay," she yelled as she ran back towards the house.  
>"I think someone's excited," Veronica said as she grabbed a basket and large bag from the back seat.<br>"Let me take them for you," Frank said, moving forward. "What on earth do you have in here?" he asked, feeling the great weight of both packages.  
>"Just some essentials," she said with a laugh. While everyone had insisted she did not have to bring anything, she couldn't help herself; she'd never been on a proper family picnic either.<br>"Mom says five minutes," Lily yelled from the porch.  
>"In that case," Frank said, heading back towards the vehicle they had just come back in. "I think these can wait in here."<p>

It was closer to twenty minutes before all the adults and children were ready to head off for the picnic. Frank and Trish offered to drive the car to the picnic area while everyone else was walking; Kenzie and Frankie were in the twins' old double stroller with Colin pushing it. Kenzie slept through it while Frankie loved every bump along the way. Harm was pushing Jessie and while Veronica had argued the point, Harm had delicately pointed out that the ground was rough in patches and a little steep here and there and as he knew the lie of the land then perhaps he was the best one to navigate the terrain. Lily danced alongside the wheelchair as the pair chatted and the twins ran between their dad and mom already having a great time.  
>"Oh my gosh!" Lily screamed when she saw the preparations her dad had made earlier. Not only had the men put up shelters and laid out blankets and cushions, there were bunches of bright coloured balloons everywhere as well as streamers linking them. "So cool, dad!" she said, throwing her arms around him. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"<br>"You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome," he replied kissing her head. "But you need to thank grandpa and Colin too."

Hugs, kisses and thanks later, Lily plopped herself into the middle of a sea of cushions. "Ah, this is the life," she said with her eyes closed and a huge smile on her face.  
>"How about we start with a splash in the creek?" Harm said putting the brakes on the wheelchair. "Then food and presents and another swim?"<br>"Sounds great!" Lily said bouncing up from the blanket.

It took a few minutes for the children to strip off their outerwear and to be standing in their swimming gear. Harry went to charge down to the water before Frank's reflexes kicked in and he grabbed him by his wrist.  
>"You just wait, young man," he said sternly, and Harry stopped in his tracks. "That's better."<br>It took some organisation but soon Lily was splashing around with the twins in knee deep water while Frank sat on the side with Frankie standing in front of him. Colin had Kenzie with him and while Mattie wasn't happy with the thought her month old son was being immersed in creek water, she trusted her husband to do the right thing,  
>"All set?" Harm asked Jessie as Veronica removed the last of Jessie's outerwear.<br>"Definitely," she said, her arms shooting up. "Can't wait."

It took Harm a few moments to be down on the creek bed.  
>"Now, missy, where would you like to sit?" he asked , standing Jessie in front of him while supporting her weight.<br>"There!" she said, pointing a foot to the right where the rocks seemed smoother. Harm went to scoop her up but she shook her head. "Watch this, Lil!" she instructed while she grasped Harm's arm which was around her body.

Three faltering steps later, she was ready to sit.  
>"Wow!" Lily shrieked. "You walked! That was so cool!"<br>"Thanks," Jessie said proudly. "I was working on it all summer in New York with the Botox injections."  
>"Why didn't you tell me?" Lily asked, moving closer once Harm had helped her sit down.<br>"Wanted it to be a surprise for your birthday," she said smiling broadly.  
>"And it was," she replied quickly. "Imagine what you'll be doing by Christmas."<p>

From above, Mattie smiled; she had caught it all on video and was so proud that she had been instrumental in financing Jessie's treatment and therapy through the foundation. In fact, she felt like a fairy godmother. Changing from video to camera mode, she proceeded to snap dozens of pictures of the water party below while Mac, Trish and Veronica organised the food.

When the food was set up, Mac ventured down to the creek and waded in.  
>"Are we having fun?" she asked, splashing Harry when he grinned cheekily and splashed her.<br>"Lots!" he declared before dropping onto his bottom and sending more splashes of water up.  
>"It's the best, mom," Lily declared moving to her and hugging her tightly. "Gee, I have some great ideas."<br>"Yes, you do," Mac agreed, kissing her head. "Now, lunch is ready and ..."  
>"Whoo hoo!" she squealed and scrambled up the bank. "Grandma's potato salad rocks!"<p>

With a little help, Harry and Rosie climbed up as well and Trish set about wrapping them in towels and ensuring their hands were clean enough to eat. Frank and Colin took their charges and Harm picked up Jessie.  
>"Uncle Harm, can I tell you a secret?" she whispered and Harm glanced at Mac before nodding. "My brother wants to come live here too."<br>"That's good," Harm whispered in reply. "Why is that a secret though?"  
>"Mom doesn't know," she said. "He told me when I was in New York over summer."<br>"Why didn't he tell your mom?" he questioned, glancing again at Mac.  
>"He doesn't think grandmother will allow it and he didn't want to upset her," Jessie said, before looking up towards the others. "Do you think you and Aunty Mac could help him? Lily said you used to be good law people."<br>"Everything alright?" Veronica called down and Harm nodded.  
>"Sorry," he called back. "Just got chatting."<br>"Jessie does that," she replied with a laugh.  
>"Please, Uncle Harm," she pleaded quietly. "You guys have a big family and Lily has two brothers and two sisters and a brother-in-law and a nephew and a mom and dad and I just have mom...I would love to have my brother home all the time."<br>"I'll look into it," he whispered as he climbed up the embankment. "Tomorrow."

The food was delicious, everyone having seconds...or thirds... Then came the birthday cake, chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and little pink icing love hearts standing up on top. Once a rousing chorus of 'Happy Birthday to You' had been sung, Lily blew out the 10 candles spread over 5 cupcakes and then quickly devoured two of them.  
>"Guess it's time for some presents," Harm said after clearing away the plates in front of the birthday girl.<br>"Yes, it is," she said clapping her hands.  
>Harm opened the box Colin had moved next to him. "Oh," he said with a frown. "The present box seems to be empty."<br>"Don't be silly, daddy," she said with a giggle and the shake of her head.  
>"You're too clever," he said with a laugh before lifting up the first parcel and handing it to Mattie.<br>"This one is from Colin and I," she said handing it to Lily. "Happy birthday, kiddo," she said crouching beside her sister and kissing her head.  
>"And from Kenzie too," Lily added, just in case she'd forgotten there was a third member of the family.<br>"Oh, Kenzie has his own present," Mattie said with a smile.  
>"Cool," she said excitedly. Rosie helped her rip of the paper of the shoe box sized gift. "Oh wow! How did you know these are what I wanted?"<br>"Oh, maybe because you told me 100 times," she said with a smile.  
>"Oh you're the best," she said launching herself at Mattie and hugging her tightly before moving over to hug and thank Colin.<br>"What is it, Lil?" Jessie asked, wondering what all the excitement was about.  
>"The Nike trainers I wanted, the pink ones," she said pulling the shoes from the box.<br>"Oh, cool," Jessie agreed. "I wanted them too but they cost too much."  
>"Well, we have the same size feet," she said, "When you start walking I'll let you borrow them."<br>"Oh, gee, thanks," she said excitedly.  
>"Now, this one, is from Kenzie," Harm said, taking a small package from the box and handing it to his daughter.<br>"Aww, thanks, Kenz," she said leaning towards her grandmother and kissing the infant in her arms.  
>Harry helped with this one and the discarded paper quickly revealed a small plaque entitled 'My dear Godmother' followed by a sweet verse.<br>"I don't get it," she said, looking at the adults surrounding her.  
>"Well, Lily," Mattie said taking her hand. "Kenzie, Colin and I would be honoured if you would be his godmother."<br>"Godmother? Really?" she asked, eyes wide.  
>"Really," Colin confirmed. "We thought that as you delivered him, you deserved the honour."<br>"Am I old enough?" she asked, looking to her mother.  
>"Well, you have to be 10..." Mattie started to explain.<br>"And I am," she interjected.  
>"And you are," Mattie said. "We'd like Jimmy to be godfather and thought that with you and he being young that we would like an adult too..."<br>"Well, that makes sense," Lily agreed nodding vigorously.  
>"So, we'd like to ask you too, Ronnie," Mattie said looking over at her friend.<br>"Godmother? Really?" she said, echoing Lily's words.  
>There were lots of hugs and thanks and agreements and Kenzie soon had two godmothers.<p>

More presents and more squeals of delight. Finally, it was time for her present from her parents. She'd changed her mind about what she wanted several times and then in the end said she wanted to be surprised. Surprised she was when she discovered there was nothing left in the box. Instantly, her face fell.  
>"Well, you wanted a surprise," Harm said stifling a laugh. "So, we surprised you with nothing." Biting down on her bottom lip, Lily nodded tearfully. "Oh, baby," he said embracing her. "I was kidding."<br>"Your present was a bit big to bring down so it will have to wait until we get back, okay?" Mac said, hoping Lily wouldn't actually cry.  
>"Okay," she said with a sniffle.<p>

Another trip to the creek bed, some more splashing around and then it was time to return to the house – lots of tired children ready for dinner and an early night. Just before they were about to depart, Lily tugged Mac by the hand and pulled her towards the rocks which held the family history through the engravings.  
>"Mom, I know this place was special for daddy and grandad but do you think he'll be okay with everyone leaving a message?" she asked, glancing over to where her dad stood talking to his mother.<br>"Why don't you ask him?" she said, smoothing down the child's damp hair.  
>"Can you ask him with me?" she asked not too sure if he was going to be okay with it or not.<br>"Sure," she replied before calling him over. "Daddy, Lily has something she would like to ask."  
>"And what's that, pumpkin?" he asked caressing her face.<br>"I know this is your special place but would it be okay for everyone here today to leave a message?" she asked staring up into his big blue eyes. "'cause we're all family and it's Kenzie's first family outing and..."  
>"I think it's a great idea," he said, kissing her head.<p>

It took a lot of manoeuvring to get all the children and adults to etch their names or marks into the large rock Lily had selected. Mac had written 'Lily's 10th Birthday' in the centre while the others wrote around it. Soon it was Jessie and Veronica's turn and it was obvious that Veronica was reluctant to participate.  
>"I don't think we should," she whispered to Mattie as Colin came back from making his mark along with Kenzie's.<br>"Why not?" Mattie asked, turning to face her friend.  
>"This is for family," she said, glancing around.<br>"And you are too," Mattie reminded her. "Or have you forgotten you are godmother to this little one?" she said as Colin handed the baby to her.  
>Veronica found it hard to etch her name through her tears; how had she been so fortunate to gain such a family?<p>

Returning to the house, Lily turned her attention to the mystery present.  
>"Try the barn," Harm called as she raced towards the back door, Lily quickly about turned and raced to the barn.<br>Her scream of delight could be heard around the farm. It was pony, something she had wanted and never thought she'd get, so she hadn't asked. When Colin had the vet come out to check on one of their horses, the vet had mentioned this little fellow being homeless due to his owners moving to the city. The vet was happy to look after him in the short term and, once Colin had spoken to Harm and Mac, he agreed to take on the animal.  
>"Oh, he's so cute," she said patting his neck. "What's his name?"<br>"It's Peppi, Peppi the Pony," Colin said, rubbing the animal's back.  
>"Awww, Peppi, you are adorable..." Lily gushed. "Can I ride him?"<br>"You can but not today," Harm said. "Peppi only arrived this morning so we want to get him used to being here and all of us before riding him."  
>"Is he really mine?" she asked looking from her dad to her mom.<br>"He is," Mac confirmed. "But remember, with animals come responsibility. He will need to be fed, groomed and exercised regularly, not just when it suits you."  
>"Oh, I know, I know," she said quickly before turning to Jessie. "And when he's ready we can ride him. It's so cool riding a horse and I'm sure Peppi will be perfect for you."<br>Veronica flinched at the thought of her daughter on the back of any animal.  
>"There are special saddles and techniques for kids with disabilities," Mac whispered reassuringly. "She'll be fine."<br>"Aha," Veronica replied not at all convinced.

Bedtime was early for everyone with the three youngest ones sound asleep by 7:00PM. Lily wasn't far behind, sitting across Mac's lap as they chatted about the day.  
>"Toasted chicken and cheese sandwiches with a small serve of potato salad," Harm announced bringing in his daughter's supper. "Lil?"<br>"Sorry, honey," Mac replied looking down to find her daughter had fallen asleep mid-sentence. "Looks like you're too late, but don't worry, I'll eat it."  
>"Well, how about I put her to bed so you can eat," he suggested placing the plate on the side table and scooping up his daughter.<p>

After navigating the stairs, Harm placed Lily in her bed and covered her before kissing her head. "Sweet dreams my little 10 year old princess," he said, kissing her again.  
>Leaning against the door jamb, his mind flashed back to the day he found out he was to be a father, the utter excitement he felt hearing the news, the panic which struck him soon after. He recalled her birth – the most exhilarating day of his life and one which saw him shed more tears than at any other time in his life. He recalled her first smile, first word, first step and the first time she said 'I love you, daddy.'<br>"She's amazing, isn't she?" Mac said, sliding one arm around his waist and using the other to dry the tears on his face he didn't know were there.  
>"Aha," he replied, wrapping his arms around her. "Just thinking about her milestones...you know, when you told me you were expecting I thought I would be able to prepare for being a dad...I read all the books, Googled all the best websites, asked all the right questions and then this little one arrived and I realised I knew nothing. Nearly everything I've learnt about being a dad I have learnt from her."<br>"She's done a fantastic job teaching you," Mac said, pressing up and kissing him. "Though Mattie did her part too."  
>"She did," he agreed. "But Mattie came almost fully grown; this one was a work in progress."<br>"She still is," Mac reminded him.  
>"I know, but I think she'll turn out just fine," he said, kissing Mac's head. "After all, she's such a mini-you and look at you."<br>"That's because of you," Mac said brushing her lips across his. "You've given me everything I ever needed to feel loved, safe and whole."  
>"Do you regret not getting our act together earlier?" he asked, looking back at their daughter.<br>"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "If we had, she wouldn't be turning 10 today but 15 or such... I'm not ready for a teenager...I'm more than happy with my little girl."  
>"Me too," he agreed.<p>

And for the next while they stood in silence in the doorway and watched their little girl sleep and thought about the past, the present and the future this precious child would have.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: the usual

Fantastic 50

October

Once the calendar turned to October, the weather cooled noticeably and while the days were mild, the nights showed the temperatures more accustomed to winter. While the farm was a busy place, with everyone getting on with the business of living, Mac's thoughts turned to something else...her husband's 50th birthday on the 25th of the month. They had had several chats about it but Harm was non-committal. There was nothing specific he wanted, no specific way he wanted to celebrate.

Birthdays had never bothered him and, until he met Mac, they were something, as an adult, he had rarely celebrated. Then, once the kids came along, there had always been a special dinner, handmade gifts and cards, which he treasured more than anything, and, where circumstances permitted, a special birthday treat from his beautiful wife at night.

This year he was 50 and he found himself shaking his head more than once at the thought. 50! Five decades. Half a century. 600 months. Where had the time gone? In his heart and in his head, he felt better, more alive now than he did when he was 30. As a younger man, 50 always seemed very old, almost geriatric and now, he was 50. 50!

One night, while Mac was sleeping, Harm sat in the armchair in their living room with Frankie in his arms. The child had been unsettled over recent nights and Mac had been up with him the night before. Usually, they tried to resettle him in his room, in his own bed, but Harm hadn't been sleeping before Frankie's 3:00 AM wake up, so rather than risk waking anyone else, he had brought his son downstairs, fixed them both a drink, turned the music and lights down low, wrapped a fleecy throw rug around them both and nestled into the reclining armchair.

While Frankie didn't fall asleep, he stopped his grizzling and was content to lie in his father's arms and gaze at him.  
>"Whatcha thinkin' little man?" Harm asked, stroking his face. "Not going to share with me?"<br>Frankie smiled.  
>"Well, daddy's doing lots of thinking lately...mainly about turning 50. That's 49 years older than you...you don't realise how old that is but think of it this way...when you are my age I'll be 99...if I'm still here..." he explained quietly. "Your mommy wants to make plans for the day for a big celebration but I don't know ... I don't really want to make a fuss. I know I should plan something... after all, that's why your grandma and grandpa have yet to go home...although, just between you and me, I think the longer they stay the harder they find it to leave...so they keep finding reasons to stay...after my birthday they'll be talking about Thanksgiving and then Christmas...and by then they'll have been here six months. Not that I'm complaining at all, I'd have them live here if I could. You know, I have a better relationship with them since I married your mommy than I ever did when I was younger."<p>

Frankie's eyes grew heavier but he still resisted sleep.  
>"Lily picked the right sort of birthday celebration; low key, with the family," he continued, his eyes never leaving his baby boy's face. "So, do you have any suggestions, son?" He paused, waiting for the answer which came from his mother.<br>"I think a birthday lunch with your favourite meal and lots of love and kisses from your beautiful family," she said sitting down on the nearby sofa.  
>"Hey, mom," he said, looking up. "How come you're up?"<br>"I needed the bathroom and saw the light through the window," she explained. "I figured it was left on by mistake."  
>"Nope," he said with a shake of his head. "Just us men and a touch of insomnia."<br>"Anything I can do to help?" she asked, reaching over and rubbing Frankie's leg through the blanket.  
>"Not really," he replied. "Just doing some thinking and chatting."<br>"About your birthday?" she said and Harm nodded. "What is it about this one that's got you up at night?"  
>"Don't know," he said. "Dad, his dad and your dad all passed before 40, so I figured if I was going to have a problem with a milestone age that would be it..."<br>"They would all be very proud of you, you know that, don't you?" she asked. "I'm sure they're all watching you."  
>"Me too," he agreed. "I don't think I'd be as blessed otherwise."<br>"Mac was telling me you didn't really want anything," Trish continued. "I think she was getting a bit concerned."  
>"Mac was talking about a gift," he explained, his finger gently tracing his son's cheek, causing the boy's eyes to flutter closed and his breathing to even out. "There's nothing I can think of that I don't already have or want..."<br>"What about a family portrait?" she asked. "You're turning 50 and you have your first grandson, maybe you can get the photographer out from Charlesville to set up some family shots with the farm house or barn...or creek...or the Stearman, as the backdrop."

Slowly, Harm nodded. It sounded like the perfect thing. He knew he didn't need anything else for his birthday but capturing what he had for posterity would be the way to go.  
>"That's the perfect thing, mom," he said with a grateful smile, reaching out to take her hand. "Thanks."<br>"You're welcome, son," she said, squeezing his hand. "Now, we were going to tell you later but now seems to be the right time...for your birthday, Frank and I want to give you and Mac a weekend ...or a few days away. Now, before you say no," she said, putting up her hand before he could speak, "There are lots of lovely B&B's in a hundred mile vicinity of here, so you wouldn't have to go too far away. I've spoken to Mattie and Colin and they're more than happy to help out, so there's no worry there...and..."  
>"Mom," he interjected. "I wasn't going to say 'no'." His last night away with his wife had been the day they had journeyed to Disneyland in June and a spectacular night it was indeed. Alas, with the pressures of a young family, business and farm, time to themselves was a luxury. "I was going to ask if you were sure...they can be demanding..." he said, looking down at the now sleeping child in his arms.<br>"And so were you," she chided. "I'm sure between four adults we can look after the children...Frank and I aren't quite ready for the nursing home yet..." She laughed heartily.  
>"Well, in that case, I accept," he said with a genuine smile.<br>"So, any chance you and this young man will be in bed asleep before dawn?" she asked with a yawn as she got to her feet.  
>"Yeah," he said with a soft sigh, "I think we're ready for bed now."<p>

After kissing his mother good night, once again, he headed back up the stairs and settled Frankie into his bed before kissing his head and adjusting the covers. "Sleep well, little man," he said. "Thanks for the chat, I appreciate it." He kissed him again.  
>"You okay?" Mac asked as he climbed in beside her.<br>"I'm wonderful," he said, sliding down beside her.  
>"Huh?" she questioned, a bit hazy on the events of the last hour.<br>"I'll tell you in the morning," he promised wrapping her in his arms and kissing his forehead before a peaceful sleep claimed him.

Thankful it was Saturday morning, which afforded them a slight sleep in, Mac awoke and stayed put, more than comfortable in her husband's arms. She knew he'd been gone for about an hour in the early hours and didn't want to disturb him if she didn't have to but she was a little concerned about his apparent birthday funk and now the 'wonderful' response as he had climbed into bed. Where had the change come from?

Realising his wife was awake, Harm kissed her head. While it was true he was still a little tired after his early hours chat with his son, he was feeling energised now that he had his birthday plans sorted.  
>"I know what I want for my birthday," he said quietly and Mac looked up at him. Quietly he explained his talk with his mom and Frankie, and the birthday lunch and few days away.<br>"Well, I'm glad you have decided on that but what about from me?" she asked, she wanted to make this a very special birthday.  
>"From you, well, from us, I want a marathon..." he started to explain.<br>"A marathon? Really? I don't know if I'm in shape for that distance," she interjected.  
>"Not a running marathon," he said, brushing the hair from her face. "An us marathon."<br>"I don't get it," she said, propping herself up on an elbow.  
>"You know the song 50 Ways to Leave your Lover?" he asked and she nodded, even more confused, not to mention concerned. "Well, what about 50 Ways to Please your Lover?"<br>"Ohhhh," she said slowly as his meaning dawned on her.  
>"You want me to please you 50 ways for your birthday?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.<br>"Well, we'd go halves," he said, "You do 25, I do 25..."  
>"And when would this marathon take place?" she asked, her mind already ticking over with ways she could please him.<br>"Between now and my birthday," he said. "Once, I probably could have notched up 25 in a romantic week away but, as you said yourself, I don't think we're in shape for that distance..."  
>"Speak for yourself," Mac said, rolling on top of him and kissing him deeply before getting the marathon underway.<p>

By the time Harry banged on their bedroom door impatient for his breakfast, both were sated and satisfied.  
>"That's one for me," Mac said kissing him quickly before swinging her legs from the bed and pulling on her robe.<br>As she disappeared from the bedroom, Harm grinned. "Oh, I think it was one for me..." he mumbled, this could prove to be his greatest birthday ever.

For the fifteen days since their marathon had begun, Harm and Mac had been very dedicated to the cause. While Harm had suggested keeping a tally sheet of sorts, Mac had declined, she may be getting older herself but these tallies she kept easily in her head. With the opportunity to have their days away before Harm's birthday, they took it.

It was Monday to Thursday in a quaint B&B called Harmony Haven. There's was a small cosy cottage detached from the house and the rest of the guests and it suited them perfectly.

After the last minute anxieties about leaving the children, both had relaxed, happy with the location of this particular B&B, only a 28 minute drive from the farm. Once they had checked in and taken their luggage to the room, Mac grabbed the compendium to see what local sights there were.  
>"We're close enough to home that I'm sure you know everything listed in there," Harm said with a chuckle; it wasn't as if they were exploring new territory.<br>"Just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing out on something," she said, closing the folder and dropping it back on the table. "So, what do you want to do first, birthday boy?" she asked, looping her arms around his neck and pressing into him.  
>"Take you out for lunch," he said, trying to ignore the friction she was creating with her whole body movements.<br>"Lunch? Is that the only idea that has 'come up'?" she asked with a pout.  
>"I just figured you'd need sustenance as you didn't eat breakfast and I'm sure you're going to expend a lot of energy during our time away," he said, tenderly placing the first of a trail of kisses at her temple.<br>"Well, we're up to 31 at the moment," she informed him. "19me, 12 you ... so I think you're being a bit slack there."  
>"It is my birthday," he chided, his lips moving down the column of her neck.<br>"I guess," she replied, tilting her head to give him greater access.

31 encounters in the ways to please your lover marathon hadn't all been about making love... while that had accounted for just over half of them, there had been a range of other intimate encounters which hadn't involved intercourse but were just as fulfilling and memorable. There was the gift Harm found on his desk when he arrived in the office one morning; it was a CD Mac had put together of all his favourite songs which had a 'flying' theme. There was Harm's gift to Mac of a grandson charm for her bracelet. There was Harm's very early breakfast in bed treat for Mac with most of her favourite breakfast foods served up with him wearing nothing but an apron. There was Mac's hour long full body massage when Harm was achy after a day of tough maintenance.

However, both knew, given the privacy they would have over the next few days that physical intimacy was going to play a huge part in the marathon, and both were very happy about it.

It was 32 by the time they had lunch.

After dining in a nearby cafe, they took a walk, hand-in-hand, through a local park, chatting amiably and enjoying the freedom of being sans children.  
>"Why don't we go and see what movie's playing in the theatre this afternoon?" Harm suggested as his arm slid around her waist.<br>"Let's," she said, turning around and heading towards the row of buildings. "There won't be much choice given there's only one screen... don't even know if it's opened during the day..."  
>"Let's chance our luck," he said, and before long he was pulling open the door in the quaint theatre.<br>Before he could say anything, Mac's eyes filled with tears as she saw the film poster. The theatre was screening 'Mr Smith Goes to Washington', her all time favourite movie and it was quickly evident they were to be the only patrons.  
>"Actually," the manager whispered while Harm was in the bathroom. "We only operate Wednesday through Sunday nights but your husband organised this especially for you – right down to the poster and the baked caramel corn you love."<p>

Harm's thank you came in the form of a kiss in the theatre foyer and something a little more that night.

Lying on top of him in the early hours of the morning, Mac's head rested in the crook of Harm's neck. Extremely relaxed and sated, she didn't have the energy to move to her side and Harm didn't particularly want her to move either. He was more than comfortable with their positions and his fingers raking through her hair were causing her eyelids to close and breathing to even out.

When Mac did awake early the following morning, she tried to slide into the space beside him but Harm's arm tightened around her waist, holding her in place.  
>"You can't be comfortable," she said, pushing her weight up on her arms.<br>"I've never been more comfortable," he replied, tugging her back to him.

Not needing any more convincing, Mac lay down once again and her body melded with his perfectly. She was in the ideal position to continue their marathon when dawn came.

Days of bliss ensued, Lazy, peaceful days with nothing to do except be together and explore the joys of being with each other. Thursday, they had eaten lunch at a local cafe before taking a stroll along the river, arms wrapped around each other. They would be heading home the following morning, back to the reality of a busy life, so they would have to make the most of these last precious hours together.

Stopping by a large rock in the river embankment, Mac stepped out of Harm's grasp and sat on it, her feet dangling a couple of inches above the water. Harm sat behind her, his legs either side of her, so his feet could stay above water level.  
>"You're so beautiful," he whispered, kissing her head. "I love you very much." He kissed her again.<br>"Love you too," she replied, craning her neck and kissing him again.  
>"These few days together have been amazing," he whispered.<br>"Yeah," she said with a sigh leaning back into him, loving the feel of his strong, warm arms surrounding her. "It's done wonders for our relationship."  
>"Was there a problem with our relationship?" he asked, tilting his head to look at her face.<br>"No, not at all," she said quickly, looking at him. "It's just in the day-to-day hubbub of life; there isn't much time for you and me."  
>"I thought we were doing okay," he said, concerned about the turn of this conversation.<p>

Carefully, Mac turned around, her legs winding around his body, her feet resting on the ground near his butt. "We were ... are doing okay," she said, her hands framing his face. "I wouldn't change it for the world, but these few days with just you and me reminded me of how it was in the early days of our relationship," she said quietly. "When we had a weekend together or took a week of leave somewhere and there was just us and the whole world outside the door didn't exist ... I didn't have to think about school lunches and laundry and paediatrician appointments, you didn't have to think about flying schedules and business taxes. There was just you, me and incredible togetherness."  
>"I guess I can understand that," he said, leaning in and kissing her forehead. "Even though I love our life, some days I get you to myself for all of ten minutes before one of us is asleep."<br>"Yep," she agreed, brushing her lips against his. "And I need you for more than ten minutes a day...I need you for more than 24 hours a day..."  
>"Not quite possible," he said with a smile as he kissed her back.<br>"I know," she replied, her arms looping around his neck. "I just want to have everything I have and to have you to myself all day too...it's not a lot to ask, is it?"  
>"Nope," he replied, leaning his forehead on hers. "I feel exactly the same."<p>

It didn't take long for their lips to meet and seal their declarations in a searing kiss. When it came to its natural conclusion, Mac pulled back breathless, "You wanna know something?" she asked softly.  
>"What?" he replied, stroking her face.<br>"This is exactly how I want to celebrate my 50th too...you and me and time away from everything," she said with a sexy smile.  
>"Sounds like a plan," he said kissing her softly. "Maybe we should use this method for all celebratory occasions...birthdays, holidays..."<br>"You think we could get your parents to move here permanently so we could have built in babysitters?" she asked with a laugh. "That way we can have year-round 'us' time."  
>"Are you serious?" he questioned, studying her face.<br>"About us time, definitely," she said with a grin.  
>"Oh, I knew that," he replied with a chuckle, "I meant about mom and dad...moving here."<br>"I don't think they would," she said as a preface to her thoughts, "But they've been here four months now, not going home until the New Year...which will make six months...and they haven't really talked about missing LaJolla...maybe it's something we could bring up in conversation, see what they're thinking."  
>"You wouldn't mind them being here?" he asked, a little surprised, after all, no one really wanted their in-laws to live with them.<br>"Not at all," she said, "I think it does wonders for the kids...not to mention they seem younger when they're around the kids."  
>"Well, we'll bring it up and see what response it gets...maybe, they could keep the house in LaJolla and take holidays there, in the warmer climes, when they need a break," he suggested.<br>"Sounds good to me," she said. "When you were growing up I bet you never thought you'd want your mom and dad living with you as an adult."  
>"Not at all," he agreed. "But life is full of surprises."<br>"It definitely is," Mac concurred before bestowing on him a breathtaking kiss which reminded him just how much passion she felt for him.

With his birthday conveniently falling on Saturday, Harm and Mac went to the grocery store after checking out of Harmony Haven on Friday morning. It didn't take long for the shopping cart to be filled with all the goodies needed for his special lunch the following day. Mac had been surprised when he had tossed in many and varied candy treats and though she didn't say anything, he caught the look on her face.  
>"They're the kids' favourites," he said pointing to the treats.<br>"I noticed," she said with a smile.  
>"Just wanted them to know we missed them," he said, with a shrug. "And were thinking about them."<br>"I'm sure they'll appreciate it," she said, tossing in the family bag of Reece's Pieces, one of her favourites.

After their early start and shopping spree, Harm and Mac pulled up at home just before eleven and found an empty house. The house was immaculate and both knew Trish must have spent the past few days scrubbing everything in sight.  
>"Come on, I'll get..." Mattie said, holding Kenzie in one arm and a crying Frankie in the other.<br>"Oh, dear," Mac said, holding out her arms for her son. "What's the matter?"  
>"Mommy," he sobbed, his arms looping around her neck. "Mommy."<br>"Well, hello there," Mattie said, moving to greet Harm and then Mac. "We weren't expecting you until later today."  
>"That explains the lack of a welcoming committee," he said, kissing Mattie's head before taking his grandson and hugging and kissing him hello. "How are you, little man?"<br>"He's very good," Mattie answered for him. "Excellent report from his check up this week."  
>"Way to go, Kenzie," he said, kissing the boy's head.<br>"And what's wrong with this little man?" Harm asked, rubbing his son's back.  
>"Grandma and grandpa took the others into school this morning as grandma wanted to do a few things and Frankie was going to stay with us and he was fine until he saw them go...we were just coming to get his teddy to see if that would comfort him," she explained, taking back her son so Harm could take Frankie.<br>"Are you feeling left out, son?" he asked, cradling the boy to him. "Well, mommy and daddy are here now and we'll spoil you."

Frankie rested his head on Harm's shoulder and looked at his mommy with tears in his eyes.  
>"He looks tired," she observed and Mattie nodded.<br>"He wasn't really himself yesterday and grandma said he didn't sleep well last night, thinks he may have picked up a bug," she said, adjusting Kenzie in her arms.  
>"Ohhh, my poor baby," Mac said, caressing his face and Frankie put his arms out for her. "How about you and me chill out for a bit and see if I can get you to take a nap?"<br>"Take him into the living room," Harm suggested, "I'll bring in a drink..."  
>"Hot choc," Frankie said and Mac grinned, a boy after her own heart.<br>"Did he say, 'hot choc'?" Harm clarified and Mac nodded. "I'll make that two, right?" he asked with a smirk.  
>"Make it three," Mattie said, following Mac into the next room. "How was your mini-vacation?" she asked, settling on the sofa as Mac sank into the armchair.<br>"Wonderful," she said with a dreamy smile.  
>"No need to ask what you got up to, that smile says it all," she said with a chuckle.<br>"Oh – um – aha," Mac said, a slight red tinge colouring her cheeks. "Anything we need to know about the goings-on here?" she asked, changing the topic.  
>"Nope, same old – same old," she said, shaking her head. "Lots of card and gift making for a certain birthday boy and grumbling about grandma enforcing bedtime."<br>"Here you go, ladies, and Frankie," Harm said, carrying in the tray. Placing down the tray, he picked up the tippee cup which contain a lukewarm version of hot chocolate and handed it to his son. "Here you are, kiddo," he said and Frankie reached out for it. "Would you like this too?" he asked, producing a small Milky Way bar, his favourite chocolate treat. Surprising him, Frankie shook his head; all he wanted was his drink and his mommy.

It didn't take all that long before the child was asleep in Mac's arms. When the adults had finished their drinks, Harm offered to take the child and put him into bed but as soon as there was movement away from his mother, Frankie started to cry.  
>"Guess he's not going anywhere," Mac said, reclining the chair and allowing him to rest more full on her.<br>"Guess that means I'm putting away the groceries," Harm said, getting to his feet.  
>"I'll help," Mattie said, standing up and placing her sleeping son in the small basket which stayed in the living room for such occasions.<p>

Mac pulled the throw rug over her and around her son and it didn't surprise Harm to find them both asleep when he came to check on them ten minutes later.

Mother and son were still asleep when Frank and Trish arrived home a little past noon with the preschoolers. Harm had to laugh when he saw the looks on their faces as he went out to greet them; he wasn't sure who was happier they were back, his children or his parents...maybe having them here fulltime wasn't on their agenda. Hugs and kisses followed and while Rosie wasn't intentionally last, it didn't stop here feeling sad at having to wait.  
>"I think Miss Rose is coming down with whatever is ailing young Frankie," Frank said as Harm picked up the child with teary eyes and a trembling lip.<br>"Don't you feel well, baby?" Harm asked and Rosie buried her head in his neck in response. "Well, maybe a drink and a nap will make you feel better. It's working for Frankie."  
>"Is he asleep?" Trish asked, grabbing her handbag and a few shopping bags.<br>"Both he and Mac," Harm reported. "Fell asleep about an hour ago and still asleep now."  
>"I want mommy," Rosie said and Harm kissed her head. He was going to explain to her that daddy's were good people too when you were feeling sick but one look at his precious girl's face told him she wasn't in the mood for reason.<br>"Okay," he said, "Let's go see what we can do."

The arrangements were simple in the end; with Frankie out like a light, Harm carefully removed him from a still sleeping Mac and just as carefully inserted their daughter into her arms before pulling the blanket up and caressing the child's head. He smiled at the blissful look Mac had on her face as she slept, they had been the best few days and it didn't surprise him she now needed lots of sleep...he was sure he'd be hitting the pillow very early.

It was about forty minutes later when Mac awoke and looked down confused at her child. She was sure she was cradling Frankie and now it was Rosie asleep against her. Before she could formulate a reason, Harm entered the room and smiled when he saw her awake.  
>"Rosie's not feeling the best either and just wanted mommy," he explained in a whisper. "So, Frankie is up in his bed, still sleeping, and this one is asleep with you."<br>"Oh," she replied with a nod before yawning.  
>"How are you doing?" he asked crouching down beside the chair and brushing her hair back.<br>"Still feeling a little tired," she admitted, tilting her head so her face rested in his palm.  
>"Well, you did expend a lot of energy in recent days," he said with a smirk.<br>"I know," she agreed. "Well worth it."

It was a quiet afternoon of naps and hugs and reassurances. When Mac heard the school bus down the end of the driveway she wanted to go and greet her daughter but with Rosie sleeping uneasily on the sofa, she waited until Lily was at the house before moving into the kitchen.  
>"Mommy!" she said running over and hugging her tightly. "I missed you so much."<br>"Missed you too, sweetheart," Mac said, kissing her head. "How are you?" she asked, a little concerned that she had two unwell babies.  
>"Tired," she said, wrapping her arms around Mac's waist and resting her head on her chest.<br>"Are you feeling okay? Because Frankie and Rosie seem to be a little unwell," she explained, kissing her forehead and checking her temperature at the same time.  
>"Hmmm," she replied and while it wasn't a no, Mac wasn't convinced.<br>"Miss Kate was saying they've had a 25% absenteeism this week due to a virus going around," Trish explained, "And Lily said yesterday that there were six people away from her grade."  
>"Well, I think we are in for a siege," Mac said picking up her son when Harry came and wrapped his arms around her leg.<p>

When Harm walked in to find Mac with Harry on her hip and Lily leaning against her he shook his head, all did not bode well for a day of birthday celebrations. After deliberately leaving their marathon at 49, they had planned for the 50th to coincide with the special day...looking at the faces of their children he knew he wouldn't be the only one sharing a bed with Mac that night. Still, he couldn't complain, and he didn't.

Dinner was simple; vegetable soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. None of the children ate much and all but Lily declined cookies and milk. Baths were skipped in favour of rugging them up warm and tucking them into their own beds well before bedtime.  
>"Not exactly the homecoming you wanted," Frank observed as Harm entered the kitchen to find his father putting away the last of the dishes.<br>"No," he replied with a shake of the head. "You didn't have to do them, dad, I did say I would."  
>"I know," he said, patting Harm's back. "It's just they are easier to do than putting the kids to bed."<br>Harm laughed before thanking him for everything over the past few days.

Sliding into bed later that night, Harm kissed Mac's head as she nestled into him and mumbled her love. It was the two of them for only an hour before Harry started crying and Harm climbed out of bed to see to him. It didn't surprise Mac that he brought him back in to their bed, knowing he wouldn't want the others to wake as well.

That was his plan...but, as with all plans, they are subject to go astray especially in the dark hours of the night and where children are concerned. By midnight there were four in the bed, by three there were five, by dawn there were still five as Harm climbed out in favour of Lily and sat in the armchair with Mac's robe draped over him watching his wife and four children sleep.

Hearing no sounds which indicated an intrusion would not be welcomed, Trish wrapped softly on the bedroom door before opening it and carrying in a tray of breakfast for two.  
>"Oh," she said, spying the full bed. "I thought I'd treat you and Mac to breakfast in bed before the children claimed you for the day."<br>"They beat you to it, mom," he said with a smile, stretching and rolling his neck.

Placing the tray on the chest next to him, Trish hugged and kissed her boy. "Happy birthday, darling. I can't believe my baby boy is 50."  
>"Your baby boy can't believe it either," he said kissing her cheek. "Thank you for everything you've done for me over those 50 years. I know I wasn't always the easiest or most appreciative son, but I am now, and I do realise just how amazing you are."<br>"It's been my pleasure, Harmon," she said, tearfully kissing his head. "I am very proud to be your mother."

Frank walked in carrying another tray with the coffees and juices. "Didn't expect to find a full house," he offered sliding the tray alongside the first one. "Happy birthday, son," he said shaking Harm's hand.  
>"Thanks, dad, and I want to thank you for everything you've done for me since you first met mom," he continued, his step-father's hand still in his. "I know it wasn't easy in those early days but these recent years have shown me just how valuable an influence you have been on my life, on my fathering skills."<br>"Ah, well, you're more than welcome," Frank said, a little overcome.  
>"Oh, so this is where the party is," Mattie whispered, as she carried Kenzie into the room. "Kenzie wanted to make sure he was one of the first to wish his old pappy a happy 50th birthday."<br>"Was he just?" Harm said, putting his arms out for his grandson. "You don't really think your pappy is old, do you?" he questioned and Kenzie just looked at him. "Didn't think so."  
>"I don't think so either," Mattie said, kissing Harm's head. "Happy birthday, dad."<br>"Thanks, honey," he replied, patting her hand. "You coming into my life all those years ago was a godsend. I hope you realise that."  
>"Ditto," she replied before kissing his head again.<br>"So..." Colin started coming in the door with a vegetarian breakfast quiche Mattie had cooked that morning with two numeral candles saying '50' alight in the middle of it. "Oh, didn't know everyone was here. We just wanted to say Happy 50th Birthday, pappy." He moved the quiche in front of Harm so he could blow out the candles, which he did.

A few mutters and murmurs and Harm realised Mac was about to wake up, standing up from the armchair, he handed Kenzie to his mother and helped her into the chair he'd just vacated. Making his way around the bed, Harm sat on the edge beside his wife and caressed her face.  
>"You going to join the party?" he asked quietly.<br>"Partywhatparty," she mumbled.  
>"My birthday party," he said before kissing her forehead.<p>

Mac opened one eye, not too sure what she was missing; then she remembered. Sending one arm up and around his neck, Mac drew him to her and kissed him deeply. "Happy 50th birthday, my incredibly beautiful and very sexy husband."  
>"Thank you." He replied, briefly kissing her again. "I guess now's the time to tell you everyone is here.'<p>

Mac looked over and saw the gathering. "Oops," she said, a flush colouring her cheeks."Didn't realise the party had started."

There was general quiet chatter and reminisces about Harm for a while as the children woke one by one and joined the conversation. Once the last one was awake, there was a rousing rendition of 'Happy Birthday to You' complete with lots of cheers and 50 claps. Then came Lily's declaration that she was hungry and everyone filed down to the kitchen, happy and healthy, to start the day. Colin picked up Frankie as he exited the room and Harm and Mac were left alone.

Standing in the door way, Mac looped her arms around his neck and placed a soft kiss on his lips.  
>"Sorry we didn't get to 50," she said gazing up at him.<br>"Yes we did," he replied, kissing her nose. Mac's brow furrowed, she knew she was tired but she was sure she'd remembered if they had made love. "I have just spent the last hour with the people I love most in the world...You gave that to me...you gave me Mattie...who helped me see that I had the ability to love and be loved...which led to you ...and the children...and a closer relationship with mom and dad...and Colin and Kenzie...it's your influence...For my birthday I wanted a 50 Ways to Please Your Lover marathon and the 50th was the greatest one of all...I was here with you and everything that makes my life fantastic...what more could a man want on his 50th?"


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

November: Thanksgiving Part 1

Veronica Murphy had a dozen things to be thankful for this coming Thanksgiving. She had a home that she could afford the rent on, a beautiful daughter who, through the generosity and grace of people unknown, was receiving treatment and finally learning to walk. They had both made amazing friends in the form of the Rabb family and just last week she had picked up a part time job three days a week, during school hours, in the local grocery store.

To make things even better this year, her son, Aidan, was coming to visit. He had asked during his last phone call and it was all Jessie could talk about since.

At last things were looking up and Veronica made sure she spent as many hours in conversation with God to thank him, as she had when she was pleading with him to make her life a little easier.

Knowing the types of Thanksgivings she grew up with, Veronica was sure that Aidan would be expecting something a little more impressive than what she felt she could offer and she voiced this to Mattie one afternoon as they were sharing coffee.  
>"Well, I don't know if this will be any better but, as it's Kenzie's first Thanksgiving, Colin and I wanted to celebrate it here in this house," she said, waving her hand. "So everyone is coming," she continued and Veronica knew who she was referring to. "And I'd love it if you, Jessie and Aidan came too."<br>Veronica thought about it; it was a generous offer.  
>"You are his godmother remember," Mattie said, "It's only right you should share the day with him, and us...but if you wanted it just to be you and the kids, we'd understand."<br>"He's here for four days, so there'll be plenty of time for that," she said, before grinning. "We'd love to come."  
>"Great!" Mattie said, "Because I had already included you in the numbers."<p>

In the lead up to Aidan's visit, Veronica spent every moment she could cleaning the house. She loved her son very much and wanted to make a good impression on him. At nearly 14 he was a typical teenage boy, hard to talk to, non-committal, not easily impressed. However, after the longer periods of time they had spent with him during the summer, when they were in New York for Jessie's treatment, and the emails they had exchanged, there seemed to be a new, positive energy surrounding their relationship.

Colin had brought over a spare small set of drawers and a single bed which he set up in the previously called 'junk' room and Mac had supplied the linen for it. Harm had given her a large framed picture of an F14 to give the room a more masculine edge, as well as a few model aircraft he didn't have a close attachment to. Mrs Anderson gave her a set of brown curtains to temporarily replace the girly pink ones which had come with the room and Mattie had dropped off a small supply of male toiletries after she'd been shopping, just in case the boy forgot to bring something.

So it was, with everything done, that Veronica felt she was well prepared as she and Jessie sat on the platform waiting for his train to arrive. When it did, 23 minutes late, there were broad smiles all around and lots of hugs. For a couple of years now, Aidan had wanted to live with his mom and sister. He didn't like New York, didn't like living with his grandparents, didn't like his school. Over summer, having spent more time with Veronica and Jessie than ever before, he knew he would be far happier in Bellevue with them. The life they described was perfect and while he knew things would be a lot tougher financially than they currently were; after all, his grandparents never tired of reminding him of how little his mother had and how he should be so grateful they had taken him in.

After looking into it, he knew at 14 he could get a part time job and had spent time googling businesses in the small town so he could have a head start when he made the move. Jessie had told him all about her Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm and how they had once been big important lawyers and he hoped that he'd be able to talk to one of them during his time here. His grandparents also making it abundantly clear over the years that his mother taking custody of him was only going happen over their dead bodies.  
>"So, this is it," Veronica said pulling up in the driveway and assisting Jessie out and into her chair. "It's not much but..."<br>"It's home," he said, completing her thought and smiling.  
>"That's right, and we like it, don't we, Jess?" Veronica said, pushing the wheelchair up the ramp to the front door.<br>"Yep," she agreed, nodding her head vigorously. "It looks better in the daylight ...and after the rain..."  
>"Now, are you hungry, Aidan?" Veronica asked, ushering him into the kitchen.<br>"Yes, mom," he said with a nod. He would had bought something on the train but it was very expensive and so he had settled on a candy bar just to stave off starvation.  
>"Well, you have a choice," Veronica said, moving behind the bench. "There's leftover spaghetti that Jess and I had tonight or I can make you a sandwich or milk and cookies...depends on how hungry you are."<br>"Can we start with the spaghetti, please?" he asked; going through a growth spurt he could probably eat everything she had mentioned and still had room for seconds,

As Veronica prepared his food, Jessie gave him a tour of the house, pointing out everyone's rooms before opening his door.  
>"Wow, this is pretty cool," Aidan said, looking around. "I was expecting to sleep on the sofa ...or on the floor."<br>"Well, most of the stuff came from the farm ...Uncle Harm sent over the picture and models, he's really into planes and ..." Jessie rambled.  
>"He's not really your uncle, you know?" he pointed out picking up a Verville – Sperry R3.<br>"I know," she replied. "But out here it's just mom and me and they're like family and it's easier to call them Aunty and Uncle than Mr and Mrs..."  
>"What should I call them?" he asked, not too sure what he would be comfortable with.<br>Jessie shrugged. "Wait til you meet them and call them whatever feels right."  
>Aidan nodded, it sounded like the best plan.<br>"Aidan!" Veronica called and soon the pair were back in the kitchen, spending hours just chatting and catching up on the happenings with each other.

Thanksgiving dawned and Veronica was up cooking breakfast for her two children, tears streaming down her face at the simple joy of preparing breakfast for the pair – something she hadn't done since Jessie was a baby.  
>"Everything okay, mom?" Aidan asked, wandering into the kitchen.<br>"Sure," she replied, wiping her face. "I'm just so happy you're home..."  
>"It's been nine years," he said sadly. Ever since she had left him with his grandparents, he had never visited them at their home, it was always Jessie and Veronica going to see him or meeting at a designated place.<br>"I know," she said nodding. "You know if things could have been different..."  
>"I know, mom," he said. "I don't blame you...I understand how hard a decision it was...especially with Jessie being sick..."<br>"I thought I was doing the right thing for you...giving you a chance you'd never have with us..." she said. "And they wouldn't take Jessie...so I didn't have much choice."  
>"I know, mom," he repeated. "It's just the way it was."<br>"You don't hate me, do you?" she asked, tears rolling on her cheeks once more.  
>"Definitely not," he said rounding the counter and hugging her. "But um...maybe..."<br>"Maybe what?" she asked when he didn't go on.  
>"Could we talk about me living with you now?" he asked slowly, not sure what sort of response he'd get.<br>"You want to live with us?" she asked, her eyes widening.  
>"Aha," he said, nodding. "I know I eat a lot and am growing out of clothes and shoes really fast but I promise I'll try and not cost you too much."<br>"Have you spoken to your grandmother or grandfather about this?" she asked, wondering what the response would be.  
>"Not exactly," he said, shaking his head. "I've sort of half mentioned it over the last few months but they pretty much said it would never happen."<br>"I would love to have you live with us," Veronica said grinning. "It wouldn't be easy...but I would love it."

After a lovely family breakfast, and a couple of hours of sharing photos and stories, the Murphys headed to the farm and over to Mattie and Colin's house. Feeling more than a little nervous about meeting these people, Aidan hung back a little, not too sure where to stand or what to do with his hands.  
>"Everyone," Jessie said the moment she was through the door. "This is my brother, Aidan," she announced proudly. "Aidan, this is Mattie and Colin and that's Kenzie, his mom's godson...and that's Harry and she's Rosie, they're twins, and over there, that's Frankie and the man talking to him is grandpa...and the woman there, in the kitchen, that's grandma – they're Uncle Harm's mom and dad but everyone calls them grandpa and grandma and next to her is Aunty Mac...and ..." She looked around the room, grinning when the door burst opened and Lily came in calling her name. "This is my best friend, Lily...Lil, this is Aidan...and here comes Uncle Harm," she concluded looking at her more-than-confused brother.<br>"Hope there's not a test on names," he whispered to his mother.  
>"It's okay," she said, patting his back. "You just take your time...just remember they already consider you family."<p>

In the time prior to lunch, there was light conversation, all of the adults making an effort to include Aidan in their conversations without overwhelming him. With lunch still thirty minutes away, Harm offered to give the boy a tour of the farm after noting he was becoming uncomfortable with all the attention. Quickly agreeing, he was glad he and Harm were able to slip out unnoticed by the other children; maybe he could bring up the question about living with his mom.

First they walked to the barn and then looked at the horses, sheep and chickens, Aidan asking lots of questions about the running of the farm and the needs of the animals. Then they trekked down the fields towards the airstrip and looked at the Stearman and the deHavilland Tiger Moth biplane, Mac had given him for last Christmas, which he was still restoring.  
>"I can see why Jessie and mom love it out here," he said as they turned to head back to the house.<br>"It's a pretty special place," Harm said with a proud smile.  
>"I'd like to live here...well, I'd like to live with mom and Jessie," he amended.<br>"Jessie told me that," he said, with a nod of his head.  
>"Mom and I spoke about it this morning and I know me coming would make things harder –moneywise – but ..." his voice trailed.<br>"But you really want to come?" Harm offered and Aidan nodded. "What do your grandparents think?"  
>"Well, grandfather says to get such foolish ideas out of my head as it isn't going to happen and grandmother says I am very ungrateful to even think about it after everything they have done for me," he said quietly.<br>"Is that what you call them, grandmother and grandfather?" he asked, surprised by the formality of it.  
>"I do," he said with a nod. "I've tried grandpa and grandad at times but they quickly remind me of what they expect."<br>"They sound quite strict," Harm observed.  
>"They are," he agreed. "And that would be okay if that's all it was...but they really don't like mom, they consider what she did a huge shame on the family and that she has wasted her life...and they barely acknowledge Jessie, except to say she is mom's punishment for her sins."<br>"Really?" he asked, his dislike for these people growing more intense by the minute.  
>"Yeah," he said sadly. "I don't tell mom what they say...don't want to upset her...when I first asked them if I could come for Thanksgiving they said no, and so I begged them and in the end they gave in but I had to pay the train fare and have my own spending money. They said they wouldn't support any move on my part to see them and that I belonged to them and we owed mom nothing."<br>"Do you belong to them? Legally I mean?" he asked, stopping on the path outside the front door.  
>"You mean was there any custody stuff done?" he asked and then shrugged. "I don't think so, mom would know."<br>"How about tomorrow you and I sit down with your mom and talk about it?" he suggested, not wanting to do anything behind Veronica's back.  
>"That would be good," Aidan said with a grin. "Thanks...Uncle Harm..." he said, testing the name.<br>Harm smiled and patted him on the back before guiding him into the house, ready for the lunch to follow.

The first challenge of lunch with 14 people was the seating arrangements; the dining table catering for 7, and Harm and Mac's table abutting it, catering for the other 7. While many went for the traditional adults and children's tables, Mattie didn't, knowing that the twins and Frankie would need assistance and not too sure whether Aidan should sit with the adults or kids. In the end everyone sat where they wanted and the lunch went like a dream.  
>"Mattie, this has to be the most delicious meal you've ever prepared," Mac said, wiping her mouth with her napkin and rubbing her full stomach. "I don't think I'll eat for a week..."<br>"You haven't had dessert yet," Lily commented and Mac chuckled.  
>"Well, I guess there's room for dessert," she said, amending her original statement.<br>"I don't know how you eat like you do and still have your figure, Mac," Veronica observed. "I just have to look at the cookies and cakes at your place and I'm sure I put on two pounds."  
>"Well," she said, winking at Harm. "I may eat a lot but I have my ways of keeping fit."<p>

The adults laughed while Harm blushed hoping the children were too young to comprehend her meaning.

After dessert, and a marathon effort in the kitchen cleaning up, Colin and Harm made their way into the living room to check on who was awake.  
>"Who's winning?" Colin asked as he looked at the group playing Monopoly on the coffee table.<br>"I am," Aidan replied.  
>"He's bought nearly everything," Lily said with a sigh.<br>"Sounds like a good businessman," Frank observed, stirring from his sleep, his namesake still asleep in his arms.  
>"Well, I'm here to see if anyone would like tea, coffee, a drink...anything to eat," Harm said scanning the room, noting the twins curled up sleeping on the beanbag and his mother cradling Kenzie.<br>"Where are the ladies?" Colin asked, following Harm's gaze.  
>"They went down to the bedroom," Lily said, pointing down the hallway.<p>

Colin and Harm exchanged glances, "I might go and see if they would like anything," Harm said and Colin nodded.  
>Knocking on the door of the master bedroom, Harm slowly opened it when he was instructed to do so.<br>"Everything alright?" he asked, looking at the faces before him. It was obvious he had interrupted a serious conversation.  
>"Yes," Mac replied, getting to her feet and padding over to him. "Ronnie was just a little upset and we thought it best to talk to her in here."<br>"May I ask what about?" he whispered, glancing over Mac's shoulder at the woman in question.  
>"Aidan wants to live with her," she replied, knowing it wasn't a secret.<br>"I know," he replied, wrapping his arm around Mac and heading over to Mattie and Veronica. "He brought it up with me coming back from the airfield."  
>"What did he say?" Veronica asked, wiping her tears away.<br>"That he really wanted to move here but didn't think your parents would allow it," Harm stated, and watched more of her tears fall.  
>"That's what Ronnie said," Mattie commented for her and Harm nodded.<br>"Are there any legal arrangements?" he asked, deciding now was the time for this particular conversation.  
>"No," Mac answered having already asked. "Ronnie's parents say they have legal custody of him but she never signed anything."<br>"So how can it be legal custody?" Mattie asked and Harm shook his head. "I guess the biggest question, before we go into the legalities, is do you want Aidan to live with you."  
>"More than anything," Veronica replied. "I mean I know it's not going to be easy...money's going to be tight... not to mention the cost of fighting mom and dad for him..."<br>"There'll be no cost for legal fees, if that's what you mean," Mac said and Veronica looked at her confused. "I am now your family attorney ...if you'll have me, and my rates are very reasonable," she continued, "A regular supply of that apple and coconut slice and the chocmint slice you make is all I ask," she concluded with a smile.  
>"Are you sure?" she asked, having her own lawyer would make things a lot easier...especially if it was Mac, someone who cared about her and the outcome.<br>"Positive," she said, "Besides, now the twins are in pre-school, I would love the challenge of something a bit harder than getting my whites whiter and my colours brighter."

Friday lunch and everyone was assembled in the farm house enjoying leftovers from the day before. After they ate, the plan was for Harm and Mac to sit down with Aidan and Veronica and talk some things through. While Mac would act in a legal capacity for the family, Harm was going to sit in as he had already arranged it with Aidan the day before and didn't want the boy to think he had abandoned him.

As the remaining adults entertained the other children, the conversation was held in the school room, a place where they could close the door and not be interrupted. In front of his mother, Aidan explained how much he wanted to live with his mother and sister. He explained he had wanted to for a long time but he had only just worked up the courage to ask...that it wasn't until this past summer when he had spent more time with them and he thought that maybe they wanted to spend more time with him too.  
>"Ronnie, when Aidan first went to live with your parents, did you make any formal custody arrangements?" Mac asked, notepad and pen in hand.<br>"Well, I asked if they could take care of him for a bit, until I got on my feet, and they pretty much said it was an all or nothing proposition. He was either theirs or mine and just because I'd screwed up my life I wasn't going to screw up theirs by Aidan being there on and off," she explained, taking hold of the boy's hand. "I never wanted it to be a permanent arrangement...but Jessie needed so much one on one time and Aidan was due to start school and needed that kind of attention and support too...and they barely acknowledged Jess was alive, never referred to her as their granddaughter, to them, she was my punishment for my sins."  
>"Was there any paperwork? Did you actually sign anything?" Harm asked, glad Jessie wasn't in on this conversation.<br>"No," she said, shaking her head. "They wanted to adopt him but I would never agree...I know I wasn't the best mother but I was still his mother..."  
>"I'm glad you didn't," Aidan said, squeezing her hand.<br>"So, what do we do now?" Veronica asked. "Is it as simple as keeping him here or do we have to go to New York and make arrangements?"  
>"How do you think your parents are going to react?" Mac asked, not at all confident things would be as easy as just keeping the boy here.<br>"Not good," she replied. "I think they'll fight me...try and prove that I'm not fit or financially capable of looking after two children."  
>"Well, you're definitely a fit parent," Harm said, "Financially, how are you going to fare?"<br>"I'll see about getting more hours at the store," she started. "Since the foundation is looking after all Jessie's costs, I've been able to save more than ever before."  
>"I can get a part time job," Aidan added, "There are lots of places in town...and I could get a bike and ride there so there's no bus fare..."<br>"I know Colin was looking for someone on weekends for a couple of hours," Harm said. "It's just grunt work but it would mean you could do your homework on weeknights."  
>"It's a good plan," Mac said with a laugh. "But perhaps we should concentrate on getting Aidan here before we putting him to work mucking out the stables."<p>

By the time the Murphy family left for home, they had a plan. Instead of Aidan returning home on the train the following afternoon, Mac, Veronica and he would drive there in the morning and explain that Aidan was going to live with Veronica. They would collect his things and return either tomorrow night or find somewhere to stay and complete their journey Sunday.  
>"How do you really think things will go tomorrow?" Harm asked as he slid into bed alongside his wife.<br>"I don't think it will go well," she said, rolling over to face him. "They don't sound like the type of people to just give in without an argument."  
>"No, they don't," he agreed. "I wish you'd reconsider and let me come with you."<br>"Harm, I don't think double teaming them is going to help," she said, wrapping her arm around him.  
>"I know," he said. "I'd just feel better about being there...to be the muscles behind the operation."<br>"I don't need a bodyguard, you know," she said. "I still remember a bit from my marine training."  
>"Point taken," he said, kissing her head. "You just call if things get out of hand."<br>"Yes, Harm," she replied, wondering what help that was going to be as she'd be seven hours away.

In the early hours of the morning, Harm and Mac were startled awake by Colin breathlessly pounding on their door, the privacy lock preventing him opening the door. Jumping from bed, Harm threw the door open and flicked on the light.  
>"What on..." he started to say.<br>"Fire..." he said panting, "Ken Jenkins called...said Ronnie's place is on fire...Mattie's putting Kenz in with your parents...we're going..."

In a small community, every able bodied person turned out in times of disaster and by the time Harm and Mac had pulled on clothes and driven the ten minutes to the Murphy house, thirty or so people were already using anything they could to support the volunteer fire brigade fighting the fire which seemed to have engulfed the house.

Pulling up near Colin's vehicle, they both jumped out and raced towards the ambulance parked in the neighbour's driveway, hoping to find their three friends. They only found two.  
>"Aunty Mac!" Jessie cried before coughing.<br>"Hey, hey, baby," she said, pulling the child up to her and kissing her head. "Are you okay?"  
>"I want my mom," she sobbed into Mac's chest. Mac looked to Aidan who also had tears streaming down his face.<br>"I tried to get her..." he said in a hoarse voice. "I heard her yelling 'fire' and went into the hallway and there was ...smoke everywhere..." He coughed again and the paramedic placed the oxygen mask over his face. He pulled it off slightly. "I went and got Jess and we broke through her window...I left her on the grass and went back in but I couldn't find mom..."  
>"Okay, okay," Mac said, reaching over and placing the mask back on his face. "You just breathe." She patted his face before kissing Jessie's head and pleadingly looking to Harm.<br>"I'll be right back," he said, knowing exactly what his mission was.

It took him a few minutes to find the local doctor and a neighbour working on Veronica on the back lawn.  
>"How is she?" Harm asked, crouching down beside her and praying hard.<br>"Burns to her hands and arms, smoke inhalation," the doctor said, looking beyond Harm to the side of the house. "That second ambulance here yet?"

Before Harm could answer the distant siren announced its imminent arrival.  
>"I'll go and direct them in," he said, getting back to his feet. "What do I tell her kids?"<br>"Tell them I'm doing my best," the doctor replied and Harm cringed, it wasn't the most encouraging news.

When he had shown the newly arrived paramedics to the Veronica, he grabbed Colin and Mattie and sent them back there too, while he went to Mac and the kids.  
>"Your mom is out of the house," Harm started and both kids started crying again. "She's around the back and Dr Walsh and the paramedics are with her."<br>"Is she alive?" Aidan asked.  
>"She is," Harm said, wrapping an arm around him. "She has taken in a lot of smoke, like you...and she has some burns to her hands and arms but Dr Walsh says he is doing his best for her."<br>"I wanna see her," Jessie said, pulling back from Mac.  
>"No, honey," Harm said gently. "You're mom's hurt and at the moment we need to let all the people who can help her help her and not get in the way, okay?"<br>Jessie nodded before wiping away more tears. "Uncle Harm, is she gonna die?" she asked quietly and instantly three sets of eyes were boring into his.  
>"I don't know, Jess," he replied, honestly.<br>"She shouldn't be alone," Aidan said, pulling off his mask.  
>"Mattie and Colin are with her," he said, putting the mask back on the boy. "Look, here comes Colin now."<br>"Hey guys," he said, rubbing Jessie's leg. "Your mom is doing okay, she's unconscious at the moment and that's because they've sedated her to put in a tube to help her breathe. She took in lots of smoke. Now, they're going to take you two to the local hospital and check you out properly..."  
>"Can we see mom then?" Jessie asked and Colin shook his head.<br>"No, sweetie," he said. "They're going to take your mom to McKees Rocks, it's a bigger hospital and more staff."  
>"Is she really that sick?" she asked holding tighter to Mac.<br>"She is, but Dr Walsh says that the sooner they get her to hospital the better she'll be," he reported.  
>"So, what's keeping them?" Aidan asked.<p>

Because of the urgency, Veronica was evacuated from the site first, with Mattie going with her, and Colin following the ambulance. Then the children were taken to hospital, Mac stayed in the ambulance as Harm followed in his car.

It took twenty minutes to have them in the emergency room, both hooked up to oxygen and with a nurse each, It seemed that Jessie had fared the best of the three but given her cerebral palsy, her breathing was being closely monitored. Aidan had experienced some scorching on his skin but there were no burns, just the smell of burnt hair. His breathing had become easier since the oxygen had been applied in the ambulance and his progress was pleasing.  
>"I think another six hours under observation for you both and you'll be able to go h..." the duty doctor began to say before realising the pair had just lost their home.<br>"Home to our place," Mac said quickly for him. "You'll stay with us until your mom is better and then we'll see what happens," she added squeezing Jessie's hand, the girl still hadn't let go of Mac.  
>"But what about me?" Aidan asked, it wasn't as straightforward for him.<br>"You're coming home with us too," Harm said firmly, "We'll sort everything else out from there."

As Mac stayed with the children, Harm called past the burnt out house and spoke to the fire marshal still on site. Finding out it was an electrical fault in the wiring in the wall did nothing to improve his opinion of the house's owner. He'd had several conversations, on Veronica's behalf, with the landlord and despised the man's callous attitude towards them and the house, seeing the same said landlord surveying the damage from the driveway made his blood boil.  
>"This is your fault!" Harm yelled, crossing the yard to him. "Your carelessness and irresponsibility did this!"<p>

Realising the situation was about to get out of hand, the fire marshal walked over to the pair.  
>"I don't guarantee nothing when people rent," the landlord replied. "She wanted it, I said she could take it as is, she did...and all I got since was complaints about this and complaints about that..."<br>"The place wasn't fit to live in," Harm retorted, fighting every urge to punch the man into next week.  
>"Hey," he said, throwing up his hands. "I never forced her to live here..her choice...and now look at it...burnt to the ground, gonna take me ages to rebuild."<br>"Did you even ask about Veronica and the kids?" Harm demanded.  
>"Not my concern," he replied, side stepping Harm.<p>

Grabbing him by the collar, Harm pushed him against the fire truck. "Not your concern?" he yelled.  
>"Hey, let him go," the fire marshal said, "No point making a bad night worse,"<p>

Reluctantly, Harm released his grip. "You think it's not your concern?" he hissed. "Wait til I have you charged with a hundred different violations..."  
>"Won't happen," the landlord laughed. "Anyway, this isn't anything to do with you...unless of course you've gotten tired with that pretty little wife of yours with the cute ass and turned your attention elsewhere," he said gesturing to the house.<p>

The fire marshal was too slow to stop Harm's fist colliding with the landlord's jaw – twice.

Arriving home with a sore hand and still fuming, Harm was glad only his parents were awake. After his mother finished getting him coffee and breakfast, and his father finished getting him an ice pack for his hand, they sat at the table and Harm gave them a full rundown of the events of the night and his recent encounter with the landlord.  
>"Well, that explains the hand," Frank said, removing the ice pack and inspecting the grazed knuckles. "Hope you got him good."<br>"What's going to happen with the children?" Trish asked, changing the topic. While she understood why her son had hit him, she couldn't condone violence.  
>"They'll come here when they're discharged and stay with us until ...well, I don't know until when," he said shaking his head. "Ronnie is quite ill and there's still the issue of Aidan and his grandparents. We may have Jessie for a while ..."<br>"Colin called a little while ago, said Veronica was holding her own and the doctor was more optimistic than Dr Walsh had been," Frank reported. "They're treating her burns and think they'll be fine in time, it's just the amount of smoke she'd inhaled that concerns them."  
>"That's good news," Harm said with a yawn before scrubbing his good hand over his face.<br>"Why don't you head to bed?" Trish suggested but Harm shook his head.  
>"No, want to set up beds in the school room for the kids and then go pick them and Mac up and ..." before he could continue there was a knock on the back door.<br>"Sorry to call in so early," Dave Anderson said, letting himself in. "Just wanted to see how young Ronnie and the kids are?"

As Harm updated him, Trish brought him coffee, then another cup for their second and third visitors all asking the same question.

As Frank went into the kitchen with his wife, he was surprised to find her smiling and shaking her head.  
>"What is it?" he asked, resting his hand on her arm.<br>"It's not even 7:00 am," she said, turning to face him. "All those men out there have been up the best part of the night fighting the fire and here they are already seeing how the family is, offering their support, organising a fundraiser, organising the donation of goods for them. They're amazing."  
>"That's what living in a small community is all about," he said with a yawn as he wrapped his arms around her.<br>"I like being a part of it," Trish said, leaning her weary head on his shoulder.  
>"Better than the high life in La Jolla?" he questioned and Trish grinned.<br>"No, I like that too," she replied. "It's just this is a whole other life here and I guess I want the best of both worlds..."  
>"Well, so do I," he replied, kissing her head.<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

November Part 2

By midday, Harm, Mac and the kids had returned, Mattie had returned to see to Kenzie while Colin had stayed with Veronica. Harm had informed Lily and the twins about what had happened before he went to collect the others and Lily was desperate to see her friend.

When he pulled the car up, Lily jumped from the porch and raced to see them. The moment Jessie was lifted from the back seat by Harm, Lily grabbed her in a bear hug nearly causing Harm to drop her.  
>"Whoa!" he said, regaining his balance. "Easy, Lil."<br>"Sorry, daddy," she said tearfully. "I just wanted to hug Jessie. Are you okay?"  
>"I'm okay," she said quietly, resting her head against Harm's shoulder.<p>

Lily watched as Harm lowered her into the big silver wheelchair Mac had removed from the trunk and realised she must have lost hers. The chair was adult size and had side parts which meant Jessie couldn't manually propel her chair independently but, as there were no paediatric wheelchairs available, it was this or nothing.  
>"I'm sorry about your house," Lily said, taking her hand as Mac started pushing her towards the porch.<br>"Thanks," she said in a whisper.

Lily hung back and took Harm's hand. "Is Jessie really okay? She's talking funny."  
>"Jessie is lots of things at the moment," he said, picking up Lily and hugging her tightly. "She's very tired, a little unwell, very scared about her mom and worried about what's going to happen next," he answered honestly.<br>"Poor Jessie," she replied, resting her head on her dad's. "We can look after her, can't we?" she asked, pulling back. "I'll help and she can have some of my clothes and toys and school stuff...I don't need it all..."  
>"That's very generous of you, pumpkin," he said, kissing her head. "That will be very helpful."<p>

Coming into the house, Frank and Trish hugged both children, promising them both that they would help look after them and do anything for them before getting them to sit at the table for lunch.  
>"Thank you, ma'am," Aidan said to Trish, "But I'm not really hungry."<br>"Aidan, sweetie," Mac said, squeezing his hand. "You didn't eat anything at the hospital either."  
>"I know," he said, with a small cough.<br>"I can make you anything you want, son," Frank offered. "Nothing's too much trouble."  
>"Thank you, sir, but all I want is my mom to be okay," he said sadly.<br>"None of this ma'am and sir stuff," Frank said, tousling his hair. "It's grandma and grandpa or Trish and Frank...your choice."  
>"Okay, Fra...grandpa," he said, not too sure which way to go but knowing Jessie called them grandma and grandpa.<br>"Now, that's sorted," he said. "Let's get some food into you and Jessie and then we can take you over to see your mom."  
>"Can we go now?" Jessie asked quickly, not interested in food either.<br>"Only once you've eaten," Trish said, "Your mom would want you looking after yourselves, wouldn't she?"

That's all it took for the children to consume two rounds of sandwiches and a glass of milk, only realising their hunger once they started eating.

After lunch, Mattie packed Kenzie, Jessie and Aidan in the back of her car before yawning, feeling the full effects of a draining and sleepless night.  
>"I am not letting you drive to the hospital the way you are," Harm commented, taking her keys. "You're exhausted."<br>"I'm okay," she said before a big yawn overtook her. "Guess you should drive."

As the family made the trek to see Veronica, Trish and Lily set out the spare beds and Frank and Mac saw to the numerous visitors dropping off a range of goods in the barn. Mac couldn't believe that there were at least 40 separate items already donated, not to mention bags of clothes and linen.  
>"You live in an amazing community," Frank said, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her head as they saw off another visitor.<br>"We do," Mac agreed proudly. "I think they've got everything they need..."  
>"Except for a house," Frank said and Mac nodded before resting her weary head on his shoulder. "But once Ronnie is feeling up to it, we can talk about what she needs."<p>

Another yawn was one too many and Mac was sent up to bed for an afternoon nap at the same time Frankie was. It took her all of two minutes to fall asleep and her eyes didn't open until she heard her husband's voice outside the door.  
>"Hey," he said opening the bedroom door and seeing she was awake.<br>"How's Ronnie?" she asked sitting up and stretching.  
>"Better than I thought she would be," he said, padding over and kissing her briefly.<br>"Is she going to make it?" she whispered, knowing it was something that wasn't guaranteed the night before.  
>"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Doctor is confident. Won't be easy..." He yawned. "But barring infection and any other setbacks, Ronnie could be home by Christmas."<br>"Good," Mac said, standing and draping her arms around him. "Love you."  
>"Love you too," he said kissing her, thankful his own family was safe and sound.<br>"How are the kids?" she asked, sitting down to pull on her trainers.  
>"Exhausted," he said. "Both slept on the way back but mom's nearly got dinner ready and dad's gone next door to collect the twins..."<br>"Thought it was too quiet here," she said with a smile.  
>"Yeah, the Andersons' said it was the least they could do," he said, helping her stand up. "So, I think food, bath and bed for Jessie and Aidan..."<br>"And you. You're exhausted too," she said caressing his face.  
>"I think we all are," he replied, hugging her once more before heading downstairs.<p>

Seeing their mom had done wonders for their spirits and Jessie and Aidan ate the beef casserole on a mashed potato bed eagerly, Aidan asking for seconds, before the apple pie and whipped cream dessert. Colin and Mattie had foregone the family dinner and gone straight to their place with Kenzie needing nothing except their bed and a dozen hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Aidan had gone upstairs to use the bathroom first. Harm had taken him up, pointed out where everything was kept and that he should feel free to use any product he wanted. He handed him a new comb and toothbrush which had come in a hygiene pack donated by the local drug store. After pulling out a towel for him, he pointed to new clean underwear and pyjamas sitting on the top of the hamper.  
>"They're for you too, kiddo," he said, "Mom washed them so they're all fresh and clean...they may not fit perfectly but will do for tonight. Now, is there anything else you need?"<br>Aidan shook his head before wrapping his arms around Harm and hugging him tightly. "Thank you for everything, Uncle Harm."

It was nearly thirty minutes later before Aidan reappeared in the living room, his hair damp but looking much better than he had earlier.  
>"All done," he announced as Harm got to his feet.<br>"Great," Harm replied before turning to Jessie. "Your turn missy." He scooped her up and her eyes widened. "It's okay, honey, I'm only taking you upstairs, Aunty Mac will help you in the bathroom."  
>"Okay," she said with a relieved sigh, she was fine with Aunty Mac helping, after all, she was a girl too.<p>

Sitting Jessie on the shower chair that Grams had once used, Harm waited for Mac to come in before heading to the door. "Call me when you're done," he said, closing the door behind him.  
>"Before we start, Aunty Mac," Jessie said, her cheeks colouring. "There's something you need to know ...about me..."<br>"What's that, Jess?" Mac asked crouching down in front of her.  
>"At night...I...um...I wear a diaper...you know, 'cos I can't get myself to the bathroom," she whispered, her head low.<p>

Mac used her finger to raise the child's head. "Don't be embarrassed, honey, it's alright."  
>"But I don't have any here and Frankie's are too small and I don't want to wet the bed," she said mortified she had to have this discussion with anybody.<br>"I know about the diapers," Mac said, caressing her face. "Your mom told me the first time you had a sleepover here, and the hospital gave me a small supply until I can get to the store and pick some up...so we have everything you need."  
>"Does Lily know?" she asked grimacing.<br>"Only I know," she said. "And I won't tell anyone."

Once the child was stripped, Mac put on the water and adjusted it until it was the temperature she had for Lily. They had a discussion about what Jessie could do for herself and what Mac needed to help her with and before long she was clean, dry and dressed in one of Lily's long nightgowns and wearing one of her robes.  
>"All set for bed now?" Mac asked as she opened the door and Jessie nodded; she'd never felt as tired in her life as she did right now.<p>

After Harm had been summoned and carried the child to the living room once more, Mac made sure neither child needed anything before allowing them to say goodnight to all and taking them into their beds.  
>"Now, if there's anything you need you just ask," Harm said making sure Aidan was tucked in properly and warm enough.<br>"If you need us during the night, Aidan our room is at the top of the stairs and is the room on the left," Mac said, "Jess, you can wake Aidan if you need anything, okay?' she said, kissing the girl's head when she nodded.  
>"Oh," Aidan said. "Grandmother and grandfather...I should be home by now and I didn't call them..."<br>"I'll call them," Harm said not wanting to put the boy through anymore trauma.

Once Aidan had recited the number to him, they both wished the children goodnight before leaving them and closing the door behind them.  
>"Are you going to call Mr Murphy now?" Mac asked stepping away from the door.<br>"Oh yeah," he said, this was one phone call he was looking forward to making...there were a few things he wanted to say to Grandfather Murphy.  
>"Harm, I know you dislike the man but please don't make matters worse for Aidan or Veronica," she whispered. "Their lives are complicated enough at the moment."<p>

Harm stopped and considered his wife's request. Maybe he needed to rethink the words he was about to use.  
>"I'll call," Frank said, handing his hand out for the number. "I'm not as tired and as emotionally connected to the children as you. It will be grandfather to grandfather."<p>

Mac's first inclination was to say no, that it was she, as the family lawyer who should do it, but instead she said yes. Perhaps that's what was needed, Frank to speak to the man calmly and simply and if that didn't work Mac would play the legal card.

Taking his cell Frank walked out onto the porch and dialled the number, it took six rings for someone to answer.  
>"Hello," came a gruff voice down the line.<br>"Good evening, I'd like to speak to Mr Murphy, grandfather of Aidan and Jessie Murphy," he said, taking a seat on the sofa.  
>"Speaking, who is this?" Cormac Murphy asked.<br>"We haven't met but my name is Frank Burnett, I am a family friend of your daughter, Veronica," he said glancing at the back door to make sure he was still alone.  
>"What's this about?" he asked impatiently.<br>"Mr Murphy, there was a house fire at your daughter's place last night," he said. "The children were relatively unscathed but quite frightened by the whole experience. Your daughter sustained significant injuries and is in hospital. I'm afraid to say that the early prognosis wasn't good but the situation has improved in recent hours."  
>"When's the boy coming home?" he asked, completely ignoring his daughter's plight.<br>"Aidan wants to stay with his sister and be near his mother," Frank said, "They only have each other left, they need to stay together."  
>"The boy has everything he needs here, send him home," he said. "I'll expect him home tomorrow."<br>"Well, you'll be disappointed," Frank snapped. "Aidan is going nowhere near New York. He will be taken to see his mother tomorrow and to have his health reviewed. He has also expressed his wishes to remain here permanently and that was before the fire."  
>"The boy has a home here, he is my grandson, he has a life here," Mr Murphy growled.<br>"What about young Jessie? Does she have a home with you too?" Frank asked, pacing along the porch.  
>"She's no grandchild of mine," he barked. "She's her mother's responsibility. Send the boy home tomorrow." He slammed the phone down and Frank pulled the cell from his ear.<br>"Bastard!" he growled, glad the man was on the phone and not in the same room, he'd hit him, and that was saying something as Frank hadn't hit anyone in his life.  
>"Didn't go well?" Harm asked opening the back door.<br>"All the sonofabitch wanted was Aidan home tomorrow," Frank snapped. "Never commented about Ronnie, made it clear Jessie wasn't wanted...just Aidan, and not once did he use his name, it was just 'the boy."  
>"What did you tell him?" Harm asked, patting Frank on the back.<br>"Told him Aidan wasn't coming home tomorrow that he was visiting his mother and having his own check up and was needed here with his sister, and that he'd said he wanted to stay here permanently. He just said he had everything he needed in New York and he expected him home tomorrow afternoon."  
>"He's a callous man," Harm said, shaking his head.<br>"I'll tell you now," Frank said quietly as they headed inside. "I have far more resources at my disposal than Murphy and I will use every one of them to look after this family and make sure Aidan stays here where he belongs."

Hearing the tail end of the conversation, Trish stood with her hands on her hips and looked at her husband.  
>"I take it it didn't go well," she said, scanning her husband's face.<br>"No, I tell you, that man is a bast..." he began.  
>"Frank!" she interjected; there was never a need for cursing in her book.<p>

Harm repeated the conversation as Frank had told him and Trish shook her head. "I guess you're right," she said, rubbing her husband's arm. "He is a bastard." Harm nearly fell over, 50 years old and it was the very first time he'd heard his mother use such language. "Well, he is," she confirmed when she saw her son's expression.  
>"I know," Harm agreed. "Where's Mac?"<br>"Checking on the kids," she said, gesturing to the school room. "She's been in there a few minutes so my guess is someone's not sleeping."

Rapping softly on the door, Harm went in to find Mac sitting on Jessie's bed, the sobbing child in her arms.  
>"Jessie's just missing her mommy," Mac said, her eyes full of tears.<br>"Awww, honey," Harm said, crouching down and caressing her face. "We'll take you to see her tomorrow. Don't cry," he whispered, drying her tears. Aidan rolled over and mumbled something. "Would you like to sleep with Aunty Mac in her bed?"  
>Jessie nodded, so Harm scooped her up and headed upstairs before settling the girl on his side of the bed. He sat with Jessie for the few minutes it took Mac to use the bathroom, change and say goodnight to Trish and Frank.<p>

Pulling back the covers, Harm waited for Mac to climb in before readjusting the covers around them both.  
>He sat there for a while longer as Jessie moved across the bed and into Mac's arms, just wanting to be held and comforted until sleep claimed her; Mac willingly obliged.<br>"Are you joining us?" she asked when her husband stood up.  
>"Nah," he said, grabbing his robe from behind the door. "I don't think it's right." He pointed to Jessie.<br>"You've no problem with it being Lily," she reminded him.  
>"Yeah, but Lily is ours," he said. "You and I know it's all innocent but ..."<br>"You are so chivalrous, Harmon," she said with a smile. "Where will you sleep?"

He contemplated the question. The obvious answer was Jessie's bed but that would put him in with Aidan and he'd be damned if he was going to give Cormac Murphy any cause for complaint.  
>"I might bring Lily in here with you two and take her bed," he finally said. Mac just nodded. She loved her husband very much but sometimes his sense of right and propriety was a little too much. Still, she understood he wouldn't feel comfortable and she let it go.<p>

When morning dawned and the house started coming to life, Lily woke up confused as to how she was now sleeping in her parents' bed. While she often ended up there, she always remembered how.  
>"Daddy brought you in," Mac said with a gentle smile. "Jessie was a little upset and he thought you and I could make her feel better."<p>

She pulled back the covers a little and Lily saw her friend pressed up against Mac.  
>"Is she very sad?" Lily asked, stroking Jessie's head.<br>"She was last night, baby," Mac reported.  
>"I'd be very sad if I lost everything too." she continued, feeling very bad for her friend.<br>"Me too," she agreed. "But I think she was missing her mom more than she was sad about her things."  
>"Can I go with her today to the hospital?" Lily asked. "I don't need to see Ronnie or anything but I think Jessie needs me."<br>"Okay, Lil," Mac agreed; maybe her daughter would provide a good distraction for Jessie.  
>"Are my girls awake?" Harm asked coming into the room and sitting facing his wife, caressing her face.<br>"Two out of three," Mac said, nodding down to Jessie who continued to sleep.  
>"How did she go through the night?' he asked, rubbing the child's back.<br>"She was upset last night," Lily reported as she climbed out of bed and made her way onto Harm's lap. "But she was good after that and that's probably because she was sleeping with mommy because mommy's very good to sleep with when you're feeling sad or sick."  
>"Mommy is very good for that too, isn't she?" Harm agreed, kissing Lily's head and winking at Mac.<p>

In the midst of morning chatter, Jessie stirred and her first words were "Want my mommy" and Mac's heart broke for the little girl in her arms.  
>"You're okay," she reassured Jessie, kissing her head and pulling her closer.<br>"Mommy," she cried, her eyes still closed, tears rolling down her cheeks.  
>"You're okay, Jessie, open your eyes," Mac said, a little louder.<p>

Soon, Jessie's eyes opened and she saw she was the centre of attention.  
>"It's okay, Jess," Lily said, patting her leg. "We can go and see your mom today and until she's ready to come home you can share mine. She's pretty good too, you know?"<br>Jessie nodded and wiped her face even though she didn't remember why she was crying, then it all came back to her and she cried some more.  
>"I think it might be time for breakfast," Harm said, standing up and holding onto Lily. "Maybe we'll go and get started while Jessie wakes up properly," he added, wanting the child to have a few moments to collect her thoughts and talk to Mac if necessary. "Any special requests?"<br>"Bacon and scrambled eggs is a speciality of mine," Lily announced proudly.  
>"That sounds good to me," Mac said before looking at Jessie. "What do you think?"<br>"I think it sounds good too," Jessie agreed and then they were gone.  
>"How are you feeling this morning, gorgeous girl?" Mac asked, brushing the hair back from the Jessie's face.<br>"Okay, I think," she replied, rolling onto her back. "My chest feels a little sore."  
>"I think that's from all the coughing," Mac said, rubbing her chest for her. "We'll get the doctor to check you out when he sees Aidan, okay?"<br>"Yeah," she said closing her eyes.  
>"Are you still tired?" she asked, caressing Jessie's face.<br>"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "No," she said, amending her answer. "Actually, I don't really know what I'm feeling."  
>"That's understandable," Mac said. "You've been through a lot in the last few days, your body and your mind are exhausted."<br>"But I can still go see mom today, can't I?" she asked tearfully.  
>"Of course, honey," she said leaning down and kissing her forehead. "We'll have breakfast, get dressed, go for the checkups at our hospital and then go to McKees Ross and see your mom, it will be visiting hours by then."<br>"Thank you, Aunty Mac," she said, wrapping her arms around Mac's neck and holding tightly. They stayed that way until Harm came to get them for breakfast.

The doctor at the local hospital gave the pair the all clear. Both were improving and there was nothing that lots of TLC, reassurance and rest over the course of the next week wouldn't fix. The doctor in McKees Ross didn't have such good news. Veronica's breathing was deteriorating, even on oxygen, and there were serious discussions as to whether a breathing tube be inserted.  
>"So, why don't you?" Mac asked in hushed tones in the corridor as the children sat by their mother's bedside in silence, Lily sitting in the waiting room with her Nintendo DS.<br>"Because once the tube is inserted it doesn't come out," the doctor replied. "It's a last resort, making the patient comfortable..."  
>"Oh," said Mac, his meaning registering.<br>"Does that mean she's not going to make it?" Harm asked not fully believing they were having this conversation.  
>"I won't lie," Dr Roberts replied. "It's not looking good."<br>"She was doing better last night," Mac protested, looking through the glass at the family.  
>"Unfortunately, that's the nature with burns and smoke inhalation, it's a very fine and fragile line," he replied.<br>"When will you make the decision?" Harm asked, his arm wrapped firmly around his wife.  
>"Later this evening," he replied. "We'll look at her breathing, run a few blood tests and make a decision then."<br>"Does she know?" Mac asked, her heart breaking for the young woman.  
>"Not yet," he replied. "We don't tell patients unless we are sure that's what we have to do, it's too traumatic for them."<br>"Okay," Harm said, with a nod. "When we take the children home, someone will come back and sit with her, she shouldn't be alone."

With heavy hearts, Mac and Harm went into the small room and greeted Veronica and helped the children talk to their mom, both a little overawed by the occasion. When it came time to go, they made sure both kids hugged and kissed their mom and told her how much they loved her and waited for Veronica to reciprocate. If the tube was put in tonight, she would never utter those words again.

Once Harm farewelled Veronica he ushered the children into the corridor, as Mac went to leave, Veronica called her back.  
>"I have ...this feeling...I won't make...it..." she said, her breathing laboured. "Please look...after...my kids..."<br>"Of course I will," she said, kissing Veronica's head. "But you are going to be fine...you'll be home with them in no time."  
>"I know...the truth...Mac..." she said as her tears fell. "I know about...the tube."<br>"Why don't I get Harm to take the kids home and I'll sit with you a bit?" she said, rubbing the younger woman's arm.  
>Veronica shook her head; Mac staying would be great but would make the kids think something bad was going to happen and she didn't want that.<br>"Okay, we'll take the kids home and someone will come back," Mac said, "Maybe Mattie and Colin ...the kids expect that they'll visit you anyway."  
>"Good," she replied, her eyes fluttering closed, exhausted by the afternoon's activities.<p>

A knock on the window from Harm told Mac her time was up and her eyes filled with tears, she didn't want to say goodbye.  
>"Go," Veronica said, her eyes still closed. "Look after...my babies."<br>"I will," she said, kissing her forehead once more. "You are a beautiful young woman and it's been a pleasure having you in our family. I will make sure the kids always remember you."

Mac's sunglasses were on very quickly and even though the winter day was overcast Harm never questioned it.  
>"You okay?" he asked, embracing her tightly as Aidan pushed Jessie to the elevator and Lily pressed the button.<br>"Aha," was all she could manage, "She knows..."  
>Harm didn't have to ask anything else.<p>

Once they arrived back, Mac threw herself into looking after the needs of all the children while Harm pulled the other adults aside and informed them of the turn of events and the four, and Kenzie, took off for the hospital. Colin and Mattie would sit with Veronica and Frank and Trish would look after the baby and look after the pair, knowing it could be a very long and difficult night.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Harry called running to him and putting his arms up to be picked up. "Are you sad?" he asked, patting his father's face.  
>"A little," he admitted honestly. "And tired."<br>"Can you help me play Candyland?" he asked pointing to the assembled crowd in the living room.  
>"Sure, son," he said, nothing was going to get in the way of him spending time with his precious children; life was way too short. "You set it up and I'll find mommy, I'm sure she'd love play too."<br>"She can help Rosie," he said, wriggling down and running back in to announce they had two new helpers.

Finding his wife in the kitchen, Harm hugged and kissed her before telling her they were expected in the living room for Candyland. While her first thoughts were to say no as there was a lot to do, she simply nodded, there was nothing that couldn't wait and soon they were both ensconced in the living room enjoying the laughter of the children.

It was a painfully long night waiting for updates from the hospital. Frank was calling on the hour but by 11:00 he told them nothing had changed, that Veronica was holding her own and they should get some sleep. He would only call them again if they wanted the children brought in.  
>"I can't imagine what it would be like to be Ronnie and be lying there helpless and knowing you probably won't see your babies again," Mac said tearfully as she rolled into Harm and clung to him.<br>"Me either," he agreed, kissing her head and allowing his tears to roll into her hair. It had killed him putting Jessie to bed downstairs when she had asked him to pray extra hard for her mom because she was sure it would make a difference. When he left her, he could hear Jessie and Lily, who had swapped beds with Aidan, praying.  
>"I promised her we'd take care of the kids," Mac added, "We will, won't we?" She knew what his answer would be but asked anyway.<br>"Of course," he replied. "Those two aren't going anywhere. They've lost everything else, they are not losing us."

At 4:13 AM, when Frank came into their room and sat on the bed facing Mac, they thought the worst had happened.  
>"I've got good news and bad news," he said, taking Mac's hand in his, resting his other hand on Harm's leg. "Good news is that young Ronnie is holding her own. She improved dramatically after the children visited and the duty doctor says they don't need to insert the tube."<br>"Thank god!" Mac muttered.  
>"Now, it doesn't mean they won't," he added. "Her position is still precarious and there may be several scares like this. We just need to stay strong and pray for the best," he reminded them.<br>"I know," Mac said, but she was very happy with this one step in the right direction.  
>"What's the bad news?" Harm asked, hoping it wasn't all that bad.<br>"Cormac Murphy turned up at the hospital tonight," Frank said.  
>"He did what?" Harm said bristling. "I hope he didn't get in to see her."<br>"He didn't," Frank said, "Ronnie doesn't even know he was there. He wasn't all that interested in seeing her either, just wanted to find out where Aidan was. He'd called the hospitals in the area, gave them some sob story and turned up."  
>"I wish I was there," Harm said, his fist balling under the covers. "There are a few things I'd like to say and do to that bastard. I mean what man isn't interesting in his dying daughter's condition?"<p>

Mac looped her arm around his neck. "Well, I'm glad you weren't there," she said, kissing his head. "If we have any hope in keeping Aidan in Bellevue then assaulting his grandfather is not going to help."  
>Frank chuckled, "Maybe you should have given that instruction to Trish," he said and their eyes widened.<br>"She hit him?" Mac asked, in disbelief.  
>"Yes, she did," he said, "Twice. It would have been three but a nurse intervened."<br>"Did she hurt him?" Harm asked feeling exceptionally proud of his mother at this moment.  
>"His pride mainly," he replied. "I think your mom's knuckles are a bit like yours ...she's downstairs getting an icepack."<br>"She punched him?" Harm asked climbing out of bed. "I would have thought she'd slap him."  
>"Nope," he said shaking his head. "My wife, the pacifist, punched him twice."<br>"Way to go, mom!"

Down in the kitchen, Mac made tea and toasted cheese sandwiches for her in-laws, while Harm inspected his mother's hand.  
>"I know I have always told you that violence is not the answer but that man made my blood boil and I couldn't help myself," she said as Harm replaced the icepack.<br>"Well, I, for one, am very proud of you, mom," he said kissing her head. "And Ronnie would be too."  
>"Is Ronnie okay?" Lily asked emerging from the school room and rubbing her eyes, "Is it time for breakfast?"<br>"No, honey," Harm said, picking her up and cuddling her to him. "Grandma and grandpa just got back from the hospital and are having supper before going to bed."  
>"What time is it?" she asked with a yawn.<br>"4:30," he replied as Mac came into the dining room and placed their plates on the table.  
>"What are you doing up, Lil?" she asked, taking her daughter when she put her arms out.<br>"Heard voices and thought it was time for breakfast," she said, yawning once more.  
>"Breakfast won't be for a few hours yet," she said kissing the child's head.<br>"Are we going to school today?" she asked, resting her head on Mac's.  
>"Not today," she replied. "Daddy or I will take the twins to pre-school then go in and see your principal or teacher and talk to them...Jessie will need some extra help, especially as she doesn't have her own wheelchair or other things, and they may have to make some special arrangements."<br>"Just like when I was first in a wheelchair," Lily said and Mac nodded.  
>"That's right," she said. "And while you could go to school today, I think it will be okay for you to spend today with Jessie...especially after being awake this early."<br>"Mom, when you go into school today, tell them that I can help Jessie lots," she reminded her.  
>"I will, baby, I will," she said, kissing her head before taking her back to bed.<br>"You never said how Ronnie was," Lily said sitting up in bed once more.  
>"When grandma and grandpa left she was doing okay and sleeping, which is what you need to do, missy," Mac said kissing her head before adjusting the covers. She adjusted Jessie's covers too before leaving them sleep.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

December Part 1 - Christmas Wishes

The next few days were a blur of trying to re-establish normality for everyone in between hospital visits, school, well-wishers, not to mention the running of the farm and business. Mattie was doing the day shift at the hospital and with her still exclusively breastfeeding Kenzie, Trish or Frank would go with her to look after the baby while she sat with Veronica.

Colin was doing what needed to be done around the farm and had spent a day at the Murphy's house seeing what could be salvaged – there was very little.

With business slower due to the winter months, Harm managed easily without Mattie and spent time helping Mac with the preschool runs and with Frankie, while Mac spent an eternity on the phone trying to get information she needed about Jessie's treatment and physiotherapy program that she knew was done twice a day.

On Wednesday morning, Mac was thankful that, when Cormac Murphy turned up at the farmhouse, Aidan was in town with Harm, the pair having taken the twins to preschool and then stopping in at the school to see what had to be done to enrol the boy.  
>"I understand my grandson is staying here," he said, without greeting when Mac went out onto the porch to greet him, Frankie on her hip.<br>"Both your grandchildren are staying here," Mac said, pointedly, hating that this man wouldn't acknowledge Jessie.  
>"I want to see my grandson," he said and Mac shook her head. "I'm here to take him home."<br>"Aidan," she started, deliberately using his name. "Is in town with my husband. He won't be back until this afternoon."  
>"I'll wait," he said, turning to head back to his car.<br>"Mr Murphy," Mac said, and he turned back to face her. "Aidan does not wish to return with you. Before the fire he made it perfectly clear he wanted to remain in Bellevue with his mother and sister."  
>"The child belongs to me, I will be the one deciding where the boy lives and it will be with me," he snapped, not prepared to listen to anyone.<p>

Trish came out and instinctively Cormac Murphy took a backward step. Seeing her there, Mac handed Frankie to her, not wanting her to strike the man again.  
>"Aidan is not a possession or a pawn in a power struggle," Mac said. "He is a boy who wants to live with his mom."<br>"Let me make this clear, I am not discussing this with you," he snapped, looking down his nose at her. "No little country woman is going to presume to know what's best for anyone in my family. I ask you to mind your own business."  
>"Let me make this clear," Mac snapped back. "My name is Marine Colonel Sarah MacKenzie – Rabb, retired, last post, Chief of Staff, Judge Advocate General's office, Falls Church, Virginia. That's right..." she continued when his eyes widened, "This little country woman is a highly qualified and respected lawyer, as is my husband. And, just so you know, your daughter engaged me as the family lawyer at Thanksgiving and I assure you that we will fight every step of the way for Aidan's rights. I know you do not have legal custody of Aidan; Veronica never gave up her parental rights. You want to fight this and I'll make sure you spend every dime you have and every waking hour in hearings and courtrooms until Aidan is old enough to vote."<br>"Have him," Cormac said, throwing up his hands. "He's not worth the trouble."

Mac wanted to storm over and kickbox him into oblivion but she took a deep breath and continued. "I expect you to send his things here; clothes, school books, photos...anything that has been purchased for or gifted to him. You can send it C.O.D."  
>"Everything the boy has I have paid for, it belongs to me. The ungrateful brat isn't going to see a thing," he growled, stalking back to his car.<br>"That's fine," she called out to him. "I'm sure there are a few laws that contravenes...see you in court."  
>"It'll be here by Monday," he said gruffly, before he climbed into his car and sped away.<br>"And that's why your mom was one of the best lawyers around, Frankie," Trish said, kissing her head and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "You okay?"  
>"I'm furious," she hissed quietly, not wanting to upset her son. "He has no affection for Aidan whatsoever – it makes me sick."<br>"Well, we'll just have to make up for it, won't we?" she said, leading Mac back into the house and seeing to lunch knowing that they'd be inundated soon.

The morning seemed to have gone well for the twins and Harm and Aidan and all seemed to be in a good mood when they came in. Trish took the twins to wash their hands in the kitchen sink while Aidan used the bathroom upstairs.  
>Knowing something was amiss with his wife; Harm waited until they were alone and wrapped her in his arms. "Something tells me you didn't have a good morning," he whispered kissing her head.<br>"Cormac Murphy came by..." she started and Harm pulled back bristling. "He wanted Aidan, I explained he was going nowhere, I explained I was the family's lawyer and I'd keep him in court until Aidan was 18 and he ended up saying he could stay. He's not going to fight it."  
>"That all seems a little easy," he said, tilting his head to study her face. "Was it that straightforward or have you just given me a summary?" he asked as the twins came running back into the dining room.<br>"Summary," she replied as Rosie put her arms up.  
>"Hugs, mommy," she said, grinning when Mac picked her up and held her close.<br>"Okay, lunch," Trish said, carrying in a basket of freshly baked bread Mrs Anderson had sent over and a pot of chicken cacciatore Mrs Stevens had dropped off.

In fact, with the freezer and fridge full of donated food, nobody would have to cook for at least a month. Well, except for Harm, country folk didn't do much in the way of vegetarian cuisine. "I have your lunch in the oven, son," she said, looking to him. "Stuffed peppers."  
>"You're my favourite mom, mom," he said, kissing her head appreciatively as he went to collect it.<p>

Once lunch was done, Mac settled her three children down for a nap, exhausted herself after not having a full night's sleep since Thanksgiving, she was feeling the full effects of the emotional and physical toll the week had taken. "I hope you're going to take a nap too," Harm said, closing the blinds in their bedroom.  
>"I want to get the rest of the laundry washed and dried," she said, moving to their hamper. "And talk to Aidan about this morning's visit and ..."<br>"No," he said, placing his hand across hers and stopping her opening the hamper. "You are exhausted, you are taking a nap. I'll do the laundry...we'll talk to Aidan tonight when the other kids go to bed."  
>"He deserves to know now," Mac said, not resisting his attempts to keep control of the hamper.<br>"He does," Harm agreed. "But he's gone off with Colin for the afternoon, so he's not here."  
>"Oh," she said, with a nod. "So, I guess I can have a nap."<br>"Good," Harm said, putting down the hamper and moving to the bed, pulling down the covers for her. "In you get."

When she was comfortable, Harm adjusted the covers making sure she was wrapped tightly, knowing it would help her sleep. Sitting facing her, he caressed her face and talked quietly and within minutes she was sound asleep.

With the clothes from their hamper and the towels from the bathroom hamper in his arms, Harm made his way downstairs and to the laundry.  
>"More laundry?" said Trish and Harm nodded.<br>"It never ends," he said with a sigh.  
>"Has Mac gone to bed?" she asked and Harm nodded.<br>"I don't think she's had more than 20 hours since Thanksgiving," he said shaking his head.  
>"You should have seen her this morning, Harm," Trish said smiling broadly. "You would have been so proud. She let that horrible man know that there was no messing with her or with Aidan and threatened to keep him in court forever and send him broke – he gave in easily."<br>"Mac certainly can be a formidable opponent," he said, with a smile.  
>"Oh, I know," Trish agreed. "And then she made him agree to send Aidan's things here. She said he could do it C.O.D and when he said no, she said it was fine, she'd see him in court – they'll be here Monday."<br>"That's my marine," he said proudly.

Mac's next awareness was her husband's loving arms around her and his gentle kiss pressing against her lips.  
>"Mmmmm," she sighed contentedly, wrapping an arm around him.<br>"Good nap?" Harm asked, kissing her forehead.  
>"Very," she said snuggling closer to him before realising the time. "I've slept all afternoon, haven't I?"<br>"Yes," he said, raking his fingers through her hair. "We're ready for dinner if you'd like to join us...but if you'd rather sleep, no one would mind."  
>"No, I'm joining you. There's plenty of time for sleep later," she said, sitting up, Harm followed suit, telling her of his afternoon, collecting the girls and taking them and Aidan to see Veronica and how much better she seemed to be doing during today's visit.<p>

Making it to the second last step, Mac stopped as Mattie was about to step up.  
>"Oh," she said, "I was coming to see where you two were."<br>One look at her face told Mac just how exhausted the younger woman was. Days at the hospital and nights with 2:00 AM feeds were taking its toll and Mac wrapped Mattie in her arms and held her close.  
>"How are you doing, Mats?" she asked quietly, one hand moving up to stroke her head.<br>"I could sleep for a week," she said, resting her head on Mac's shoulder.  
>"We'll have to see what we can do to help," she said, kissing her head and letting her go.<p>

Frank had all the children seated at the table and Colin was supervising while Trish brought in a large pot of spaghetti and started serving it out. Letting go of Mattie, Mac took the final step before Lily got up from her chair and hugged her mother.  
>"I've missed you," she said holding her tightly.<br>"What do you mean?" Mac asked, sitting on the step, Lily on her knee.  
>"We haven't spent any time together lately," she said, resting her head on Mac's.<br>"I know," Mac said, kissing her head. "It's been very busy ... "  
>"I know," she agreed. "Can't wait til Ronnie comes home."<br>Mac kissed her head again. She couldn't either but she knew, even then, things wouldn't be easy. After all, the family still had no home and Veronica wouldn't be in a position to care for Jessie.

As Lily went back to the table, Jessie turned around on the dining chair she was sitting on.  
>"Aunty Mac," she said quietly, "Could I have a hug too...please...?" she asked tearfully and Mac moved swiftly and embraced her before crouching down next to her.<br>"Are you okay, gorgeous girl?" she asked, caressing her face.  
>"Yeah," she said with a weary sigh.<br>"She's not, mom," Lily offered, "She cried today when..."  
>"Lily!" Jessie protested. "You said you wouldn't tell..."<br>"I said I wouldn't tell anyone and I didn't...she's not anyone, she's my mom," Lily replied proudly, knowing she could trust her mom with anything.  
>Jessie just dropped her head. "It's okay, honey," Mac said, stroking her head. "Do you want to tell me why you were crying?"<br>"I couldn't do my work in math," she said as tears pooled in her big blue eyes.  
>"And you're very tired," Mac added, holding her tightly.<br>"Yeah," she said with a sigh, resting her head on Mac's.  
>"Well, you and I are heading to the hospital in Charlesville tomorrow," Mac said quietly. "I found a physiotherapist who works with patients after Botox and I have organised for an information transfer from your doctor in New York."<br>"More hospitals?" she asked sadly.  
>"I know you've had enough of them, honey," she said. "But the physiotherapist will teach me how to do all your exercises and help us organise the replacement of all the things you need, like the wheelchair and the better shower chair."<br>"Okay," she said, letting go of Mac.

After Harm had helped her turn around and pushed the chair in for her, he took Mac in his arms.  
>"That's one sad little girl," he whispered, kissing her head,<br>"Yeah," she said with a sigh. She'd have to find a way to fix that too.

When the rest of the children were bedded down for the night and Colin and Mattie had taken Kenzie home to bed, the remaining four adults and Aidan sat in the living room, hot drinks and cookies all around. Aidan was a little nervous as he knew he was the centre of attention and he wasn't too sure which way this conversation would go.  
>"Don't look so anxious, son," Frank said, sitting alongside him on the sofa.<br>"Sorry, sir...grandpa," he said quickly, very used to apologising for everything.  
>"Your grandfather came by this morning while you and Harm were in town," Mac said, sitting on the other side of him. "He was here to collect you to take you home."<br>"Well, thank you for everything you have all done for me, and for mom and Jessie, I do appreciate it. When do I have to leave?" he said, he knew his grandparents always got their way.  
>"You don't," Mac said taking his hand. "I explained to him that you didn't want to go and that, as your lawyer, I would fight him all the way to make sure you stayed here with your mom and sister."<br>"I don't have to go?" he asked, not believing it was really all this simple.  
>"No, and your things will be here Monday," Mac added, squeezing his hand.<br>"But he was so adamant I wasn't moving here, what changed his mind?" Aidan asked, looking around at the adults.  
>"Mac is a fearless opponent," Trish said, refilling the plate with cookies. "She made it more than clear that this was where you wanted to be and where you belonged and he conceded she was right."<br>"I think it was more that he was worried it would cost him and I wasn't worth it," he said sadly and Frank wrapped his arm around him and squeezed him tightly.  
>"We all think you are worth it," he said, "And Jessie will be so happy to know she'll have her big brother around...not to mention how much better it will make your mom feel."<br>Aidan nodded slowly. "Uncle Harm," he said slowly, looking over to the man standing near the fire. "You know how when we were talking after Thanksgiving, you said Colin needed someone to work on weekends...well, I could do that...and any other chores you have ...of course, as I'm living here I wouldn't expect you to pay me...I would do it to help out. I can get up early and work late and ..."  
>"Aidan, the first priority for you, is to enrol you into school and get you settled into a routine of school and homework," Harm said quietly. "Now, there will be chores around the house as everyone has to contribute to the household, even the twins, but you are here as a part of the family and like the other children, if you do your chores properly you will receive an allowance..."<br>"Oh no, sir, I couldn't take your money," he said quickly.  
>Harm laughed. "Maybe you could get Lily to take on your way of thinking."<p>

When morning came, the plans for the day ahead were hectic. Harm was taking the Lily and Aidan to school to enrol him and get him settled in. Mac was heading to Charlesville with Jessie and as they didn't have their first appointment until 10:30, she was letting the child sleep in. Mattie, Frank and Kenzie headed to McKees Ross to see Veronica while the twins and Frankie were heading off to a fun day next door at the Andersons'. Trish would have the house to herself and there was a whole lot she wanted to get done and Colin was working around the farm and running a few errands for himself and Rabb Runways.

After leaving Jessie asleep until the rest of the household was organised and on their way, Mac went in and woke her gently while Trish made her choc chip pancakes for breakfast, they always cheered Lily up when she was feeling sad. Carrying her to the table, Mac sat her down before sitting alongside her and pouring her a glass of milk.  
>"Where's everyone?" Jessie asked rubbing her eyes as Trish came in and Mac filled her in on all the happenings. "So, it's just you and me going to Charlesville?" she asked and Mac nodded.<br>"And we have a few appointments so I think we should take your school books with us and see if we can work out the problem you are having with math," she said, smoothing down the child's hair. "How does that sound?"  
>"Yeah, that'll be good, thanks, Aunty Mac," she said nodding. "Um...will we be in Charlesville for lunch?"<br>"Yes, we will," Mac replied, picking up her coffee. "Is there somewhere particular you want to go?"  
>"That place Lily always talks about...you know the one with the onion rings with that other thing."<br>"The garlic mayo?" Mac asked and Jessie nodded, Lily always made it sound so delicious. "It's called Bonza Burgers and we can have lunch there."  
>"Are you coming too, grandma?" she asked as Trish slipped three small pancakes onto her plate.<br>"As wonderful as it sounds, I've got some things to do here today," she said, kissing the child's head. "Maybe next time."

Jessie smiled; a whole day and lunch out with just her and Aunty Mac sounded like the very thing she needed. Even having to see the physio and doing lots of exercises hadn't put a dampener on it.

The physiotherapist was Donna Davis, a woman in her 40's who had a gentle manner and seemed to know her work. The phone calls Mac had made to her seemed to have paid off as she had a full understanding of Jessie's condition, medical history and what needed to be done. She also appreciated the trauma the young girl had just experienced and the precarious nature of her mother's health.

Wanting to help the child without overwhelming her too much, Donna had arranged three phases to the appointment. The first one would be an evaluation of her current status; there would be lots of measurements taken, relaxed and stretched, there'd be a few tests and then Jessie and Mac would have to wait outside while she consulted with her New York doctor and they determined a course of action. The second phase would be re-establishing the exercise regime that Jessie needed and to ensure Mac knew how to carry each one out effectively and properly. Then, after lunch, in the third phase, she would accompany the pair to the Aids and Equipment Department and, along with the technicians, measure and fit Jessie for the equipment she needed. While Jessie would leave with more suitable equipment than she was currently using, Donna knew from years of experience that getting a wheelchair perfect for the child would take weeks and cost plenty. She didn't know, given the circumstances, whether the family could afford to get her one.

Throughout the first phase, Mac sat nearby uncomfortably watching as Jessie was manipulated and stretched for accurate measurements; a week without physical therapy causing her muscles to contract and the stretching was causing her more pain than usual.  
>"Are you okay, Jess?" Mac asked as the girl's eyes pooled with tears.<br>"Aha," she replied, trying her hardest not to cry. She knew this was nobody's fault but it was just really painful.  
>Kneeling on the mat, Mac caressed the child's face. "It won't be much longer, Jessie," Donna reassured her and Jessie just nodded, she'd been through all this countless times.<p>

Once Donna was done, Jessie was placed back in her wheelchair and Mac suggested they go to the cafeteria, get a drink and some fresh air before returning for phase two and Donna agreed. By the time they returned, she had a full plan of attack.

As Mac listened intently, Donna explained that the threefold focus of physical therapy for children with cerebral palsy was to prevent muscle atrophy, to prevent muscle contracture and to assist in the development of motor skills. She explained that Jessie's use of Botox had resulted in more flexible muscles and that her New York doctor believed that with more rounds of treatment, the next one scheduled for later in December, and dedication to her exercise regime, that Jessie should be able to walk short distances with a walking frame within a couple of months.

Over the next hour, Mac was trained in eight different exercises that Jessie needed and by the end they were both exhausted.  
>"It all seems a bit overwhelming," Donna said, patting Mac's arm. "But call or email me if you have any problems with them or have any questions."<br>"Okay," Mac agreed; happy to have that option. While it all sounded great in theory to have Jessie stay with them, right now it was looking quite daunting. "There are other adults in the household who would like to help Jessie too. How do we go about training them all?" she asked, "I'm not confident in skilling them up just yet."  
>"After you have Jessie's next round of Botox, her doctor will review her case," Donna replied. "He will establish the next set of exercises and therapy protocols. I'd be happy to come out to the house one evening and train anyone who is interested."<p>

The pair had just settled at their table at Bonza Burgers when Jessie's face lit up. Turning to follow her gaze, Mac smiled widely too.  
>"Well, hello there, Uncle Harm," she said, smiling as he kissed her head and then Jessie's before sitting next to Mac. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"<br>"Hello, ladies," he started. "Well, I enrolled Aidan at school, did a few errands went home and mom told me you'd be here for lunch so I decided to come and eat with you," he said, resting his arm on the back of her chair. "Have you ordered?"  
>"Not yet," Jessie said handing him the menu. "But I want to have those onion rings with garlic mayo that Lily always talks about."<br>"Ohhh," Harm said, "They're my favourite."  
>"That's why you came, isn't it, Harmon?" Mac questioned with a wink.<br>"Oh, it may have influenced my decision slightly," he replied with a grin.

Soon the table was full of different burgers, onion rings, fries, milkshakes and coffee and three people happily munching away. When the waitress cleared the table, Mac pulled out Jessie's math book and for the first time all day she frowned.  
>"Don't you like math, Jess?" Harm asked as Mac turned to the page Jessie had earmarked that morning.<br>"It's not that I don't like it," she said, "I just don't get this."

Turning the book around, Harm saw it was converting fractions to decimals and percentages which had confused the young girl.  
>"Do you know what Mrs Barry wants you to do?" he asked turning the book back to her.<br>"She says you have to read it and work out the fraction and percentage and decimal that go together. Like she said this one..." she tapped the page. "It is 5/10 which is 50% and 0.5 and that makes sense because it's easy but when it gets harder it just all gets messed up in my head."  
>"Well, let's see if we can unmess it," he said, sliding into the seat beside her and handing her a pencil. "Okay, open your workbook and we'll see what happens."<p>

While Harm and Jessie sat at the table working through the maths Jessie had failed to understand the day before, Mac went to the bathroom before going across the street to do a few errands. Returning, she found Jessie all smiles.  
>"Uncle Harm made it so easy," she said, closing her book. "It all makes sense now."<br>"Uncle Harm is very good like that," Mac replied, smiling appreciatively at him. "Are you coming to our third appointment?"  
>"No, I was just your lunch date," he said kissing her head. "I want to be home to help mom with the return of the twins and be there when the school bus arrives. Do you know how long you'll be?"<br>"Donna, the physio, thinks it will be 90 mins to two hours...depends on what Jessie needs and what they have," she explained as Harm put Jessie back into her wheelchair.

As Harm paid the bill, Mac organised herself and Jessie before he returned and wheeled Jessie outside. There were kisses all around before Harm departed and Mac and Jessie headed back to the hospital.

By the time they were on their way back, Jessie was sleeping and Mac let her, knowing the girl had been awake each and every night since the fire. Pulling up at the front of the farm house, Mac smiled, it seemed her husband and son –in-law had been busy. At the end of the porch, there was a brand new galvanised steel ramp for Jessie.

Climbing out of the car, Mac pulled the new child sized blue wheelchair from the trunk before wheeling it to the passenger side.  
>"I'll get her," said Colin crossing the yard from the barn. Exhausted herself, Mac nodded, and he opened the door and carefully lifted the still sleeping child out. "She must be exhausted," he commented not too sure which way to sit her.<br>"She is," Mac acknowledged and so, rather than waking her, Colin carried her into the house and put her on the sofa, covering her with a blanket and allowing her to wake in her own time.

Grabbing her packages from the trunk, now she had the time, Mac loaded them into the chair before wheeling it up onto the porch.  
>"Hello there," Harm said, opening the door and picking up the parcels for her as she wheeled the chair into the house. "Where are these going?"<br>"Our room," she replied before kissing him. "Everyone behaving here?"  
>"Yes, ma'am," he said with a grin. "Mom has the twins in the bath, dad has Frankie bathed and dressed for bed, Lily and Aidan are at the table doing homework and Mattie is nursing Kenz in the living room where Colin just placed Jess."<br>"It's a cast of thousands these days, isn't it?" Mac said with a laugh.  
>"Yes, ma'am," he repeated before stealing another kiss and heading up to their bedroom.<p>

Parking the chair in the living room, Mac returned to the foot of the stairs to wait for Harm, smiling and hugging him when he reached the bottom once more.  
>"You and Colin did well to put the ramp in," she said, her arms wrapped around his neck, her head resting on his shoulder.<br>"Wasn't us," he replied, as Colin passed them to go and get the new shower chair and other apparatus from the car.  
>"Nope, wasn't us," he agreed.<br>"Then who?" Mac asked, looking between the pair.  
>"I did it," Trish said, placing two jugs of water on the table. "I took a few measurements, made a few calls yesterday and it was installed this afternoon. It is something we needed and you are all rushed off your feet, it's the least I could do."<p>

While Trish didn't announce it, the family would discover there were a few other things she had gotten up to that day, including stripping and remaking all the beds, cleaning the house from top to bottom and purchasing a brand new Chevrolet Suburban. While Mac and Harm had one car and a people mover which seated seven, Aidan and Jessie made eight, not to mention Frankie's stroller and Jessie's wheelchair. The Suburban would convert to nine seats and allow them to travel in more comfort.

Added to the fact that she and Frank had no car of their own, only hiring one for the short periods it was necessary, she felt that a third vehicle, suitable for transporting children would be ideal; she didn't see them going home any time soon.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

We're nearly there for this instalment...thanks for staying with me.

December Part 2

By mid December things weren't getting any easier and although Mac felt like she was doing a good job juggling everyone and everything, there was a certain 10 year old who didn't. After Mac, Trish, Jessie and Frankie returned from four days in New York to catch up with Jessie's specialist for another round of Botox and to see what needed to be done next, they had returned home exhausted but needing to plan for Jessie's 10th birthday which was on the 19th.

Veronica was still in hospital, her condition stable one day, precarious the next. The burns she had received were healing well but her respiratory system was struggling with the effects of the smoke she had inhaled. It seemed any little germ floored her and she would go from needing low flow oxygen through a nasal canula to high flow oxygen though a face mask within minutes.

Mattie was exhausted beyond belief; she was still making daily trips into the hospital and up with nightly feeds. Colin had been trying to convince her to take a break from the hospital promising her he would go and sit with Veronica but she'd just shake her head. Veronica was the best friend she'd had since first grade, she felt things would work out, so long as she was there...she wasn't at the hospital when her mom was critically injured and to this day she believed if she had been there things would have been very different.

The first sign things were reaching a critical level in the farmhouse was the day after Mac returned from New York and sat with Jessie on the sofa talking about her birthday. Needing to talk to her mom, Lily had tried four times to get some one on one time only to find her mother busy with someone else.  
>"I give up!" she grumbled in the door way of the living room before throwing her hands up and storming off.<br>"Hey, hey," Frank said, catching her by the arm as she stalked by the dining table trying to make a run for the stairs. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" It was then he caught the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Come on, sweetie," he said, sitting on the second last step and bringing Lily onto his lap. "Tell your old grandpa what's wrong?"

Burying her head under Frank's chin, Lily cried. "Oh grandpa...I just want some time with mommy and every time I go to talk to her someone else is there first."  
>"Your mom's been very busy with Jessie, hasn't she?" he said sympathetically and Lily nodded.<br>"I know Jessie needs help and I told her I'd share mom with her but is it too much to ask that she even notices me?" she said, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "I mean she was gone four days and I missed her so much and she didn't even say she'd missed me."  
>"Oh, sweetheart," he replied, kissing her head. "I'm sure she missed you greatly. It's not her fault things have been so busy."<br>"I know that and I know I'd be really upset if it was mommy in hospital and not Ronnie but I just want some of her time...not much of it...just to talk to her for a minute," she said closing her eyes.  
>"Dinner is just about..." Harm said before spying the pair on the stairs. "Everything alright?"<br>"No," Lily said with a huff. "Nothing's right!"

And with she stormed upstairs; she'd definitely had enough of everything.  
>"She's feeling a little put out she can't have any of Mac's time at the moment," Frank explained getting to his feet.<br>"Well, she's not alone with that complaint," Harm said, putting his hands on his hips. Mac's time was being monopolized by everything and everyone at the moment and he too was missing his one on one time with his wife.  
>"Why don't I round up everyone for dinner and you see if she'll talk to you?" Frank said stepping past his son.<p>

It took several minutes for Harm to find his daughter but eventually did, curled up with Mac's robe on the floor of their walk-in closet.  
>"Hey, baby girl," he said, sinking onto the floor near her, his back resting against a set of drawers. Lily didn't answer him. "I know I'm not mommy but you can talk to me."<br>"You can't help," she said, her voice muffled by the robe in front of her face.  
>"Try me," he said and slowly Lily sat up and faced him.<br>"I miss the old days when there was just me, you and mom," she said climbing into his lap. "Like it was in DC...now there's 11 other people around."

Harm considered her words. For five years there had been just the three of them...now, just five years later there were four times that number of people in the family, all with their own needs and wants...it was a lot for a little girl to come to terms with.  
>"I guess it's all a bit much sometimes," he said, pulling her closer and kissing her head.<br>"It is," she said tearfully. "And all I want is to talk to her...I don't want her to do anything, I just want to talk to her..."  
>"Can you talk to me?" he asked, raising her face up. "Mommy says I'm a good listener."<br>"I can talk to you...I think," she said hesitantly. "Well, about some of it..."  
>"Okay," he said cradling her head to him. "You just take your time and tell me what's up."<br>"Well, I want to sleep back in my own bed..." she said slowly. "Jessie cries every night and it keeps waking me up and making me tired."  
>"Okay, we can put you in your own bed and..." he started, problem easily solved.<br>"But I think you need to get Jessie to stop crying because Aidan needs his sleep too," she continued and Harm nodded; okay, maybe not so easy. "I think Jessie cries because she's scared..."  
>"Of losing her mom?" Harm asked, stroking her arm.<br>"No, of there being another fire and not being able to get out," she said with a sigh. "And I think me in the room doesn't help as she knows I couldn't get her out."

Harm considered his daughter's words, it seemed logical. Mac, Trish and the kids had shared a hotel room in New York and Mac had said that Jessie had slept soundly each night. Perhaps it was the security of having an adult present. Maybe he would see if his parents would mind Jessie sleeping in the mobile home with them, just to see if it made a difference.  
>"Well, we'll have to come up with a plan that works for everyone," he said, kissing her head. "Now, is there something else or can we go down for dinner..."<br>"There's something...no, it's alright," Lily said, changing her mind mid-sentence.  
>"No, talk to me, Lil," he said, wanting to sort her problems out now.<br>"It's a girl thing," she said, dropping her head as her cheeks coloured.  
>"I can help with girl things," he said, a little uneasy.<br>"No, I need to talk to mom," she said looking up at him. "Or grandma or Mattie...it needs to be a girl."  
>"Is this about your period?" he asked and Lily looked up at him horrified.<br>"No, daddy!" she said adamantly. "It's about..." She looked down and tried to find the words...what she wanted to talk about was her chest being really tender and some hairs she had sprouted...that wasn't something you talked to daddies about...no matter what they said.

Meanwhile, with everyone at the table and dinner served up, Mac noticed there were two empty seats. Looking to her in-laws for an explanation, Frank nodded upstairs and Mac quickly went up, soon finding them in the closet.  
>"Is this a secret meeting?" she asked, standing by the door.<br>"Yes," Harm replied. "It's the 'We Miss Mommy' meeting," he added, rubbing his daughter's back.

Stepping into the room, Mac slid down beside her husband and caressed Lily's head. "Well, mommy misses you guys too," she said, kissing the child's head. "It has been very busy lately."  
>"We know," he said with a nod, "We've talked about that."<br>"I'm here now," she said, still not too sure what was going on.  
>"Yeah, well," Lily said with a sigh. "I'm not!" she said standing up and going downstairs for dinner.<br>"What's that all about?" Mac asked and Harm wrapped his arm around her.  
>"Lily is feeling very put out that she has to share you with everyone," he said, pulling her closer. "She also says she needs to talk to you about girl things...I tried to get her to open up...even ended up asking if this was about her period and she said no, quite clearly...but I think it's something along those lines...she's overly emotional...perhaps even hormonal..."<br>"Her body is changing," Mac said with a yawn. "I'll talk to her after dinner...before I put Jessie to bed..."  
>"That's something else we need to talk about..." Harm said before he filled his wife in on Lily's other issue.<p>

The chatter of the younger children at dinner hid the fact that Lily never said a word and while she ate her dinner, she didn't ask for more as she always did when it was hamburgers with cheesy pasta and she said no to sundaes for dessert. As Trish started the bath for the evening soak-fest Harm went up and spoke to her about having Jessie with them, something she quickly agreed to. Then he went down and spoke to Frank and quickly the pair converted the sofa into a bed and set it up for Jessie.

Next, came reorganising Aidan and he was fine about the shift, just happy to be here with these people and away from New York.

Come bedtime, everyone was settled into their beds and kissed goodnight, Mac making sure Lily was last on her list.  
>"Now, Miss Lily," she said, pulling up the covers and sliding in behind her. "I think we need to have a talk."<br>"I'm tired," she said not moving.  
>"I know so am I," Mac replied. "But you and I need to talk and I want you to look at me."<p>

Reluctantly, Lily turned over and looked up at her mother, her eyes red and watery.  
>"I love you very much, Lily," she said caressing the child's face. "And I have missed not being able to spend more time with you."<br>"I've missed that too," she said, a tear rolling down her cheek.  
>"I promise to make time to check in with you," she said, kissing her forehead. "You are my beautiful baby girl and I don't want you to ever think you are not very important to me."<br>"I don't think I'm going to be your baby girl much longer," she said quietly just in case her dad was listening in.  
>"Why?" Mac asked, thinking it a strange thing for a child to say.<br>"There's some hair under my arms...and down there," she whispered.  
>"It sounds like you're growing up," Mac said, caressing her face.<br>"Well, it hurts," she said, totally unimpressed.  
>"What hurts?" she asked, her hand stilling on the child's face.<br>"My chest...it feels really...I don't know, like it is when you have a bruise and it's worse like when I have a seat belt on and the car stops suddenly," she said, "And ...well...it just sucks."  
>"It sounds like your breasts are developing," Mac explained gently. "There are lots of things happening under the skin and in a little while you'll have breasts like me and we'll have to go shopping for some bras for you." Lily's eyes opened wide. "What's wrong?"<br>"You mean I'll go from nothing to your size?" she said in disbelief. "In a little while? Are they just going to shoot right out?"  
>"No, no, baby," Mac said with a gentle laugh. "When you're a woman they'll be like mine ... they'll start small and grow as you get older."<br>"Well, that's a relief," she said, "If they get your size too soon I'd be falling forwards all the time," she said with a laugh.

After their chat, Mac lay there for a while before kissing her head and making a move to get up.  
>"Can you just stay until I fall asleep?" Lily asked. "Please."<br>"Sure, Lily," Mac said closing her eyes for a little while.

When Lily was asleep, Mac slid from the bed and used the bathroom before changing for bed and heading back downstairs. Smiling when she spied Harm quenching the fire for the night and the rest of the family gone.  
>"Is it just you and me?" she asked, looking around once more.<br>"It is," he said, turning off the light. "Mom and dad turned in early as it is Jessie's first night in with them...they wanted to make sure she was comfortable. How's Miss Lily?"  
>"Growing up," she said, wrapping her arms around him and resting her weary head on his shoulder, before relating the basic details of their conversation.<br>"Figured as much," he said, kissing Mac's head. "Are you ready for bed or are there things that need to be done?"  
>"There are things to do but they can wait," she said with a smile. "I think an early night with my husband is exactly what I need."<br>"Is it just?" he asked with a grin before kissing her nose.  
>"It is," she said, turning for the stairs and taking his hand. "I talked about it at my 'I Miss Daddy' meeting."<p>

By the 19th of the month, there was good news from the hospital, Veronica was doing well and they would look at discharging her around Christmas; Jessie couldn't wait, it was the best birthday present she could have gotten. After school, Harm took her and Aidan to visit to their mom to and they received the good news from her.  
>"Sorry, I can't be at the farm to celebrate your birthday, Jess," Ronnie said tearfully caressing her daughter's face with her still bandaged hand.<br>"It's okay, mom," she said, "You just get better and you can be there for Christmas and that'll make it the best Christmas ever."

Veronica smiled before taking a child's hand in each of hers, the best she could. "I promise you both I will try my best to be there for Christmas ... and we'll be ready to start the New Year together as a family."  
>"That'll be great, mom," Aidan said, smiling widely. That's all he wanted for Christmas.<p>

After they said goodbye and Aidan wheeled Jessie out, Veronica called Harm back.  
>"You're already doing so much and I hate to ask but I need a favour," she said quietly.<br>"Anything," he said, taking her hand in his.  
>"I need you to get Mattie to stay home tomorrow..." she said, her voice raspy. "She is so tired and I feel bad every time I see her... And I know Kenz isn't sleeping well...and I don't want her health to suffer..."<br>"I'll see what I can do," he said, knowing it would be a struggle.

Arriving back on the farm in the dark, Jessie came home to a decorated dining room with the table set for a fun feast. With colourful balloons and streamers around the walls and a big pink and white sponge cake in the middle of the table, Jessie grinned. Her great day was getting better.

There were more hugs and kisses for the birthday girl before they were seated at the table ready for the mini hotdogs, mini burgers, mini pizzas and assortment of other party food that Jessie and Lily had decided upon. There were lots of smiles, lots of happy chatter, lots of photos and video taken to share with Veronica and then lots of presents. Jessie couldn't believe her eyes when Lily wheeled her into the living room to find the coffee table covered in gifts. With money tight, there were normally only a couple of presents; one being something she had really wanted, as long as it didn't cost too much, and a couple of smaller things that she needed, like shoes or school supplies.

Between a very excited birthday girl and overly enthusiastic helpers, the gifts were soon devoid of their wrapping and Jessie surveyed her new possessions. There were clothes and shoes and games, there were books and pencils, there was a Nintendo DS just like the one she had lost, there were a range of hair accessories and an iPod filled with her favourite music so she could tune out during her exercises.

As Mac and Mattie helped clean up in the living room, Colin and Harm attended to the kitchen doing the first round of dishes before they had the cake. As they cleaned, Harm spoke to Colin about Veronica's request and he couldn't have agreed more, it was something he had tried to get her to do for weeks – that and express milk so he could do some night feeding and actually let her sleep.  
>"Well, if she won't listen to you, perhaps she'll listen to me," Harm said, drying his hands on the dish cloth.<br>"Are you talking about me?" Mac said, coming in and overhearing the last part of the conversation.  
>"No, gorgeous," Harm said, wrapping his arms around her and filling her in.<br>"Leave it to me," Mac said, "I think it may go better mother to mother."

Once the children were all in the beds and Kenzie was asleep in the living room, and the evidence of the evening's festivities cleaned away, Colin went to collect Kenzie and Mattie went to follow. However, Mac took her hand and got her to sit with her on the sofa as Colin took the infant home.  
>"What's up, mom?" she asked with a yawn, wanting nothing more than her bed for the next few hours.<br>"I'm sitting here, looking at you, Mattie," Mac began, deciding to go for the blunt option. "You are pale, you have huge dark circles under your eyes and you look utterly exhausted."  
>"Well, I have been busy," she said defensively, her arms crossing in front of her chest.<br>"I know, honey," Mac said. "I am worried about you, Colin is..."  
>"Did he ask you to talk to me?" she said getting to her feet. "I already told him..."<br>"No, no," she said. Taking her hand and getting her to sit back down. "Veronica spoke to Harm tonight at the hospital and said she wanted you to have a few days off...she sees you looking so tired and she feels bad..."  
>"Oh," said Mattie, tears pricking her eyes.<br>"She loves that you care so much," she continued, "But she's feeling tired just looking at you."  
>"I can understand that," she said with a nod. "It used to kill me that Harm and you looked so tired when I was hospitalised."<br>"I felt the same way after having Frankie," she said squeezing her hand. "I was in a bad way myself but looking at Harm always made me feel worse – he was so tired, so pale..."  
>"I'm just scared that if I'm not there something will happen," she said quietly.<br>"Frank and Trish have offered to go in for the next few days," Mac said. "She won't be alone."  
>"I know..." she said tearfully. "But I just keep thinking I wasn't there for mom...and if I was she wouldn't have died...and I think that about Ronnie...I just have to be there..."<br>"No, no," Mac said gently, hugging the younger woman to her. "Things happen...people die...whether we're there or not. You being at the hospital didn't influence what happened to your mom...it won't change what happens with Ronnie either."  
>"Are you sure?" she asked, tears rolling down her cheeks.<br>"Positive, honey," she said, drying her face.  
>"Okay," she said, she was desperate for a day at home with her little family.<br>"Now, that's not all," Mac continued, stroking her head as she rested it on Mac's shoulder. "I know you want to exclusively feed Kenzie for a bit longer but maybe you should think about expressing, even for a little while, so Colin can do some of the night feeds...especially at the moment...It will do you well, and Colin too..."  
>"What do you mean 'Colin too'?" she asked, sitting back up.<br>"Harm found feeding the children an amazing bonding experience, especially in the middle of the night in a quiet house," she said handing Mattie a Kleenex as the tears kept falling. "At the moment, Colin doesn't see much of Kenz at all...he's either at the hospital with you during the day or up with you at night...I think he's missing his son as much as he's missing you..."  
>Mattie's tears fell harder. "I'm doing everything wrong," she sobbed falling into Mac's arms.<br>"No, honey, no," she said, holding her close. "You are just exhausted...a couple of days taking it easy and a few full nights of sleep and you'll be ready to take on the world once more."

After getting out the breast pump and washing it thoroughly, Mac explained to Mattie how to use it before leaving her express as she collected and washed baby bottles and teats.  
>"How did it all go?" Harm asked, coming to stand alongside Mac in the kitchen.<br>"She's expressing in there as we speak," Mac said with a yawn.  
>"Is she okay with it all?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her.<br>"Nope," she replied. "She understands about not going to the hospital and the need to have Colin doing a few feeds but at the moment she's just feeling really low."  
>"Aww, poor thing," Harm said, feeling her pain. "Is there anything I can say or do to make her feel better?"<br>"When she comes out maybe a hug and telling her you love her might help," she said, leaning her head on his shoulder.  
>"Done," he said, and he did before walking her back to her house carrying the bag with the breast pump in it as she carried the milk.<p>

After instructing Colin on how to heat it up and how Kenzie liked to be fed Mattie went to bed a little after ten. It was noon before she surfaced and found she felt so much better than she had in a long time. After feeding Kenzie herself, she put him down to nap once more and did the same herself and was asleep again before one.

Christmas Eve and the presents were wrapped ready for Santa to distribute. The carrots, cookies and milk had been left out, and eaten, and six children were sleeping soundly in the house awaiting the great man's visit. Having picked up a bug earlier in the week, Veronica's discharge had been delayed for another few days, however, Mac and Harm had arranged for her to be able to visit for two hours. They hadn't told the children of the visit, just in case it didn't pan out, but the plan was that as the rest of the family headed to church for the Christmas Day service, Frank and Trish would head to McKees Ross to pick up Veronica so she could be there to see her children open their presents.

Christmas morning was a blur of excitement and activity in the farmhouse with lots of hugs and kisses and Christmas wishes. The rule of only opening one present before church was observed and soon seven children were happily engrossed in the joys of Christmas. After breakfast and getting dressed, the family headed to church while Trish and Frank made the hospital trip; their absence, from church, not really noted by the children given the large number of people in attendance and the general excitement of the day.

Getting Veronica out for the few hours wasn't as easy as first envisioned. Firstly, there was the wheelchair she needed with the oxygen tank attached, then there were the instructions on how to use the apparatus, the numbers to call if Veronica deteriorated, the instructions about keeping her warm and not to tire her out too much. Then came the paper work and, by the time the three left for the farm, Veronica already felt exhausted.

Timing is the key to any surprise and Trish had managed to transfer Veronica to an armchair and cover her with blankets, lighting the fire was something which would have to wait until she returned to hospital. With the nasal canula in and the oxygen tank alongside her, Veronica leant her head back and closed her eyes, the morning taking its toll already on her low energy reserves.  
>"Anything you need, sweetheart?" Trish asked as she placed a glass of water on the table beside her.<br>"Just to see my babies," she answered, a smile crossing her face even though her eyes didn't open.  
>"They'll be back in a few minutes," she said, smoothing down Veronica's hair.<p>

Trish wasn't far off with her calculations and no sooner had she moved to switch on the Christmas tree lights, she heard the vehicles pull up outside and soon the sounds of doors opening and closing and the excited chatter of the family.

To prevent a stampede to the living room to get to the present opening part of the day, Frank stood guard at the back door.  
>"Now," he said, putting his arms out to stop the flow of little people. "There's a special surprise in the living room and we all have to be very quiet," he said and Harry's face lit up.<br>"Santa!" he said beaming. "It's Santa!"  
>"No, it's not Santa, buddy," he replied. "I think as Mattie and Colin are going to take lots of photos for us all, they can go in and set themselves up first and see the surprise and then we'll get started."<p>

While Colin was aware of the surprise, Mattie wasn't and he made sure he had hold of Kenzie as they entered the living room, making sure the door was closed behind them.  
>"Oh my goodness!" Mattie exclaimed, spying her friend in the armchair. "I didn't know you were going to be here. Are you home for good? Are you feeling okay?" she asked dropping down in front of Veronica.<p>

Veronica opened her eyes and smiled warmly. "Surprise!" she said softly, lest her children hear her. "I'm feeling okay...tired but okay. I'm only here for a couple of hours, Harm and Mac organised a pass from hospital and Trish and Frank came and picked me up."  
>"Merry Christmas, Ronnie," Colin said in hushed tones leaning over and kissing her head. "And from Kenz too," he added.<br>"Merry Christmas to you all too," she said smiling. "I won't have time later but I just want to thank you both for everything you've done to look after my babies...you'll never know just how much it means to me."  
>"You're more than welcome," Mattie said, before taking her son from his father and sitting on the floor next to her as Colin got the cameras ready. "We wouldn't have it any other way."<p>

A few moments later, Trish stuck her head around the door to check on things.  
>"All ready," Colin said, his camera poised to capture the imminent reunion.<p>

Knowing his children were rightfully excited but needing to give Jessie and Aidan time with their mom, Harm grabbed hold of the older three and pulled them towards him as he sat on the step.  
>"I want to talk to you all for a minute..." he said quietly and watched as Frank ushered the other two into the living room, Frankie in his arms.<p>

The first thing Jessie and Aidan noticed was the twinkling tree and Colin standing in front of them snapping pictures. Turning around Aidan noticed their special visitor first.  
>"Mom!" he said crossing the room quickly and hugging her as tightly as he could while still being mindful that she wasn't well.<br>"Merry Christmas, son," she said as her tears fell. Seeing her boy on Christmas morning for the first time since he was four was the most amazing feeling. Fifteen snaps from Colin and he was sure not one captured the true emotion of the moment.  
>"Mommy, mommy!" Jessie said, wheeling into presents and the coffee table in her vigorous efforts to turn around and get to her mom.<br>"Merry Christmas, angel," she said, leaning forward to embrace her daughter who was desperate to get closer to her.  
>"Merry Christmas, mommy," she said as her tears fell. "Are you home for good?"<br>"No, angel," she said pulling back and drying her daughter's tears. "Just two hours today but its looking good for New Year."  
>"Oh, mom," she cried. "This is better than anything Santa could have brought."<p>

The next hour or so passed with the exchange and unwrapping of presents, Veronica content to sit back and let the scene wash over her. Even with the oxygen, she felt exhausted by the activity of the morning and knew this was why the doctor had been hesitant about giving her the morning pass. Still, while her body was protesting the exertion, her spirit was elevated to new heights and she was sure it was better than any medicine they could have given her.

With Mac and Mattie's help, Veronica went to the downstairs bathroom, oxygen cylinder and all, and when she stepped back into the room, ready for her wheelchair, she got the surprise of her life. Jessie, with Harm on one side and Frank on the other was walking to her.  
>"Look, mom!" she said proudly as she took faltering steps towards her. "I've been practising lots."<p>

With the help of the four adults present, Jessie and Veronica moved closer to each other before embracing in the middle of the dining room.  
>"You are so clever!" Veronica said, kissing her daughter's head. "I am so proud of you."<br>"I'm proud of me too," she said, holding onto her mother. "Aunty Mac and grandma have been doing my exercises with me three times a day and Aunty Mac makes me do them really well...it's her marine training you know."  
>"Well, it's working," Veronica said letting go of her child and sitting down once more.<br>"I know," Jessie said, leaning on Harm for support. "Donna is organising a standing frame for me and she said I'll need to stand in it for a couple of hours a day but it will help strengthen my legs and help me walk."  
>"You'll be running a marathon by the time I'm home for good," Veronica said with a laugh.<br>"Don't think so, mom," she said. "But I'll run one someday with you."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

AN: Only February left after this one to complete the year. I'll be back with another instalment at a later date.

January New Beginnings

January came with dark storm clouds, an uneasy atmosphere and endless downpours and that was within the farmhouse at Bellevue let alone the wintery weather outside the door. December had gone and tragically, so to had Veronica.

After finally being discharged on December 30th, Mattie had gone to collect her from McKees Ross alone, trying to keep the whole event low key. Trish and Frank had taken all the children, bar Kenzie, to Charlesville and Mac, Harm and Colin were busy cleaning and setting up a bed for Veronica in the school room. It was to be a temporary arrangement and when Veronica had adjusted to life outside hospital, they would sit and talk about something a little more permanent.

For Harm, it was a call from Dave Anderson which shattered their world.  
>"Ah, Harm..." he said slowly, disbelief in his voice. "I'm...um...on the road coming in from McKees Ross and um...there's been an accident...It's ah...God, Harm, it's Mattie's car," Dave had managed. "It's in a tree."<br>"Oh, dear god! Is she alright?" Harm said, jumping to his feet and drawing the attention of his wife and son-in-law.  
>"Um, yeah, Mattie she's...well, she's sitting in the back of the ambulance...the paramedics are checking her out," he reported watching the lady in question from where he was.<br>"Oh, thank god," Harm replied, his heart sinking down from his throat once more.  
>"But ah...Ronnie...well...she didn't make it."<p>

The following hours and days were a blur for everyone.  
>Aidan and Jessie were struggling to come to terms with the fact their precious mother had gone...there would be no more hugs or kisses, no more of her wonderful cooking or gentle ways, no more of her happy laughs or beautiful smiles. No more of the happily ever after they had eagerly chatted about just hours before the fire.<p>

Lily was devastated for her friends and for the pain her sister seemed to be going through. While Frankie and the twins seemed to shift a change of mood in the household but were too young to understand.

The adults were naturally devastated by the turn of events; however, it was Mattie who was their greatest concern. Six days after the accident and she seemed as shell shocked as she had been when Colin, Harm, Mac and Kenzie had raced to her side.  
>"Babe," Colin said coming into their darkened bedroom, Kenzie in his arms. "It's time for the funeral..."<br>"Not going," she said, turning over and pulling the covers over her head.  
>"Come on, Mats, we talked about this last night," he said, and they had – long into the night.<p>

Slowly, she pulled herself up into a seated position and put her arms out for her boy, her arms and chest still tender from the bruises sustained in the accident.  
>"Come to mommy, Kenz," she said, tears rolling down her face.<br>"Mats, please don't cry," Colin said, sitting alongside her and carefully wrapping her in his arms. There had been oceans of tears since the accident and Colin was at a loss as to how to help his wife.  
>"It's just so unfair," she said for the hundredth time since the impact.<br>And she was right, it was unfair.

It was unfair she had observed all the road rules and some drunken imbecile who'd overindulged on festive cheer had driven them off the road and into a tree. It was unfair Veronica had died on impact and she had only sustained bruising. It was unfair Veronica had fought so hard to get home after the fire only to make it to the main road. It was unfair Jessie and Aidan had to experience the same trauma she had; the loss of a mother. It was unfair, unjust, wrong, heartbreaking and senseless.

And then there was the guilt...the guilt at being the driver, of being the survivor, of still being with her child, her family.

And there was the added trauma that tomorrow was Mattie's 30th birthday, the day Veronica should have turned 30 too. They had planned the celebration together. It was their special connection, special bond and while Mattie would spend the day surrounded by love, Veronica would spend it in a pine casket six feet underground.  
>"I know," Colin said, kissing her head again and again. "I am so sorry I can't change what happened," he said. There was little else he could say.<p>

One day he might tell her after he saw her in the emergency department he went to the men's room and was violently ill. His body too stressed to cope with the 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. He might tell her that the nightmares he had the night of the accident had scared him to death and he hadn't spilt his drink, he'd actually wet the bed, such was his dream induced fear. He might tell her that while she was hiding out in the bedroom trying to work through her pain that he'd been sitting with Kenzie in the living room breaking his heart crying at the thought that she could have been taken from them. There was so much he might tell her one day, but today wouldn't be it – this day wasn't about her and it wasn't about him. It was their beautiful friend and they needed to say their goodbyes and to be there for her children.

Never one for church, Veronica's funeral was to be a graveside service. In the depths of winter it was to be short and perhaps that was best for all concerned. The Andersons had volunteered to keep the younger children with them so the focus could be on Jessie and Aidan and so Harm dropped off his youngest three before walking over to Colin and Mattie's house to see if they wanted Kenzie babysat too.

"Doubt it," Colin said with a sigh when Harm told him why he was there. "She's saying she doesn't want to go again."  
>"Can I?" he asked, tilting his head to the door.<br>"Sure," he replied, "Not like I make a difference." Harm patted his arm, he knew what it was like to try and console an inconsolable wife.

Opening the bedroom door, Harm flicked on the light something Colin hadn't been game enough to do.  
>"Don't!" she protested immediately.<br>"Why are you still in bed, Matilda?" Harm said gruffly. If Colin's kind and patient approach hadn't worked, he'd have to try the opposite.  
>"Because I'm not going anywhere," she said holding her son tighter.<br>"Yes, you are," Harm said, reaching over and picking up his grandson. "Kenzie is going to the Andersons with Frankie and the twins and you are coming to say goodbye to Veronica."  
>"No, I'm not," she protested. "You can't tell me what I am and aren't going to do!"<br>"Yes, I can, and I am," he said, pulling back the covers. "You think you're the only one in pain...the only one suffering, well, you're wrong," he said firmly. "Everyone in this family is hurting and you're not making it any better. I know you're grieving but so are we. I know you're suffering but so are we. I know you need time and space but right now there are two children next door that need to see you and hold you and be with you...they need you there when they say goodbye to their mom...you know what that's like, don't you?"

Mattie glared at him. How dare he reference her mother's death? Didn't he know she was already reliving it? That she was already in immense pain?  
>"We're leaving in 20 minutes whether you're ready or not," he added, heading back to the door with the baby. "And if you're not, I'll put you in the goddamned car in your pyjamas."<p>

Stalking out he saw Colin standing there.  
>"Wow," was all Colin could manage.<br>"I know," he replied tearfully. "I hated doing it but I'd rather see her angry at me than being like that. I feel like a complete bastard."  
>"What do I do?" he asked, unsure as to what was best.<br>"Get your jacket, take your son and his gear to Mrs Anderson and settle him. Then get your butt in the car," he said heading to the door. "If Mattie doesn't join us I'll be back to get her."

One look at her husband coming through the back door told Mac all she needed to know.  
>"Didn't go well?" she asked, wrapping her arms around him.<br>"Nope," he said brusquely, trying to pull away.  
>"Harm?" she said, pulling him back. "I'm not the enemy," she reminded him and he stopped and hung his head.<br>"She's gonna hate me so much," he said as Mac wrapped him up once more.  
>"Why?" Mac asked, caressing his face.<br>"Because I was a bastard," he said resting his forehead on hers.  
>"I'm sure it was for her own good," she said gently, feeling his pain.<br>"Let's hope she sees it that way," he replied before Jessie wheeled in and ended their moment.

Turning around, Harm looked at the 10 year old life had been too cruel to. First it confined her to a wheelchair, then it took away everyone but her mother, then it took away everything she owned and then, just as things were looking up, it took away her mother, her one constant.  
>"Hey, gorgeous girl," Mac said bending down as Harm tried to keep his emotions in check. "Are you ready?"<br>"No," she replied honestly. "But mommy always said there were times we had to do things we didn't want to...I guess this is one of them, isn't it?"  
>"Yes, it is," she said, adjusting the hat and scarf she was wearing. "You look beautiful."<br>"Thanks," she replied looking down and the clothes her mom had never seen her wear. "Mom probably won't recognise me," she added before wheeling to the back door. She knew today was going to be hard so she figured she may as well get it over and done with; her mother was dead, hiding out in the mobile home wasn't going to change anything.

By the time Jessie was in the vehicle and her wheelchair loaded into the back, Lily and Aidan climbed in and Trish and Frank got into Mac's smaller car and departed, wanting to make sure everything was set to get underway as soon as the children arrived, there was no point delaying the inevitable. After checking on the children once more, Mac climbed into the front passenger's seat and watched as Colin walked over and reluctantly climbed in the back.

All the while, Harm stood by the driver's door watching for Mattie and his eyes never left her front door.  
>"Is Mattie ready?" Lily asked, holding Jessie's hand. She hadn't really left her friend's side since they received the news. On the first night, Lily had disappeared from her bed in the early hours and Mac had been frantic, until she found her daughter curled up on the floor of the mobile home, just wanting to be by Jessie's side.<br>"Think so," Colin said but the truth was he had no idea. It was quite possible Mattie had turned off the light and pulled the covers over her head once more.

Two minutes after the designated departure time, Harm watched as Mattie emerged dressed in black, her sunglasses on and her messy hair hidden under a black woollen hat.  
>"Here she comes," Lily announced, unaware that there was a chance she'd never materialise.<br>"Great," said Harm, climbing into the driver's seat. "We can get going then."

The fifteen minute drive to the church was in near silence with each person caught up in their own world. Lily and Mac attempted to make small talk but when it was obvious no one was really interested they let it drop.

Pulling up in the church yard, they were greeted by a sea of people, most wearing black overcoats to ward off the chill of the day.  
>"There must be a hundred people here," Aidan said amazed by the turnout. He'd expected it to be the family and maybe a few people from where she had worked.<br>"I think you're right," Colin said, stepping out and helping Lily then Aidan out. "Most of these people are the ones who have been donating things since the fire, or raising money for you..."  
>"Wow!" he said, a little overwhelmed by being a part of a loving community and family.<br>"I'll do it," Mattie said when Colin turned to help Jessie out. When Colin went to protest, Mattie glared at him so he stepped back, leaving her to do whatever she needed to do to get through the day.

After Jessie was in her chair, Mac put some gloves on her hands to ward off the bitter cold and then wrapped a blanket around her legs. There was already enough to do without nursing a sick child. Once Mac stepped back, Lily stepped in and took her hand once more. She remembered being here for Grams' funeral and how much it had helped having someone hold her hand and hug her and comfort her, it was the least she could do for her friend.  
>"Ready, sweetheart?" Mattie asked and when Jessie nodded, Mattie wheeled her through the car park, into the graveyard and through the sea of people milling about the open grave.<p>

Harm wrapped one arm around Aidan as Colin stood on the other side of the boy and took his hand in his. There wasn't much he could do for his wife, but he'd focus on Aidan and perhaps, come bedtime, he'd be able to get through to Mattie. Reaching back, Harm took his wife's hand; they were in this together and not just today but for the long haul.

The service was short and it needed to be as the rain started to fall. The congregation huddled closer together; a few umbrellas went up as the minister offered up prayers for the soul of Veronica Margaret Murphy. Mattie's attention was solely focused on Jessie and Harm's attention was solely focussed on her. When the coffin was lowered, Jessie's sobs could be heard through the hushed crowd and caused tears to fall for many there gathered.  
>"Ssh, ssh, honey," Mattie said crouching down beside her and wrapping her in her arms. "It's okay...it's okay..." she whispered, pulling her close.<br>"I want my mom!" she sobbed. "I don't want her to be dead."  
>"I know, I know," Mattie said quickly, ignoring her own tears. "I'm so sorry, baby, so sorry..."<br>"Mattie, I want my mom back...please, Mattie...bring her back," she begged and all Mattie could do was to hold her and cry with her.

With the chill and emotion of the morning, by the time they returned to the house, Jessie had wet herself and Mattie organised her fresh clothes for her before wheeling her to the bottom of the stairs.  
>"I can do it, Mats," Mac offered. "I think Kenzie's looking for his lunch."<br>"There's a bottle in the fridge, you can feed him," Mattie replied, not even looking at her.  
>"At least let Harm carry her up, she's heavier than you think...given your injuries..." Mac said, resting her hand on the younger woman's arm.<br>"I've got it," Mattie said firmly.

The pain was sharp and deep through her arms and chest as she carried the child upstairs and into the bathroom but she ignored it, it was no match for the pain in her heart.

Sitting Jessie in the shower chair, Mattie went through the task of stripping and cleaning her, saying very little as she went.  
>"Did you wet yourself when your mom died?" Jessie asked as Mattie turned on the water.<br>"No," Mattie replied. "But I started sucking my thumb and cried myself to sleep every night."  
>"Did you have lots of people to look after you, like I do?" she asked, grateful for the people who would now be her family.<br>"No, I had no one," she replied, her tears falling. "I had no one for a long time, til I met Harm."  
>"So, who held your hand at the funeral and cooked your food?" she questioned, feeling really bad for Mattie.<br>"No one," she answered. "But you are very lucky because you have Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm and us and everyone and they're going to look after you and Aidan."  
>"And you're lucky too," Jessie replied, putting her arms around Mattie. "Because you have them ...and you have me...and you didn't die...and I'm so glad you didn't because it would have really sucked for Kenz to lose his mother too."<p>

Mattie cried so hard, Jessie had to call for Mac to come and help them.  
>"What's..." Mac started before the scene registered and quickly she put her arms around Mattie. "Shh, shh," she said. "It's okay...it's all okay..."<br>"Sorry, Auntie Mac," Jessie said tearfully. "It's my fault..." she said and then continued to tell Mac what she'd just said. "I didn't mean to upset Mattie so much."  
>"It's alright, sweetie...it's not your fault," she said, still holding Mattie close, her own tears burning her eyes.<br>"Can I come in?" Harm asked from beyond the door, more than concerned with whatever was happening in the bathroom.  
>"No!" Jessie and Mac replied in unison.<p>

The door did open and Jessie gasped as she tried to reach a towel but thankfully it was Trish. "Harm said he you wouldn't let him in but I thought maybe, as I'm a woman, it would be okay. Is it?" she asked before she stepped in.  
>"Sure," Jessie said and seeing Mac was busy with Mattie, she turned her attention to helping Jessie dry and dress.<p>

Little was said as the four tried to collect their thoughts and get through the moment. Generations of women who had all lost their mothers in different circumstances. To help matters, Mac left Jessie with Trish and took Mattie into her room.  
>"I'm so sorry, mom," she said sitting on the edge of the bed. "It all just got to me."<br>"It's okay, sweetie," she said, holding her close and caressing her head. "It gets to us all."  
>"What do you mean?" she asked, pulling back and wiping her eyes.<br>"Jess' comment about Kenz not losing his mom," she said, stroking her hair. "Before I went in for my second surgery I had a really bad feeling about the outcome and I sat in the nursery hospital with Dr Mollison and cried for a long time. I didn't want to leave the others behind and I didn't want Frankie growing up never knowing who I was."  
>"Oh, mom," was all Mattie could manage before the tears tumbled once more.<p>

They fell for Harm too who had been standing on the other side of the door, about to enter. That little episode in the hospital was something he didn't know about and something that devastated him – he should have been there for her; he shouldn't have listened to her and been elsewhere.

Before he could go into his wife, Trish opened the bathroom door and asked Harm to carry Jessie downstairs, quickly wiping his eyes, he nodded.

Walking in, he scooped the child up and stepped out of the bathroom to come face to face with his wife.  
>"Aunty Mac," Jessie said, "Can you and I sit in the armchair for a bit?" she asked sadly. "Please."<br>"Sure, honey," Mac replied. "I'll just be a couple of minutes. Why don't you let Uncle Harm take you down and you can pick the chair?"  
>"Okay," she said with a nod but Harm didn't move.<br>"Harm?" Mac said, looking at him. "You okay?"  
>"Ah, yeah," he said quickly. "Just ah...need to talk to you for a minute..."<br>"Sure," she said nodding slowly, concerned by his expression. "I'm just going to get Kenzie for Mats and I'll be with you...and then you..." she said, caressing Jessie's face once more.

At the bottom of the stairs, Mac saw Colin with Kenzie in his arms, the bottle not what the child wanted.  
>"Why don't you take him up to his mommy?" Mac said, running her hand over the blanket. "She's in our room."<br>"Is she okay?" he asked, looking up to the room.  
>"No," Mac answered honestly. "I think this little guy will help a little bit..." she said and Colin nodded before passing her on the bottom step. "But Colin...I think you'll help more."<br>He smiled; someone actually thought he could help his own wife...maybe he could.

Before she could step off, Harm emerged from the living room and Mac watched as he made a beeline straight for her. She stayed on the bottom step and waited for him to get to her and instantly wrapped him up tightly in her arms; she'd seen that expression before, when she was in Bethesda, and she instantly realised that he overheard her conversation with Mattie.  
>"Hey, hey," she said when she realised he was crying, glad her position meant she could cradle his head to her. "It's all okay...I'm okay..."<br>"But you just as easily couldn't be..." he said pulling back and looking at her; her face a swirl of colours in his tear-filled haze. "I shoulda been there...shouldn'ta left you alone..." he said, emotion making his voice thick.

Mac framed his face with her hands before resting her forehead on his. "No more tears," she said gently. "Not for me...it's all in the past."  
>"I could never say goodbye to you...never," he said, kissing her.<br>"You're not going to have to," she said wrapping him up once more. "At least not for a very long time."  
>Body against body, arms locked, heads resting against each other, Mac and Harm stood entwined for a long time; needing nothing more than feel of each other, the sound of the other's voice, the beat of the other's heart.<p>

The fifteen minutes weren't enough, then again eternity wouldn't be long enough either, before Harry came running in from next door and clambered against Harm wanting to be picked up so he could tell dad and mom all about what he did that morning and about the cat...she'd had kittens.  
>"Four of them – two black and two grey and three girls and one boy and all so, so, so, cute," he gushed. "And...and...I couldn't touch them because they are only two days old and the momma cat wouldn't like it but Mrs Anderson said when they get bigger I could and ...and she said I could help think of names and ...and she said that her granddaughter in Charlestown was taking a girl cat...the black one...and she is keeping a girl grey one and that there'd be two..."<br>"Mrs Anderson said a lot, didn't she?" Mac said with a laugh, she had a feeling she knew what was coming next.  
>"She did," he agreed nodding vigorously. "And I was thinking there would be a girl and boy cat left and they're like twins and Rosie and me are girl and boy twins and it would be perfect..."<br>That's exactly what Mac had thought he'd say.  
>"And we'd look after them and feed them and play with them and everything," he said enthusiastically.<br>"Harry," Harm said. "Would you like me to ask Mrs Anderson if you and Rosie can have the two kittens?"  
>"Oh, yes, please, daddy," he said hugging him tightly. Not realising he'd forgotten to ask if they could actually have them. Wriggling he jumped down. "Me and Rosie will go tell her now that you'll ask..."<p>

Grabbing hold of his bewildered sister's hand, he raced towards the backdoor.  
>"I'll follow," Frank said realising Harm had more important things on his mind.<br>"I didn't think I'd see the day you actually allowed him to get a cat," Mac said, looping her arms around him once more. "He's been asking since he was two."  
>"He got me at a vulnerable moment," Harm said, with a wry smile. Right now, he'd give his children anything they wanted; he was glad it was only a cat...it could have been anything.<br>"Does that mean tonight, when we're alone, I can get lots of cuddles and kisses if I ask?" she said kissing him briefly.  
>"Definitely," he said with a smile. "But you don't even need to ask."<p>

A few more gentle and supportive kisses later, Mac went into the living room so she could spend time with Jessie.

By bedtime, everyone was ready for bed, emotionally drained from the day and events of recent days, warm beds were a welcoming option. Once Harm thought his job was done, he went into the living room to find Aidan still there.  
>"Oh, I thought you said goodnight fifteen minutes ago," Harm said, sitting alongside him in the sofa.<br>"I did. Sorry, Uncle Harm," he said, going to stand up.  
>"No, no," Harm said, taking his arm and getting him to sit once more. "I'm not sending you to bed...I was just surprised to see you here...Anything I can do for you?"<br>Aidan shrugged; he needed something, he just wasn't sure what it was. Sensing his difficulty, Harm used his foot to bring the footstool closer before raising his feet and putting his arm around Aidan.  
>"How about we just kick back here for a bit?" he suggested leaning his head back on the sofa.<p>

Copying his action, Aidan rested his feet alongside Harm's before resting his head on Harm's shoulder. This was what he wanted; just someone to sit with him, to be there for him...he'd never had that before.

While they only sat there for twenty minutes, most of it in silence, Harm considered it to be the best use of time today and smiled when Aidan kissed his cheek and said goodnight and thank you.  
>"Coming to bed, handsome?" Mac asked as Aidan disappeared into his room.<br>"Oh yeah," he said with a sigh, reaching behind to turn off the light.  
>"Aidan okay?" she asked, carrying the last of the mugs to the kitchen.<br>"Yeah," he replied, following her. "Just needed some...actually, I don't quite know what he needed, or what I did for him, but he said thank you and kissed me goodnight, so I think I did the right thing."  
>"You're an amazing guy," she said wrapping her arms around his waist.<p>

Just as they went to go upstairs, the backdoor opened and Mattie stood there.  
>"Hey, Mats," Mac said. "Did you forget something?"<br>"I did," she said, walking over to them before wrapping her arms around them both. "I forgot to say thank you to both of you for today. Dad, I know I hated you this morning," she said to Harm. "But I know what you were doing...why you said what you did and I love you for it." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "And, mom, thank you for helping me through my meltdown earlier...I felt so much better after it...I guess I just needed my mom...and thankfully, she was there."

By the time Harm and Mac climbed into bed, both were utterly exhausted and it took no encouragement for them to find a comfortable place to sleep wrapped up in each other.  
>"I'm glad today is over," she whispered, her fingers marking time on his chest.<br>"Me too," he replied. "And in case I haven't said it enough lately...I love you so very much."  
>"I love you too," she replied, brushing her lips against his. "Always have, always will."<p>

Silence soon fell and sleep claimed them, sending them into the oblivion they needed to escape the reality and recharge their batteries for the new life which would start tomorrow...one which included two more children and the needs that went with them.

AN 2: Life is short. Enjoy life. The future is not guaranteed for anyone.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: nothing's changed in this department.  
>Thanks Beth!<p>

Thanks to all for your support and encouragement throughout this story, it means so much. There will be another instalment. Just not sure when.

February

Things at the farm were settling into its own rhythm, as unsteady a beat as it may have been. Opting to gain private counselling for Jessie and Aidan outside of school hours added more pressures to the week but with Frank and Trish there and prepared to do some of the running around it was easier than it could have been.

Around four one Wednesday morning, Mac went in to get a grizzly Frankie. She knew her little boy hadn't been well the night before and that he was coming down with the same cold that was ailing her husband.  
>"Come on, little man," she said, cradling him to her before heading downstairs. "We'll get a drink and then go curl up with daddy and see if it makes you both feel better...but, I'm telling you now, you and daddy have to keep these germs to yourself..."<br>"Not well?" Frank asked, coming through the door.  
>"Nope," Mac said with a yawn. "Congested and snuffly."<br>"Oh, poor guy," Frank said, putting out his arms to take his grandson as Mac prepared him a bottle, something he hadn't had in a while but needed if he was going to be in their bed with it.  
>"Why are you up, dad?" Mac asked, screwing on the lid of the bottle.<br>"Bathroom," he replied. "And I saw the lights on...thought I'd come investigate."  
>"Hopefully we can get a little more sleep before the alarm goes off," she said taking her son back and giving him the bottle.<br>"Look, Mac, while there's just the two of us..." he said quietly "Well, three of us but I'm sure Frankie won't repeat this to anyone, Trish and I have been taking about returning to La Jolla and..."  
>"Of course," she said quickly. "We love having you here but do understand that you have your life there and ..."<br>"Mac, let me finish," he said holding up a hand. "The Peterson's are having their 50th wedding anniversary on the weekend and Trish keeps saying she doesn't want to go, but she really does...she was bridesmaid for Helen...and I have a few things that need to be addressed...then next weekend is the country club's gala ball and then a couple of other key engagements."  
>"You've put your life on hold for us and we really appreciate it," Mac said, rubbing his arm.<br>"Oh, no, nothing like that," he said shaking his head. "We have been very much living our lives...we've loved every moment of it and, well, we'd like to make some arrangements to make the move here more permanent and make the visits to La Jolla the vacation..."  
>"Wow!" Mac said.<br>"It would have to be alright with you and Harm though...I know the house is bursting at the seams and we'd have to do something about it..." he continued. "But that's only if you'd like us to..."  
>"Of course we'd like you here, we'd love you to be here," Mac interjected. "We have wanted to talk to you about it for a while but we didn't know how to broach it. We love you both and didn't want you to think we just wanted you here to help out with the kids..."<br>"We wouldn't have thought that, honey," he said. "And, to tell you the truth there are some nights I crawl into bed absolutely exhausted and wonder if I can do it all the following day...I'm 74 and thought my child rearing days ended with Harm...and I only did that in his adolescence..."  
>"Bet it felt like longer though," she said with a chuckle.<br>"Ohhh, yeah," he said. "But no matter how tired I am, the moment I see one of the kids smile, or take my hand, or say my name, I know there is nowhere else I would rather be."  
>"Oh, dad," she said tearfully. "Well, maybe if you and mom were here permanently we could work something out that gave you some time out too...maybe build a guest house out back so you can have your own space, remove yourself from the hustle and bustle when you felt like it..."<br>"I was kind of thinking the same thing," Frank said with a grin. "And I know that four in the morning is a strange time to be discussing this but Trish was really reluctant to bring it up with Harm because she didn't want him to feel obligated to tell us to stay and didn't want him to think we wanted to go."  
>"Well, you talk to mom and tell her that, as far as we're concerned, you can stay here forever," she said with a broad smile. "And I'll tell Harm...he's been reluctant to have the conversation with her for the same reasons...figured if no one mentioned it, nothing would change."<br>"Now, before I let you go back to bed," Frank continued, "With the anniversary party on Saturday night, we will need to go Friday and that means we'll miss your birthday...doesn't seem right since we've been here for all the others...but we'll make it up to you."  
>"Dad, that's not important," she said. "The fact that you'll be back here permanently is the best present ever."<p>

Easing her son into the middle of their bed, Mac made sure he was supported with the pillow as he tried to drink and fight sleep at the same time.  
>"Hemphu dajor," Harm mumbled as Mac pulled the blankets up and around him.<br>"Shh, go back to sleep," she said softly, caressing his face and checking his temperature, not surprised when she found him hotter than usual. "You okay?" she asked when one eye opened.  
>"Feel like crap," he mumbled before realising Frankie was lying there looking at him. "He has a bottle."<br>"Yeah," Mac said, "Some lukewarm water with honey, lemon and a bit of baby Tylenol."  
>"Izzysick too?" he asked before coughing.<br>"Yeah," she said nodding. "Same as you."  
>"Aww, poor little man," Harm said, wrapping his arms around his son and sinking into the warm depths of the bed. Soon they were both asleep.<p>

While Mac knew she should probably keep father and son apart to give them a chance to get better, she knew that Harm would try to do too much given his current state and looking after Frankie would give him a reason to stay in bed and take it easy.

6:00 AM came around far too quickly for Mac and she was up, showered and dressed before heading down to start breakfast and get Jessie up for her first set of exercises for the day. By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs she knew she wasn't the first one up as the fire was already lit and the table already set for oatmeal and endless rounds of toast.  
>"Good morning, darling. Thought I'd get things started," Trish said, coming into the dining room with the butter and spreads for the toast.<br>"Good morning, mom," she said quickly hugging her. "So, I can see, thank you."  
>"No need to thank me," she said, "Jessie's awake but I thought I'd warm the living room up a bit before you take her in there for exercises."<br>"She'll appreciate that," Mac said. "Thanks."

With breakfast in safe hands, Mac went in to wash and dress Jessie before wheeling her into the living room.  
>"Ooh," Jessie said, "Nice and toasty."<br>"It is," Mac said. "Thanks to grandma."  
>"Grandma rocks!" she exclaimed.<br>"Yes, she does," she agreed, wondering how she was going to survive the next few weeks or month without her in-laws.

As Mac stretched and manipulated Jessie's muscles and joints in a dozen different ways, Aidan and Lily appeared at the dining room table in their own time hungry and ready for whatever was on offer, Harry wasn't far behind them, twenty minutes later Frank came in and just as he was sitting down, Rosie came down the stairs.  
>"Only two boys to go," Trish observed as she filled Frank and Rosie's bowls with oatmeal.<br>"I don't think they'll be candidates for breakfast this morning," Frank said, pouring Rosie's juice. "Mac and Frankie were up a couple of hours ago as Frankie was sick. Seems he has caught his father's cold."  
>"Aww, poor things," Lily said. "Should I take something up to them?"<br>"No, honey," Frank said. "It's best if we let them sleep."

By the time the school bus came, the three older children were down the driveway waiting and Frank had the twins loaded into his car to head to pre-school. While he could have taken all five, Mac had insisted the three older children catch the bus everyday to keep a routine as the twins weren't in preschool Thursday and Friday.

Once everyone else had departed, Trish and Mac sat for their breakfast and chatted about the conversation which had taken place in the early hours of the morning.  
>"But how will you manage?" was Trish's first comment when Mac told her to go back to La Jolla for the events she was looking forward to.<br>"Not as well as when you're here but we will manage," she said. "Aidan and Lily will need to do a few more things and, if necessary, I can get Mattie or Colin to come over in the morning and help out."  
>"I just don't want you thinking we've had enough and want out," she said, absently stirring her coffee.<br>"We'd never think that, mom," she said. "You've been an amazing help but Harm and I are both aware that this is our family and we have to raise them...you and dad are welcome here anytime and permanently but it is to be a part of the family, not to be the help."

Footfalls on the stairs told them Harm was coming and they looked up to find him with Frankie in his arms; both awake, both still clearly unwell.  
>"Come and sit down, honey," Mac said, standing and pulling put a chair for him as Trish put her arms out for her grandson. "What can I get you?"<p>

The answer came in the form of his arms wrapping around her and his head resting wearily on her chest. "This," he muttered.

For a while, Mac stood and caressed his head and whispered soothing words to him as he closed his eyes and breathed heavily; his congested chest still evident in the sound of his breathing.  
>"Drink this," Trish instructed, handing him a mug of hot liquid. "It will make you feel better."<p>

Whatever it was it was disgusting and Harm gagged at the first taste.  
>"Urgh, it's revolting," he said with a grimace.<br>"I know," Trish replied. "But it will do you good."  
>Harm grimaced once more as Mac lifted the mug to his lips, his hazy brain recalling he'd had this before, if was his mother's secret concoction, and he had hated every ounce of it but it had worked.<br>"Come on, honey," Mac said. "Just a little at a time."

It took close to 30 minutes for Harm to finish the drink and by then he just wanted to sleep. Not up to making the trek back upstairs, he walking into the living room, laid down on the sofa and was soon asleep.  
>"He's not going to be much help to you for days," Trish observed watching her son sleep from the door. "Maybe we'll stay until he's better."<br>"No, mom," Mac said, taking Trish back to her chair. "You are going Friday; you are going to your parties and going to have the best time..."  
>"But what will you do...you're outnumbered," she continued to protest. "Harm will make seven to one...I know you were a Marine but these aren't Marines used to taking orders, they're children."<br>"I know, mom," she said with a sigh. "But I can do it, and I'll feel very guilty if you don't go."

With that comment, Trish knew that she was going to be leaving for La Jolla in about 48 hours and, that being was the case, there was a lot she had to do before she left. There was laundry and baking and sorting out the children's new sleeping arrangements and a dozen other things. With that on her mind she stood up, needing to start now.

With Frankie finished a small amount of oatmeal, Mac took him upstairs to wash and dress him, settling on some sweats and his slippers, the child wouldn't be going out today. Stripping her own bed, as Harm had left it sweat soaked, Mac carried the linen down with one arm and her son in the other.

Depositing Frankie in the playpen in the living room with a few toys, Mac put on a load of laundry before checking on Frankie, not surprised to find him asleep again. Moving to the kitchen, she helped Trish with the last of the breakfast dishes before considering what needed to be done.  
>"How are you going to arrange Aidan and Jessie?" she asked as Colin and Mattie came through the backdoor with Kenzie.<br>"Why do they need arranging?" Mattie asked, handing over Kenzie to Trish when she put her arms out.  
>"Grandma and grandpa are going back to La Jolla which means having Jessie out there by herself won't work," Mac said, caressing Kenzie's face.<br>"We can take them," Mattie said and Colin nodded. "We have more room."  
>"I know," Mac said, but she really didn't want to uproot them again, especially Jessie as they had just got into a routine with her therapy and it wouldn't be convenient for Mac to go next door to do it.<br>"But..." Colin said when Mac said nothing else.  
>"Jessie is responding well to her therapy and routine and I really don't want to affect that," she said gesturing towards the living room where most of it took place.<br>"Well, Aidan mentioned something about living with us last weekend," Colin said. "I think he feels like a bit of an imposition here – he knows you are busy with all the little ones and thinks he might be in the way."  
>"That's not the case," she said quickly and Colin nodded.<br>"Oh, I know, and I said as much," he replied, "Personally, I think he finds the number of kids overwhelming, after all, he was effectively an only child all his life and suddenly he's the oldest of six...seven if you count Kenz."  
>"Jessie has been sleeping much better since the counselling sessions," Trish offered. "Maybe she'd be fine in with Lily."<p>

Mac took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to visualise the whole thing. "If Aidan went to you, we could dismantle the school room and make that Jessie and Lily's room. Frankie can go into Lily's room and we can use the nursery as the school room. I think it's important that we keep the school room in some form given that's where homework should be done and Rosie still does her speech and language exercises..."  
>"Well, what are we waiting for?" Mattie said, "We'd be able to rearrange things in an hour with the five of us."<br>"While I like your enthusiasm," Mac said with a laugh. "There are only four of us and..."  
>"And Harm..." Mattie said and Mac shook her head.<br>"Nope, Harm's out of commission for a couple of days," she said. "His cold is worse and right now he's asleep on the sofa...Frankie is also sick and asleep in there with him."  
>"Oh dear," Mattie said, "You've definitely got your hands full."<br>"Yep...and besides, I think we need to talk to the kids, well, especially Aidan before he thinks we've evicted him," she said and everyone agreed.

They also agreed that coffee was a good idea while they made a list of task that would need doing the following day, as well as errands which needed to be done today so they would have everything ready to go in the morning.

After their drinks and with three pages of notes, Colin went out to do some work around the farm, Mattie, Mac and Kenzie headed off to Charlesville while Trish wanted to stay home and do some more laundry, and take care of her precious boys.

An hour before the bus returned the older children home, Mac pulled up in front of her house and climbed out getting the first load of shopping, Mattie carried in her sleeping son and two bags.  
>"My goodness!" Mac exclaimed looking at the pristine condition of the kitchen and dining room. "Mom, have you stopped at all since we left?"<br>"Of course," she said, taking some parcels from her. "I stopped at lunch time to feed the patients."  
>"And how are they?" she asked, leaving the rest of her purchases on the table.<br>"Back upstairs in bed," Trish reported. "They both had some chicken noodle soup and some more Tylenol. Frankie seems to be rallying, Harm isn't much different to this morning."  
>"Well, plenty of sleep and fluids will do him good," Mac said nodding before getting the second load of purchases.<br>"Did you buy out Charlesville?"Trish asked as Mattie brought in the last of the things.  
>"No," Mac said with a laugh. "There was a sale on bed linen so we figured new sheets and covers might make the move of rooms a little more exciting. We ordered new mattresses for Aidan and Jessie to go on those donated beds and a couple of bookcases which will be delivered tomorrow."<br>"And we looked at paints and such to decorate the rooms but think the kids can pick their own and we'll do it when they're on midterm break," Mattie said as she opened a bag. "And we got some clothes for this one who seems to be having a growth spurt...and a few things for Aidan and Jess that they needed..."  
>"A productive few hours then," Trish said, "And I bet you'd love a coffee."<br>"Oh yeah," Mac said with a grin. "Thanks."  
>"Yes, please, for me too, grandma," Mattie said. "And have you been baking?"<br>"Yes, I have," she replied with a smile, she'd done more baking since she'd been here than most of her married life combined, it was something she loved to do.  
>"And would it have been honey and oatmeal cookies?" she asked, she loved them.<br>"Yes," Trish replied. "I know how much you love them, Mattie. So, there's a couple of dozen in there now and two separate bundles of cookie dough in the freezer, you'll just have to defrost it and bake them when you feel like them."  
>"Ohhh, thank you, grandma," she said hugging the older woman. "I love you."<p>

With the older kids coming up the driveway, Mac realised that Frank and the twins were still not home. While they often didn't come straight home from preschool, they were always home before the others but she needn't have worried. As she watched the older ones trekking up the driveway, Frank's car pulled up alongside them and a few words were exchanged before he drove past and parked outside.  
>"Mommy! Mommy!" Rose and Harry called in unison as they burst through the back door.<br>"What? What?" she replied crouching down.  
>"Grandpa took us to lunch and Pets Paradise and we got to buy everything for Misty and Kermit," Harry said eagerly. Misty was Rosie's grey female kitten, while Harry had his heart set on calling his male black kitten Kermit and nothing would change his mind.<br>"You're very lucky," Mac replied.  
>"We know," said Rose. "We had a whole shopping cart full and it cost so much."<br>"Grandpa spoils you," she said, standing up quickly so she could open the back door and help Frank with some of the goodies he'd purchased.  
>"You did buy lots," Mac said, taking two bags from him.<br>"This is nothing," he replied. "There are lots more in the car."

And there were. Grandpa had bought two of many things, water bowls, food bowls, cat collars, flea collars, wind up mice, balls with bells, scratching posts, a litter tray as well as countless boxes of food and kitty litter. Then there was the cat enclosure so the furry pair could play outside and enjoy the sunshine without tormenting the chickens.  
>"Thank you," Mac said, kissing his cheek. "You didn't need to though."<br>"Well, the kittens will be ready for adoption next week," Frank said, "And I know you'll be a little busy with other matters...figured it was the least I can do."

After dinner, when the younger children were bedded down for the night, Mac, Trish, Frank, Mattie, Colin, Aidan, Lily and Jessie sat around the dining room table ready for a family meeting of sorts.  
>"Isn't daddy coming?" Lily asked looking up the stairs.<br>"No, sweetie, daddy is asleep," Mac said. "He's really not well." And while she wouldn't voice it, she knew she'd be calling the doctor in the morning as her husband wasn't improving and his chest was getting more and more congested.

Over the next hour, the family discussed the arrangements decided on earlier and everyone agreed that it was for the best. Mac went to great lengths to make sure Aidan was comfortable with the whole thing and it didn't surprise her to find a very relieved boy smiling back at her.

He loved this family, loved the way they loved him and his sister, loved the way they had taken him in just as if they had always known him, loved the way they had not questioned the fact that these two were now part of the family. However, that love could be a bit overwhelming, especially when you were used to a very cold, clinical household where you were the only child and the adage of being seen and not heard was a house rule. By living next door, he would be able to be a part of it and have his alone time – it was the best of both worlds.

Jessie was also happy about moving back into the school room and sharing with Lily and Lily was also happy knowing that Jessie was sleeping through the nights now and things would be better.  
>"It's like we now have two sets of twins...four year old twins and 10 year old twins," Lily said with a laugh.<br>"It is,' Mac replied, loving all six children she was now caring for but hoping there were no more additions, unless of the grandchild variety.

Off to bed for the last time in their current beds, all children were happy to go and were soon asleep. The adults weren't far behind them as they knew there was a big day ahead.

Needing peace and quiet for Harm and Frankie, and dedicated time to do the moves, Mac organised with Mrs Anderson to have the twins for a few hours and she readily agreed. She loved the pair and now with the kittens there, they were on their best behaviour and were a delight to have around, especially as her own grandchildren were older now and didn't visit as often.

After a rough night, Harm was still asleep in the morning after the children had departed and Mac let him sleep, the doctor had been called and would visit sometime during the morning. The five remaining adults had their own tasks, Frank and Mattie were going to empty the school room and place things into the living room to keep it out of the way. Trish cleaned it as Mac packed up Lily's bed upstairs and brought down some of her belongings which would go on the right side of the room – the girls deciding this the night before.

Colin had taken Aidan's things from the school room over to their place and left it all in the living room there, knowing the bed, bookcase and desk, one which had been donated, had to go in first before everything else.

Through all the noise and activity Harm slept. Mac awoke him a little before noon when the doctor arrived and it took a ten minute examination for the diagnosis; Harm had a heavy cold and needed to take an extra strength decongestant as there was a fluid build up in his lungs.  
>"I'll be back tomorrow to check on him again but if he deteriorates at any time take him into the hospital, he is a prime candidate for pneumonia...even a collapsed lung," Dr Richards explained and Mac nodded, she'd follow every one of his instructions to the letter but only tell his parents of the heavy cold.<p>

After being given his lunch in bed and going to the bathroom, Harm was soon asleep once more and oblivious to the changes occurring within the house. By the time he was feeling a little more like himself it was 24 hours later and he climbed out of bed and slipped on his robe. His first point of call was the bathroom, followed by Frankie's room; he had some recollection that his son hadn't been well either.

Opening the nursery door he found a more compact version of the school room. Closing his eyes tight, he shook his head and opened them once more, the school room was still there. Not sure if there'd been a change or if he was hallucinating, Harm opened the next door and found the twins' room just like it was and smiled, maybe he was awake. When he opened Lily's door and found Frankie's room he grimaced and went back to being confused.

Heading downstairs he was surprised at how quiet it was. Figuring he'd continue his investigation, he opened the school room to find Lily and Jessie's gear all set up. Now it made sense, sort of. So, if Jessie was in the school room, then Aidan would be in the mobile home. He went out and was surprised to find it fairly empty. The bed converted back to the sofa, the main bed stripped, the suitcases gone.

Now very confused, he headed back inside and found his wife asleep on the sofa. Looking at her, he knew she was tired and needed to sleep but his addled mind was screaming at him and he knew he needed some answers.  
>"Mac? Gorgeous?" he called, gently caressing her face. "Hey."<br>"Hi, Harm," she said opening her eyes and smiling at him. "How are you feeling?"  
>"Doing okay...but ah...," he said before adding, "I think...I'm..um...I'm a little confused."<br>"About what?" she said rubbing his arm.

Harm explained the issue and Mac explained all the happenings of the last 48 hours.  
>"You mean mom and dad left without saying goodbye?" he asked in disbelief.<br>"No, honey," she said caressing his face. "They said goodbye...they told you they loved you, that they'll miss you and you said the same. They hugged and kissed you and we waved them goodbye."  
>"I don't remember that at all," he said shaking his head.<br>"It was earlier this morning...and you weren't looking well at all but you kept saying you were okay to be out of bed," Mac explained. "I knew you weren't."  
>"I'm feeling better now but the last few days just seem like a blur," he said, shaking his head.<br>"Can I get you anything?" she asked propping herself up on her elbows.  
>"No, not yet," he said. "You're exhausted...you should get some more sleep. I'll look after the kids."<br>"What kids?" she asked and Harm frowned. "The older three are in school, the twins are next door playing with their kittens and Colin has Frankie and Kenzie next door."  
>"Oh," he said. "So, there's just me and you?"<br>"That's right," she replied. "And if you have nothing else you want to do I wouldn't mind you laying here with me for a bit."  
>Harm grinned; it had been a long time since there had been just the two of them in a house.<p>

Mac moved so Harm could lie down on the inside of the sofa and she could lie half on it, half on him. She relished the feel of his arms around her and the comfort she drew just from his proximity. Sleep came once more, for them both, and Mac enjoyed every precious moment of it because she knew that within a few hours there would be an influx of children who needed loving and feeding and bathing and bedtime stories and hugs and kisses and homework help and exercises and chatting to and encouraging and supporting and disciplining and 101 other things.

She also knew that she was more than up for the challenge, especially as Harm's health had improved considerably, after all, it was all she ever wanted and, what's more, she knew she would be rewarded for her endeavours with the unconditional love of her beautiful husband and children, natural and adoptive, and in-laws of every variety.

As Mac drifted into peaceful oblivion, finally content with who she was, where she was and what lay ahead, she wasn't aware that at this particular point of time there was a government car headed to Bellevue. The driver, the stereotypical agent with the suit, dark sunglasses and ear piece, would knock on their door and want something from one of them...something which would threaten everything they worked so hard for, everything they held precious and disrupt the paradise they had created.


	18. Chapter 18

Just 2 parts this time

Disclaimer: All the usual

**From 'February'**

_Mac moved so Harm could lie down on the inside of the sofa and she could lie half on it, half on him. She relished the feel of his arms around her and the comfort she drew just from his proximity. Sleep came once more, for them both, and Mac enjoyed every precious moment of it because she knew that within a few hours there would be an influx of children who needed loving and feeding and bathing and bedtime stories and exercises and hugs and kisses and homework help and exercises and chatting to and encouraging and supporting and disciplining and 101 other things._

_She also knew that she was more than up for the challenge, especially as Harm's health had improved considerably, after all, it was all she ever wanted and what's more, she knew she would be rewarded for her endeavours with the unconditional love of her beautiful husband and children, natural and adoptive, and in-laws of every variety._

_As Mac drifted into peaceful oblivion, finally content with who she was, where she was and what lay ahead, she wasn't aware that at this particular point of time there was a government car headed to Bellevue. The driver, the stereotypical agent with the suit, dark sunglasses and ear piece, would knock on their door and want something from one of them...something which would threaten everything they worked so hard for, everything they held precious and disrupt the paradise they had created._

**Three weeks later**

The resounding echo of the contact Mac's open hand made with Harm's face lasted a few seconds; the sting from the impact lasted considerably longer. Through it, though, Harm didn't flinch, he didn't move his hand to rub his face, he didn't take a step back, he didn't seek revenge. He stood stock still just inside the back door of their home and stared at his wife.

He understood her anger.

He understood her rage.

He knew, had the situations been reversed, he would want to do the same thing.

He knew he deserved anything she dished out.

"I'm really sorry, Mac," he said, his voice shaky. "I know it doesn't mean much..."  
>"You're right," she snapped. "Your words are worthless...absolutely worthless."<br>"I know..." he said quietly. "And I'm sorry."  
>"I'm sure you are," Mac replied. "But, right now, I don't think I can trust anything you say."<p>

With that, she turned on her heel and stalked up the stairs, glad the children were all asleep and not witnessing this particular homecoming. She changed for bed, used the bathroom and been in bed 15 minutes before Harm even dared to trek upstairs. Listening intently, she heard the heavy footsteps stop outside their bedroom door before the sound of a different door opening. That was when she realised he was going in to see Harry...the child who had inadvertently caused the latest drama.

Listening and waiting, waiting and listening, Mac heard nothing for next 19 minutes, so she climbed out of bed and padded across to the twins' room. There she found her husband kneeling by their eldest son's bed. His hands grasping the sleeping boy's, his head bowed and his body shaking with his sobs.  
>"Harm, Harm," she whispered, crossing the room and leaning over to hug him. "Ssh, shh," she soothed. "Come on into our room," she added, not wanting the kids to wake.<br>"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said, his voice nearly gone, his hand trembling as she took it in hers.  
>"Come on," she said, helping him up and wrapping her arms around him. She may have been angry with him but she still loved him more than anything.<p>

Guiding him back to their room, Mac sat him on the bed and stepped in between his legs, cradling his head to her with one hand, rubbing his upper back with the other.  
>"Shhh, shhh," she whispered into his ear, her cheek resting on his head. "It's okay...it's okay..."<br>"It's not," he said sitting up and shaking his head. "You said it yourself...I screwed up big time and destroyed what we had."

Mac didn't say anything; after all, she had meant what she said.  
>"I mean I understand why you hate me and ..." he started, swiping at the tears on his face.<br>"I don't hate you, Harmon," she said caressing his face. "Angry, upset...disappointed..."

Angry and upset he could live with, disappointed killed him.  
>"I'm sorry," he repeated and Mac shook her head, all the apologies in the world weren't going to magically fix this.<p>

For a long time they stood there, needing the close proximity of the other, feeling a million miles apart.  
>"It's midnight," Mac finally said. "Would you like me to get you something to eat or drink?"<br>Harm shook his head.  
>"What do you want to do?" she asked.<br>"Get some sleep," he said, the heavy circles under his eyes showing his lack of sleep in recent times.  
>"Okay," she said stepping back from him.<br>"Am I still welcomed to sleep here?" he asked nervously.  
>"It's your bed," she replied but that didn't answer his question.<br>"I'll go sleep on the sofa if you want," he said standing and moving to the chest of drawers to retrieve some pyjamas.  
>"You haven't slept alongside me in 16 days," she said. "I think that's long enough."<p>

And while it still wasn't the answer he was after he accepted that it was as good as he was going to get.

Taking his pyjamas with him, Harm headed to the bathroom and at first Mac thought he was going to take a shower but after only hearing the toilet flush, she was concerned. Never, in the time since they had first become intimate, had he changed in another room, quite the contrary – he usually took any opportunity to strip off in front of her and encourage her to do the same.

Returning in near silence, Harm closed the bedroom door behind him and crawled into his side of the bed. Laying on his back, Harm pulled the covers up around him and looked up at the darkness around him; he was sure if Mac could see inside him she'd see the same darkness there too.  
>"Goodnight, Mac," he said quietly, not sure if she was already asleep.<br>"Goodnight, Harm," she replied and because she loved him very much, and had missed him very much, she repositioned herself so her head was on his chest and her arm wrapped around him. "I am still angry with you," she said, "But I do love you."  
>"I love you too," he replied, kissing the top of her head. "So very much."<br>"Aha," she replied, as she patted his chest. This action caused Harm to flinch in pain, something his wife didn't miss. "What's wrong?"  
>"Nothing, it's alright," he said, stilling her hand against his chest.<p>

Not buying the answer, Mac rolled back and flicked on the lamp before turning her attention back to her husband. Carefully, and despite his protests, Mac unbuttoned his pyjama top and grimaced when she saw the left side of his torso covered in dark, mottled bruises.  
>"What the hell happened?" she asked, pulling up the band of his pants to see how far the bruising went.<br>"You don't want to know," he replied, closing his weary eyes, although the truth was, he didn't want her to know – it would only fuel her anger.  
>"Tell me now," she demanded, sitting up and crossing her legs. "Now," she repeated when he hesitated. "And make it the whole truth," she cautioned.<p>

Knowing there was more at stake than he ever wanted to risk, Harm closed his eyes, took a deep breath before struggling to sit up.  
>"It's okay, you don't have to sit up," she said, stilling him when he grimaced in pain at the movement.<br>"I want to," he said, forcing himself into a seated position, his bruising down the left side not his only issue.

Soon, he was sitting facing her, her concerned, weary eyes locked with his remorseful, pain filled ones.  
>"Okay," he said slowly. "Let's take this from the start..." he said and then between them they started to relate the events of recent weeks which had brought them to this point.<p>

- ~ Flashback~-

The afternoon Frank and Trish had left, Harm had been feeling much better than he had been and had lay entwined with his wife on the sofa in the peacefulness of an otherwise empty house. Knowing the older kids would be in from school soon and that his wife was exhausted, Harm made the most of every moment they had together. It had been way too long since they had just spent time with each other. It didn't even worry Harm that his wife was asleep, he continued to hold and caress her, comforting them both in the process.

When there was a rap at the front door neither moved. It was seldom anyone came to the front door and so, in their sleep filled haze, it never registered. However, when the rapping became persistent Harm opened his eyes and realised he needed to move. In the process of doing so he had woken his wife and in the end they had both meandered over to the door to greet whoever it was.  
>"Commander Rabb, Colonel MacKenzie," said the visitor and both were instantly awake. This man may as well have had CIA stamped on his forehead.<br>"How can we help you?" Harm asked, his voice still compromised by his illness.  
>"May I come in?" he asked, gesturing to the doorway.<br>"No," Mac replied firmly. She and Harm had come to a solid agreement before their marriage that they would not become involved with the CIA ever again in any way, shape or form. Paraguay still a difficult part in their history.  
>"Please," he replied. "This matter is of the utmost importance and rather confidential."<br>"There's no chance of anyone overhearing you," Harm said, not prepared to let this man in either.  
>"Very well," he replied. "My name is Oliver Keating and I'm from..."<br>"The CIA," Mac said, scanning his body. "You wear the uniform," she added referring to the dark suit and ear piece.

Ignoring her comment he continued. "I'm here in behalf of Director Kershaw..."  
>"Kershaw retired five years ago," Harm interjected as he folded his arms across his chest.<br>"Yes, he did," Oliver concurred. "However, he has come out of retirement for this particular matter and he was hoping to persuade one or both of you to do the same."  
>"No," Harm said bluntly. "Neither my wife nor I will be coming out of retirement for any CIA-related matter."<br>"You haven't heard the details," he protested quickly. "At least hear me out."  
>"No," Mac replied. "We don't need the details."<br>"I was led to believe you both were patriotic," Oliver scoffed. "That you would do anything for your country."  
>"We are and we did," Harm replied. "We went above and beyond for the Navy, Marines and the CIA."<br>"We have done our part," Mac added. "And our reward is a peaceful retirement," she said, stepping back and pulling Harm with her so she could close the door.  
>"Very well," Oliver replied as the door began to close. "I just figured because it was family..."<p>

The door opened once more. Family was a whole other matter.  
>"What family?" Harm asked, his arms folded once more.<br>"Clayton Webb..." Oliver said, trying to hide his smile.  
>"Clayton Webb is not family," Harm retorted. "Nowhere near it."<br>"Colonel, I'm sure your opinion is a little different to your husband's, after all, you two were very close," Oliver said with a smirk which caused Harm to step forward, only to stop when he felt Mac's arm on his.  
>"Listen carefully, Keating," Mac spat. "Clayton Webb is regarded by me as nothing more than a toad. If I saw him on the road I would be more inclined to hit and squash him than to swerve. I'm hardly going to volunteer to help him."<br>"I'm surprised," Oliver said genuinely. "Webb speaks of you with far more compassion."  
>"This conversation is over," Harm said stepping back once more, grabbing the door and attempting to close it.<br>Oliver put his foot in the way. "Does the name 'Ercon' mean anything to you?"  
>"No," they said in unison.<br>Putting his hand into his pocket, he pulled out a nondescript business card with contact information. "Call me when you change your mind."  
>"We won't," Mac said, both refusing to take the card.<br>"I'm sure you will," he said flicking the card in their direction before stepping away. "After all, family is everything."

Picking up the card, once Oliver had driven away, so the kids wouldn't find it, Harm shoved it into his pocket as Mattie and the boys came through the back door.  
>"Anyone home?" she called,<br>"Anyone home," Frankie imitated, running in front of her.  
>"Hello, little man," Mac said, picking up her son. "Have you been good for Mattie?"<br>"Yep," he replied, wrapping his arms around her neck. "We made cupcakes."  
>"Yum," she said, "is there one for me?"<br>"Lots for you," he said squeezing her tightly before smothering her in kisses.

Over coffee and milk, the cupcakes were enjoyed as they waited for the older children to come in from school.  
>"Who was your visitor?" Mattie asked, having seen the car drive away.<br>"Salesman," Mac replied. "Got himself a bit lost."  
>"Needs a GPS," Harm added, happy to go along with the lie.<p>

And that was all that was said on the matter until things took a twist four days later.

After bringing the twins home from preschool on Tuesday, Harm had fixed them lunch as Mac slept on the sofa, having picked up Harm's germs and succumbing to a cold. In the midst of serving up three small bowls of chicken and sweet corn soup, his cell buzzed and he answered it.  
>"Hear me out," said the distant voice on the line. "It's Oliver Keating and I need you to listen."<br>"I think we made it quite clear we weren't interested," he said, trying to keep his tone light knowing Frankie and the twins were watching him.  
>"You did," Oliver said. "But there has been a change in the situation...things have become more urgent."<br>"The response is still the same," he said, picking up Frankie's bowl and blowing on it.  
>"The message from Director Kershaw is that this is about family," he said.<br>"Not any family of mine," Harm replied, placing the bowl in front of Frankie. Right here, he had all the family he needed.  
>"Wanna bet," Oliver muttered.<p>

Disconnecting the call, he handed out the bowls to Harry and Rosie before checking on his wife and smiling when he found her still sleeping soundly.

After lunch, he settled Frankie down for a nap, the almost two-year-old protesting he was too big for naps but succumbing to the sandman only minutes later. Harry and Rosie had gone out the back to the cat enclosure to play with the kittens. Six weeks on and the novelty hadn't worn off at all. At night, Harm allowed the furry bundles to be bedded down in the laundry, not having the heart to banish them to the outside chill. However, every morning the twins had to relocate them to the cat enclosure, feed them and make sure they had enough water.

The first few days they had to carry the kittens but it soon became routine and the kittens would race them for the door, eager to get to their food. In the evenings, he would often find Misty and Kermit curled up in front of the open fire or on the laps of his twins' or, on more than one occasion, on his own lap.

Checking on them, he began the task of cleaning up the kitchen and starting the preparations for dinner. Tonight it was to be hamburgers and sweet potato fries and Harm was glad to make them. Using his 'secret' recipe, Harm made the burgers himself, filling them with all sorts of vegetables his children would never normally look at. He took great delight in hearing their praise and 'oohs' and 'ahhs' – wondering how many more vegies he could sneak in before someone discovered what he was up to .

Into the ever-decreasing amount of mince he used, went onion, carrot, zucchini, mushrooms and green pepper, herbs and spices and soon he had a mountain of small hamburgers ready to chill before dinner. His next task was peeling and chopping up the sweet potatoes for the fries and, with the number of hungry people at dinners these days, that took longer than the hamburgers.

Finally at the end of his task, he was cleaning up when Rosie came inside to use the bathroom.  
>"Where are you off to?" Harm asked as he spied his daughter.<br>"Bathroom. Daddy," she replied, opening the door to the downstairs toilet.  
>"Okay, then," he replied and went back to his chores.<br>When Rosie had finished and washed her hands she appeared by his side.  
>"May I have some milk and cookies, please?" she asked and Harm glanced at the clock. It was nearly time for the others to come home so he set about collecting the glasses and plates necessary for afternoon tea.<br>"Certainly, sweetie," he said. "Can you go and get Harry, please?"  
>"Sure!" she said and ran towards the back door. Several minutes later she reappeared at the door, Misty slung over her shoulder.<br>"Daddy, Harry's gone!" she said with her hands on her hips. "Can't find him anywhere," she added throwing her hands up. "And Kermit's gone too."

Harm wiped his hands on a dish cloth and crossed the room to the back door. "Well, they can't be gone far," he said, knowing it had only been a few minutes. "Harry!" he called from the back step before making his way to the cat enclosure. "Harry, snack time!" Scanning the area, there was no sight or sound of the little boy. "Harry, come on in now!" Still nothing.  
>"What's up?" Colin asked coming around from behind the mobile home.<br>"Looking for Harry," Harm said, still scanning the surrounding fields. "Have you seen him?"  
>"Not since this morning," Colin said, looking around for the young boy. "I've been around the yard all afternoon and not seen him."<br>"That's strange," Harm said scrubbing a hand across his face. "He and Rosie were out here together and she just went in to use the bathroom and he's vanished..."  
>"He won't be far," Colin reassured him. "People don't just vanish."<p>

The hairs on the back of Harm's neck prickled and his pulse began to race. People didn't just vanish unless someone else was involved...someone whose core business was to make people disappear...like the CIA.  
>"What is it?" Colin asked stepping closer to his father-in-law as the older man paled.<br>"The bastard!" Harm hissed. "He's taken him!"  
>"Who's taken him?" he asked fear rising in him.<p>

Rather than answer, Harm grabbed his cell and brought up the last number which had called him. With a few button presses, there was ringing then a voice on the other end.  
>"Changed your mind, Commander?" Oliver asked smugly.<br>"Where is my son?" he bellowed. "What have you done with him?"  
>"Absolutely nothing," Oliver replied. "I have no interest in your son...just you or your wife."<br>"I will hunt you down," he hissed as Colin looked on with alarm.  
>'No need to look far," he said with a laugh. "I'm in my car on the road at the end of your driveway...watching your other children getting off the bus. My, you do have a big 'family' these days, don't you?"<br>"My family is none of your goddamned concern," he hissed, striding to the front of the house and spying the car in the distance.  
>"I'm sure you can see now, Harm, that family is everything," he said snidely.<p>

Ending the call, Harm turned to Colin. "That prick, Keating, has Harry. I'm going to fucking kill him," he spat, pocketing his phone.  
>"Harm?" Colin said grabbing his arm. "Who the hell is Keating?"<br>"Oliver Keating is the CIA agent who visited on Friday," he hissed.  
>"The lost salesman?" he questioned and Harm nodded. "What on earth do the CIA want with you?"<br>"Long story," Harm said. "We made it clear than we were never going to work with or for the Agency again ...seems they don't take no for an answer."  
>"You and Mac worked with the CIA?" he asked in disbelief. "I thought you were military."<br>"As I said, long story," he replied shaking his head.

With explicit instruction to Colin to look after Mac, the other children and matters on the farm, Harm jogged down the driveway, briefly stopping to greet the three children making their way in.  
>"Where are you going, daddy?" Lily asked, her arms still around him.<br>"Just to see the man down there," Harm said pointing at the vehicle. "I think he's lost."  
>"He's very friendly," Aidan said. "Waved to us as we went past."<br>"Aha," Harm said. "Okay, cookies and milk on the table waiting for you."  
>"Great! I'm starving," said Jessie as she propelled herself towards the farmhouse.<p>

Harm waited for the trio to be further away before he stalked to the driver's side of the car and pulled the door open.  
>"Where the hell is my son?" he demanded loudly, grabbing Oliver by his tie and pulling him out of the car.<br>"I told you on the phone, I don't have your son," he said with an air of calmness which belied his nervousness about the tall, angry man in front of him who still had a tight grip on him.  
>"I don't believe you," Harm bellowed, stepping forward and using his threatening presence to scare an answer out of the younger man.<br>"Check the vehicle," he said. "Check the trunk...I don't have your little boy...cute kid though he is."

Harm thrust his hands into Oliver's chest which sent him cannoning into the car before pulling the trunk lever and checking for himself.  
>"Told you," Oliver said with a sneer. "Funny how you've changed your opinion on family now...when it suits you."<p>

Trying to remain calm for the sake of his boy, Harm stalked back to the agent. "What will it take for my son to return home safely?"  
>"Your full cooperation would be a start," he said, smoothing down his jacket and tie.<p>

-end of flashback-

Mac reached across and took his hand.  
>"But Keating was telling the truth," Mac said quietly. "He didn't take Harry."<br>"I know that now," Harm said with a shake of his head. "But at the time I was positive he did...so I agreed to go with him."  
>"Why didn't you come back to the house and talk to me?" she questioned. "You just took off...no explanation, no goodbye, no ...anything...you just took off...like you used to do before we were married and had the kids."<br>"I know, and I regret it...now," he said, dropping his head. "But at the time I was seeing red and thought time was of the essence. I figured he had or knew where Harry was and the minute I cooperated Harry would be released unharmed."

Mac shook her head; she understood the emotion, she understood why he had gone but what she couldn't come to terms with was that he had gone against everything they had ever promised each other for nothing.

- Flashback-

The next few hours in the farmhouse were tense to say the least. After Colin had woken Mac and broken the news to her, she had tried to call Harm, Oliver and then Kershaw, all to no avail. Sick as she was, she had gone outside to look for her son reasoning that now the CIA had Harm her boy would be coming home, that was also to no avail.

By midnight, she sat at the kitchen table, coughing and sneezing, rugged up in her bathrobe over her sweats, a hot coffee in her hands and Mattie and Colin watching her every move.  
>"Why don't you two go home and get some sleep?" she finally said.<br>"Not until Harry comes home," Mattie said determinedly.

Mac closed her eyes and let her head fall backwards; her skull feeling like it weighed a tonne. Tears formed as she remembered how desperately sad and anxious she had felt a few hours previous when she had tucked Rosie into bed and Harry's stayed empty.

Sensing her mother's distress, Rosie had patted her arm. "Mommy, Harry will be okay," she said. "He's with Kermit."

Mac smiled and kissed her daughter and prayed that her youngest daughter had also inherited a sixth sense about these things.

"Mom," Mattie said, breaking her out of her wanderings. "You're exhausted and sick...Colin and I will stay up, go lie down and get some sleep."  
>Shaking her head as she opened her eyes, Mac spoke. "No," she said quietly. When Mattie went to protest she continued. "If Kenzie was missing would you go to sleep?"<br>"Never!" Colin said adamantly and the topic was dropped.

Just as Colin stood to get another round of coffee the back door jostled and he sprinted across the room and pulled the door opened so fast it shuddered on its hinges.  
>"Look what I found," said Dave Anderson, a sleeping Harry in his arms, a sleeping kitten curled up on the boy's stomach. "I went out to the barn to check on a sick horse and lo and behold there they were curled up with the mare. He woke long enough to say he's hungry but he's gone back to sleep..."<p>

Mac reached out for her son with trembling hands, glad to find him warm to touch, he hadn't been exposed to the elements, he hadn't been exposed to anything sinister. "Harry, honey, open your eyes," she instructed, taking the boy from their neighbour. "Come on, talk to mommy."  
>"Mommy," he said with a yawn. "I'm hungry."<br>"I bet you are," said Colin ruffling the child's hair.  
>"I was out there earlier tonight and he wasn't there so I don't know where he came from," Dave said. "I didn't even know he was missing...but looking at your faces I'm guessing you did."<br>"A miscommunication," Mac said with a degree of honesty. "I thought he was with Harm and Harm thought he was with me."  
>"If you thought he was with Harm, why are you up at this ungodly hour?" he questioned before realising it was none of this business. "Sorry," he apologised. "You don't need to answer that." Mac was glad for the reprieve, she had no explanation.<p>

Once Dave departed, Mac cradled Harry to her as she sat on the chair and Mattie busied herself making him a hot chocolate and toast with honey.  
>"What happened today?" she questioned, stroking his face, the cat still in his grasp.<br>"Am I in big trouble?" he asked, his big blue eyes filling with tears.  
>"Just tell me the truth," she said, she'd worry about consequences later.<br>"Rosie and me were playing with the kittens and she went inside and she told me to close the gate and I didn't and Kermit got out and I chased him and the more I chased the more Kermit runned and when he stopped we was both very tired," he explained, reaching up to touch his mother's face. "So we sat near Mrs Anderson's pig shed and I sleeped and when I woke up it was dark and I got scared and I shoved Kermit under my sweater to keep him warm but I couldn't find the way out of the yard and ended up in the barn and it was cold and the horse was lying there with her blanket and so me and Kermit lied with her and kept warm and then Mr Anderson came in and now I'm here..."  
>"You've had a big adventure today, haven't you?" Mac said gently.<br>"Aha," he agreed, taking the cup Mattie offered him. "Am I in trouble?"  
>"We'll talk about that tomorrow," Mac said, the only blue-eyed Rabb man in real trouble was Harm and she was saving her energy for that.<p>

-end flashback -


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: same old same old

Raising her hand, Harm kissed the back of it before rolling it over and kissing her palm.  
>"When I called you the following morning, I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear he was home safe and sound," he said, tears rolling on his cheeks. "It made me physically ill to think someone was holding him against his will and, while I didn't think they would actually hurt him, I could only think of the emotional trauma being snatched would take on him...I didn't know how I'd ever face him ... I'm supposed to protect him from these things and it was my fault he was taken."<br>"Except he wasn't taken," Mac said, ignoring her own tears. "He wasn't snatched, he was a little boy who had gone off after a kitten...scary for us but adventurous for him. And, even if Keating had taken him, how does that get to be your fault? We are both his parents. We were both asked to assist the CIA. We both said no. How is it your fault?"  
>"I'm his father," Harm said simply and regardless of how much he loved his wife or how much he considered they had an equal partnership, some things were innate – a father's desire to protect his child above all things was paramount. Then he added; "He's five in a couple of weeks...the age I lost my dad...I had this nagging feeling that we'd escaped the Rabb Legacy only to have it come back in reverse."<p>

Mac rested her elbow on her knee and dropped her head into her hand, using her fingers to soothe a growing headache. How did she respond to that?  
>"So, once you knew he was home, why didn't you come straight back?" she finally asked, ignoring the previous part of the conversation.<br>"I tried, believe me, I did," Harm said earnestly. "It's how I got this..." He held up the back of his right hand to her and she noticed the healing grazed knuckles and bruising. "When I found out Harry was home I decked Keating ..."  
>"Good," Mac said, resenting the fact the agent had come and upended their life.<br>"He just said he'd told me the truth; that being he hadn't touched Harry, although he had seen him running in the field and just thought he'd use my distress for his gain," Harm explained.  
>"Bastard!" Mac muttered.<br>"But it didn't help," Harm continued. "He had two of his men work me over...called it 'compliance'."  
>"Bastard!" she repeated. "Is that how you got all those bruises?" she said gesturing to his left hand side.<br>"Nope," he said with a shake of his head. "Those ones have pretty much healed," he explained, pulling up his top and pointing to the yellow and brown splotches across his chest.  
>"So these ones?" she asked again gently touching the angry bruises.<br>"Those ones, and this," he said pointing to a dressing on his back, just out of Mac's sight.

Kneeling up, Mac craned her head and saw the large surgical dressing.  
>"What the hell?" she said, moving back to sit inches away from him.<br>"After the goons worked me over, Kershaw appeared and apologised profusely," Harm explained, taking her hands back into his. "Said he never authorised such treatment and would be taking it further. I made it clear that I wanted no part of whatever operation he had on the cards and he should go procreate by himself."

Despite everything, Mac couldn't help but smile.  
>"Kershaw said the whole upheaval had been for nothing as 'circumstances had changed' and I...or we...were no longer required," Harm said, his head bowed.<br>"Just like that?" Mac scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."  
>"So did I," Harm replied with a deep breath. "Did some digging and found that bloody Webb had been pulling some strings; just to mess with us. Issac Rodgers is the new director, appointed last month, knew Webb Senior, not to mention still being acquainted with Porter Webb...Webb was just trying to see how much he could get away with under Rodgers' reign and decided it would be fun to test it out on us."<br>"I swear I'll kill that bastard if I ever lay eyes on him again," Mac spat shaking her head.  
>"Me too," he agreed. "I was half hoping I'd run into him at Langley," Harm admitted. "Would have made my subsequent injuries look like a mild abrasion."<br>"Where does Kershaw fit into it though?" Mac asked trying to get everything straight.  
>"He'd heard a few things," he replied. "Didn't trust Webb, especially when it comes to us, and involved himself to try and help us."<p>

Shaking her head, Mac was struggling with the whole futility of the situation and the fact that Webb still had the power to cause chaos in their relationship. Not for the first time, she really wished his death had been real.

Deciding to try and move on with the story, Mac took a deep breath and pressed on.  
>"That must have been two weeks ago," she observed. "So, how come you just got home tonight?"<br>"Well..." he drawled, not sure how this next part was going to go. "I hired a car and was driving home...fast...missed a turn just outside of Somerset, spun out and rolled the car into a ditch."  
>Mac closed her eyes and reminded herself to breathe.<br>"Knocked myself out in the process but came to in the ambulance...told them not to call anyone...figured you were already pissed with me...almost killing myself because I was an idiot behind the wheel wouldn't earn me any brownie points," he said, his eyes filled with tears, matching hers.  
>"So you were in hospital for two weeks only 80 miles from here," she said, resting her hand on his cheek, the same cheek which still bore the mark of her hand print from hours earlier.<br>"Yeah," he said, with a slight nod.  
>"So, the stitches, what are they from?" she asked, wanting the whole story even though it was making her feel ill.<br>"From the surgery to remove my spleen," he admitted, chancing a wry smile. "All pretty straight forward but between the blood loss and surgery I had four transfusions and a truck full of meds."  
>"God, Harm," she sighed. "Why the hell didn't you call me? You shouldn't have gone through this on your own."<br>"I deserved it," he said quietly. "I know I screwed up big time and that you had every reason to hate me and never want to see me again...I mean, after all, we spent hours discussing and promising ourselves we wouldn't be drawn into that world again...that we wouldn't sacrifice what we had for anything and I capitulated the first time they came knocking..."  
>"I don't hate you," she said quietly. "You haven't been my favourite person of late but I could never hate you..."<br>"And the bit about never wanting to see me again?" he asked, squeezing her hand.  
>"I don't think this is something we can just brush off or forget about..." she said honestly. "You risked everything we have by acting impulsively and on your own...You put your life at risk, twice, and you could have left our children fatherless, not to mention what it would have done to Mattie, Aidan and Jessie who have already lived through losing parents..."<br>"I know...and I'm so sorry," he said, pulling her closer.  
>"I know you are," she said stroking his head. "I know you are."<p>

Knowing she was beyond exhausted and that Harm was in a worse state than she was, Mac uncrossed her legs and stood up before sliding under the covers once more.  
>"I think we need to get some sleep," she said, waiting for him to move. "I need to get up with the kids in three hours and 23 minutes and you look exhausted."<p>

Slowly, Harm got off the bed and crawled under the covers alongside her. Despite how long he'd been anticipating this particular moment, Harm found he couldn't get comfortable. His body ached, his heart was heavy, his mind was racing even though his thoughts were getting foggier.  
>"C'mon," Mac said, sliding an arm under his neck and encouraging him to roll towards her; his tender left side now resting against her soft body and his head on her chest.<p>

Within minutes he'd succumbed to fatigue and Mac followed soon after.

It felt like no time had elapsed before Lily appeared at her bedside excited to see her daddy was home.  
>"Can I wake him, mom?" she asked, shaking her mother's arm.<br>"No, honey," she replied, looking down to find her husband still sound asleep on her, he hadn't moved a muscle. "Daddy needs lots of sleep."  
>"Is he okay?" she asked, gently touching his hair.<br>"Daddy had an accident and is a bit sore but he'll be fine," Mac said, going for some of the truth. "Is Jessie awake?"  
>"No, not yet," Lily said with a yawn.<br>"Do you think you can do me a big favour?" Mac asked, gently resting one hand over Harm's ear so their conversation wouldn't wake him.  
>"Sure, mom, anything!" she said enthusiastically, she loved helping.<br>"Can you go next door and see if Mattie or Colin can come and help out this morning?" she asked and Lily took off.

Within five minutes she heard Mattie's footfalls on the stairs.  
>"Hey, mom," she said quietly, coming in still dressed in her pyjamas and robe. "Lil said dad was home. Everything okay?"<br>"Sort of," she replied. Mattie and Colin knew the whole story from the start, so there was no point hiding things now. "He tried to come home the day or so after he left and was in a serious car wreck...rolled the car, knocked himself out, ended up having surgery to remove his spleen..."  
>"Why didn't he call?" Mattie asked in disbelief.<br>"Figured he was already in enough trouble," she said with a sigh. "Didn't want to make it worse."  
>"Won't he ever learn?" she asked, shaking her head.<br>"I don't know," Mac said, she wondered the same thing.  
>"So, what do you need?" Mattie asked getting back to the original point of her being here.<br>"I'm going to try and slide out from here in a minute but I was hoping you or Colin could take the twins to preschool and look after Frankie...Harm needs some time to recover and children overexcited to see their daddy won't help," she said, playing with his hair.  
>"Consider it done," she said. "Colin had to run a few errands so it's no problem. What specifically do you have to get up for?"<br>"To feed and dress the kids, Jessie's exercises," Mac said with a yawn.  
>"I'll take care of Jess and Colin's already organising breakfast down there with Aidan...so unless you really want to, there's no need for you to disturb dad...besides, you look like you haven't slept yet," she said.<br>"Didn't get much sleep," she said through another yawn. "You sure you can manage?"  
>"Positive," Mattie replied. "Now, sleep," she said, fixing the covers around them once more.<p>

Not really wanting Mattie to change her mind, Mac closed her eyes and wasn't surprised to find herself drifting off soon after. The morning transitioned to afternoon without either coming back to awareness, however, soon after midday, Mac stirred feeling hungry and a growing need for the bathroom.

Easing herself out of bed, she trekked to the bathroom before quickly showering and returning to dress.  
>"You're so beautiful," Harm said quietly, closely monitoring her every move.<br>"I thought you were asleep," Mac said, turning to face him, dressed in her underwear.  
>"I was...woke when you got up," he said, forcing himself to sit up and breathe through the pain it caused.<br>"Can I get you anything?" she asked coming to sit on the bed alongside him.  
>"No, thanks, I'll be fine...just feeling stiff and sore," he said, rolling his head, neck and shoulders. "I'll take some analgesics when I get something to eat."<p>

Knowing his pain must have been severe, as it was the only time he used medication, Mac caressed his face. "Let me finish getting dressed and I'll fix us something for lunch. Do you want to come down or have lunch in bed?"  
>"I'll come down," he said, "But I might try and have a shower first."<br>"Need some help?" she asked, watching as he swung his legs around.  
>"Don't think so," he replied. "Is the shower chair still in there?"<br>"It's not in the way...it's by the bath," she said, rounding the bed and taking his hands, using her strength to pull him up.  
>"I might put it in...don't want to pass out under the hot water," he said unbuttoning his top.<p>

Mac almost laughed until she realised he was serious. "Let me help you," she said, taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom before placing the chair into the shower cubicle. She turned on the water and adjusted it to the right temperature for him before turning around and helping him step out of his boxers and pyjama bottoms.  
>"Yell out if you need me," she said, moving to the door.<br>"Just so you know, and despite what my recent actions would indicate, " he said, looking up at her. "I'll always need you."

Mac smiled at him before returning to the bedroom to finish dressing. She had organised and nearly cooked scrambled eggs on toast for them both when she heard Harm coming down the stairs.

Turning down the heat, she went over to the stairs when she heard the movement stop.  
>"You okay?" she asked, looking at him as he sat half way up the staircase.<br>"Little dizzy," he said. "But I'll be right."  
>"Have you told me the whole truth?" she questioned walking up and kneeling on the step in front of him.<br>"Yeah," he said slowly. "Just omitted the fact that I discharged myself AMA yesterday...doctor wanted me to stay another few days...I just wanted to be home."  
>Mac shook her head. "Which means you should still be on full bedrest...right?"<br>"Yeah," he said with a nod.  
>"Then let's get you back up to bed," she said and Harm nodded, he hadn't felt this bad since he first got up after surgery.<p>

It was lunch in bed for the pair of them before Harm used his cell to contact the hospital and then handed it to Mac.  
>"Ask anything you want," he said as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep as he listened to his wife's 32 questions as to the extent of his injuries, the prognosis and how she was to care for him.<p>

Nearly 40 minutes later she disconnected the call, wanting to slap him for putting himself at risk with an early discharge but loving the fact he wanted so desperately to come home. The doctor had corroborated this by telling her Harm had cried for an hour after they had delayed his discharged due to an infection.

Knowing there were chores to be done, Mac contemplated how to spend the next few hours. Realising Harm would sleep most of it; she slid out of bed, took the lunch trays down to the kitchen and cleaned up before tidying up and doing a load of laundry.

Opening the fridge to figure out dinner, she was interrupted by Colin coming through the back door with Frankie and a couple of bags of groceries.  
>"Good, you haven't started dinner," he said, leaving the bags on the bench as Mac took Frankie. "We had a discussion this morning and the kids decided on Tuna Pot Pies...said Harm would like them too. So, Frankie and I are here to get started, aren't we, buddy?"<p>

Frankie nodded and cuddled into Mac.. "You tired, baby?" she asked and the boy shook his head. "Daddy is napping, would you like to nap with daddy?"  
>Frankie nodded once more and Mac carried him upstairs to the master bedroom. Stripping off his jacket, boots and jeans, Mac placed him on her side of the bed with a cushion in front to protect 'daddy's owies' and a pillow behind.<p>

With some gentle caresses and kisses he was soon dozing off. To ensure his safety, Mac lifted Harm's arm up and placed it over the child. Before long he had a sound hold and both were sleeping peacefully.  
>"So, how is Harm doing?" Colin asked as Mac re-entered the kitchen and washed her hands so she could help with the dinner preparations.<br>"Turns out he should still be in hospital," Mac said, shredding the cheese. "He's in a lot of pain ... extremely exhausted."  
>"What actually happened?" he asked, chopping the onions.<p>

Over the next little while, Mac filled Colin in with the details as they worked side by side. Once the pies were ready for the oven, he sat them in the fridge and turned his attention to dessert.  
>"Banana pudding?" Mac asked, recognising the ingredients.<br>"Lily insisted it was good for Harm," he said with a laugh.  
>"Nothing to do with the fact it's her current favourite dish?" Mac said chuckling.<br>"No, she reassured me that bananas were high in lots of vitamins and would be good for him." Colin said, opening the vanilla pudding pack.  
>"Thank you for doing all of this," Mac said gesturing to the bench.<br>"No need to thank me," he said, shaking his head. "I'm a bit fond of banana pudding myself."

After the dessert was organised, Colin whipped up two huge bowls of pancake batter for the following morning's breakfast as well as two batches of muffins and cupcakes.  
>"All for Harm's recovery?" Mac asked standing in the dining room folding the dried clothes.<br>"I believe so," he said. "Aidan suggested pancakes...Jessie suggested cupcakes and Rosie suggested muffins."  
>"What about Harry?" she asked, placing Frankie's folded jeans on his pile.<br>"Wasn't too interested," Colin remarked. "I think he thinks he's in trouble for running after Kermit now that daddy's home."  
>"Ah well, we'll sort that one out tonight," she said. "Where are the terrible two now?"<br>"Mattie picked them up and was going to take them and Kenzie out for lunch and buy you and Harm some time," he said, pulling the first tray of cupcakes from the oven.

By nightfall, Harm had managed to make it down to the table for dinner and, while he didn't have much of an appetite, he made an effort as there were ten people all very excited to have him home...well, nine...Harry wasn't too sure of what daddy was going to say.

It was as Mac was in the living room doing the exercises with Jessie and the others were scattered around in various pursuits, that Harm called Harry over as he remained seated at the dining room table.  
>"Yes, daddy?" he asked nervously, coming to stand in front of him.<br>"What's the matter, son?" he asked resting his hand on the boy's shoulder.  
>"Are you going to yell at me?" he asked tearfully.<br>"Why would I yell at you?" Harm asked, moving his hand up to caress the child's face.  
>"I was naughty letting Kermit out and running after him and not coming home and scaring mommy," he said, his bottom lip trembling.<br>"It wasn't the right thing to do, was it?" Harm asked and Harry shook his head,  
>"No, sir," he said, daring to take a little step closer. "I'm really sorry, daddy, I just wanted to get Kermit...I didn't want him to get lost or hurt. I love him so much."<br>"I know," Harm replied. "What lesson have you learnt?" he asked.  
>"That I can't do things by myself and I have to get mommy's help no matter what," he said and Harm smiled, he'd learnt the same lesson.<br>"Good. So, how about you sit up on my knee and tell me how Kermit's going these days..."

As father and son chatted, life went on around them and it was a happy almost five-year-old who went to bed knowing his daddy was home and still loved them very much.  
>"Here, take these," Mac said, handing Harm two tablets and a glass of water as he sat at the table thinking about making the trek upstairs.<br>"I don't really..." he started but had a change of heart, he did need them. "Thanks, gorgeous."  
>"We'll give them a chance to kick in before we start on the hike upstairs, okay?" she said, stroking his head and Harm nodded. It may have only been 20 steps, but she knew how painful abdominal surgery of any kind could be.<p>

Harm's physical recovery was slow and painful and when his parents returned three days later it reignited the emotional issues he had in dealing with the whole episode. He knew from his mother's reaction she wasn't at all happy he'd taken off like he had and while she was sympathetic to his injuries, she barely spoke to him. Frank was better about things which earned him more than one glare from his wife.  
>"He could have easily gotten himself killed!" Trish snapped at her husband as they changed for bed.<br>"But he didn't," Frank replied calmly. "I think we've both seen enough in our lives to know that we should be exceptionally grateful he came home and let bygones be bygones."  
>"I am exceptionally grateful," she replied. "Just irked he did it..."<br>"Irked?" Frank said with a chuckle. "You can say how you really feel...you're totally pissed at him."  
>"I don't like that language, Frank," she cautioned. "But you're right, I am pissed at him."<br>"Okay," he said with a smirk, "Why don't we get him well first and then you can kill him yourself?"  
>"That is not funny, Frank," she said, climbing into bed.<p>

It took nearly two weeks for things to start improving on the farm and Mac was grateful her in-laws were back and able to help her with the children and her husband. Although, she could have done without the added tension between mother and son, especially as she was trying to deal with her own emotions towards her husband.  
>"Hey, mom," he said, coming into the kitchen, all the children in school or off with their grandpa. "Have you seen Mac?"<br>"She was a little upset earlier," Trish replied. "She went out for a run."  
>"What upset her?" he asked and the look he received clearly indicated it was him. "Do you know if I did anything specific?" he asked, wanting to know if this was something new or the fallout of his actions, something they hadn't really addressed.<br>"I have no idea," she replied, honestly.

Not fit enough to go running after her, Harm walked outside and scanned the surrounding area and spied her in the distance walking away from the house and towards their special place, quickly he followed.

Out of breath and sore by the time he arrived, Harm sat down alongside his wife on one of the many engraved rocks which now adorned the place. He said nothing, not sure if there was anything that could be said to help the situation. Mac, for her part, sat in silence, ignoring the tears rolling down her face.

Taking a deep breath, Harm reached across and took her hand, gently entwining his fingers with hers before resting it in his lap.  
>"I love you," he said quietly, almost afraid to break the silence. Mac said nothing. "And I'm really sorry for everything..." Still there was nothing. "And I'll do anything to make it up to you...anything."<br>"You know, I'm not angry with you anymore," she said, looking at the water in front of her.  
>"Then what's got you sitting here in the middle of the day crying?" he asked, studying her face.<br>"I almost lost you," she said, turning to face him. "I could be a widow...with a houseful of kids and a farm to run...not to mention your business and I don't want that life...I don't want to lose you...not now, not ever..."  
>"Oh, Mac," he said, caressing her face. "I don't want to lose you either."<br>"And I realised this morning, that rather than spending the last two weeks cherishing every moment...treasuring what we have...feeling grateful I still have you...I've spent it being angry at you...and that's a wasted emotion," she said, shuffling closer and nestling alongside him. "So, I decided not to be angry with you anymore."  
>"Just like that?" he asked, happy about her change of mind, just wanting to check.<br>"Just like that," she confirmed. "I won't guarantee that this is all over but what we have is too precious to let this come between us. I know you did it for our son, I love you for loving him that much and it's time to get past it."  
>"I love you, Mac," he said, pressing a kiss to her head.<br>"I love you too," she replied, gently kissing him. "And now, we take a deep breath, put it behind us and life goes on."


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: same old same old

Mothers 1/4

It was almost May and Mother's Day was on the horizon. The MacKenzie-Rabb children were busy with arts and crafts, under their grandparents' supervision, to ensure they had the perfect Mother's Day present for Mac. Jessie and Aidan were both happy to make something for Mac, Mattie and Trish but it was with an innate sadness. This would be their first Mother's Day without their mom and the pain was raw.

After some careful observation, Harm had to concede that the Murphy children were not the only ones acting a little differently at the moment. His wife hadn't been herself in a few days and for all his tactics, he couldn't determine the cause. Finally, he figured he'd have to go with the direct approach and actually ask her.

With the kids in school and pre-school, and Frankie in town with his grandfather, Harm called Mac from his office.  
>"How's your morning?" he asked, staring at the photo of her on his desk.<br>"Okay," she replied, a little distracted. "Yours?"  
>"Good," he replied. "Two lessons done and now for the paperwork."<br>"Aha," she said, continuing to fold the laundry.  
>"Do you have some time to spare today?" he asked, glancing at the clock.<br>"Sure," she answered. "What do you need?"  
>"I need you to come meet me by the creek in about twenty minutes," he said, standing up.<br>"What for?" she questioned, dropping the towel back into the basket.  
>"Just come," he said and disconnected the call.<p>

It was half an hour later that Harm spied Mac walking towards him as he sat on the rock facing the farmhouse.  
>"Glad you came," he said, getting to his feet and walking towards her.<br>"Are you okay?" she asked, a little concerned by her husband's demeanour.  
>"I'm fine," he answered, taking her in his arms and kissing her cheek. "I asked you here," he continued, answering her unasked question, "Because I think there's something not okay with you."<p>

Looking up at him, Mac considered her answer.  
>"You can tell me anything," he said gently, his hands locking behind her lower back, his stance widening to bring his height down. "Anything."<p>

Deciding that talk was overrated, Mac wrapped her arms around his neck and leant her head on his shoulder. Things were not okay but she didn't know quite what they were. This way, she could get a little comfort while she tried to articulate it all.

Surprised by her action, Harm moved one hand up her back, his fingers splaying through her hair as he cradled her head to him before kissing her several times. Realising there was a reason she hadn't spoken, Harm didn't either, wanting to give her the time she needed, glad, through her actions, she was indicating she didn't need space.

Nearly ten minutes later she pulled back and slid her hand into his.  
>"Let's sit," she said stepping towards the rocks. She waited until Harm was sitting comfortably before she draped herself over his lap. One arm still around his neck.<br>"What is it?" he asked gently, his blue eyes searching her brown ones.  
>"A couple of days ago," she started slowly, her eyes locked on his "I overheard the girls talking...Jessie was saying how lucky Lily and you were because you still have your moms and how sad it was for her and Aidan, Mattie and me because we didn't..."<br>Harm nodded and waited for her to go on.  
>"I know I don't see her...I don't want to see her," she amended. "But I still have a mom..."<br>"Yes, you do," Harm acknowledged, his grip on her tightening a little.  
>"She shouldn't have this effect on me," Mac said. "She's my past and she should stay there – I don't know why I care about it so much."<br>"Do you want to look for her? Find out if she's still alive?" Harm asked, not too sure what his wife was thinking, despite her words.  
>"I know she's still alive," Mac said, reaching behind her and pushing her hand into the back pocket of her jeans. "This came in Monday's mail."<p>

She handed the once white folded envelope to her husband and he opened it. It had clearly been handled by many people and the once pristine white was now mottled. Three different sets of handwriting on the front indicated it had been re-addressed from her original apartment, to the house they had shared to the farmhouse.

The sender information identifying it was from her mother. A mother who obviously was unaware just how much her daughter's life had changed in the last 15 years, which was the last time she had seen her, after the death of Joe MacKenzie.  
>"What does she say?" Harm asked, not opening the envelope.<br>"Don't know," she replied. "I haven't opened it yet."  
>"Do you want to?" he asked and she shrugged. "Do you want me to?" he asked and she nodded before resting her head on his.<p>

Slowly, Harm slipped his arm from around his wife and turned the envelope over before opening it. With great care, he slipped the single leaf of paper out and unfolded it. He offered it to Mac before realising her eyes were closed. With the paper secure in one hand, he wrapped his arm around her once more and kissed her head.  
>"Darling, Sarah," he began and he heard a quiet snort of disdain from his wife at her mother's loving opening.<p>

Deciding to ignore it, Harm continued, "I'm sure you will find this letter a surprise. I am quite surprised to be writing it. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and my thoughts keep turning to you. I need you to know I do love you, very much. My relationship with you, or rather now my non-relationship with you, is my biggest regret. I would like to see you one last time to apologise face to face. My phone number is 555-0988, my address is above. Please, Sarah, allow me to do this. Love Mom xox"

At the sound of the folding paper, Mac opened her tear-filled eyes and watched as Harm put it back into the envelope. "So," he said, turning to his wife. "What do you think?"  
>"I think she is still making it about her," Mac said with a sigh, "All 'I', 'me' and 'my', guess I shouldn't have been surprised."<br>Harm nodded but didn't speak.  
>"I get the feeling she's sick or at least thinks her time is running out," she continued, holding a little tighter to Harm. "I think this is her way of putting things right."<br>"I get that feeling too," Harm concurred, running his hand up and down her arm.  
>"So, I guess the question is whether I want to see her or not," she said, not at all sure she knew what the answer would be.<br>"That is indeed the question to be answered," he said kissing her head. "But it doesn't need to be answered right this minute."  
>"But if I don't decide it's going to hang over my head," she protested quietly.<br>"Okay then," he said, beginning to think that maybe she wanted to see her mom otherwise her mind would have been made up instantly. "If you want to see..."  
>"No," she interjected shaking her head.<br>"So you don't want to see..." he corrected himself.  
>"I didn't say that," she countered, her own thoughts not clear.<br>"Okay, okay," he said kissing her head. "Just know that whatever you decide I will support you..."  
>"If I was to go and see her," she started slowly, "Would you come with me?"<p>

Harm nodded. Her mother's address was given as Chattanooga, Tennessee and while it meant a few days away, Harm would never let her do this by herself.  
>"Because, if I decide to see her," she said, clarifying her thoughts. "I don't want her coming here...I don't want her near the kids...to know where I live."<p>

Harm nodded once more. It killed him to see her so torn. He knew the woman in his arms didn't want to see the woman who had abandoned her. She didn't want to dredge up old memories and definitely didn't want her family, her new life to be tarnished with the old. However, he also knew that within the woman in his arms was a little girl still mourning her abandonment, grieving the loss of her mother at a young age, the loss of her innocence, her decline into alcoholism and the pain and chaos that her mother's walking out triggered.  
>"We can go this weekend," he said, caressing her face. "We can fly into Chattanooga, hire a car and spend a couple of days and if you decide you don't want to see her once we're there, that'll be okay."<br>"That's very soon," she said, shaking her head, not sure if she'd be ready in two days.  
>"Well, next weekend is Mother's Day, and I'm sure you'll want to be home for that," he said softly. "We could leave it until the end of the month, but this letter was written months ago and if it was written because she was sick...or dying, then we're running out of time."<p>

Mac nodded and cursed her mother for upsetting her life once again. "I just don't want her thinking that one letter from her and I come running."  
>"The first postmark on this is March, so she won't think it's an immediate response," he said rubbing her back. "She won't know it's taken it so long to find you."<br>"Good point," she said, resting her head on his.  
>"I'll be with you every step of the way, gorgeous," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "I know this is going to bring up a lot of bad memories and be very painful for you but I'll be here for you, I'll be there with you..."<br>"Do you think mom and dad will be alright with us going? " she asked. "And what about the kids? I don't know how Jessie will be or Frankie..." she continued without waiting for an answer.  
>"Mom and dad will be fine," he said, rubbing her back once more, trying to comfort her in any way he could. "Mattie and Colin will help out, and Aidan – he's a great kid," Harm said. "Do you want to tell the kids where we're going?"<br>"No," she said quickly. "Adults, yes, kids, no. If we tell them, Lily would probably want to come and that's never going to happen and as Aidan and Jess have just lost their mom, I don't want them thinking mothers mean nothing."  
>"They wouldn't think that," he reassured her. "But I do understand your point."<br>"So, I guess we should go back and make some plans," she said untangling her arms from him.  
>"We should," he agreed. "But I think I want to hold you for just a little longer. Is that alright?"<br>"More than," she replied, quickly taking hold of him once more.

Later that night, when the kids were tucked up in bed and the adults were in the living room, Trish decided she'd waited long enough.  
>"So, which one of you is going to tell us?" she asked as Harm brought in a tray with teas and coffees.<br>"Tell us what?" Colin asked, looking around the room.  
>"Nothing gets past you, does it, mom?" Harm said with a laugh.<br>"No, it doesn't, son," answered Frank with a chuckle. "But I was about to ask the same thing...so talk."

With Harm taking his seat alongside her and his fingers entwining with hers, Mac took a deep breath and the concern of the other four adults escalated.  
>"You're not sick, are you?" Mattie asked, her stomach twisting.<br>"No, no, sweetie, nothing like that," Mac said quickly before explaining what had come to pass.  
>"I think it's a good idea to go and see your mom, sweetheart," said Trish, standing from the armchair and sitting on Mac's other side and wrapping her arm around her. "I know she wasn't much of a mother but you are an amazing daughter, and I should know," she whispered, kissing her head. "I think it will give you some closure, don't you?"<br>"Aha," Mac nodded tearfully as Trish pulled her closer.  
>"You just remember that you've been blessed many times in your life," Trish continued quietly. "God gave you a birth mother, and then He gave you me and I will be your mom for the rest of my days..."<br>"Thanks, mom," she said, resting her head on Trish's. "I needed to hear that."

It was in the early hours of Thursday morning that Harm and Mac headed to bed, 101 things to think about before their departure the following day. Harm had the laptop opened and was checking flights as Mac returned from the bathroom.  
>"We can fly Pittsburgh to Chattanooga in just over an hour," he said, watching her climb in beside him. "If we leave ..."<br>"Can we drive?" she asked looking up at him.  
>"Sure," he replied. "I just figured one hour in the air versus nearly eleven hours driving time."<br>"We don't have to drive," she said quickly, knowing it was a lot to ask of him, as he would pretty much be doing it all – her mind not in the right place for such a task.  
>"We can drive," he said, closing his laptop and placing it on his bedside table before wrapping her in his arms.<br>"Thanks," she said, snuggling closer. "Just thought we could spend it talking..."  
>"Sounds like a good idea," he said, kissing her head, knowing she'd have a lot to work through on her way there and definitely on the way back. "We can leave Friday morning, maybe stop in Blacksburg for lunch and Knoxville overnight then do the short trip into Chattanooga Saturday morning...see your mom and make plans from there."<br>"Do you have to be back for work Monday morning?" she asked, her eyes closing.  
>"Nope," he said, shaking his head. "I have a pretty good boss and I'm sure he'll let me take an extra day or two." He kissed her head and continued to hold her tightly.<br>"Good," she replied, she wouldn't mind a day or two with her husband away from the farm just to get her thoughts together.

Deciding not to say anything to the kids over breakfast, Harm went to the airfield early as Trish and Frank saw to the breakfast rush while Mac did Jessie's exercises. When the older three were on the bus, Mattie and Trish took the four younger children to Charlesville to do some shopping while Mac was staying home to do some cleaning and pack her bag.

Trish had tried to get her to go with her, believing the outing would be a great distraction, but Mac had declined, offering to keep Frankie or the twins home with her if it was too much. In the end, she stood alone watching the car disappear down the driveway.

It was an hour later that Frank appeared in the kitchen, about to make morning tea for himself and Colin after a couple of hours hard work in the barn,  
>"Are you okay, sweetheart?" he asked, resting his hand on Mac's shoulder as she sat at the dining table staring into space.<br>"Oh, dad," she said with a quick shake of her head. "I didn't hear you come in."  
>"You didn't answer my question," he said, sitting alongside her. "Are you okay?"<br>"A little preoccupied," she replied. "Well, maybe a lot preoccupied."  
>"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked, not too sure what she was in need of.<br>"I don't really know what to say," she admitted. "I have a million things racing around in my head and I keep swinging from wanting to hear her out and see if it helps me get closure or confronting her and telling her in no uncertain terms exactly what I think of her."  
>"You're not in the easiest position, are you?" he said quietly, taking her hand.<br>"Nope," she said, shaking her head. "I thought I'd come to terms with it years ago...I hate that she can still turn my life upside down."  
>"That's because she's your mom," he replied. "Had she died, you would have grieved, come to terms and moved on ... but she's not dead and, no matter what your head says, deep inside your heart is still the broken little girl who wants to know what she did wrong..."<br>"Aha," Mac replied tearfully, he'd summed it up perfectly.  
>"Sarah," he said gently. "Maybe this time, after you see her, you see about getting yourself some counselling. It's done wonders for Aidan and young Jessie and you were so quick to get them support...as you were getting extra help for Rosie ... and opening your heart and home to everyone here...but when did your stop to look after you?"<br>"I didn't," she acknowledged.  
>"Don't you think you are worth it?" he asked and she shrugged. "I think you are."<br>"I think about it ...think I should do it...then think I don't need it, I shouldn't need it," she replied, wiping away a stray tear.  
>"I know you still consider yourself a do-or-die Marine," he said, squeezing her hand. "But, contrary to popular opinion, Marines are humans too..." Frank smiled at the look he received. "Hard to believe, I know...but I think it will do you the world of good."<br>"When did you become an expert?" she asked, her tone pleading more than argumentative.  
>"I was married to Trish about five years before I sought out counselling...and back then counselling was a huge thing, it had such a stigma attached to it," he admitted, his head bowed. "But I knew that I wasn't coping as well as I should have with the loss of my wife and daughter...and that had been a decade earlier."<br>"Did people know? Did Trish know you were getting help?" Mac asked, noting the tears in his eyes.  
>"Nope," he said shaking his head. "I told her a few years ago...long after the fact...it was all very overwhelming and I could only deal with one thing at a time and I knew that had to be getting the help I needed."<br>"Did it help?" she questioned, drying her tears.  
>"Yes, it did," he said confidently. "For the first time, in a long time, I was able to look in the mirror and feel compassion for the man looking back...made a hell of a difference."<br>"Okay," she said getting to her feet. "There's a counsellor in Charlesville that I looked up a while back...I'll make an appointment when I get back."  
>"Maybe," Frank said, standing alongside her. "You can call now and make the appointment so you know you'll have help when you return."<br>"You're a very wise man, dad," she said hugging him. "Thank you so much."  
>"Anytime, sweetheart," he said kissing her head. "You can talk to me anytime; you know that, don't you?"<br>"I do," she replied before kissing his cheek.  
>"Colin said something about morning..." Harm started before he caught the scene in front of him. "Everything alright?"<br>"How about you hug your wife," Frank said stepping aside. "And I'll see to the morning tea?"

Quickly, Harm embraced his wife before kissing her head and ducking down to make eye contact. "Wanna tell me?"  
>Mac drew a deep breath and shrugged. "Just feeling a little overwhelmed."<br>"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," he said caressing her face.  
>"I know," she said with a brief nod. "This is something I want to do...once and for all."<br>"Anything I can do to help?" he questioned and Mac smiled.  
>"Can you help Frank with morning tea while I make a phone call?" she asked and soon disappeared upstairs to make an appointment with the counsellor.<p>

That evening all members of the extended family sat around the dining table, the youngest in highchairs, Rosie on Mac's lap, Harry on Frank's so everyone could dine together.  
>"So much food and all my favourites," said Lily as she scooped cheesy garlic mashed potatoes onto her plate.<br>"Mine too," agreed Jessie taking a chicken drumstick.  
>"Mine too," added Harry, just because he didn't want to be left out.<br>"We're all very lucky," Trish said, helping Frankie with his dinner. "Your mom and dad worked hard this afternoon."  
>"Is there dessert?" Aidan asked hopefully.<br>"Warm chocolate mud cake with ice cream," Mac replied and Aidan smiled broadly. Dessert in his previous house had been reserved for Sunday lunch or when guests visited, although that was a rarity.

Once dessert had been served and enjoyed and the chatter quietened, Harm spoke.  
>"Now, if everyone is listening," he began and soon most eyes were on him. "Mommy and I are taking a little trip south tomorrow and won't be back until Wednesday," he said, knowing it was the longest they'd be away.<br>"Can I come, please?" Lily asked, not caring about where, just being with them.  
>"Sorry, pumpkin," Harm said with a shake of his head. "Not this time."<br>"Where are you going?" Jessie asked concerned, noticing Lily's concern.

Even though they had decided not to tell the children, Mac felt she owed them the truth.  
>"Actually," she said, sliding her hand onto Harm's knee beside her. "I'm going to see my mom."<br>"What? Why?" Lily asked.  
>"Isn't she dead?" Jessie asked almost simultaneously,<br>"No, she's not dead," Lily answered for her mother. "But she's as good as...she left home when mom was 12 and she never saw her again until she was really old and her dad died."  
>"Wow!" Aidan said. "And I thought my family sucked."<br>"Why'd she go?" Jessie asked, understanding why Mac would go to see the woman but not liking it at all.  
>"Hopefully, she'll tell me this time," Mac said, with a sad shrug.<br>"I wish you weren't going," Jessie said, "But if I had the chance to see my mom again, I'd go too...so I hope you have a good time."  
>Mac leant over and kissed her head, "Thank you, angel." She then looked over at her daughter, wondering what reception she'd get from Miss Lily.<br>"Well," she said, climbing from her chair, walking around and squeezing herself in between Jessie and her mom. "Wanna know what I think?" she asked, wrapping her arms around Mac's neck as Harm slid Rosie onto his lap. "I think moms are really important and I know yours sucked but maybe this time she'll say sorry and, if she doesn't, you tell her I said she sucks big time."

Mac pulled Lily to her and kissed her head, "Thank you, baby," she said quietly. Those words meant more to her than Lily would ever know.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: not mine

Mother 2/4

It was a whirlwind Friday morning with Harm and Mac departing just after the kids woke up. And it was a teary Mac that sat in the passenger seat as Harm drove them down the driveway. He knew the next few days would be a sea of emotions for his wife and that he needed to let her be, to get herself and her thoughts together.

Still, he didn't want her to think she was alone so, once he had turned out onto the road, he reached across and took her hand, gently squeezing it and smiling at her when she looked at him.  
>"Can't wait til this is over," she said quietly and Harm nodded. "Finally over."<p>

It was a relatively quiet trip. They had stopped in Sutton for a bathroom break and to stretch their legs before driving on to Blacksburg. Harm had chosen it as there was a quaint little cafe that Mac had loved when they used to come here to visit Mattie. He had also thought that a walk around a familiar place with good memories would help too.

Arriving there just after two, Harm took his wife's hand and helped her from the car before enveloping her in a huge hug and kissing her head.  
>"I know you love this place," he said, stepping aside and allowing her to actually focus on where they were,<br>"I was just thinking about it," she said with a wry smile.

While Harm had said the day before they would stop in this particular town, she had been too preoccupied with the destination to actually register anything about the journey. "Thank you for being so understanding about this. Sorry it is all about me – again."  
>"You are more than welcome," he said, kissing her lightly. "But you never have to apologise...and, just so you know, you are by far the most important thing in my whole life and I am more than fine that this weekend or week or month or however long it takes is all about you..."<br>"I wish it wasn't all about me," she said quietly.  
>"I know," he replied, pulling her back to him once more. "But, hopefully, this will be the last time you're left feeling like this...and, whatever the outcome, you can come to terms with this and move on."<br>"God I hope so," she muttered into his shirt.

Even though Mac loved the cafe and she hadn't breakfast, she struggled to find anything she wanted to eat. Harm had offered to go somewhere else in town or to another town but Mac shook her head, finally choosing a chicken and salad wrap with a side serve of wedges.  
>"Chicken and salad?" Harm said with a smirk after ordering a tuna melt for himself.<br>"What?" she questioned, not knowing what was funny.  
>"You ordered salad...voluntarily," he said with a satisfied grin.<br>"Sorry," she apologised. "I'm not really myself today," she added, not quite with it enough to see the humour in the exchange.  
>"Oh, Mac," he sighed, looping an arm around her shoulder and kissing her head. "I love you so very much."<p>

The afternoon was quieter than the morning and Harm was relieved that Mac seemed to find comfort in a deep sleep. He didn't mind that he was left to entertain himself on the trip Knoxville. With the radio down low, he sang and hummed along to a string of classic pop songs and kept an eye on Mac to make sure he wasn't disturbing her. As it was, she stirred about ten minutes from the Crowne Plaza Hotel, and turned to look at her husband in the darkness of the car.  
>"Did I just sleep the entire ride?" she asked, realising where they were.<br>"Yep," he said with a smile. "How are you feeling?"  
>"Weary," she said, reaching across and resting her hand on his leg.<br>"That's because you haven't slept the past two nights," he said, glancing at her.  
>"After that nap ... and given tomorrow... I probably won't sleep tonight either," she said with a sigh.<br>"Yes, you will," he said. "I picked a hotel with a heated swimming pool and a full fitness centre. I figured you can exhaust yourself in style."  
>"Can you exhaust me?" she asked quirking an eyebrow.<br>"Oh definitely," he said with a small laugh. That would always be his first preference but he wasn't sure whether she was feeling that way inclined and was trying extra hard to make this all about her.  
>"Good," she said with a nod. "I prefer you to the gym."<br>"I prefer it too," he said, raising her hand and kissing it.

As it was, after checking in and with Mac not feeling that hungry, they headed to the pool to swim laps and did so for the next 45 minutes before settling into the spa for a while. With Harm's stomach rumbling, Mac decided they should head back to the room to dry and change.  
>"Do you mind if we order room service?" she asked, not feeling up to going downstairs to the restaurant.<br>"Of course not," he replied, wrapping his arms around her as they stood in the elevator. "We'll order when we get back onto the room and by the time we've showered and dressed...for bed...it should be here."  
>"Sounds like a plan," she said, pressing up and kissing him briefly.<p>

Actually hungry, but still indecisive, Mac dithered between a few different dishes and in the end she headed to the shower telling Harm he could decide. So he did. Choosing all items she had mentioned and a few she hadn't. He knew that if she couldn't sleep then it would be a long night for them both and he also knew there was little hope in getting her to eat breakfast in the morning.

Joining her in the shower a few minutes later, Harm shampooed and conditioned her hair for her before massaging the knots from her neck. Clean and relaxed, Mac settled against his broad chest and enjoyed the hot water beads spraying her body.  
>"Ready to get out?" he asked after a while, kissing her head.<br>"Nope," she said, reaching back and turning the water off anyway.

Quietly, they both dried off and dressed in their night gear before slipping on the hotel's plush towelling robes and settling on the sofa as they awaited their food. Harm handed her the television guide and the remote.  
>"Your choice," he said, wrapping his arms around her.<p>

Not really interested in watching anything but knowing her husband was trying his hardest, Mac pressed the on button and looked down at the guide. There was nothing which took her interest. Still, she tried to play the game and chose the original version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. After all, candy as far as the eye could see had to be entertaining.

It was with the first rendition of 'Oompa Loompa' that the three trays of food arrived, the young hotel staffer surprised to find only the two of them.  
>"What on earth did you order?" she asked Harm as he wheeled the laden trolley in front of her after tipping the young man.<br>"Pizza, pasta, curly fries, onion rings, salads, hamburger, cheese and fruit platter, four types of desserts and a few different drinks," he recited, taking off the covers.  
>"Goodness, Harm, this will cost more than a week's groceries," she said shaking her head.<br>"Well, you couldn't decide so I got the lot," he said, handing her a napkin. "Now, tuck in and enjoy yourself."

By the time the movie was finished, a good portion of the food had gone too, and they were sleepily entwined on the sofa. Needing the bathroom, Harm was reluctant to move lest he disturb his wife but in the end it was Mac who made the first move to get up and tidy up the items from dinner.

Wheeling the trolley into the hallway, Mac made sure she kept the items she may still feel like in the small fridge they had.

The night was long and restless, to Harm's surprise, Mac fell asleep quiet quickly, wrapped tightly in his arms, however, he remained awake wondering what the following day would bring. While he knew she had to do this, he knew the repercussions would be substantial and wondered just how big a toll it would take on her, on them. Still, he knew what it meant to go on that last mission, to get the truth, however painful, about a parent. He knew, had she decided not to go, it would play on her mind forever. This way, good or bad, the situation with her mother would be resolved.

About 0100, Harm was drifting off when Mac stirred. Instinctively pulling her closer, Harm kissed her head and whispered his love in the hope of keeping her from waking fully. It didn't work.  
>"Shit! The kids!" she said, her eyes popping opened as she struggled to sit up.<br>"What about them?" he questioned, pulling her back to him.  
>"Didn't call them...didn't say goodnight," she said shaking her head.<br>"I called and spoke to Lily very briefly after I'd ordered room service," he said, kissing her head. "Told her we couldn't really talk but we loved her and missed her and wanted to wish her goodnight and could she help us out and give the same message to everyone – and she said yes."  
>"Oh, okay," Mac said tangling her fingers in Harm's tee.<br>"And she said to say she loves you, misses you and hopes your mom isn't as sucky as she used to be," he said honestly as he gazed at his wife.

Mac nodded and closed her eyes for a bit before realising she still had her husband's undivided attention. Opening her eyes, she slid her hand from between them and snaked it around his neck.  
>"I think I need some distraction," she said, pressing closer and kissing him lightly. "You still happy to exhaust me?"<br>"Ecstatic," he said with a sexy smirk. "Have anything particular in mind?"  
>"Hard and fast and twice," she said, her eyes locked with his. Harm knew from previous experience that this combination allowed his wife to think of nothing else but what he was doing and while he loved nothing more than making long, sensual love to his wife, hard, fast and twice would send her to sleep quite quickly.<p>

Before 0200, Mac had found a deep oblivion, nestled tight in her husband's arms, exhausted, sated and appreciative of Harm's willingness to make it all about her.

Come daylight, Harm was awake long before Mac and he was feeling quite nervous about the coming events of the day. He tried to work out what was the likeliest end case scenario; would it be mother and daughter being happy together? Would it be them accepting what had been and agreeing on going their separate ways? Would it be a hostile encounter leaving his wife bitter and distressed? Would it be one that left her feeling empty and abandoned once more?

It was a two hour trip to Chattanooga and Harm had deliberately not chosen anywhere closer as he didn't want to risk them running into Deanne MacKenzie. He wanted to make sure his wife was far enough away not to run into her or anyone else before they visited her mom or afterwards. This hotel was their safe haven and he knew an accidental encounter was improbable.

Still, it meant there was a two hour trip which also meant his wife would have two hours to sit in the car to fixate on the upcoming event; maybe Knoxville wasn't the place to be staying. Knowing it was too late to do anything about it; he kissed her head lightly and closed his eyes.  
>"What do you think she wants, really wants?" Mac asked quietly, surprising him.<br>"I don't know," he answered honestly. "Do you?"  
>"Half of me thinks maybe she wants to make amends, to find some closure, make peace with me...with herself, that sort of thing," she said, holding him tighter.<br>"What about the other half?" he questioned when she didn't continue.  
>"The other half doesn't know," she replied, closing her eyes once more.<br>"Doesn't it?" he asked, knowing she wasn't telling him the truth.  
>"Well," she said opening her eyes. "Half of the other half doesn't know," she admitted. "The other quarter thinks she just wants to mess with my head once more and I'm walking straight into her trap."<br>Harm kissed her head. "What do you want out of today?" he asked, rubbing her back.  
>"In an ideal world," she said closing her eyes. "I would like to understand why she did it. We weren't together, had no kids, when I last saw her. I keep thinking that maybe because I'm a mother this time I will have a greater understanding of her actions..." She paused for a moment. "I guess I would also like to thank her...strange I know, but while she did what she did we did have a few good times before that...and I guess above and beyond all that, I want to be able to drive away today feeling at peace with it all."<p>

Harm kissed her head once more, praying to God that his beloved wife would get something she wanted out of today. He didn't know how she'd cope otherwise.

There was silence in the car on the trip south before Mac broke it is a hushed and unsure voice.  
>"Do you think it would be alright to kiss her?" she asked, feeling the need for some affection from her mother.<br>"Do you?" he countered, not sure what his answer should be.  
>"If the situation is right, then yes, I think it will be alright," she said nodding her head.<br>Then silence reigned once more.  
>"Do you think she'll want to see photos of the kids? I brought some with me...just in case," she said, with a slight shrug and Harm's heart broke a little more. She may have been big and brave and prepared to take on the world but, right now, she was a little girl who, against all odds, was still trying to win her mother's affection. Gripping the steering wheel he prayed that this time Deanne MacKenzie would be gracious enough to put her daughter first for once. He couldn't fathom how such a woman could give birth to the amazing person who was his wife.<p>

About ten minutes from Chattanooga Mac's cell rang and it was Lily checking in.  
>"Grandma said not to phone but I had to say hello and say that I hope your mom is nice to you today," she said quickly and quietly, making it clear to Mac Lily wasn't supposed to be on the phone.<br>"Thank you, baby girl," she replied, "Everyone behaving themselves?" she asked, trying to take the focus off herself.  
>"Yep," Lily said proudly. "Good as gold."<br>"I'm glad to hear it," Mac said with a smile.  
>"Gotta go," Lily said quickly. "Grandma's coming."<br>And then the line went dead.

Mac could only smile as she pocketed her phone; while Lily was obviously doing the wrong thing it warmed her heart that she had raised a thoughtful and considerate child. Maybe it was a sign that today was going to be a feel good day – she could only hope.

Sensing they were almost at the house, Mac asked Harm to pull over for a minute. While she was now feeling quietly confident that today would be much better than she had first anticipated, she was still incredibly nervous and wanted just a minute to collect herself. Knowing something which would make his wife feel a bit better, Harm climbed out of the car and walked around to her side before opening her door and helping her out. Closing the door behind her, Harm leant against the vehicle, his arms wrapped tightly around her, his lips pressing gently against her head.  
>"I think today will go well," Mac said quietly, not resisting his attempt to comfort her at all. "There are good signs...and, I figure, the fact that her letter arrived on Monday, her birthday, even though she posted it in March, is a sign it was all meant to be."<br>Harm wanted to support her but he also wanted to give her a reality check. She seemed to have shifted from being very negative to being very positive and he knew the outcome would most likely be the former rather than the latter.

Deciding he couldn't win, regardless of which way he went, Harm kissed her head once more.  
>"Whatever the outcome, I just want you to remember you are by far the most important thing in my world," he whispered. "And the kids and I love you so very, very much."<p>

With those words wrapping her in a sense of security, Mac was ready to complete her journey and to see her mother, and all that went with it.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: not mine

Mother 3/4

Turning into Grove Street, Harm did a quick calculation and his heart sank. Up ahead, on the right, was a moving truck and, what clearly looked like, a young family moving in. If he was right, Deanne MacKenzie was no longer at that address. Mac came to the same realisation only moments later.  
>"Oh, no," she said mournfully.<p>

Pulling up in front of the house, Harm reached across and squeezed her hand. "Let me go check, okay?"  
>He didn't wait for a response, the heartbroken look on her face already too much for him. Out of the car, Harm strode up the driveway as a young blonde woman came out of the house. Mac couldn't hear what was going on but as Harm turned back to the car his face was grim.<br>"Well?" she asked when he was back in his seat.  
>"Well, your mom was living here, renting it, up until the start of April when she had a stroke and was hospitalised," he said, reaching across and taking her hand.<br>"So which hospital is she in?" Mac asked quickly, grabbing the GPS to input the details.  
>"She was taken to Kindred Hospital," he said, taking the GPS unit from her.<br>"Don't," Mac said, trying to take it back. "We can still see her, can't we? We can go there..."  
>"Mac, gorgeous, she's not there anymore," he said, trying to find the words he needed to use.<br>"Where is she now?" she asked, taking back the unit, ready to input the information.  
>"Hennessey and Sons," he said, caressing her face. "Your mom passed away on Monday."<p>

For several long minutes Mac stared at him in silence. She didn't move, she didn't blink and Harm was pretty sure she didn't breathe either. When he could no longer take the silence, he spoke.  
>"Gorgeous," he whispered, caressing her face. "I'm so sorry."<br>"She died?" Mac asked shaking her head slightly, not quite comprehending this turn of events.  
>"She died," he confirmed. "The lady I spoke to said the realtor had commented on it when she picked the keys up on Tuesday."<p>

Harm watched as the deep brown eyes in front of him filled with tears; tears for a mother's passing and no doubt tears for herself and the unanswered questions and unresolved issues left behind. Reaching out, Harm tried to wrap her in his arms but Mac shrugged and pulled back.  
>"No, no, no," she said shaking her head. "It's not supposed to go this way. I'm supposed to see her...talk to her...get some answers...some peace..."<br>"I know," he agreed, his arm resting across her shoulder.  
>"She can't be gone," Mac said defiantly. "She just can't."<br>"I'm sorry, gorgeous," he said, "I know it's hard to take in." And he did; they were both very aware that Harm knew this exact feeling of getting so close to what you always wanted only to find death had taken that opportunity from you.  
>"I want to see her," Mac said, rejecting his attempts to comfort her. "Take me to her." She sat back in her seat and fastened her seatbelt. "Now."<p>

Using the directions the woman had given him, Harm was pulling up in the funeral home car park in a few minutes.  
>"Do you want me to go in and check?" he asked, not too sure what she wanted or needed.<br>"Yes," she said with a nod before shaking her head. "No, I'll do it," she said, changing her mind and climbing out of the car. Harm climbed out too and took a couple of steps before Mac shook her head. "By myself."

There were a few lessons Harm had learnt in regards to his wife and the first thing was she still had the ingrained response to cope with the hard times by herself. The second was when she was in this state he needed to tread very carefully and the third was she never took no as an answer when it came to him or his issues and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to be there with her through this. Prepared to take anything which followed, Harm trailed her into the funeral home and waited quietly by the door as she spoke to the director.

When he led her into an adjoining room, Harm entered and explained to the receptionist he was there with his wife and she quickly gestured for him to follow. Striding into the adjoining room, Harm nodded at the director and waved his hand to get him to keep talking when he looked in his direction.  
>"Now, Sarah," the director continued, not skipping a beat. "I'm so glad someone could reach you...we left it as long as we could but we thought we'd have to bury her this afternoon without you."<br>"Her funeral is today?" Mac asked, looking from the pine coffin to the director.  
>"Yes," he said. "Didn't you know?"<br>"No," Mac said with a shake of her head. "We...my husband and I came down from Pennsylvania to see her...didn't know she was ill...just found out when we went to the house."  
>"Oh, I am sorry," he said. "I thought you knew...earlier. I can give you time with her, if you wish..."<br>Mac nodded, her voice not coming.  
>"I can open the casket, if you like," he offered and Mac nodded.<br>"That would be good, thank you," Harm said and Mac turned to look at him.

As the funeral director slipped out of the room, Harm walked over and stood with her.  
>"Don't even think about telling me to go," he cautioned softly. "We do these parent things together, remember?"<br>Mac nodded and quickly slipped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest as she looked into the coffin.  
>"She lost a lot of weight," Mac commented, studying her mother's features. Harm pressed his lips against her head. "Still looks like her though – just older ... thinner..."<p>

Silence.

"Can't believe she's dead...often wished it...but now...to get so close...just to have this ending," she said unsure of her own thoughts, her own words.  
>"I know all about not getting the ending you wanted," he whispered, rubbing her back.<br>"656 miles just to see her buried," Mac said shaking her head.  
>"About the funeral," he said quietly. "Do you want to go?" he checked. "You're not obligated."<br>"I want to go..." she said slowly. "At least I'll finally know it's over."

For a while longer they stood quietly until the funeral director returned with a piece of paper in his hand. Handing it to Harm he joined his hands behind his back.  
>"Those are the directions to Forest Hills Cemetery," he said. "And the details."<br>Harm scanned the page.  
>"It's a graveside service," he said, "As per Ms MacKenzie's wishes...There won't be many people there...Ms MacKenzie had no family and few friends here..."<br>Harm nodded as Mac's attention remained firmly on her mother.  
>"It is scheduled for one," he said, tapping the paper. "The minister will be in attendance."<br>"Thank you, Mr..." Harm started before realising he didn't know the man's name.  
>"Hennessey, Patrick Hennessey," he said, reaching out to shake Harm's hand. "Now, I know this is a lot for your wife to come to terms with," he said, knowing Mac was standing in front of him but taking nothing in. "But, while you're in town, Mr Daniel Fremantle was Ms MacKenzie's lawyer. He has been taking care of her finances and the like since her incapacitation. If you wish to settle things, I would suggest you contact him," he said, handing over the lawyer's business card. "And please, feel free to contact me at any time if I can be of assistance." He handed over his own business card.<br>"Do you want a few minutes alone?" Harm asked Mac after a long silence.  
>"Um, yeah, I think so," she said with a nod.<br>"Okay, gorgeous," he said, kissing her head. "I'll just be out there when you're ready."

As the door closed behind her husband, Mac stepped closer to the coffin and picked up her mother's cold hand.  
>"Well, mom," she said with a sigh. "Guess it's just me that's going to do the talking now... I had so many questions I wanted to ask... so many things I wanted to know... so many things I wanted to resolve and now...now I guess I'll never know." She paused, her eyes fixated on her mother's face. "In the end I can live with the loose ends...all but one really...I really need to know if you loved me...then...now..." she said before sighing deeply. "Guess I'll have to live not knowing. Sorry you never got to know about your grandchildren...they're amazing, you missed out on a lot not being part of their lives. Wherever you are, right now, I hope you're at peace and no longer running..."<p>

For ten long minutes Harm stood in the foyer waiting for Mac. Each minute was painful for him as he tried to work out whether he should give her the space she needed or go back in and be with her. Just as he was about to return the door opened and Mac walked out and into his arms.  
>"Can we get some coffee before the service?" she asked looking up at him.<br>"Anything you want, gorgeous," he whispered. "Anything you want."

As neither had eaten breakfast, Harm ordered a brunch taster which included scrambled eggs, toast, a selection of fresh fruit and a small serve of yoghurt. Mac was harder to please and while she knew she wanted coffee and that she could do with some food, her stomach swirled at the thought of some of the dishes the waitress mentioned. In the end, she went with a plain toasted cheese sandwich and Harm knew not to press her on eating more.

It was food with stilted conversation for the pair as Mac functioned the best she could and Harm didn't want to make things harder for her. Once his food and coffee was done, Harm wiped his hands on the napkin and dropped it onto his plate.  
>"We have 90 minutes until the funeral," he said, reaching across and taking her hand. "Do you want to do anything? Go for a walk? Call the kids? Call her lawyer?"<br>Mac shook her head. No, she didn't want to do anything. Then, realising they couldn't sit in the cafe for the next hour and a half, she pushed her chair back and stood up. "Maybe a walk would be good."

Hand in hand they strolled, leaving the car parked and opting to walk towards the river, then along its banks, in the warmth of the spring day.  
>"What are you thinking?" Harm asked squeezing her hand after she'd sighed three times.<br>"That I don't believe I'm going to see my mom buried in 43 minutes," she said with another sigh. "I had really thought things would be resolved this visit...that I could go home with a better understanding of her...and now...I can't help but feel she's abandoned me...just like last time," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

Harm dropped her hand and slid his arm around her, pulling her close as he stopped to face her.  
>"But this time you are not alone," he said, his face an inch from hers. "This time you have all the family and love and support you will ever need," he added, needing her to realise the circumstances between this and last time were very different and that the downward spiral her mother's abandonment had caused the first time, needn't be repeated this time.<br>"I know," she said with a deep sigh as she shifted her arms to around his neck. "I know I'm in this sort of fog at the moment...and not really functioning...but I know you're here...this time I know I'm going to be alright...this time I know it's not me...this time, rather than feeling guilty and scared and 101 other things ...I'm just feeling sad and regretful."

Softly, Harm brushed his lips across hers, just wanting her to feel love more than anything right now.

With a gentle breeze blowing around them, Mac and Harm stood near the open grave with the pine casket resting on top. The minister stood to the side and three women and a man stood near him. A simple posy of daisies rested on the coffin and, after checking his watch, the minister began a very short, and somewhat impersonal service, to signal the passing of Deanne MacKenzie.

By 1:15 pm it was over and Harm's lasting thought was that it wasn't really much of a service...he hoped that when his time came, his life would be told with love and affection and that he would be remembered fondly.

As the other mourners walked away, the minister rounded the grave and stood before Harm and Mac.  
>"You must be Sarah," he said, offering her his hand. "My name is Reverend Simon Deegan. I am sorry for your loss."<br>"Hello, Reverend," she said, shaking his hand, "This is my husband..."  
>"Ah, you'd be Harm," Simon replied and shook his hand.<br>"And you know my name how?" asked Harm holding his wife tighter.  
>"Deanne spoke about you both," he said with a warm smile.<br>"She didn't know I got married," Mac countered, looking up at the minister.  
>"Yes, dear, she did," he said gently. "I only got to know your mom in the last few weeks but I know she had several long conversations with her lawyer as she was putting her affairs in order. I do know that he has more information for you...I can give you his..."<br>"The funeral director passed on his details," Harm interjected. "But thank you."

Back at the car, Mac rounded the vehicle as Harm opened his door and slid in, putting the keys in the ignition, he realised that Mac wasn't getting in and so he climbed out once more. Looking over, he saw her leaning against the car, her gaze fixed on her mother's grave in the distance.

Walking around, he stood alongside her and looped his arm over her shoulders before drawing her closer. Then, in the relative silence of the cemetery, they stood there until Mac was ready to leave.

As they drove out the cemetery gates, Harm reached over and took her hand.  
>"You okay?" he asked as she wiped a single tear away.<br>"Yeah," she said putting her head back on the head rest and closing her eyes. "Just feeling tired."  
>"What do you want to do?" he asked her and she shrugged. "I think it's probably best if we see Fremantle today and then head back to Knoxville...early dinner...early night...and then if we have to come back tomorrow to sort anything out we can, if not, we can chill in the room...or whatever you want to do."<p>

Without opening her eyes, Mac nodded, more than happy for Harm to make the arrangements and guide her through this.  
>Pulling up in the main street, Harm pulled out his cell and the card and, given it was a Saturday, called the lawyer's cell which was quickly answered. It was a short conversation and within ten minutes Harm and Mac were sitting in Daniel Fremantle's office, coffee in hand, waiting for the elderly lawyer to complete a phone call.<br>"Missed a call from home," Harm said, looking at his cell which he had put on silent.  
>"Aha," Mac said distractedly.<br>"I'll call once we're done here," he said, putting his cell away and picking up his coffee.  
>"Aha," she said again.<br>"Good afternoon, I'm Daniel Fremantle," said Daniel as he entered the room. "My apologies for keeping you waiting. I'm sorry to be meeting you under these circumstances."  
>Harm was on his feet. "Mr Fremantle, thank you for seeing us on a Saturday afternoon. Harmon MacKenzie Rabb and this is my wife, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb."<br>"Ah, you both took each other's names," he said with a grin. "Very nice. And, Sarah," he said, taking her hand. "My condolences to you."  
>"Thank you," she said quietly as she sought out Harm's hand once more.<br>"Now, I don't want to prolong your distress any longer than necessary," he said, taking his seat and opening Deanne's file. "So, we'll get started..."

Harm squeezed her hand as the lawyer cleared his throat and went through the usual spiel of 'this is the last will and testament...'  
>"There's very little in your mom's will," he said, looking up at Mac. "She had sorted out her things, there was no real estate and she had given away the things from her house when she realised she wasn't going to be going home again," he said before smiling warmly at her, Mac didn't respond. "When all debts have been finalised, I bequeath the remaining money, and the few objects left in the care of Daniel Fremantle, to my daughter, Sarah MacKenzie Rabb."<br>"That's pretty simple," Harm said, looking from his wife to the lawyer.  
>"It was," Daniel agreed. "Deanne was a woman of simple means. If you knew her, she didn't appear to have much...but she was more than generous with what she did have."<br>"What objects did she leave?" Mac asked, not concerned about the money.

Daniel stood from his desk and opened the door of a nearby filing cabinet and retrieved a shoebox sized box, placing it carefully on the table in front of Mac. "In this," he said solemnly, "Are the things your mother held dear to her and wanted you to have. Also, there is a letter she dictated to explain a few things and the cheque for you which represents the finalisation of her estate. Now, I have a few things to do in the next room, but you take your time in here and I'll be free to answer any questions whenever you're ready."

For four minutes, Mac stared at the box as Harm watched her. In the end, he decided to move things along.  
>"I can open it if you want," he said, pulling his chair closer to hers and Mac sighed and nodded.<br>Slowly, and with reverence, Harm pulled the lid off before picking up two envelopes which were sitting on top of pale green tissue paper. Offering her the first one, Mac shook her head so Harm opened it; it contained a cheque to the amount of $72,000.  
>"That's a lot of money," Mac said, considering her mother never seemed to have much in the way of finance.<br>"It is," Harm agreed wondering just how she came across the money. That was a question he'd have for Daniel.

Opening the second envelope, Harm knew it would be the letter they were told about.  
>"Would you like me to read it to you?" he asked, her eyes still fixed on the open box. Mac nodded.<br>"Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "To my darling daughter, Sarah," he began, his voice neutral, his eyes already welling with tears. "I don't know if I'll get to see you again, I hope I do – so much. However, the Lord moves in mysterious ways and I want to record this for you in case we don't meet again." Harm moved in his seat and looked up at his wife before continuing. "First and foremost, I am so sorry. I am sorry for not protecting you from the hardships of life. I am sorry for leaving you behind. I am sorry for not going back for you. I am sorry for not being someone you could rely on. I am sorry for not being the mother you deserved.

There are many reasons I could give you but when I look at them honestly, they are excuses. I was too weak, too self-centred, too unhappy to focus on anything but myself. Regardless of my actions, I need to tell you, I need you to know, that I never, never, never stopped loving you. You were and always remained my precious daughter.

Your alcoholism, your endometriosis, your dark moods are all from me. I am sorry your legacy from me has been so destructive to your life.

There are a couple of things in the box for you and perhaps you can take them out as I tell you about them.  
>The first is a locket which holds two photos of you..." he read as he dipped one hand into the box to retrieve the locket and chain. "A baby photo and one I came across in a newspaper about three years ago. I am so very proud of you and everything you've become. You overcame such huge odds and I was always so proud of you. I have worn this locket every day since you were born. You may not have thought it but you were always held close to my heart." Harm paused to wipe away his tears but Mac's cheeks were still dry.<br>"The second item is a rattle, it was yours. I have had it all this time, no matter where I went. Perhaps you can give it to Frankie. I kept track of you through the media. I saw the announcement of your wedding, the birth notices for your children. You are blessed to have four children. They are blessed to have you. I am sorry I couldn't give you the family and upbringing you deserved. Looking at the photo of you and Harmon, I can see true love. I am sure he'll be very good for you." Harm sat the white rattle with faded pink spots on the table in front of the box.  
>"The third item is my wedding ring and you may be surprised I still have it. I loved your father very much when we were married. He was my world and the love of my life. I know it didn't seem that way to you but he was. I loved you both and this ring is a symbol of the love that was. The last item is a small photo album of me over the years and each page has a short extract. I am not trying to excuse what I have done but I hope it will help you understand.<p>

Sarah, all my life I have had health issues, physical and emotional. I was very insecure, had an addictive personality and preferred flight to fight. In your marine terms, I guess you were collateral damage caused by the carnage of my out-of-control life. For that, and for everything else, I am sorry.

You may be wondering about the money...when I first left you behind it was only going to be for a short time. I worked three jobs in that first year to earn money so we could have a life together. When I left your father I took nothing but what I was wearing , some photos and the rattle, so much on my income went to the essentials in life but by the end of the first year I'd managed to save $600 and I was so excited but then I woman I worked with told me I'd need to have at least $3000 – to cover costs for us both...so I worked harder and saved every cent and by the end of the second year I had $6000 but I was unwell – in and out of hospital – and I knew I couldn't come and get you...I was too sick.

When I came to the realisation that I probably wouldn't have the happily ever after, I tried to kill myself. It took a lot of work to come back from that and I couldn't hold down a job for a long time but regardless, I still saved that $3000 a year, just in case." Harm shook his head; a desperate and disadvantaged woman had saved $3000 a year for 36 years for the daughter she always wanted to be reunited with.  
>"Darling, I hope I get to see you once more, to hold you, to kiss you, to tell you I love you but if I don't this will have to suffice. You will always be my precious baby girl, Sweet Pea, and I love you very much. Love Mom."<p>

For a moment, Harm stared at the paper before folding it and placing it back in the envelope before taking another moment to draw a deep breath and wipe away his tears. It was only then he looked at his wife and was surprised to find her eyes, though watery, hadn't shed a tear, her demeanour unchanged since he started. It was clearly evident he was far more emotional than she was.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: not mine

Mother 4/4

The afternoon was a difficult one. Mac wasn't saying much and Harm was trying his best to read her thoughts and give her what she needed. Several times he had asked directly about her feelings towards he mother, the letter, her death but she had either shrugged or closed her eyes. He had managed to get her to eat dinner – room service of lasagne and salad. He watched as she went through the motion of eating, totally distracted and not registering whether there was food on her fork or not as she brought it to her mouth.

On Harm's suggestion she had gone to soak in the bath for a bit and he had taken the opportunity to call home.  
>"Was wondering when we'd hear from you," Frank said as Harm's name came up on his phone. "How are..."<br>"Not good," Harm interjected quietly.  
>"Oh, I take it the mother – daughter reunion didn't go well," he said just as quietly, mindful that Jessie and Lily were still in the next room.<br>"You could say that," he said with a sigh. "We got into town just in time for her mother's funeral."  
>"Oh, no," Frank muttered. "Poor Mac, how is she coping?"<br>"Not great," he said, his eyes still on the bathroom door. "She's been very quiet..."  
>"Shock," he said, shaking his head. "Give her our love."<br>"I will," Harm replied. "How are things there?"  
>"Great," he answered. "All very well behaved and cooperative."<br>"Good to hear," he said, though, after the news he had just imparted, Harm knew the kids could have trashed the house and set it on fire and Frank would still have said all was good.

Moving towards the bathroom, Harm listened out for any sign Mac was in distress, or rather more distress, and heard nothing.  
>"Where is she now?" Frank asked after a small pause.<br>"Taking a bath," he whispered and then realising he was sending himself crazy he decided to end the call. "Look, dad, I'm going to go. Please don't tell the kids... we'll do it when we get back."  
>"And your mom, Mattie and Colin?" he asked, glancing at his wife as she entered the room.<br>"You can tell them," Harm said before pausing. "And, ah, dad...I just want to say...I love you so very much and really appreciate everything you've done for me," he said quickly.

Both he and Mac had experienced significant heartache at the hands of a biological parent who, for whatever reason, had left them behind. The man on the other end of the line had made it his mission to be part of Harm's life. He was willingly there. He had every reason to be the one who abandoned the relationship but he didn't; he fought for it, he persisted and now, was an active participant in Harm's life. And Harm had come to realise today that those who chose to stay should be equally, if not more recognised, than those who had departed.

"Oh, Harm, thank you...that means so much," Frank replied tearfully.

As Harm pocketed his cell, he pressed his head against the bathroom door and heard the sounds of Mac climbing out. Stripping down, Harm remained in his boxers and tee before pulling back the covers on the bed and turning down the lights. Going to the bar fridge, he got out two bottles of water and placed one on each of the bedside tables, before moving the box of tissues to Mac's side of the bed. When he was confident all was set, he climbed into bed and sat up, waiting for his wife.

And while it still hadn't turned 8:00 PM, he knew Mac wasn't up for much else other than sleep – if that.  
>"It's very early to be in bed," Mac said, studying her husband from across the room. "Are you okay?"<br>Harm smiled; it was her first acknowledgement of something else, anything else, since the news of her mother's death.  
>"I'm fine, gorgeous," he said, with a wink. "Just figured an early night was in order."<br>"Oh, okay," she replied, rounding the bed.  
>"We don't have to," he said pulling back the covers. "What would..."<br>"No, no," she said gesturing for him to get back into bed. "I like this idea."

Climbing back in, Mac settled herself against Harm. Her head resting under his chin, her hand draped across his chest.  
>"How are you doing?" he asked quietly as his fingers gently played with her hair.<br>"Don't know," she replied honestly. "I ... maybe devastated is the right word...I don't know."  
>Harm's lips pressed against her head.<br>"I kind of think I shouldn't be feeling this way...that she had no part of my life before today...that I should be able to shake it off...move on..." she rambled, her fingers twisting the fabric of his tee.  
>"But you can't?" he half asked, half stated.<br>"But I can't," she confirmed with a nod.  
>"Mac, gorgeous, you are allowed to feel anyway you like," he said gently. "There's no right or wrong way to deal with this."<br>"I guess I'm feeling shell-shocked...I tried to tell myself not to get carried away with this visit...but I did, I couldn't help it...I really thought this was the turning point...the beginning of something good...finally," she said, trying to get her thoughts in order. "I was stupid to get carried away with it...I should have realised..."  
>"No, Mac, you weren't stupid," he interjected, rubbing her back. "You were hopeful...there was nothing wrong with that..."<br>"But now I feel abandoned again," she said as her eyes filled with tears. "I got so close to a resolution...only to lose everything, permanently this time." The first of her tears, the first of the day, dropped onto Harm's chest.  
>"At least this time she left you a letter," he said quietly, his hand making lazy circles on her back.<br>"I know," she said with a sniffle. "And it was so...lovely...Doesn't make up for not hearing it from her...but a resolution of sorts..."  
>"She loved you very much, Mac," he whispered, kissing her head. "You were her Sweet Pea..."<br>"Aha," she said tearfully. Sweet Pea was a term of endearment she hadn't heard directed towards her in 40 odd years.  
>"If you got anything out of today, Mac, it should be how much she loved you, and how much the difficulties and hardships you endured were her fault. It was never you...it was her...not you," he said emphatically, knowing that for many, many years she had blamed herself.<p>

And while the tears didn't tumble, Mac clung tightly to Harm and awash in a sea of memories, and emotionally drained, she drifted off to sleep.

It was 4:13 before Harm realised things were not as they should be. Stirring when he realised his wife was missing, Harm had to look no further than the bathroom to find his wife curled up on the floor, breaking her heart crying over the loss of her mother. Scooping her up, Harm rested against the vanity unit, holding and caressing her for the next hour as he tried to provide her with any comfort he could. When she had finally stopped crying, and finding the floor was too hard to sit on any longer, Harm struggled to stand them up.

As he did, the rattle, ring and album she had been clutching dropped onto the bathmat, the locket dangled from around her neck. "Oh, gorgeous," he whispered mournfully, kissing her again and again. "I love you so much, Mac, so very much," he whispered.  
>"Don't ever leave me," she pleaded. "Don't run away on me...please...never..."<br>"Never, Mac...will never leave you...love you too much..." he whispered tearfully. "You and me forever...Never gonna leave you, gorgeous."  
>"I don't want to be alone again..." she cried. "Don't want to lose everything...never wanna feel that way..."<br>"I promise you, Mac," Harm cried. "It's you and me forever...will never, never, never leave you..."  
>"You did in March," she sobbed. "I know it was for Harry...it just...felt like...this..." Her heart broke as she remembered the first night her mother had left. She had cried for hours, felt completely empty, deserted, abandoned, unloved, unwanted...she'd never felt as lost as she had on that night...until now...<p>

Scooping her up, Harm carried her to their bed and climbed in with her before creating a cocoon of himself around her and praying sleep would come and bring her some peace.

It was coming up for noon when Harm awoke and was pleased to find Mac still asleep in his arms, her face was peaceful and he took this as a good sign.  
>"Can we go home today?" Mac asked without opening her eyes. "Please."<br>"Certainly," he replied, brushing the hair away from her eyes as she opened them.  
>"Can we go now?" she said, a deep desire to see her family overwhelming her.<br>"Yep," he said, kissing her head and swinging his legs out.

Within 15 minutes, they were ready to leave the room and within 20 were down at the front desk checking out and trying to convince the reception staff their early departure had nothing to do with the hotel, nor did they want a refund on the prepaid nights. They were on the road home just after midday and while Harm was hungry, he didn't suggest a stop knowing how desperate Mac was to get home.

It was Mac who mentioned food just before four and Harm quickly agreed, pulling into the first diner they came too. It was a quick meal and back on the road, this time he had a supply of food and drinks meaning they would only have to stop for fuel and the bathroom sometime in the evening.  
>"You must be exhausted," Mac said when Harm yawned six hours into the trip.<br>"I'm fine, gorgeous," he said, reaching across and taking her hand. "How about you?"  
>"Will be better once I get home," she said, turning to watch him. "Just want to see..."<br>"The kids..." Harm supplied for her and Mac nodded.  
>"The kids," she repeated, "And ...um...mom...I want to really see your mom and dad..."<br>"And they really want to see you too," he said, squeezing her hand. "I spoke to dad last night when you were in the bath..."  
>"Did you tell them?" she asked alarmed.<br>"I told dad and he was going to tell mom," he replied. "But I said we'd tell the kids...is that alright?"  
>"Aha," she replied, although she had no idea what she'd say. "Can you tell them?"<br>"I can," he agreed. "How much do you want them to know? You know Lily will ask a few questions."  
>"Tell them she loved me...she had her problems but she loved me...and that she knew about them...and was happy," she said wistfully.<p>

Stopping for a refuelling and bathroom break two hours from home, Mac leant on the car and considered what lay ahead.  
>"Whatcha thinking?" he asked, watching her every move.<br>"At the rate we're going we'll be home after the kids are in bed," she said, pushing off the car.  
>"I know," he said. By his calculations, and with all going well, they should be home just after midnight.<br>"Maybe...no, it's alright," she said, changing her mind mid thought.  
>"No, tell me," he said, caressing her face.<br>"Thought maybe we could check into a hotel in Morgantown for the night...the Ramada Inn or Marriot or something...then in the morning it's only about 90 minutes to home and we could be in time for breakfast," she said.  
>"Didn't you want to get home as quick as possible?" he asked, wanting to understand her change of mind.<br>"I do," she said with a nod. "I'm desperate to see them all...but I'm tired..and so are you...figured a few good hours sleep might make me more...um...less emotional when I get home."  
>"Sure," he said, "I'll just go in and pay and you find a contact number."<p>

By the time Harm was back in the car, Mac had phoned the Ramada Inn and booked them a room, given her credit card details and requested a few different dishes from room service to be in the room in an hour. Looking at her husband as he fastened his seatbelt, Mac knew he had been incredibly wonderful in the past 48 hours and feeding him and letting him sleep was the least she could do for him.

Sleep was good but family was better and Mac was awake early, Harm not long after her. Stopping at the local Bellevue bakery, Harm picked up a range of pastry treats for breakfast, wiping out half the supply of Danishes and all of the croissants just after dawn. Pulling up at the farmhouse, Harm climbed out while Mac appeared a little hesitant, knowing the task ahead of them.  
>"You've done the hardest thing," Harm said, kissing her head. "This is all good here...it will be fine...you're back where you belong."<br>"Thank you," she said pressing up and kissing him. "For everything."  
>"I'd do anything for you, gorgeous, absolutely anything," he whispered, kissing her back.<p>

The house was still wrapped in its slumber induced silence and Mac moved into the kitchen to start the coffee before walking into the girls' bedroom and watching them both sleep.  
>"You home, Aunty Mac?" Jessie asked sleepily.<br>"Yes, honey," she replied, padding over and kissing the girl's head.  
>"Did you have a good visit?" she asked with a yawn.<br>"How about you sleep some more and then we'll talk about it?" Mac said caressing her face.  
>"Okay," she agreed before sleep claimed her once more.<p>

Climbing up the stairs, Mac spied Harm standing at the twins' door shaking his head.  
>"What's up?" she asked, leaning on him.<br>"Look!" he said pointing into the dimly lit room.  
>Mac couldn't help but smile at the two guilty parties. Harm had a strict no cats in beds policy and yet on the bottom of each bed was a furry bundle curled up tightly and oblivious to the audience.<br>"It gives them comfort," Mac said and Harm nodded, realising it was a battle he had lost. Who was he to take a source of comfort from his precious children?  
>"Thought I heard something," Frank said coming from the master bedroom. Whenever Harm and Mac were away Frank and Trish took over that room as it meant they were in the same house as the children.<br>"Hey, dad," Harm said, moving over to embrace him.  
>"You're back early," he said, though he wasn't surprised.<br>"Yeah, needed to be home," he said, tilting his head towards his wife.  
>"Sarah," Frank said, putting his arms out for her and wrapping his arms around her as Harm disappeared down the stairs to fix their coffee. "I am very sorry for your loss."<br>"Thanks, dad," she said, resting her head against his.  
>"I know this is a difficult time and you probably don't know what you are feeling, let alone what you want, but know you can come to me anytime, for anything, okay, sweetheart?" he whispered before kissing her head."<br>"Thanks, dad," she repeated as Trish appeared at the door.  
>"I might give you two a minute," he said, following Harm's trail down to the kitchen.<p>

Seeing Trish's sympathetic smile caused the first of Mac's tears to fall. Of all the people on the farm, it was Trish who she had confided in most about her feelings towards her visit to Chattanooga. It was Trish who knew just how excited she was about this opportunity to reconcile with her mother, despite all the heartaches of the past.  
>"Oh, darling," she whispered, hugging her close. "I'm so sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted."<br>"Just a few days," Mac cried. "Missed her by just a few days."  
>"I know, Sarah, I know," she said kissing her head.<br>"She left me a letter...which helped," she said, fighting her tears.  
>"I'm glad," Trish replied, caressing her face.<br>"And then I got to come home to you...she was my mom by birth...you are my mom by choice...and you'll never know just how much that means to me...and how much I love you," she said tearfully.  
>"I love you very much, darling," Trish said, brushing away Mac's tears. "And I'll be here for you for as long as humanly possible."<p>

There were squeals of delights as the children awoke and materialised in the kitchen throughout the morning. Harm and Mac were the centre of attention and the recipients of lots of hugs and kisses and loved it immensely. When the entire family was around the table, Mac squeezed Harm's hand and mouthed 'Tell them'. He nodded before clearing his throat.  
>"Now that everyone's here," he said, quickly gaining the attention of everyone bar Kenzie and Frankie who were busy with their breakfast, "We have some news to share...some sad news..."<br>"What's wrong?" Lily said, wide-eyed. "You're not sick are you?" she asked, leaving her chair and walking over to her father.  
>"No, pumpkin, no one is sick," he said, pulling her up on to his lap. "As you know, we went to see mom's mom..." he continued.<br>"And was she really mean?" she asked, trying to get to her mother's lap, Harm let her go.  
>"No," Harm said, realising Mac wasn't going to speak. "When we got to her house we found out that she had died a few days before..."<br>"That's so sad," Aidan said, "At least I got a few days with my mom before...well, before the fire...you didn't even get that. I'm sorry."  
>Mac smiled at him but didn't speak.<br>"Aunty Mac," Jessie said, wheeling over to her, before beckoning her to come forward. Mac leant down and Jessie undid her seatbelt before linking her arms around Mac's neck – standing up as Mac moved backwards. With Mac's help, she manoeuvred herself to perch on her knee. "Remember what you did when my mom died?" she asked quietly. "You hugged and kissed me and asked me what was my best memory of my mom and I told you it was when I was seven and she brought in a surprise picnic when I was in hospital and we sat on the floor and the nurses came too and we had lots of fun...and you said that was a sign of how much my mom loved me..."  
>"I remember," Mac said, as Harm rested his arm on the back of her chair and gently caressed her head.<br>"Well, what was the best memory you have of your mom?" she asked, her gaze locked on Mac's.

Lily went to speak; she wanted to say Mac had none as her mother had been really mean but Harm put a gentle hand over her mouth and shook his head. He really wanted Mac to answer this one.  
>"When I turned 10 my mom took me shopping and to lunch for my birthday," she said quietly. "She bought me the hair clips I really wanted and a new coat and then we went and had hamburgers and milkshakes...just her and me...We didn't have much money but it wasn't about money it was about the two of us having fun...we laughed and giggled and ran hand in hand in the park and had a great day."<br>"That's what you have to remember, the good days," she whispered, kissing Mac's cheek. "It helps...just like you told me it would."  
>"You're very wise, Jessie," Mac said kissing the child's head.<br>"So are you," she said, cuddling into her. "And you know something else?" she whispered.  
>"What?" Mac whispered.<br>"Now you're like me ...we've both been lucky to get a second mom..." she said. "You got grandma...and I got you."  
>Mac held her tightly until her tears stopped.<p>

"Now, I'm sure everyone wants to give mom hugs and kisses and lots of love," Harm said, standing up. "And I think mom would love that...but how about we do something about getting dressed," he suggested, thus allowing Mac not be too overwhelmed with everyone trying to get to her at once.

Throughout the day there was never a moment where Mac was on her own, even when she went to the bathroom Frankie wanted to follow. Most of the day was spent in the armchair with a child sitting on her or alongside her. Mattie and Trish tried to keep her eating and drinking tea and to keep them from worrying, she obliged them – much to Harm's relief.  
>Rosie had taken it upon herself to sit with Mac much of the afternoon, snuggled close as The Cat in the Hat movie played. She loved The Cat in the Hat and could proudly read the storybook herself, she and her mom had spent lots of time on the rhyming words and had lots of laughs doing it. While she didn't quite understand what the fuss today was all about she knew her mom needed cheering up and as Mac always cuddled up to her when she needed it, she thought she'd return the favour.<p>

When the movie was done and Rosie was distracted by the adventures of Misty, Harry took his time. Coming into the living room, he presented Mac with a little posy of daisies before kissing her cheek.  
>"You sad, mommy?" he asked, leaning on her knees.<br>"I'm okay," she replied, caressing his face.  
>"Oh," he said somewhat disappointed.<br>"Why?"she questioned thinking it was an odd reaction.  
>"Well, if you were still sad we could get daddy to make you his yummy choc fudge sundae and I could help you eat it," he said eagerly.<p>

Mac laughed, for the first time all day. "How about you tell daddy that mommy would like a sundae and then you can share it with me?" Harry was out the door like a shot.

After the children and grandparents were bedded down for the night, Mattie came through the back door and found Mac in the kitchen.  
>"I know I didn't say much today," she said, "I didn't know quite how to say what I wanted to and then when I got home I thought I should at least try and say something."<br>"Take your time, honey," Mac said, taking her hands. "Just let the words come."  
>"My relationship with my dad was a bit like yours with your mom," she started and Mac nodded. "And I think I know how you're feeling today. I got those few extra visits, that time with him...before he abandoned me after the accident and then I hated him...never wanted to see him, hear from him, think of him again," she said tearfully. "I kept wondering what was it about me that made me unloveable..."<br>"It wasn't you," Mac said quietly. "It was never you."  
>"I know," she said. "You and Harm taught me that...but what I was going to say was that even though I never wanted anything to do with him...I still grieved when he died. I still missed him...still loved him...still wanted that one last meeting..."<br>"Sounds like me," Mac replied wistfully.  
>"I know you have to get through this in your own way," Mattie continued. "But you and Harm were always there for me. Always reminded me of the good times. Let me know I was loved and wanted and cherished. I want you to know that although your mom passed away, that you are loved and wanted and cherished. You will have good days and bad days and good memories and bad above all you will have love and be loved and you will get through it."<br>"That's what I used to say to you..." Mac said as tears trickled down her cheeks.  
>"And I've heard you say it to Aidan and Jess," Mattie said. "And it's just what I, and they, needed to hear."<br>The pair hugged tightly for a long time, both needing the comfort of a loving parent – child relationship now, more than ever.

Curled up in bed later on, Mac relished the warmth of her husband's embrace, the comfort of her marital bed, the security of her home and sense of peace she was now feeling.  
>While the upcoming Mother's Day would be hard, Mac would learn that she was in a completely different place from the first time her mother left her and while she was still coming to terms with her loss, she was enveloped in love, and that's all she really ever wanted.<p> 


	24. Aftermath

Disclaimer: not mine

Aftermath 1/4

Late May and Harm was walking across the fields from the airfield office to the house when he spied Mac sitting under a tree in the distance. Instinctively, he changed his track and headed off in her direction before his cell vibrated in his pocket. Grabbing it, he looked at the message.  
>'Talk to me first' it said and it was from Colin.<p>

Turning around, Harm saw the younger man about 100 ft away signalling him to come over. Again he changed his path and headed towards his son-in-law.  
>"This is what I tried to tell you yesterday," Colin said pointing to Mac. "She asked me to have Frankie for half an hour while she ran an errand and your parents were out yesterday, about 9:00...she went as far as that tree and sat there...until about two..."<br>"Why didn't you call me?" he asked, knowing Mac had been doing a few things which were out of character since her mother's death. A dozen times he'd awoken to find Mac missing from their bed. Each time he'd gone to find her and he found her asleep somewhere – in the armchair, at the dining table, in the bathtub, even on the stairs. Each time, he picked her up and returned her to where she belonged – in bed beside him.  
>"I figured she may just need some time and space," Colin replied. "By the afternoon though, you were in the air."<br>"Did you go and speak to her?" he asked and Colin shook his head.  
>"I didn't really know what to say and didn't want to make matters worse," he said honestly.<br>Harm patted him on the back and nodded, he had had his fair share of those moments when it came to Mac too.  
>"Can you let mom know I won't be in for morning tea?" he said. "She was expecting me."<br>"Sure," he said and Harm turned and headed towards his wife.

It took him a couple of minutes to cross the field and sit down alongside her. Mac didn't move, she didn't speak, didn't blink but she knew he was there. Leaning back against the tree, Harm fought the urge to hold her hand and instead directed his attention to the horizon where Mac was staring. And, for a while that's what they did. Eventually, Harm succumbed to his urge and entwined his fingers with hers before raising her hand and kissing it, before gently moving it to his lap and running his hand up and down her arm.

After a few deep sighs and a few deep breaths, Mac turned to head and gazed up at him. For a while she just looked into the blue eyes she absolutely adored before lifting her hand and gently caressing his face.  
>"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.<br>Harm shrugged and smiled; "I don't know...then again, I don't know what I did to deserve you either...but whatever it was, I'm glad I did it."  
>"Me too," she said quietly, before turning and resting her head on his shoulder, "I've just been out here thinking about mom," she admitted, pulling Harm's arm which was now looped around her tighter. "Thinking of the good times and the bad..."<br>"It's a nice place to sit and think," he said, kissing her head.  
>"I can't do it in the house," she continued, "There's always something to do or someone there...half an hour or so here and I feel better."<br>"I'm glad," he said, kissing her again. "But, ah, gorgeous, you were out here five hours yesterday."  
>"No," she said shaking her head. "An hour tops..."<br>"Colin says you came out about nine and went back to the house about two," Harm said, as she turned to look at him.  
>"Oh, that explains a lot," she said settling back against him.<br>"I didn't think I was here all that long when I went back to the house I had a coffee and something to eat and thought I must have dozed off because the kids were home an hour or so later," she said, before sighing again.

A frown creased Harm's brow, Mac knew the time down to the second, but somehow she'd lost about five hours. "Mac, what time is it now?" he asked.  
>"Nearly ten, I guess," she said, turning his wrist over to check his watch. "10:39," she amended.<p>

Guess...nearly...about...checking a watch...Was it possible Mac had lost her sense of timing? The skill she had honed in her childhood when she hid from her parents when they were fighting? Was it possible her mother's death had released her from knowing time so accurately she sometimes found it hard to relax?

However, he countered his own argument, if Mac was more relaxed then why was she climbing out of bed in the middle of the night? Did she know she was doing it?  
>It was time to check.<p>

"How are you feeling about your sessions with Amanda Mueller?" he asked, referring to her counsellor.  
>"Okay," she said slowly. "She's no Commander McCool...but she's good...I think it's helping...do you?"<br>"I think it's helping," he agreed, and it was. She was letting him in, taking more openly about things, not just her mom's passing but things from her past. "You're going tomorrow, aren't you?" he checked and Mac nodded. "Mac," he said before stopping and she turned to face him.  
>"What is it?" she asked, sitting up and turning so she could look at him properly. The man obviously had something on his mind.<br>"I haven't said anything about this because I thought you knew," he said, prefacing what he was going to say. "But now I think maybe you don't and that I should tell you."  
>"Tell me what?" she asked, her concern rising.<br>"There's been about a dozen times since your mom died that I have woken in the middle of the night to find you gone," he said, taking her hand. "And each time I have found you in a different place sound asleep and put you back into bed. You've never said anything in the morning and I figured you knew you'd gotten up..."  
>"But I didn't," she said and Harm nodded.<br>"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," he confirmed.  
>"Where have you found me?" she questioned, her brow creased.<br>"Every time it's different," he said, caressing her face. "Various places in the living room, the bath, sitting on the stairs, the back porch, kitchen bench, floor of the girls' room..."  
>"Oh," she said shaking her head. "I don't remember...explains why I've been feeling tired even though I thought I was sleeping properly."<br>"You don't remember getting up at all?" he asked and she shook her head.  
>"Got up to Frankie Sunday night," she said but they both knew it as she ended up bringing the boy in to their bed. "But otherwise, no...sorry."<br>"Don't apologise," he said, shaking his head. "It's not your fault."  
>"I know, but it's disturbing your sleep," she said, leaning forward and kissing his cheek.<br>Harm grinned cheekily. "You should know by now that I love you disturbing my sleep."  
>Mac couldn't help but smile. "We haven't disturbed our sleep in a few weeks."<br>"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Why do you think that is?"  
>Mac shrugged. "Not really felt up to it...sorry."<p>

Tugging her over, Harm pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Is there anything I can do to help you?" he asked then realising how things might be construed spoke again. "Not about the sex...well, not just about the sex, but in dealing with things...things about your mom."  
>"You've been incredibly good about everything," she said, resting her head against his. "I don't know why it's taking this toll on me...she wasn't part of my life, her death shouldn't take this toll."<br>"We never know how death will affect us," he said gently. "I remember when I heard Steve Addams, a guy I went through the academy with, was killed in Afghanistan in '03. Hadn't seen him in years, he was a good guy but never a close friend, but it really shook me to the core... more so than when people I was closer to passed. There's no rhyme and reason to it, gorgeous, it just happens how it happens."  
>"I know," she said kissing his head. She remembered how Steve's death had affected him.<br>"Maybe it would help if you finalised some things," he said, rubbing her back.  
>"Like what?" she asked, a little confused,<br>"Your mom's cheque..." he started.  
>"I don't want it," she said quickly.<br>"Mac," he said quietly. "She saved hard so she ..."  
>"I don't want it," she said again.<br>"She wanted you..." he pressed.  
>"Harm, I never wanted her money," she said looking at him. "I wanted her...I wouldn't have cared if she had nothing, I wanted her..."<br>"She couldn't give you that," he reminded her. "She wasn't well..."  
>"I know," she answered. "Doesn't mean I can just forget all those years of longing..."<br>"I know," he agreed, kissing her head. "I just thought if you did something with the money, it might let you sleep easier."  
>"You spend it," she said, resting her head on his. "I want nothing to do with it."<br>"Are you serious?" he asked, needing to check.  
>"Very," she said turning to face him. "Buy a plane, buy a tractor...buy whatever you want...I don't care."<p>

It was lunch before the pair made it to the house and Trish had two platters of sandwiches ready for the lunch crowd. Carrying them to the table, she turned to see them come in the back door.  
>"Everything okay?" she asked, not too sure what was going on.<br>"Yeah," Harm said with a reassuring smile. It didn't work but Trish didn't push him on it.  
>"Well, you two wash up and come join us," she said, as Mattie came from behind with the coffee and Colin came in from outside.<p>

After lunch, Harm turned his attention to the building works Frank and Trish had been in Charlesville discussing the day before. The construction would be a simple one just out the back, close enough to the farmhouse and with a view of the fields.

It would be a kit home, on Frank's instance. While he had lived in large, spacious brick homes all of his life, he wanted this one to fit in with the lifestyle they had going on the farm. He also wanted something that could be relocated at anytime, should the need arise. The home would have two bedrooms, a bathroom, spacious dining – living room and a kitchenette. There would be reverse-cycle air conditioning / heating throughout and it would be their little place away from the hubbub of farm life, grandchildren and everything else.

For now, they would keep their home in La Jolla and planned to go over there for a couple of weeks every two or three months to keep in touch with their friends. Ideally, they would also spend the coldest months there, but as it coincided with the festive season, they had moved there thinking to go early January.  
>"Your mother is looking forward to shopping," Frank said, sitting back in his chair. "She has a whole rustic theme planned."<br>"And what do you think?" he asked before laughing. Both knew that when it came to home furnishings, their opinion didn't matter.  
>"On another issue," Frank said, changing the topic. "We have to decide what to do with all the items in the barn."<br>"Yeah, I've been thinking about that," he said, referring to all the items donated at the time of the Murphy's house fire. So many people had been generous with the donation of food, money and furniture and while the food had long been consumed and the money put into trust funds for the kids, the furniture, clothing and the like had remained in the barn.  
>"And?" Frank asked, when Harm seemed to zone out.<br>"And, well, I guess I haven't a plan," he said. "I don't want to upset the kids...but we can't keep it..."  
>"Maybe we should ask them," he replied and Harm nodded, it was the right way to go.<br>"We will, tonight after dinner," he said, before heading back to the airfield.

After dinner, and with the younger ones asleep, there was a general chat about things in the living room before Harm broached the subject as delicately and tactfully as he could. At first there was little response, Aidan had just shrugged and Jessie's eyes teared up. Eventually, it was Lily who spoke.  
>"Tell them what you told me about that stuff the other week," she prompted as quietly as a 10-year old could.<br>"What was that, Jess?" Harm said, putting his arm around her as she sat next to them on the sofa.  
>"It was a stupid idea," she said shaking her head.<br>"No, it wasn't," Lily replied. "I think it was pretty cool."  
>"Really?" Jessie asked and Lily nodded. "Well, when it was just me and mom we didn't have much and things were really hard...we never had much money for things and when we first came here we didn't know anyone so couldn't get help...or borrow things...until we met you guys..."<br>"It must have been very hard," Harm said before kissing her head.  
>"I remember when our fridge broke and we couldn't afford to get another or get it fixed for weeks and that mom used to go and buy a bag of ice every morning and every evening so the food wouldn't spoil," she related simply.<br>Trish quietly dabbed at her eyes; she loved this little girl and it pained her that she had endured so much.  
>"So, I was thinking that maybe we can run a sort of charity shop – library sort of thing," she continued. "Like when Aidan first came you gave us a bed and all the stuff for his room...and we were going to give it back when he went home...sometimes people only need things for a little bit."<br>"That's a great idea," said Frank, already thinking of ways it would work. While he may have retired, the business man in him was still as sharp as ever.  
>"And then if there's people who really need things, they can have it or buy it at a price they can afford," Jessie said. "So like Mr Hurley...he lost his job and Mrs Hurley is about to have their baby and maybe they need that wardrobe out there...if all he could afford was $5 then he could have it for $5...and with the money we keep it for when people need it for other things..."<br>"And," Aidan jumped in, liking this. "Maybe people can keep donating old stuff when they don't need it and we can keep it going."

Harm and Mac looked at each other, it was a good plan but would it be something else they had deal with.  
>"We'd have to move the items," Frank said, "After all, Colin needs the barn but..." he trailed his mind ticking over.<br>"But what, dad?" Harm asked, studying him intently.  
>"You've still got that empty hangar down there, haven't you?" he asked and Harm nodded. "Well, we could move it there...I could take on this project...it will keep me out of trouble and ..."<br>"But we could help, couldn't we?" Jessie asked.  
>"Of course," he replied, "I'll be your business manager and weekday sales associate and you'd do after school and weekends."<br>"Me too!" said Lily quickly.  
>"And you too," he agreed.<br>"What about me?" Aidan asked, not too sure how many people it took to run a charity shop – library.  
>"You, my boy, will be very important..." he said patting the boy's back. "I can't carry wardrobes by myself."<br>"You shouldn't be carrying them at all," Trish interjected, though she was happy to see her husband so animated about the project.  
>"I'll be around to help," Colin said.<br>"And, so will I," said Harm.  
>"So, all we need is a name and then we can start," Lily said excitedly.<br>"Well, there's a little more to it than that," Frank said with a laugh, "But a name is very important."

There were lots of suggestions some good, some not so good but none of them captured the essence of the new enterprise. They wanted people to feel good about donating to them and they wanted the recipients to feel good too. When the ideas dried up, Mac spoke for the first time in a long time. "Well, these items were all donated for your mom and you, so maybe it should be something to honour her and that people will remember. What about Memories of Mom?"  
>"I love it," said Jessie tearfully. "She would have loved doing this for others."<br>"And thinking of moms gives people a nice feeling," Aidan said, before realising maybe it wasn't the case for Mac. "Oh, sorry Auntie Mac..."  
>"It's okay, sweetie," she said. "I have some nice memories of my mom." Then it struck her, she knew exactly what to do with Deanne MacKenzie's cheque. "And I think this is the perfect way to use her money."<br>"Are you sure?" Harm asked, reaching across to take her hand.  
>"I never wanted her money, just her love, she told me she loved me in the letter and that's all I really wanted," she said wistfully.<br>"How much money? Lily asked, moving to on the arm of Mac's chair.  
>"My mom left me $72,000," she said and many sets of eyes widened.<br>"Mac's mom had saved money each year in the hope they'd be together once more," Harm said, squeezing his wife's hand.  
>"Why didn't she use it to come and see us?" Lily asked surprised.<br>"No idea, pumpkin," he said honestly.  
>"Hey," Lily said, as a thought struck her. "We don't have a name for her, do we? I mean, grandma's grandma and grams was grams and you're Kenzies's gigi but she's just your mom."<br>"She was," Mac said nodding slowly.  
>"We should have a name for her," she continued. "Something like Nan, would that be alright?"<br>Mac shrugged; the woman really didn't need a name, after all, she'd never met her grandchildren, never would.  
>"I think that's a nice idea, Lil," Harm said when Mac didn't answer. "Don't you, gorgeous?"<br>"Ah, yeah, sure," she said and while Lily was happy with the answer the adults knew Mac wasn't.  
>"So," Jessie said, getting back to what she wanted. "Are you saying we can have the money for this thingy?"<br>"I am," Mac said and watched as Jessie struggled from the chair and used Harm's knees and the arm of the sofa to get to Mac in the armchair.  
>"In that case, Memories of Mom is a great name and it can be about both our moms," she said, climbing into her lap.<br>"And we can shorten it to M.O.M when we want," Aidan added and Frank nodded.

When everyone was bedded down and Harm had done the last checks, he returned to the bedroom to find Mac under the covers, her baby rattle in her hand. Quietly, he stripped down and climbed in beside her before stroking her face.  
>"Don't you like the name 'nan'?" he whispered.<br>"It's fine," she said with a sigh.  
>"Mac?" he drawled, it was going to be a long night of Q &amp; A if she didn't offer some explanation.<br>"I just don't see the point," she snapped. "It's not as if they're ever going to use it...she's never going to meet them, mean anything to them..." She rolled away from him and pulled the covers up high.  
>"Okay," he said quietly. "That's good to know, so I guess they shouldn't call my dad grandad...he never met them..."<br>Mac spun to face him. "No! It doesn't mean that. It's not the same thing and you know it!"  
>"Isn't it?" he said, knowing he was pushing her buttons but doing it deliberately. "You said the other day that your mom didn't even deserve the title of mom, she'd given you life and that was about it. Same could be said for my dad."<br>"It is NOT the same thing," she snarled, angry at him for not just shutting up.  
>"Sure it is," he said, rolling away from her.<br>"Harm, do not do this," she cautioned slowly.  
>"Do what?" he replied without moving.<br>"Your dad and my mom are two different stories," she said pushing him in the back.  
>"Why?" he asked, still not moving, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes but wanting her to express some part of the struggle she was experiencing.<br>"You loved your dad and he loved you," Mac started, staring at the back of his head.  
>"You loved your mom and she loved you," he retorted, not letting her get away with anything.<br>"She abandoned me," she protested in a huff.  
>"He abandoned me," Harm replied as monotone as he could.<br>"He did not!" she spat before getting up from the bed and stalking around so she could look him in the face.  
>"He did so," he hissed.<br>"Your dad was doing his duty," she said pushing him backwards to get his attention. "You're proud of him for that. Do not compare him to my mother, it does not do him justice."  
>"He was doing his duty," Harm agreed. "Until he broke free and decided to take up with some woman in Russia and produce a son...didn't bother coming back for me ...did he?"<br>"I can't believe you cannot see that these are two very different cases," she said, shaking her head.

Harm pulled himself up and sat facing her. "How are they different?" he asked. "Truly, how are they different?" He knew they were vastly different, he was very proud of his father and loved him dearly, even now, 45 odd years since he'd last seen him. However, Mac was only giving him what her mother had done, not what impacted on her – that's where the biggest difference was.  
>"Your father," she said sharply, turning on her heel, "Left you with a mother that loved you very much and in a home that reflected that. My mother left me, when I was 12, with an alcoholic, abusive father who, at his worst, couldn't keep his goddamned hands to himself!" With that she stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her not caring who it woke.<br>Harm sat stunned; had his wife just disclosed she had been abused by her father?


	25. Aftermath 2

Disclaimer: not mine

Aftermath 2/4

It took Harm 24 minutes to find his wife, by which time he was frantic. It was dark and wet out and she was dressed for bed, he didn't want to think she'd gone outside and yet he'd checked the house twice to no avail. Eventually, he'd spied her sitting in the driver's seat on her car, her hands firmly gripping the wheel, her face twisted with emotion.

Opening the car door, Harm nervously slipped into the passenger seat.  
>"I am not my mother," she said, her eyes straight ahead. "I am not running away. I came out and it was raining so I sat here." Harm didn't point out the fact she had run out of the house meant she was running away, he was already distressed that his plan to get her to talk to him had blown up like this.<br>"Aha," he said not knowing what else to say.

The strained, painful silence grew; neither wanting to be the one who spoke first, emotions still too raw. Slowly, Harm reached across and took her hand, squeezing it before he raised it to his lips and kissed it.  
>"So now you know," Mac said, her eyes still fixed straight ahead. "She abandoned me, which was bad enough, and I coped... the best any kid could...but when he felt me up when he was completely pissed one night, I hated her so much. I knew she wasn't happy, that she wasn't well, mentally, and I guess I expected she'd go...but I never expected he'd do that ... to me! And I already hated him for him being the one to stay..."<br>"I'm so sorry, Mac," he said quietly.  
>Mac didn't acknowledge he had spoken. "It happened four times, stopped the day I hit him and he stumbled back and knocked himself out. We never spoke about it, barely spoke again...I ran away a couple of times but there was nowhere to go and I didn't have anything...guessed what I'd get at home was preferable to anything might happen on the street..." Harm squeezed her hand again.<br>"And," she continued. "You know what the sick thing is?" she questioned, not waiting for a response. "I hated her more than I hated him...back then...and yet I was still desperate for her love...wanted to know there was a reason she left me in that situation...wanted to know...wanted her to know what he did..."  
>"And now you know some of it?" he asked, rubbing her arm.<br>"Now, I think I need to accept what has happened has happened," she said with a nod. "And to do that I need work through it with Amanda...it's long overdue."  
>"I think that's a good idea," he said nodding. "I want you to do whatever you want, whatever you need..."<br>"I need you to never do what you did tonight again," she said, finally turning to face him.  
>"I was trying to get you to express something about your feelings," he explained, "You've been hiding behind a facade since your mom passed."<br>"Maybe," she agreed. "But do you think getting me that angry is the way to go? You really think we've solved anything here tonight?"  
>"I think there are other ways I could have gone about it," he said, "And I hate that I upset you so much...but I think it's good that you opened up to me."<br>"So long as you think so," she said, climbing out of the car and heading back into the house, Harm not that far behind.  
>"What do you mean?" he asked, trailing her into the bedroom.<br>"Harm, I'm tired," she said, slipping back between the sheets. "This conversation is over."  
>"No, it's not," he said, standing at her side of the bed.<br>"For god's sake, Harm," she said exasperated. "Fine, I'm fine, you're fine, we're fine, every-fucking-thing is fine. Is that better? That what you want to hear?"  
>"You know it's not," he replied, folding his arms across his chest.<br>"Why can't you just let things be?" she questioned. "You're hardly an open book when it comes to the past. Why the hell are you pushing me?"  
>"Because I love you," he said simply, pulling down the covers as she tried to cover her head in them out of frustration.<br>"I swear to god," she said, letting go of the covers. "I am fighting every urge not to hit you. I promised myself after that whole episode with Harry I wouldn't hit you again but you are making it hard."  
>"If hitting me will make you feel better then go ahead, give it your best shot," he said opening his arms. "I don't want you hiding your emotions."<br>"Don't tempt me," she said clenching her hands and rolling away from him.  
>"Running again?" he asked, bracing himself for what he thought might come next.<p>

In a heartbeat, Mac sprang from the bed and shoved him. "What the hell is your problem? Can you not just shut up?"  
>"Make me," he challenged, stepping closer to her. "You need to get this anger out of your system."<br>"You're the one making me angry," she said, her hands balled by her side.  
>"You've been hiding from your emotions, Mac," he said. "For far too long...if you're pissed, be pissed, if you're upset be upset, if you're ..."<br>"You hypocrite," she said, throwing up her arms and walking away from him.  
>"Maybe," he replied, catching her arm. "But ..."<br>"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Me!" she enunciated extremely slowly and sharply.

Instantly, Harm released her. "You know I would never hurt you, don't you?"  
>"Physically," she said. "I know..."<br>"I would never intentionally hurt you any other way," he said, saddened she didn't already know it.  
>"What do you think you've been doing tonight?" she challenged. "You don't think this is hurting me? You don't think this is causing me pain?"<br>"I honestly thought I was helping, Mac," he said, his blue eyes clouding over. "I thought I was helping."  
>"You think you're qualified to be bringing all these things to the surface in me and deal with it? Because, last time I checked psychologist wasn't on your list of qualifications," she said stepping closer to him once more.<br>"I'm sorry," he whispered, and he was, this outcome was definitely not his intention. However, once he started, he just couldn't help himself. "I really am."

Mac studied his face and knew his remorse was genuine.  
>"Well, maybe instead of being a complete bastard about it, you could have loved me a bit more," she said, surprising him by sliding her arms around his waist and resting her forehead on his chest.<p>

Harm's arms wound around her as he leaned his head on hers. "I don't think it's possible to love you anymore than I do, gorgeous," he whispered hoarsely, emotion taking his voice. "I love you with every fibre of my being...with all my heart ...with all I am..."

Slowly, Mac pulled her head back and looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I know you love me, but I need you to be my husband, not my therapist..."  
>"I will be," he said, having learnt a big lesson tonight about respecting boundaries.<br>"And I need you to back off when I ask you to," she said, releasing one hand so she could wipe her face.  
>"I will," he replied, vowing never to make that mistake again.<br>"And I need you...to just be here for me," she said, wiping his tears away. "I know I have so much to deal with and I will...I promise you...but I need to do it at my own pace...not because you bully me in the middle of the night."  
>"I'm here for you, Mac, I promise you, I am here...and I'll give you time and space and time..." he said before realising he'd said it twice. "Whatever you need..."<br>"Right now," she said, letting go but taking his hand, "I need to wrap myself around you and go to sleep. Can we do that?"

It took Mac just 15 minutes to fall asleep, Harm was another case. He couldn't help but cry when he thought about what he'd put her through in the past two hours. He still couldn't fathom why he had pushed her so hard, perhaps he'd have to make his own appointment to see Amanda, or someone similar.

While the hostility wasn't there the following morning things were still clearly fragile. With the hustle and bustle of trying to get kids to school and pre-school hiding the exact mood of the morning, Trish knew things weren't right. When Mac announced she would take the twins to pre-school, even though it was Frank's daily pleasure, she knew something was amiss.

For his part, Frank didn't argue the point. After all, they were Mac's children and he knew she had an appointment in Charlesville at 9:00, so it made sense for her to drop them off and keep going.  
>"Would you like me to pick them up?" he asked, "Or will you do that on your way home, sweetheart?"<br>Mac stopped packing Harry's bag and looked up at her father-in-law. "If you could pick them up, that would be great," she said. "I don't know how long I'll be."  
>"Consider it done," he said, smiling widely, he loved his post pre-school pickups when there was just the three of them and special treats at Connie's Cafe, treats which Trish wouldn't always let him have.<p>

When all the hugs, kisses and farewells were done for the morning, Trish stood on the back porch and watched as Harm secured the twins into their seats. Closing the back door, he turned his attention to his wife and gently caressed her cheek.  
>"I'm so sorry about last night," he whispered. "So very sorry."<br>"What's done is done," Mac replied with a sigh. "Can't go back and change it."  
>"I know," he said, dropping his head. "Hopefully Amanda can help repair some of the damage I've done."<br>"Maybe," she replied without commitment. With an obligatory kiss on the cheek, Mac climbed in and drove away.

Harm turned to find his mother still on the porch, clearly aware something wasn't right.  
>"Are you and Mac alright?" she asked as he walked up the ramp.<br>"Fine, mom," he replied with a quick glance at her.  
>"So Jessie was just imaging the yelling and door slamming last night?" she asked and he stopped in his tracks. "So, she wasn't," Trish answered her own question.<br>"Mac and I had some issues last night," he admitted, looking at his mother. "We're working on it."  
>"Anything I can do to help?" she asked, not liking the feeling of this at all.<br>"No idea," he replied with a shake of his head. And that was the truth. He had no idea about any of it.

The day continued in the same vein and by night time things hadn't really shifted from where they were that morning. There was polite, civil conversation, a focus on the children and nothing really personal at all. Come bedtime, Harm had been in bed half an hour with no sign Mac was joining him. Not knowing what this meant, he climbed out and went to find her.  
>"Oh, I thought you were in bed," she said as he appeared in the dining room.<br>"I, ah, just wanted a drink," he said, gesturing to the kitchen.  
>"Okay," she replied, turning her attention back to the array of papers in front of her.<br>"What's got you so intrigued?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible.  
>"Small business forms and information that Dad picked up today," she said, tapping the green booklet in front of her. "Nothing much different from the info for Rabb's Runways."<br>"Good," he said nodding, as he slipped into the seat opposite her. "How do you think this new business will go?"  
>"It's not really a business," she said with a shrug. "Well, not designed for profit, anyway."<br>"After the items in the barn go, do you think we will get enough from further donations to make it sustainable?" he asked, keeping to safe topics.  
>"With advertising and word of mouth, I think so," she said. "If all else fails, I'm sure we can get Harriet to rally the troops in DC and it wouldn't cost much to hire a U-Haul one way."<br>"Harriet has always been good at these sort of things," he said nodding.  
>"Yeah," she said quietly. "Maybe we'll have to get some tips on co-ordinating such events...or have a couple of key drop off days. I know dad is keen on this but I'd like to restrict the business hours to a couple of hours a couple of times a week – except in emergencies."<br>"I like that idea," he said, knowing they already had a busy lifestyle and didn't want to add any pressure to it ... especially at the moment.  
>"And keep the kids involvement to behind the scenes as much as possible," she said. "I don't know how comfortable people in financial distress will be dealing with a couple of 10-year-olds."<br>"I was thinking that myself," he said, nodding once more.  
>"We seem to be very agreeable on this matter," Mac observed, putting the papers together in a pile.<br>"We seem to be," he replied with a small smile.  
>"How about we try another matter?" she asked, joining her hands and leaning back in her chair.<br>"Okay," he said, mirroring her body language.  
>"Last night..." she said, letting the sentence trail.<br>"I screwed up, big time," he said, his eyes falling.  
>"What was it all about?" she asked. "One minute you're asking me about a name the kids can call my mom and the next we're in an all out battle."<br>"Honestly," he said, looking up at her. "I really don't know...I've been thinking about it a lot and I don't know why I acted like I did."  
>"There must have been some reason," she said, her tone and body language not changing at all.<br>"I guess if it's anything then it was the fact I was trying to get you to show something other than sadness," he said. "Since your mom died you've had this look in your eyes that kills me."  
>"Aren't I allowed to be sad?" she questioned, clenching her hands and reminding herself not to get upset.<br>"Of course you are," he said quickly.  
>"So, you decided a month was enough and I needed to get over it," she half questioned, half stated.<br>"No," he said quickly. "I...You keep saying you're okay, everything's fine but it's not, it hasn't been...I was trying to get you admit it...to show some other emotion."  
>"Don't you think that is Amanda's job, not yours?" she questioned, her eyes on his.<br>"Yes, I do," he said. "Think it's Amanda's job," he clarified. "I know I did the wrong thing last night," he admitted. "And I am really struggling to understand why I couldn't stop...I knew at the time I needed to shut up but I couldn't...and after you disclosed the information about your dad I knew it had gone too far and yet I still couldn't help myself."  
>"Yes, I noticed," she said sadly, "It was bad enough before we went outside. I couldn't believe you kept on at it when we returned to the bedroom."<br>"Couldn't believe it myself," he said, shaking his head.  
>Mac said nothing; it was clear her husband was just as mystified by the whole encounter as she was.<br>"Where does this leave us?" he questioned when she didn't speak.  
>Mac shrugged. "Nowhere different from where we were two nights ago. It seems last night was an anomaly."<br>"Just like that?" he asked, quite surprised, though relieved.  
>"I'm trying to work on me at the moment," she said. "I don't have the time and energy to work on us as well..." Harm stared at her; Mac hadn't put herself ahead of them since they first got together. "I'm not saying we're not worth it," she added quickly when she caught his expression, "But until I've got my head together I can't do anything else. Do you understand that?"<br>"Yeah, I guess so," he said, nodding. "We're going to need to work on us though, aren't we?"  
>"Yes, I think so," she said with a brief nod. "We've spent our lives getting over things rather than through them and look at the result."<br>"Until last night I would have thought we were doing well," he said. "We were in love..."  
>"Were?" she questioned. "As in past tense?"<br>"Are," he amended quickly. "We are in love...at least, I love you very much but I would understand if you're not..."  
>"Don't finish it, Harm," she cautioned. "You know that love isn't an emotion you can just turn on and off and while we've had much better moments than today, and last night, you know that I love you, don't you?"<br>"I do," he said nodding.  
>"Amanda suggested we consider couples counselling," she said. "She thinks..."<br>"I think it's a good idea," he interjected. "I looked up a few counsellors myself today."

Mac nodded; glad that they both seemed to be on the same page, neither doing what they had previously done and that was to sweep things under the carpet. If the previous night had taught them anything it was how a few wrongly spoken words can cause severe, maybe irreparable damage.  
>"Okay," she said, pushing down on the table and standing up. "I'll call Amanda and make a time. Do you have a preference for day  time?"  
>"As soon as possible," he said, knowing he couldn't leave it too long or the guilt would make matters a whole lot worse.<br>"Okay." She repeated. "I think it's time for bed."  
>"I agree," he said, standing up and pushing his chair in.<br>"Are you getting that drink?" she questioned, placing the papers onto the kitchen dresser to avoid little hands in the morning.  
>"Was never thirsty," he admitted. "Just wanted to see you...talk to you..."<br>"See why I wasn't coming to bed?" she offered, raising an eyebrow.  
>"Guess that was part of it too," he admitted. "Wasn't sure whether you were planning on sleeping with me...alongside me...tonight."<br>"I was planning on it," she said, turning off the light and heading to the stairs, she took two steps before she turned around and stood just a little taller than him. "I do love you, Harm," she said leaning down and kissing his forehead.  
>Harm smiled before taking her hand and kissing it. "I love you too, gorgeous."<p>

With Amanda away due to a family emergency, Harm and Mac scheduled their appointment for the following Tuesday before putting the matter aside and concentrating on other issues; namely Memories of Mom and the ending of the academic year.

Harry and Rosie were excited they were off to 'Big School' come September and Lily and Jessie were desperate to be on vacation. They had so many plans and were excited they would have each other for the whole summer.

Eager for something to get his teeth into, Frank had taken on the paperwork for the new business, while Trish was focused on organising the furnishings for their new home. Colin had the farm under control, while Harm and Mattie had a steady increase of clients as the weather warmed up.

Come Friday morning, Colin appeared at the door to inform the girls that Aidan was sick and wouldn't be going to school. Assured it was nothing too serious, the girls' headed down to the bus, as usual, while the rest of the family went about their normal morning routine. Come morning tea time, Mac received a phone call from the school, the secretary letting her talk to a very distressed Jessie.  
>"What's wrong, baby?" she asked gently.<br>"Aidan's not sick," Jessie replied sniffling. "It's his birthday...and we all forgot."  
>"Oh, Jess, it is too," Mac said shaking her head. "Stop crying, honey, it will be alright."<br>"I was sitting here and writing the date on my work and it hit me and he probably thinks no one cares and he's probably sad and lonely and everything," she continued.  
>"We'll do something special for him tonight," Mac assured her. "How about I come and pick you girls up at home time and we go and buy him something special?"<br>"Can you pick us up early, please?" she asked, hopefully. "It's only assembly this afternoon, we won't miss anything..."  
>"Okay, I'll see what I can do."<p>

It was a rush of plans within the farmhouse to arrange a surprise dinner and presents for Aidan. Colin and Mattie had taken turns to check on the now 15-year-old throughout the day and both reported that the young man didn't appear ill, just down.

With Trish taking over the kitchen to prepare Aidan's favourite dinner, Frank supervised the younger children while Mac picked the girls up just before 2:00 and took them shopping, having everything gift wrapped as they went so they'd be ready when they returned home.

Once everything was set, Harm walked over to the other house and let himself in, finding Aidan sitting in the living room channel surfing.  
>"How are you feeling, kiddo?" he asked, dropping into an armchair.<br>"Okay," he replied, turning off the TV. "I'm feeling okay."  
>"Well, I'm hoping you're up to coming across for dinner. Grandma has cooked roast beef with roast potatoes, cauliflower in cheese sauce, and some other things," Harm reported, happy with all but the beef.<br>"All my favourites," he said with a grin.  
>"She knows, thought you could do with something to cheer you up," he said. "It's not fun being sick."<br>"No, it's not," he agreed he said with a sigh.  
>"Anything you want to talk about?" Harm asked and Aidan shook his head, there were but he didn't want to seem ungrateful for all his new family had done by asking for more. "Are you ready for dinner?"<p>

Harm opened the back door to his house and ushered Aidan inside. "SURPRISE!" was the cry from all parts of the dining room and kitchen, followed by a rousing, if what disjointed attempt, of 'Happy Birthday to You'.

Aidan's eyes filled with tears and he was very tempted to run out, not wanting anyone to see his tears, Harm placed a gentle arm around his shoulders before leading him to the head of the table.  
>"We know today's been a bit tough for you," Harm said quietly as he pulled out the boy's chair. "But you're 15 and we'd love to celebrate it with you."<p>

Rather than sitting down, Aidan turned around and wrapped his arms around Harm's waist.  
>"You okay?" Harm asked, ducking down to check his face.<br>"Yeah," he whispered. "I wasn't really sick today...I was sad...I was upset no one knew it was my birthday but I didn't want to tell anyone as I didn't want you to think that I wanted more from you all than I already had."  
>"We wouldn't have thought that," he replied quietly.<br>"I'm learning that," Aidan replied, pulling back.

The birthday boy was then surrounded by kids of all sizes wanting to hug and kiss him and wish him a 'happy birthday' before Trish called for them all to be seated so the dinner feast could begin. It was half an hour of food and noise as everyone ate heartily, chatting loudly as they went. Once they had finished, it was into the living room for presents and the small mountain of presents stunned the overwhelmed birthday boy, so much so he ran outside before he'd opened the first gift.

It was Frank who followed him out.  
>"All a bit much, son?" he asked, wrapping his arm around Aidan as he stood on the back porch leaning on the rail.<br>"A bit," he agreed, trying to quickly dry his tears.  
>"We all love you very much," he said quietly, "And we just want to make sure your first birthday here with us is a special one."<br>"It is...very special," he said with a nod. "My other birthdays weren't really celebrated," he added. "And I just wish mom was here...she was the only one who really ever remembered me on my birthday." The tears trickled down his cheeks.  
>"I'm sorry she can't be here," Frank said, hugging him close. "I'm sure she's looking down on you...she'd be very proud of you. She always spoke of you so fondly...she'd be pleased you were doing well in school and supporting your sister...helping out on the farm...looking after the little kids."<br>"Are they gonna make fun of me for crying?" he asked gesturing back to the house.  
>"Not at all, son," he said with a reassuring smile. "The ones old enough will understand and those not old enough will be more interested in the cake than anything else."<br>Aidan laughed and turned to hug Frank. "Thanks, grandpa," he said, before drying his face and heading back in.

With a dozen or so different presents, all of which he loved, and grandma's Ultimate Chocolate Cake especially for him, Aidan was smiling as he blew out the candles. When the festivities petered out and the younger ones went to bed, it was another round of drinks and a bit more cake, this time served in the living room as Aidan sat on the floor with Jessie and Lily inspecting his bounty a bit closer.  
>"Now," Harm said, sitting on the sofa near him. "This was from me..." He picked up the kit of a Stearman.<br>"I figured," Aidan said with a grin. "It's great, just like Sarah."  
>"That's right," said Harm. "And if you like the model, how about on your summer vacation we start with some flying lessons?"<br>"Are you serious?" he asked, turning around. "Like real lessons...to get my licence?"  
>"Yep," Harm replied. "I reckon we can get quite a few hours in."<br>"Best birthday ever!" he said, kneeling up to hug Harm. "Can't wait!


	26. Aftermath 3

Disclaimer: not mine

Aftermath 3/4

It was a blur of a weekend with people coming and going between the farmhouse, Mattie and Colin's house and the hangars down at the airfield. With Trish looking after the four youngest, everyone else had tasks to do and were willingly doing them. Frank had purchased a couple of second-hand trestle tables and Mac had put them up and cleaned them before covering them in a clear plastic table cloth. Jessie and Lily were charged with sorting clothes into types and by size, while Harm and Colin were moving the bigger pieces of furniture. Aidan had swept out the large hangar, both the side they were using and where the Stearman was housed, such was his desire to help and also to be near the plane.

As Mac stood in the door and surveyed the scene, she smiled. A few neighbours had already brought over donations and she knew as soon as word got out there would be more and more coming in. Silently, Harm moved and stood beside her. Normally, he would have touched her in some way; whether it would be wrapping an arm around her waist or shoulders, taking her hand, wiping the dust from her face.

This time he just stood next to her, shoulder to shoulder, a testament to the current upheaval in their relationship.  
>"It's coming along well," he said quietly and Mac nodded. "And there's plenty of room."<br>"Definitely," Mac replied, before she could say anything else Frank walked over, his cell at his ear.  
>"I can get a couple of changing cubicles, metal frame and curtain set up," he said still listening to his cell. "Do you think we need them?"<br>Mac nodded; "It won't hurt," she said. "And we've plenty of room."  
>Frank wandered away wheeling and dealing as Mattie called them over.<p>

Walking across, they saw her work of art, a big wooden sign with 'Memories of Mom' hand painted in cursive script, the lilac contrasting the wood and giving it a gentle, friendly touch.  
>"It's beautiful, Mats," Harm said, his arm around her shoulder as he kissed her head. "You're very talented."<br>"Don't know about that," she said with a laugh. "But it will do for now. We'll hang it when it's completely dry."

With the hectic nature of the weekend, it was no surprise that the children were more than ready for bed on Sunday night. After thinking Harm was taking a little too long with Frankie, Mac went up to see if there was something wrong and found him in their bedroom, freshly showered and pulling on his pyjamas.  
>"Are you okay?" she asked, closing the door behind her, after all it had barely turned 7:30.<br>"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, slipping on his robe. "Just feeling tired."

Mac walked over to him and put the back of her hand against his forehead. "You sure you're not sick?"  
>"Nah, I'm fine," he said, taking her hand and kissing it. "But I think I need an early night."<br>"Well, come on..." she said, leading him to the bed.  
>"I might just have a cup of tea first," he said. "Would you like one?"<br>"Your mom's making tea and coffee right now," Mac replied. "I can bring a cup up for you."

Slowly, Harm slid his arms around her and pulled her close before kissing her cheek and her head. "I know it doesn't feel like it," he whispered. "But I think we're okay..."  
>"Really?" she asked, her arms looped around him, her eyes watery when she looked up.<br>"Yeah," he whispered, kissing her forehead again.  
>"So how come this is the first time you've touched me in days?" she questioned, holding on tighter in case he let go.<br>"Because..." he said, before words failed him. "Because," he started again. "I know I screwed up big time... not just in that less than stellar performance about your mom...but taking off when I thought Harry was missing...that did us some damage too, didn't it?"  
>"I guess, yes, it did," she agreed, feeling just as weary as he did.<br>"And I'm not expecting Amanda to have all the answers on Tuesday but right now, I don't want to say or do anything to upset you again," he said hoarsely as the lump in his throat took his voice. "I still can't fathom why I did what I did the other night...I'm extremely sorry, extremely embarrassed and very scared."  
>Mac slid her arms around his neck and pulled him to her. "Me too," she whispered. "Me too."<br>"It's been me," he said pulling back slightly tears filling his eyes.  
>"Doesn't stop me being sorry, embarrassed or scared," she said, as a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.<br>"Oh gorgeous," he said, dropping his head onto her shoulder as his tears fell. "I'm so sorry...so sorry."

For a long time they stood entwined, both contemplating how they had seemingly gone from the perfect life to the insecurities they were experiencing.  
>"Okay," Mac said, stepping back and trying to pull herself together. "I love you very much and this is just a hiccup...whatever its origins...whatever its cause...it is just a test and we will overcome it, okay?"<br>"Okay," Harm said wiping her face before wiping his own. "This is just a test...nothing has really changed..."  
>"That's right," she said, leaning in and kissing him briefly. "So, how about we go and have that cup of tea before your mother sends out a search party for us and then we come and have an early night -together?"<p>

A few minutes later they appeared at the foot of the stairs as Trish was obviously just about to make the ascent to see them. It pained her to see them in such distress and she was walking a precarious line between wanting to help, or at least offer help, and trying to give them space in their own home.  
>"I have a fresh pot of tea and cups in the living room and some cookies," she said, looking from one to the other. "Any takers?"<br>"Sounds great, mom," Mac said with a reassuring smile, before sliding her arm around Harm. "Doesn't it?"  
>"Just what I was after," Harm said with a genuine smile. "Thanks, mom."<br>"You both know that Frank and I are here for you both...if you want to talk...need anything, don't you?" she asked looking at Mac as they walked into the living room.  
>"We know and we're grateful," Harm said. "But we're going to be okay..."<p>

Monday was another day on the farm and come Monday night Mac fell asleep easily, however, for Harm it was a different story. He couldn't help but run through recent events over and over and over until he was an emotional mess. With his brain in overdrive, he couldn't even think of sleep and he knew if he got up he'd disturb Mac. So, he lay there, curled into his pillow wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

Given that was his night, it came as a huge surprise to wake up the following morning to find he was laying in Mac's arms, his head cradled to her chest, his arm wrapped around her torso.  
>"Ssh," she said wearily as he started to stir, absently she stroked his head. "'sokay...sleep..." she mumbled and Harm realised she must have been doing it all night.<br>"It's morning," he said as he raised his hand to caress his face.  
>"So it is," she said smiling at him even though his eyes were still closed. "How are you feeling?" she asked, her eyes finally opening.<br>"I was a bit of a mess, wasn't I?" he said shaking his head. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you."

Gently, Mac raised his head and kissed his lips, slowly and tenderly, she didn't want his apologies, just his promise that they would be okay. Exchanging sensual kisses seemed to soothe them both and it was only Harry running in which ended things; the boy very excited about the pre-school trip to the zoo he and Rosie and grandpa would be going on today and according to the enthusiastic child there was no time to waste.

Sitting in Amanda Mueller's office, Harm's nerves were threatening to get the best of him. He intensely disliked talking about his emotions and feelings in a public forum but he was doing this because he knew it was more than necessary.  
>"I can see you're rather anxious, Harm," Amanda said gently as he gripped the arms of the chair. "Just take a breath and try and relax..."<br>Mac slid her hand into his and Amanda smiled; usually the clients she saw for couples counselling sat on opposite sides of the room and never made intimate contact.  
>Professionally, she was quite positive this current upheaval in Harm and Mac's relationship was a temporary glitch which they could overcome with some work.<p>

Having heard from Mac at the last appointment the recent turn of events, Amanda offered Harm the chance to tell his version of events, knowing well that the truth was always somewhere in the middle of the two sides. To her surprise, Harm's story was remarkably similar to Mac's.  
>"So," she said after Harm had finished and taken a long drink of water. "We have a very consistent 'what' story, now we need to look at why."<br>"Why?" Harm echoed and Amanda nodded. "Because I have no control," he said simply and quietly.  
>"What do you mean by that?" Mac asked, maintaining her hold on his hand until he stood up and started pacing.<br>"I have no control," he said shaking his head.  
>"What sort of control?" Amanda asked. "Self control, control of events, of the environment..."<br>"Any of it," he said as he paced.  
>"What do you mean?" Mac asked getting to her feet, Normally, Amanda would take control and reinforce she was the one to be asking the questions, but there was something different about this pair and she knew they needed to be able to address things on their own terms.<br>"I ...I..." he started before stopping, his eyes wide and if Mac had to attribute an emotion it would have been frightened.  
>"Harm, sweetheart," Mac said, coming to stand in front of him. "It's okay," she said, taking his hands in hers. "Just take a breath ... we'll take this slowly."<br>"I've been trying to work out why I did what I did to you...and all I can figure is I was trying to be in control," he admitted quietly.  
>"My mother had died," she said, not understanding him. "How is that something you can control?"<br>"It wasn't your mom's death I was trying to control..." he said slowly.  
>"It was me, wasn't it?" she questioned. "You wanted to control me, my response?"<br>"Yeah, I guess so, sort of," he said with an embarrassed nod. "I couldn't change what had happened, I knew that... but you were so sad...lost...and I couldn't do anything about it...and I wanted too."  
>"Wasn't I allowed to grieve?" she questioned, something which she had asked him before.<br>"But you weren't doing that either," he said. "You were ...going back into yourself...you were existing and I was scared...last time your mom left...well, you know what happened...I was trying to get you to realise that things were totally different this time...you weren't alone anymore...you have me...I wanted you to acknowledge I was here...in any way... but you wouldn't even do that..."  
>"So you kept pushing and pushing," she said tearfully.<br>"I did," he acknowledged. "I wanted to control your response...I didn't want you going back into those dark days."  
>"I wouldn't have," she said defensively. "I am a very different person now...I know what I have...and I am grateful...but I don't like the idea you want to control me at all."<br>"I'm listening to Harm's words about control but what I'm hearing is more about fear...," Amanda said. "It's not so much you want to control Mac, you were just fearful about what would happen if things got out of control...like when Mac was younger...does that sound right?"  
>Harm nodded. "I love her too damn much to let her go through that again...I wanted her to respond to me...react to me in any way because it meant she knew I was there and once I started pushing her I couldn't help it...I know I went too far...I just couldn't help myself."<br>"So you were the one out of control," Amanda said to Harm and he nodded.  
>"And I know I acted without thinking when I took off after Harry..." he said.<br>"You did," Amanda acknowledged. "Are you feeling it's the circumstances or yourself that is out of control?"  
>"Me," he said weakly, chancing a glance at Mac.<br>"How long have you been feeling like this?" she asked, taking his hands once more.  
>"For a while," he said. "When you look at how much things have changed for us in the past three years, it's pretty overwhelming..."<br>"But I thought you were happy," Mac interjected.  
>"I am," he said. "I was," he corrected, "No, I am," he amended once more. "I wouldn't change it for anything but I can't help but wish things would slow down or stop every now and then. I mean I was a 47 year-old Naval lawyer living in the suburbs in DC with a wife and three kids, now I'm a 50 year-old flight instructor, living on a farm in Bellevue with my wife, seven children, a son-in-law, a grandson, my parents and two cats... and that's not to mention everything else that's happened, you know, with your health and mine and Rosie's hearing and Grams passing, and Ronnie..."<br>"It's been a hell of a few years," Mac said stroking his face.  
>"I wouldn't change it...honestly, I wouldn't," he said his eyes locked on hers. "But I guess I was focusing so hard getting over things we never spent time getting through them...and your mom was the last straw and..."<br>"I understand that," she said, looping her arms around his neck and drawing him close. The past few years had definitely been a whirlwind. "Let's just take a breath..." she said, rubbing his back. "We've done really well to get to where we are...we just need to stop and reflect on it..."  
>Yeah," he agreed, resting his head in hers. "I guess I was more reliant on Navy life than I thought."<br>"What do you mean by that?" Amanda asked from her armchair.  
>"In the military everything is ordered," he explained, not moving from where he was. "They tell you where you serve, how you serve, who you can fraternize with, how you dress, when and what you eat...and while there are challenges and some freedoms, there is an overriding set of rules and structures that you abide by..."<br>"And that is very different to what civilian life offers you," she said and Harm nodded.  
>"Very different," Harm agreed. "I don't miss being in the Navy," he added. "I am more than happy in my new life..."<br>"But..." Amanda and Mac said in unison,  
>"I suppose it comes back to that control thing," he said, "Or lack thereof or me needing to adjust or whatever the hell is wrong with me..."<br>"What do you think is wrong with you?" Amanda asked, looking at Mac's surprised expression.  
>"No idea," he said. "Maybe it's a midlife crisis...maybe it's just feeling overwhelmed ...maybe it's...maybe it's me ... I don't know what."<br>"Do you think this is a midlife crisis?" she asked him and he half nodded.  
>"It would explain it, wouldn't it?" he said taking Mac's hand as they resumed their seats.<br>"A midlife crisis is normally something which occurs without external influence...it's generally someone trying to recapture their youth," Amanda said. "That's not this situation. You are trying to deal with a large number of life changing events which have all happened in the past three years..."  
>"Not to mention everything before that," Mac offered and squeezed his hand.<br>"So, I'm not going crazy?" he asked quietly.  
>"Not at all," Amanda said gently.<br>"Is that what you thought was happening?" Mac asked and Harm nodded.  
>"I didn't seem to have control of my thoughts ... feelings...I used to be able to control them very well," he said looking at his wife. After all, he had controlled his feelings and actions towards her for nearly a decade before they were finally together.<br>"But maybe that's the difference now," she said, turning to look at him. "Now, you don't have to control them, you can feel them...work through them. We were so good at blocking everything we didn't want to deal with...we don't need to do that anymore."  
>"I don't know how to deal with them," he said simply.<br>"You talk to me...you let me in...you see Amanda or someone like her...you don't drive yourself crazy thinking you're going crazy over what are natural feelings and emotions," she said, moving to be in front of him, his face framed by her hands.  
>"I can do that," he said with quiet confidence.<br>"And you don't push my buttons to prove something to yourself...that can't happen again," she warned.  
>"I can not do that too," he said, closing his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, grateful she was so open and understanding. "I love you very much."<br>"I love you too," she replied before kissing him tenderly.  
>Amanda's timer indicated it was time to end the kiss, and their session.<p>

Walking out of the consulting rooms, Harm closed his eyes as the sun hit his face and the gentle breeze danced about. He felt as if a suffocating weight had been lifted from him and Mac was soon in his arms.  
>"How long have you been feeling this way?" she asked him, her arms around his waist.<br>"I don't know," he admitted. "I think it was a cumulative thing...one thing after another and the other night was the last straw and it was only then I realised there was a problem."  
>"How are you feeling now?" she asked, holding a little tighter.<br>"Much better than I was going in," he said. "How are you feeling? I know this session turned out to be all about me rather than us."  
>"I'm doing okay," she said. "I can see that our relationship is still strong, we just need to do some work on us as individuals...and as us."<br>"I'd like to work on us," he said, leaning down and brushing his lips against hers. "But you're right, we need to work on ourselves too...just a matter of finding time to do it."  
>Mac scanned the surroundings and pointed to a motel at the end of the street. "I say we pick up some food and check in there," she said.<br>"A motel?" he said, his brow creasing. "Didn't we just say...?"  
>"Contrary to popular opinion, people check into motels for reasons other than sex," she said with a laugh. "I figured we could continue this conversation and a cafe or other public place isn't really the venue for it.<p>

Harm insisted on driving the 400 ft to the motel reception, not wanting the clerk to think they were just checking in off the street for some afternoon delight. After they had their room key, they walked down the street for lunch, getting take out, before returning to their room. It was a sparsely furnished room with decor from the 1970's but still, it was clean and afforded them the privacy they were seeking.

Opening the cartons of Chinese food, Harm placed them on the small table he had dragged to the end of the bed. Unwrapping the chopsticks, Harm sat and waited for Mac to return from the bathroom. "Lunch is served," he said gesturing to their food and Mac smiled before sitting alongside him.

Over the array of delightful dishes, the conversation was kept light and easy; thoughts on the twins 'graduation' ceremony from pre-school the following afternoon, how they would all spend the summer vacation, who would be going to spend time with the Roberts', which of the Roberts' would be spending time with them. When Mac was finished she used the napkin to wipe her mouth before declaring herself full, her appetite returning now her mind was resting easier.

Pushing the table away, Harm turned around, one leg raised on the bed, so he could face her.  
>"Now," he said, taking her hands. "I think we need to put in some time out for us..."<br>"I agree," she replied. "Maybe we can take a night or two away every now and then..."  
>"I agree," he said, with a smile. "I was more thinking about scheduling more counselling but nights away with you sound far better."<br>"What concerns you most at the moment?" she asked, squeezing his hands.  
>"About?" he asked, not too sure how he should answer.<br>"Life...us...the family...farm...anything," she said. "What keeps you awake at night?"  
>"You," he said honestly. "When everything else is out of control I can still sleep. When it is about you ... I struggle to sleep."<br>"Why do you think that is?" she asked, trying to be objective and not defensive.  
>"Because..." he started before pausing. "I see us together forever...I know there is no one else in this world for me...I don't want anyone else, haven't since the day I met you...but when we fall out of kilter it makes me nervous...I can't see a future without you..."<br>"Harm," she said. "What makes you think we aren't going to make it?"  
>"I don't think that," he said quickly. "I just get uneasy...and it's not even a conscious thing."<br>"Have I given you any indication that things won't work out?" she asked, not wanting her tears to well up.  
>"No, gorgeous, never," he said, squeezing her hands. "It's just...well... take this latest thing..." He let go of her hands and stood up. "Your time telling thing...it's such a part of you..."<br>"Yes, so," she said, not seeing how it was relevant.  
>"Since your mom died you can't do it," he said. "You've been using watches or clocks or guessing."<br>Mac thought about for a moment and conceded Harm was right. "I hadn't noticed," she said.  
>"And then there was you getting out of our bed 12 times in three weeks," he said, slowly. "You didn't know you were doing it and you were always asleep elsewhere...I guess I got to thinking that you just wanted to be sleeping anywhere but next to me."<br>"Sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around him, "I wasn't doing it deliberately."  
>"I know," he said, kissing her forehead. "And that's when I realised I was already stressed...and then when the topic of your mom came up..."<br>"It pushed you over the edge," she said and Harm nodded.  
>"And I pushed you over the edge, for which I will always be sorry," he said, his forehead resting on hers. "Where to next for us?"<p>

Mac looked up at him before glancing at the bed and back, then raised an eyebrow.  
>"Really?" he questioned. "Not that I don't think it's a fantastic idea, just an unexpected one."<br>"The way I see it," she said, already unbuttoning his shirt. "Is that we need to be back in sync in all ways...and this is a way to start..."

Not wanting to second guess his wife's motives and definitely not wanting to waste this precious time alone, Harm set on his own path of undressing her. It wasn't long before they were naked between the sheets.  
>"This won't fix everything," she said, caressing his head as he kissed along her collarbone. "But I think it's long overdue."<p>

Harm kissed up the column of her neck before trailing kisses along her jaw. "I am just thankful of this opportunity to show you how much I love you."  
>"Whatever happens in our lives, Harm," she said, framing his face in her hands. "I will always love you...when those doubts come...always remember that."<br>"I will, gorgeous, I will," he whispered.

And then words weren't necessary as two fragile hearts sought out the comfort they knew they would always find in the other.


	27. Aftermath 4

Disclaimer: not mine

Aftermath 4/4

The shrill ring of Harm's cell broke the silence in the darkened room and he grumbled reaching for it. As he did, he realised where they were and the time and his grumbling stopped instantly.  
>"Hi, dad," he said cringing; they had definitely not meant to fall asleep.<br>"Everything okay, son?" he asked. "We were expecting you home a while ago."  
>"Oh, um...yeah," he said, looking down at his still sleeping wife.<br>"You don't sound too convincing," Frank said. "Want to try again."

Craning his head, Harm saw it was 6:13 PM, much later than he had anticipated.  
>"Sorry, dad," he said, "Mac and I have been trying to work through some things and we completely lost track of time."<br>"Is it helping?" he asked, knowing they had a counselling session that morning.  
>"Yeah," Harm said quietly. "There's no magic wand but things are a lot better now than they were this morning."<br>"Glad to hear it, son," he said with a smile. "Whereabouts are you?"  
>"Still is Charlesville," Harm answered. "We had the appointment, had lunch and then a long discussion..."<br>"Well, we've had an exhausting but good day here," he reported. "The twins are already asleep, the zoo tired them out. The girls are playing something in the living room and your mother is bathing Frankie."  
>"Sorry," he said, "We should have called...there's no excuse..."<br>"Your mom and I know things haven't been right," he said. "We're more than happy to help out. If you want to stay there tonight and come home tomorrow..."  
>"Thanks for the offer, dad," he said. "But we'll be on our way soon. After all, it's graduation day tomorrow, wouldn't want to miss that,"<br>"Okay, son," he said. "Your dinner will be waiting."

Repositioning himself, Harm kissed his wife until she stirred and started to respond. When he knew she was fully awake, he pulled back.  
>"As much as I'd love to continue this," he said, kissing her quickly. "We're long overdue at home."<br>"Shit!" she said realising the time and trying to sit up. "Is there a problem at home?"  
>"Except for us being AWOL, no," he said. "Dad reported everything was well and the twins were already asleep."<br>"So, is there a need to rush home?" she asked, lying down beside him once more.  
>"Not really," he said with a shrug.<br>"Well, maybe we need to take this time for us," she said, reaching across to pick up Harm's cell.

Soon Lily's voice came on the line. "Rabb Residence."  
>"Hello, gorgeous girl," Mac said, resting her head on Harm's chest. "How are you?"<br>"Good, mom," she said. "Where are you?"  
>"Daddy and I are still in Charlesville," she said. "Have you had a good day?"<br>"Yep," she replied. "It's now three days until summer vacation so everything's good," she added with a laugh.  
>"Is grandma or grandpa there?" Mac asked and Lily looked around.<br>"Grandma's here," she said.  
>"Okay, put her on," she said before adding. "Love you, Lily."<br>"Love you too, mom."

It took a few moments for Trish to come on the line. "Everything alright?"  
>"Improving," Mac said with a smile. "Sorry we didn't call."<br>"That's okay," she replied, "We took it that no news was good news."  
>"That's exactly what it was," she replied, "Would it be okay if Harm and I returned home in the morning? We'd be in time to do the before school preparations."<br>"You two can take all the time you need," Trish said with a smile. She had watched them enough recently to know that they needed time to themselves.  
>"Thanks, mom," she said. "We really appreciate it."<br>"We just want you two to be happy and healed and we'll help anyway we can," Trish said quietly as Lily re-entered the room.  
>"We'll definitely be there for breakfast, especially as it's the twins' graduation day," she said. "But if they ask about us tonight, can you just make something up, you know, car trouble or something?"<br>"Leave it to me," she said. "Now, you two go and work on you."

Disconnecting the call, Mac rolled onto Harm before dropping the phone on the side table and kissing him soundly.  
>"I think we should shower and dress and go out for dinner," she said, rolling off him and climbing out of bed.<br>"Didn't you just make plans for us not to be home til morning?" he questioned as he stretched.  
>"Yes," she replied. "Then we can come back for some further discussions. You know Charlesville as well as me though if we don't eat by 8:00, there'll be nothing opened."<br>"You and food," he said with a laugh as he climbed out of bed and followed her into the bathroom. "Some things don't change."

Entering through the backdoor just before the alarm was due to sound, Harm placed boxes of freshly cooked donuts on the bench, along with a bag containing two loaves of still warm bread.  
>"Looks like Grandma's organised," he said, pointing to the already set dining room table.<br>"Before everyone's up and things get a bit hectic," Mac said, coming to stand in front of him. "I think we're in a much better place than we have been for a while and I want to thank you for being willing to work on us with me."  
>"Believe me when I say it's my pleasure," he said, kissing her lightly. "Our bad times are still so much better than being without you. I will always fight for us...first and foremost...that I promise you."<br>"And I promise you that too," she said, kissing him once more.

While an afternoon and night of talking and making love went a long way to getting them back on track, both knew it wasn't the be all and end all but as the clock ticked over to 6:00 AM, a sleeping household was about to wake and their focus would have to shift to the little people who made their lives as fulfilling as it did chaotic.

While Harm started the coffee and other breakfast preparations, Mac went in to get Jessie for her morning exercises.  
>"Morning, angel," she said kissing Jessie's head. "All ready for some exercises?"<br>"Nope," she sighed, pulling the covers over her head, just like she did most mornings.  
>"I'll be back in a few minutes, Jess," she said, rubbing the lump buried under the covers. "Don't forget, we have an appointment in New York in three weeks and we want to impress Dr Baker, don't we?"<br>"Aha," she mumbled, they both knew that Jessie's muscles were stronger and more flexible. They were hoping Dr Baker would okay a k-walker so Jessie could start walking. That thought was enough to get the child to pull the covers down. "I guess these muscles aren't going to exercise themselves," she said tossing the covers back and attempting to swing her legs around.

Mac laughed as she moved across to Lily. "Good morning, baby girl," Mac said kissing her daughter's head. "Time to rise and shine."  
>"Hi mom," she said sleepily as she reached out for a hug. "Is it still broken or did you jump it?"<br>"Sorry, honey?" she questioned, a little taken aback.  
>"The car, grandma said it had broken down," she explained with a yawn. "Is it still broken or did you jump it?"<br>"Jump start it?" she corrected and Lily nodded. "The mechanic was able to do a few things and it's working much better now," she replied, pulling down the covers.  
>"I didn't know it had been having problems," she said sitting up.<br>"Neither did I," Mac replied, "But sometimes these things happen...Now, there are freshly baked donuts in the kitchen for girls who are ..."  
>"I'm up, I'm up!" Lily said springing to her feet.<br>"Me too!" said Jessie, waiting for Mac to wheel her chair over.  
>"I'll tell dad we're ready," she said running out to the kitchen.<p>

As Mac and Jessie did her exercises on the floor in the living room, Harm went upstairs to try and stir two still tired twins. He'd have to find out what they did to have them sleep soundly for at least 12 hours and still need more.  
>"Grandpa doesn't want to get up either," Trish said appearing at the bedroom door. "I think we'll have to make the zoo a regular thing when we want a quiet night."<br>"Sounds like it, mom," he said, moving back to the door to embrace her.  
>"Thanks for being so understanding last night," he said, hugging and kissing her. "We really needed it."<br>"I know it's none of our business," she said quietly. "But you'd tell me if us being here was causing strain on you both and your marriage wouldn't you?"  
>"I would, mom," he said, kissing her head. "But, believe me, it's definitely not you and dad being here."<br>"Because if..." she began but Harm shook his head.  
>"No, mom," he interjected. "It's been a whole lot of things...but primarily it's me, I haven't dealt with them well. I have taken steps to deal with it ...well, we have, and there's nothing that can't be fixed with a bit of time and a lot more talking."<br>"Well, there's something Frank and I want to discuss with you both, so how about we make some time this morning before the graduation party at pre-school," she said, rubbing his back.  
>"Daddy," Rosie mumbled sitting up and rubbing her eyes.<br>"Good morning, pumpkin," he said moving to the bed and picking up his daughter. He kissed her head and her cheek before brushing her hair from her face. "Did you have a good time at the zoo yesterday?"  
>"Aha," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. "We saw the lions and tigers and seals and giraffes and elephants and kangaroos and everything..."<br>"No wonder you're so tired," he said, kissing her head again. "Well, one more day at pre-school and then vacation so you can get lots of sleep."  
>"Aha," she replied with a yawn.<br>"There are warm donuts downstairs with mommy," he said and she wriggled out of his arms, barely pausing to say good morning to her grandmother.  
>"Is it her mother or the donuts that has her suddenly so energetic?" Trish asked with a laugh.<br>"Probably both," Harm laughed as he turned his attention to his son.  
>It was pretty much the same scenario and soon all but Frank and Frankie were at the table enjoying a range of breakfast dishes.<p>

With the pre-school graduation scheduled for 11:00, Harm dropped the twins off before returning home ready to listen to whatever his parents were thinking of. Frank was up and dressed, and coffee and cookies were on the table.  
>"Frank and I have been talking and well, there's something we think might be helpful," Trish said, twirling her teacup on its saucer.<br>"And what's that, mom," Mac asked, Harm's hand find hers under the table cloth.  
>"I know Harriet would like some of the children to visit over the summer," she said. "And she has said Jessie is more than welcome and is prepared to do all the physio."<br>"I know," Mac said, she and Harriet had discussed it at length recently.  
>"So, what we were thinking," Frank said, "Is that if the girls went to DC, then we may be able to take the boys to San Diego for a couple of weeks."<p>

Before Mac could object, Trish continued. "Now, we don't know how Frankie would go and while we are more than happy to take him, we feel that maybe you'd rather have him here with you and we'd take Harry and Aidan."  
>"It would give you two some time here to work on things," Frank said. "And if we went in a month, after you've been to New York for Jessie appointment, and stay there a couple of weeks, the house will be delivered about then and we'll be back to being busy."<br>"It sounds good," Harm said slowly; not exactly liking the fact his family would be around the country but thinking it would be good for everyone. "We'll ask the kids and see what they think."

But first things had to come first and that was heading into the pre-school to see the twins graduate. Sliding into a row of small chairs, the extended Rabb family took up five chairs with Colin staying on the farm and Frankie and Kenzie on their respective mother's knees.

The group of 19 children sang and danced to a variety of simple songs, all designed to get them by on the cute factor, rather than any true vocal or choroegraphical skill. Then came the highlight as the children appeared to the left of the makeshift stage dressed in black capes and mortarboards obviously made by little hands. The twins, along with their classmates were called one by one and each received a certificate before shaking hands with their teacher and having their photo taken by a proud parent.

When the last child was called, it was time for hugs and kisses and fond farewells as the children left for the last time. The twins' took it all in their stride. They were already excited about catching the bus with the big kids to go to the big school. However, Harm became aware that somebody wasn't as enthusiastic as Mattie nudged his arm and nodded over to Mac. Handing off Frankie to his grandfather, Harm moved over to Mac and wrapped his arms around her.  
>"Is mommy okay?" he asked and Mac nodded.<br>"They just grew up so fast," she said, leaning her head on his chest.  
>"Growing up, gorgeous," he corrected. "They're heading to elementary school not college."<br>"I know," she said. "But it just seems like yesterday Lil and I were telling you we were having twins and now they're heading to school."  
>"I know," he said, kissing her head. "This is what I was saying yesterday to Amanda...it's all been a bit of a blur but..." he said, raising her face. "Look at how well adjusted and ready they are for school, especially Rosie...you've done an amazing job with her...you should be very proud."<br>"I am," she agreed before the girl in question ran over to her and hugged her tightly.  
>"Mommy, grandma says we can go and have a special lunch to celebrate," she said. "If you're ready to go..."<br>"We're ready," she replied, kissing the child's head. Eighteen months ago the girl was back to single words and baby talk. Now she was more articulate than her brother once again.

Lunch was grandpa's shout and the twins' could have anything they wanted.  
>"Bet he won't be saying the same thing when they graduate from senior high school," Harm said with a laugh, knowing the chocolate shakes they were choosing now were much more affordable than the cars they would be looking for in the future.<p>

With such a big lunch, dinner was kept low-key and only Jessie and Lily opted for dessert. There were lots of hugs and kisses for the graduating duo at bedtime as they snuggled under their covers waiting for vacation to dawn.  
>"Do we get a special lunch on Friday?" Lily asked as Mac came back downstairs.<br>"You'll still be at school at lunchtime," she reminded her. "Besides, you're not graduating."  
>"We're graduating from the fifth grade," she said, "Aren't we, Jess?"<br>Jessie nodded.  
>"Well, what about a special dinner?" Mac said to compromise.<br>"Can we go out?" Lily asked and Mac nodded.  
>"How about you and Jess take yourselves to bed and talk about it?" Mac suggested. "I'll be in in a bit to tuck you in," she added, having already done Jessie's evening routine.<p>

When Mac entered the room 15 minutes later, Jessie had transferred herself to bed, something which was new in the past week or so. They were all trying to give Jessie the opportunities to be as independent as possible and had made a conscious effort to treat her, wherever possible, the same way as they did Lily. Allowing her to get into bed herself was one of those things.  
>"Now," she said, straightening Jessie's covers. "What have we decided?"<br>Jessie looked at Lily and they both grinned. "We want to cook!"  
>"Pardon?" Mac said looking between the pair.<br>"We want a special dinner and we want to cook it, Auntie Mac," Jessie said brushing her hair from her face.  
>"Yep," Lily agreed, resting back on her elbows.<br>"And what would you be cooking?" she asked hesitantly.  
>"A surprise!" Lily said with a laugh. "Don't look so stressed mom...we'll make it a sister thing and see if Mattie can help us."<br>"Oh," Mac said with a sigh of relief. "Sounds like a great idea."

With two 10-years-olds off to dreamland, Mac returned to do the last of the dishes to find Trish had everything done and the kitchen sparkling.  
>"You do too much, mom," Mac said, wrapping her arms around Trish.<br>"So do you, dear," Trish said, linking her arms around her daughter-in-law before releasing one hand and caressing her face. "Are you okay? Really okay?"

Mac couldn't help the tears which filled her eyes and Trish instantly pulled her closer.  
>"I wish my mom had have been more like you," she said tearfully as Trish stroked her head. "It means so much to me that you love me like you do..."<br>"Oh, sweetheart," she said, kissing Mac's head. "I love you very much."  
>"It's took me so long to become a mother and I was always scared of turning out like her," Mac whispered. "I tried to do things so differently with my kids...I never wanted to walk out on them... I know she wasn't well but I don't know how she couldn't love me enough to stay or at least take me with her...I could never leave any of them behind and I know Harm would love them and care for them and not..."<p>

As suddenly as she started Mac stopped. "And not what, Sarah?" Trish said gently.  
>"And not...not...touch them," she whispered resting her head on Trish's shoulder.<br>"Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, pulling her closer still. "Is that what your father did to you?" Mac nodded into her shoulder.  
>"Aha," she managed, wanting to talk about it, wanting to purge herself of a 35 year old secret.<br>"I'm sure your mom wouldn't have left you with him if she thought he'd interfere with you," she said, still rubbing her back.  
>"Why couldn't she have taken me too?" Mac sobbed. "I would have been good...I would have done what she told me."<br>"Oh, Sarah, shhh," she said. "It wasn't you, it was her, it was her."

No matter how soothing Trish was, Mac was finally at the stage where she could let go and grieve the abrupt end of her childhood - something she had never really done before. Regretted – yes, hated – yes, despised – yes, tried to block it out – yes but mourned, no, not once.

And just as any loving mother would do, faced with their darling child being completely and utterly distressed; Trish held her, cried with her and cried for her.  
>"Harm," Frank said retreating to the living room, having taken one step too close to the kitchen and realising it was a place he didn't want to go. "You might want to check on your wife and mother...there are a hell of a lot of tears."<p>

Harm sprinted to the kitchen before coming to a complete stop when he saw his wife's raw pain. Yes, talking had helped, sex had played its part too but they hadn't really addressed anything other than his issues. The grief he was witnessing now could only come from the pain associated with the loss of her mother and her father's actions, and that left him at a loss as to what to do.

Standing in the doorway he tried to make himself as invisible as possible, genuinely believing he had no skills to help with the situation. It was his mother who spied him first and beckoned him over. While she loved her daughter-in-law immensely she knew that this situation required more than a mother's love, it required the amazing love she knew her son and Mac shared.

In an instant his strong arms were around his wife and they had sunk to the floor; Harm cradling her to him hoping his actions, his words, his love would seep through her pain. A thousand times she begged to know why her parents had done what they had done, what was wrong with her, why they couldn't have just loved her the way she loved her own children and desperately pleaded with him never to abandon her or hurt their children. All the while her tears cascaded, her words choked out between painful, agonising sobs and her fingers gripping his shirt so tightly they were white.

And a thousand times he told her he loved her, that he was there for her, that he would never leave her. He told her she was absolutely lovable, that it was never her fault – not her mother leaving, not her father's abuse, he told her he felt incredibly blessed that she loved him, that their children were miracles and a sign of their love and that he would die before hurting them. He caressed her head, kissed her face, dried her tears, encouraged her to breathe and ignored his own tears, the pain of sitting on one of Harry's toy cars, the utter devastation in his heart – this time it was going to be all about her.

Well after midnight, when the rest of the house was silent, Frank and Trish having taken themselves to bed both feeling very emotional themselves, Harm and Mac remained curled up on the kitchen floor. Mac's tears had long since subsided but it had left her utterly drained and she was finding the solace she needed in her husband's arms.  
>"Don't know where that all came from," she finally whispered. "One minute mom was asking me if I was okay and the next I was a total mess."<br>"I think this came from here," he whispered, tapping her chest over her heart. "Something you've tried to bury for a life time."  
>"It was easier to hide than deal with it..." she admitted, her eyes closing as her head rested on his shoulder. "I never wanted anyone to know...not about the abuse, not about how I was still desperate to be loved by the woman who abandoned me."<br>"You have nothing to be embarrassed about, you know that, right?" he said, kissing her forehead. "You didn't cause it; you couldn't stop it, now it's just a matter of coming to terms with it."  
>"That's what I want to do," she said with a small nod. "And then I want to forget about everything in my life until the day I met you," she said opening her eyes.<br>"Whatever you want," he said, brushing his lips against hers. "But," he clarified, "Shutting down...shutting others out is why it's all come pouring out 35 years down the track."  
>"You're right... but right now, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep for a week," she said with a yawn as she struggled to her feet, Harm quickly followed, maintaining hold of her hand the entire time.<br>"Whatever you want," he repeated before turning off the light and heading upstairs with his wife.

They both knew it would be one step at a time in dealing with the legacies of their respective childhoods. It was a matter of accepting what happened had happened and learning to deal with the aftermath.


	28. Ch 28 Summer Retrospective

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

_AN: Well, here we go again. The last instalment of this saga was posted late 2011 and, at that time, I had 2/3 of this next instalment already written. As you may be aware, life took a new and exciting turn for me and time has not been a friend of mine._

_There will be six chapters in this instalment. This one, is called 'A Summer Retrospective' and I wrote it in a different format as a way of breaking from the previous instalments of Mother's Day and Aftermath which were very intense and emotional. Following the retrospective will be 5 chapters under the sub-title of Moving on. All these chapters will be added to this, the 'Life Goes On' story on ._

**Summer: A retrospective (by the kids)**

_My Summer by Lily MacKenzie Rabb_

Summer was a blast and I'm really sad I'm back at school. I had the best time ever and Mrs Barrington wants me to write about it, which is great.

Once school broke up we had a few weeks at home just doing farm stuff and Memories of Mom stuff and all the usual kind of things. Then mom, grandma, Jessie and me went to New York to see Jessie's specialist, Dr Baker. Grandma took me to Rockefeller Center while they had the appointment and Jessie had the injections. The view from up there is amazing. I saw all of Manhattan and even New Jersey.

Then me and grandma went for a walk along 5th Avenue and to the Apple Store...I really, really, really wanted to go to FAO Schwartz but grandma said it wouldn't be fair to go without Jessie, so we'd go the next day.

When we got back to our hotel which was the Marriot and also on 5th Avenue, mom and Jessie were already there and Jessie was asleep which I thought was strange because it wasn't even six but mom said it had been a tough day for Jessie.  
>The next day, Jessie was still really tired and mom thought she might be sick so she rang Dr Baker and he got her to go back to the hospital and it turned out that there was a problem with the stuff they injected in her and it made her sick but they were able to fix it all and everything's much better now.<p>

We got to go to FAO Schwartz two days later and grandma bought us lots and lots and things for the other kids as well. Jessie got a teddy bear and Boggle and I got a stuffed horse that looks like Peppi and a jigsaw puzzle.  
>We only went back to the farm for a few days and then mom, dad, me, Jessie and Rosie went to DC so we could stay with the Roberts. Mom and dad only stayed overnight but us girls stayed for three weeks...well, me and Jessie stayed three weeks, Rosie went home early. She was being a cry baby.<br>Auntie Harriet, Jessie, Nikki and me did lots and lots together. Auntie Harriet had set up our beds in the study so Jessie wouldn't have to go up and down the stairs and they had a full bathroom downstairs so it was good. It was the one they had made when Uncle Bud first came home after he lost his leg. He and Jessie got on really well and had lots of chats about wheelchairs and walking frames and other stuff and they both ended up crying a few times...so Rosie wasn't the only cry baby.

We got to go out to lots of places...we went to lots of Smithsonian places and while I had been before it was when I was younger so it seemed a bit different now that I'm 11. I love the Air and Space Museum we even went there twice. I love the displays and IMAX. I know dad loves all the aircrafts but I love all the space things. One day, I am going to be an astronaut and go into space. I think it will be the best feeling ever.

Then came the best part of the vacation, well, of the DC part of the vacation, and that was when we had the 4th of July. We all went to the Uncle Sam Jam, even AJ who was home on leave. Gee, he looked so old in his uniform I nearly called him 'sir'. At the Uncle Sam Jam there were lots of music and entertainment and all this yummy food that Auntie Harriet brought with us. Then, at night, there were the fireworks and they were big and loud and bright and I loved them and so did Jessie. Rosie started crying and didn't stop until dad came to pick her up two days later.

Auntie Harriet took Jessie and me out a few days while Nikki was out with her school friends. We used to be really good friends but she's different now. Mom says it's because she's growing up and she has different interests to me now...I think it's because she's just into boys and kissing and all that stuff.

When our time was up, Auntie Harriet and Michael took us back to the farm and they stayed two days. Nikki didn't want to come and so she stayed home with Jimmy. As much as I loved being in DC I loved being back with mom and dad and the others too.

Mom made me and Jess our favourite foods because she missed us lots. Dad took us up in Sarah twice and it was so cool. He says when I'm older I can do lessons like he's going to do with Aidan and I can get my licence. He says one day I can fly fighter jets if I want to. I want to fly the space shuttle.

When grandma and grandpa got back from San Diego with the boys, their new house arrived and we spent days watching them put it together and settle it into its place and then watched the guys come and make the little garden and then the furniture trucks bring in their new stuff. It was so cool to see their house come together and it was even better to know that they are going to stay here all the time except for their vacations west.

In the last few weeks we spent lots of time on our Memories of Mom shop - library thing. All the paper work was done and grandpa said we were open for business. We got more people making donations than buying stuff but that's okay because it's better to give than get. We put together a box for one family, mom and grandpa say we have to respect people's privacy and not use their names outside the farm, and grandpa, Jessie and me got to deliver it. It was for a dad and his two kids and it was mainly toys, clothes and school stuff for the kids and he cried...so then Jessie cried and I cried but they were happy tears.

The man said thank you like a hundred times and then he tried to give grandpa some money but grandpa spoke to him really quietly and the man put his wallet away. I asked grandpa what he said to the man but he just shook his head and told me it was 'secret men's business'. Whatever it was, the other man had hugged grandpa lots before we left.

Then came the best part of my vacation, my birthday! I turned 11 and got so spoilt. I got the things I really wanted and the best dinner which grandma made and the same Ultimate Chocolate Cake she made for Aidan when it was his birthday and I got to do what I wanted for the day. And, do you know what that was? For my birthday, I wanted a camera so I could take lots of family photos and I wanted us to have a proper family photo taken so we did. We got Mr Anderson to come from next door and he took a photo of my family and dad, mom, grandma and grandpa were standing up and then Colin and Mattie were sort of kneeling and Kenzie was standing between the two of them and Jessie and me and the twins were sitting on the ground and Frankie was sitting between my legs and Aidan was sort of kneeling beside Jess.  
>It's the best photo because it has all of us. I know I have complained that there are now so many people around all the time and sometimes it's hard to get away from people when you want to but I look at that photo and I wouldn't change it. I love them all and they are all my family and I'm really lucky to have them.<p>

Then, after the best part of the vacation came the worst, mom making us do all the back to school stuff. You know new books, haircuts, back to early nights all that stuff. Oh well, summer vacation can't last forever but grandma keeps reminding me it's only nine months and it will be back.

_What I did over summer..._

By Jessie Murphy

There were three best things of the summer and I don't really know if any one thing was better than the other so I'm including them all.

First there was me...well, not me but my stuff. Auntie Mac, grandma, Lily and I went to New York because I had my hospital appointment with Dr Baker and he said I was doing really, really well and he said my muscles were much better than he expected and, best of all, I could start using a k-walker. He made up a schedule that I'd have to follow and said I'd have to see Donna, my physiotherapist, more than usual to make sure I was doing it right.

I was so excited because I want to walk so badly. I can furniture walk much better these days, you know, lean on furniture and people's legs and move a little bit at a time but it would be a million times better to be able to walk on my own. I remember at Christmas telling mom I'd go in a marathon with her and I'd like to do that, I really would. I'm going to try really, really hard to be able to do a marathon next year but I'm not going to tell anyone...so please you don't either.

Anyway, I don't really remember much else about New York because I got really sick after my injections and slept lots of it. I do remember grandma taking us to FAO Schwartz and I got a teddy bear and Boggle. I'm really good at Boggle and can beat Lily most of the time and I can even beat Aidan too. He's really grumpy when I do...he doesn't like being beaten by his little sister. I think it's really funny.  
>Not long after I got home from DC I got my walker and Donna says I should only use it for a little bit each day but I'm using it heaps more. Auntie Mac tells me not to overdo it and grandpa tells me to slow down...he's really funny my grandpa.<p>

The next best thing about the summer was going to DC and staying with Auntie Harriet and Uncle Bud. Lily, Rosie and I all went and we did lots of things. I hadn't been to DC before but Lily used to live there and she was all 'oh, I remember this' and 'oh, I remember that'. It got annoying after awhile but I didn't say anything.

We went to the zoo and it was amazing. I've never been to anywhere like it. I loved, loved, loved the pandas. They look so cute and cuddly and I really, really, really wanted to be able to go into their enclosure and just give one a hug but Auntie Harriet said no. Instead, she bought me a toy one and a tee with a big panda face on the front and it's totally cute and I wear it bed nearly every night.

We went to the Uncle Sam Jam for the 4th of July and it was so much fun. I loved the fireworks, they were amazing and I wanted them to last forever. Rosie cried and cried. I think they hurt her ears. Uncle Harm came to get her on the 6th when she was still upset. He gave her lots of hugs and kisses and she stopped crying there and then.

One of the best parts of being at the Roberts' was talking to Uncle Bud. He lost a leg in Afghanistan and he has a fake one. He had to have lots of surgeries and physical therapy, just like I do. He said he got sick of hospitals and doctors and nurses and needles and I knew exactly what he meant. He was saying how hard it was to get around at the start and how sometimes people looked at you differently when you were in a wheelchair or using crutches. He says he gets sad about it at times and I guess it's different for him because he used to be able to do everything until he lost his leg but I don't get sad, after all, I never had use of my legs so I don't know what it's like to be able to do something and then not be able to. I'm just happy I'm going to get to walk.

The third thing that was really good about summer vacation was being back home and working in the hangar with grandpa and Auntie Mac. We got a whole lot of donations while we were in DC and Lily and me spent lots of time sorting it all out. We put together a box of stuff for a family and when we gave it to the dad he started to cry. He had been finding things tough and was just so happy to get stuff for his kids to start school with. When he cried, I cried. I was remembering how mom cried when Auntie Mac and Uncle Harm and the others first did nice stuff for us. It makes you feel really happy inside when someone does something nice for you when you don't expect it. It makes you feel loved and important and that you can achieve anything.

The man wanted to pay but grandpa said something to him we couldn't hear and the man cried some more before putting his wallet away. Grandpa wouldn't say what he said but I think I know. I think he told the man to pay it forward. Pay it forward means to do something nice for others when you get the chance. It's what mom used to always say we had to do when good things happened to us. It's one of the reasons I really wanted to do the charity shop – library thingy. I want to give to others and make them happy, the way other people have given to me.

_Summer Vacation_

By Aidan Murphy

Last summer was like nothing I'd ever experienced. I was looking forward to it because Uncle Harm was going to take me up in the Stearman for flying lessons and I thought that would be the highlight of the vacation. However, while it was pretty amazing it wasn't the best thing.

My grandparents, well, you know they're not actually my grandparents, just like Harm and Mac aren't my uncle and aunt, but I think of them that way, took me and Harry, who's like my little brother...it's all a bit mixed up, isn't it? I think of all the kids as brothers and sisters, whereas only Jessie is my real sister. I live with Mattie and Colin but I think of them as siblings rather than parents. I could explain it all but that's for another composition. Whoever they are to me is not who they are genetically but it doesn't matter as I spent ten years with my biological grandparents who didn't love me one one hundredth that these people do.

Anyway, back to the best thing about summer and that was the whole San Diego trip. At first I was a little hesitant. I wasn't sure what it would be like to have Harry around all the time, he's five, and can be a pain at times but he was really cool. We hung out together and played ball a lot. We got to go swimming in the ocean and grandpa got this guy, Marty, to give us surfing lessons. It was so very, very cool.

They live in this great big house, well, they live here on the farm now but they still go back there for vacations and believe me, they need lots of breaks from all us kids. Anyway, the house is just as you'd expect it would be for old people. They have lots of photos of Uncle Harm and Auntie Mac and the kids and lots of his stuff from when he was little. Harry looks a lot like him when he was younger.  
>Grandma and grandpa took us to SeaWorld, the Zoo, Balboa Park, Coronado and everywhere really. I know they spent lots on us and I didn't want them too. They do so much and I don't want them to think I want more and more from them. Grandpa was a big businessman before he retired and he says he worked hard for his money and now he's going to enjoy spending it. He also said a lot about stocks and bonds and said he'd explain it all to me and help me start a portfolio. I don't know what that means but it sounds good.<p>

We got to talking about colleges and I haven't really thought about it since I moved here from New York. I never really expected that I'd be going, grandfather always said the only way I was getting there is through a full scholarship, he wasn't paying a dime. Grandpa asked me what I really wanted to do with myself. I honestly don't know. My life has changed so much since coming to Bellevue for Thanksgiving last November, I am just getting used to being the new me and don't want to look too far ahead. However, I did tell grandpa that I might consider a military career or one as a pilot. He just laughed and said Harm would be proud. I hope so.

Anyway, everything in San Diego was fantastic until Harry got a bit upset and was missing his mom and dad although I think he was missing Rosie more. He was okay until grandma told him that Rosie was home from DC. I really felt bad for the little guy. I have never had a close relationship with anyone and to hear him crying himself to sleep whimpering for his twin was just so sad. When I told grandpa the next day he just nodded, he'd heard Harry himself.

It was me who asked to go back a few days earlier. I wanted the trip to have lots of good memories for everyone and it wasn't happening for Harry. We didn't tell anyone we were coming back early and got back to Bellevue late at night. You should have seen Harry's face light up when I took him into his parents' bedroom and he saw Rosie in their bed. You'd have thought it was Christmas morning. My mom was the only one ever that happy to see me. One day, I hope someone is that happy to see me again.

_Summer_

Rose MacKenzie Rabb's point of view.

Jessie, Lily and me went to DC to stay with Auntie Harriet and Uncle Bud. I'm named after Uncle Bud and Harry is named after Auntie Harriet. I don't know why they named a boy after a girl and a girl after a boy but sometimes my parents do funny things.

I loved being with Auntie Harriet she is the best cook ever. She makes yummy cookies and lets me help.  
>We went to lots of good places and the July 4th thingy and there was lots of food and music and fireworks. I don't like fireworks. They're loud and hurt my ears. I started to cry and cry and Uncle Bud cuddled me and kissed me but I kept crying. Auntie Harriet cuddled me and kissed me but I kept crying and the day after the next day daddy came! I love my daddy very, very, very much and when he cuddled and kissed me I stopped crying.<p>

Daddy took me home and I cried again when I saw mommy. I missed her so much. I don't think I'm going to go away from home ever, ever again. It was better being at home than with Auntie Harriet except Harry wasn't there. I miss Harry when he's not there. I miss him lots. We're two peas in a pod and we're meant to be together.

The first night I was home I slept in my own bed with Misty and Kermit. They're so cute and fluffy and they missed me lots but on the next night I slept with mommy and daddy. I told them I wanted Harry to come home but mommy said he would be away another five days. Five days! That's forever! I wanted Kermit and Misty to come and sleep with me in their bed but daddy so no and he said it loudly and three times so I think he meant it.

The next day mommy and me and Frankie and Kenzie went to Charlesville and had a special lunch but that didn't stop me missing Harry. That night, mommy put me straight into her bed but I couldn't really sleep so she stayed there with me and hugged me until I got sleepy. And then the best thing happened...the door opened and Aidan brought Harry in. I was so, so excited and jumped up and down on the bed and Harry jumped too. I love Harry.

_Summer_

Harrison MacKenzie Rabb's point of view.

Grandma and grandpa took Aidan and me to their other house in San Diego. It's a long, long way away and you have to fly there and back. Grandpa said we'd do all sorts of cool things and we did. My grandpa is awesome. We went to SeaWorld and he got us to go see the dolphins and we saw one called Bug and she was cute. We got to feed her and touch her and she felt rubbery like a boiled egg. Grandma took lots of photos and I have one on my wall now.

And we went to the zoo and did lots and lots of walking and ended up taking the chair lift a few times. Grandpa says it was because I have little legs, I think it's because he's old, so's Grandma. Aidan and me got to go to surfing school and I can stand up on a surfboard. Marty said I was pretty good. I wish I could surf all the time but there are no waves on the farm.

I missed everyone lots and lots while I was with grandma and grandpa but I was being brave about it until grandma said Rosie went home early. Then I wanted to go home too. I missed Rosie so much...more than I missed Kermit.  
>Grandpa said we could go home early and surprise them. I love my grandpa.<p>

Now, Rosie and me are at big school and even in the same class. That makes me very happy. I don't like being too far away from her even if she is a girl and the boys tease me. She's my sister, my twin and family's everything. That's what my mommy and daddy say.

_Summer_

Franklin MacKenzie Rabb's point of view.

I don't know what this is all about. One day there were lots of people around and the next day there was only mommy, daddy and me. Mommy said the others went on vacation. I don't know what a vacation is. I don't know why they got one and I didn't but I don't care. I don't want to go anywhere if it's not with my mommy and daddy.

Mommy and me got to do lots of things sometimes just with us, other times with Kenzie and daddy. Daddy says Mattie and Colin needed some kid free time and so Kenzie slept over here lots. Mommy says Mattie and Colin needed some adult time but daddy told her not to say that when I could hear. I don't know what that means either so it doesn't matter.

I was really happy when everyone came home again. I missed them...mostly. I do like it when it's just mommy and me.  
>Now they're at school again all day, every day and it's quiet here, too quiet. Every afternoon I watch for the bus to come and when I see it I am allowed run down to the kids and then Aidan piggybacks me home or Jessie lets me sit on her lap and wheels me. It's my favourite time of day.<p> 


	29. Moving On 1

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

AN: I seem to have lost my readers/reviewers due to the gap in posting. Thank you to those who have stuck with it and have reviewed, I appreciate your time and am pleased you love this family too.

**Life Goes on - Moving On 1/5**

"Tell me why we're trying for another one," grumbled Mattie as she climbed out of bed yet again to see to her one-year-old son who had decided sleeping through the night was a thing of the past.  
>"I'll go," Colin said, making a half-hearted attempted to push away the covers.<br>"Don't bother," she said with a sigh. "I'm already up."

A few minutes later, she appeared with Kenzie and climbed back into bed. Having already been woken by him three times and with a busy day coming up, Mattie needed the precious few hours left in the night to sleep.  
>"What do you think is his problem?" Colin asked, rolling onto his side and caressing his son's head.<br>"I don't know," she said with a yawn. "Let's hope this does the trick."

The only one who fell asleep was Mattie as Kenzie wriggled about and settled against his daddy's chest.  
>"Come on, little man," he whispered, kissing Kenzie's head. "We need sleep...there's lots to do tomorrow."<br>Kenzie giggled and brushed his hand along his daddy's five o'clock shadow.  
>"You're a big boy now," Colin said. "You're not a baby anymore."<p>

Whatever the reason, Kenzie wasn't in the mood for sleeping and, so his wife wasn't disturbed again, Colin got up and took the child with him.  
>"Let's get a drink," he said quietly, only turning on one kitchen light.<br>Kenzie agreed happily putting his hands out.  
>"Milk," Colin said, opening the fridge with one hand while holding Kenzie on his hip with the other.<p>

Soon both had some warm milk and Colin settled them in the armchair with a throw rug spread over them. He then picked up a book bought for the child by his grandparents called 'Guess How Much I Love You'. It was a book he'd already read a dozen times and so his mind wandered back to the child's birthday.

It was over the summer vacation and fell between the vacationers returning home and the rush to start the Burnett's home and the start of the school year. It was a family gathering, which now thanks to the fact nearly everyone in their family already lived there, was easy to organise. Colin's parents had flown in for it and Kenzie had been very, very spoilt.

There was lots of laughter and love around and Colin's parents were overwhelmed seeing Jessie once more, knowing all she had endured since they first met her at the younger couple's wedding. Kathy Bates had tried to do everything for Jessie until Colin finally took his mother aside and explained that while Jessie needed help at times, they were trying to make her as independent as possible and not to fuss.

After that, Kathy had tried extra hard to let the girl do for herself, it was hard but she realised sympathy wasn't going to get young Jessie anywhere in life. Meanwhile Bill had made himself at home around the farm getting Aidan to work with him where possible; it soon became apparent that while the young man was eager, it was obvious he wasn't born on a farm.

Come the day of Kenzie's birthday, there was food, fun and laughter all around. The birthday boy had taken it all in his stride, not comprehending that this celebration was for him; he was just happy having candy and cake. As the proud parents had helped the child blow out his candles, Mattie made her own wish; that they would soon discover Kenzie would have a sibling.

While the rest of the family had been away on vacation, Mac had insisted her grandson spend many nights with them. While she told Harm it was so Mattie and Colin could have some alone time, he knew it was mainly to keep herself busy as she was missing her children very much. Whatever the motive, the younger couple made good use of their time. There were a few nights out, something they hadn't really done since they lived in New York and a few romantic nights at home enjoying the luxury of an otherwise empty home to be more vocal about their feelings when it came to bedroom activities. While they loved Kenzie and Aidan, having two boys in the house did often put restrictions on their lovemaking.

They had spoken at length on previous occasions about another baby, both thinking that 18 months between the two would be a good gap. Close enough for them to have a good bond growing up, not too close that it would feel like having two babies. From the time Kenzie had been nine months old, they had stopped using protection and while Mattie hadn't expected to get pregnant straight away, she had been disappointed each time her period had made its appearance.  
>The nearly three weeks the others had been away suited her perfectly but when her September period arrived she was more disappointed than she had expected. Still, she had reconciled, it wasn't wasted time. Her husband was utterly gorgeous, fully fit and a very, very generous and fulfilling lover – a girl could do worse!<p>

By the time school had gone back, Mattie wasn't pregnant and with Kenzie's sleep disturbed, Colin had to wonder if it would happen anytime soon.  
>"Come on, little man," Colin whispered, kissing the still awake child. "It's 4:45 AM...or 0445 hours as your gigi and pappy would say..." At the mention of his beloved grandparents, Kenzie's face lit up, something Colin found adorably cute but not what he wanted.<br>"Pap - py!" he said with a giggle and Colin shook his head.

In the middle of the night his year old son had uttered his first word and it wasn't the traditional momma or dada, it was pappy, he knew Harm would be so proud.  
>"Well, go to sleep," he whispered, "And we'll see pappy in the morning."<br>To Colin's surprise and bemusement, Kenzie quickly drifted off to sleep and all that was left for him to do was to settle the child in his bed and return to his own.

"He asleep?" Mattie muttered rolling into her husband as he settled under the covers.  
>"Sleeping like a baby," he said, kissing his wife's head and pulling her a little closer.<br>"Wake me up early," she mumbled, running a hand under his tee and resting it on his chest.  
>"Why?" he asked, Mattie normally wanted every last minute of sleep she could get.<br>"Wanna work on another baby," she whispered before drifting off to sleep.  
>Colin grinned; that was definitely something worth waking up early for.<p>

Half an hour before they were due to get up, Colin stirred and slowly repositioned himself so he could kiss his wife awake. It didn't take long for Mattie to reciprocate and to start stripping him off, something Colin didn't resist in the least.  
>"What inspired this?" Mattie asked as she shed her panties and top.<br>"You did," he said, kissing along her collarbone. "Said you wanted to work on another baby before we get up this morning."  
>"Don't remember that," she said. "But sounds like a damned good idea to me."<p>

Divested of all clothes, Mattie climbed on top of her husband. "Did I suggest anything else?" she asked before kissing him deeply.  
>"Nope," he finally managed breathlessly, his hands roaming around her body.<br>"'kay," she said before kissing him again and rolling backwards bringing him on top of her.  
>"Wanna try something different?" he asked, cradling her head to him.<br>"Right now, just want you in me..." she said, arching up into him. "All the fancy stuff can wait for tonight."

Not one for arguing with his wife, Colin was soon nestled deep inside her, his slow, deep movements causing an array of emotions to course through her.  
>"Can you go faster?" she mumbled, anchoring her hands on his butt, trying to encourage him to pick up speed.<br>"Not this time," he said, this time it was going to be slow and sensual and loving and, hopefully, very orgasmic. After all, he had read in a magazine that conception was more likely with orgasm, and whilst he knew he satisfied his wife each and every time, he was taking no chances.

Knowing her husband could be stubborn when it came to such things, Mattie took a deep breath and allowed him to set the pace, gazing lovingly at him as he worked above her.  
>"God, you're beautiful," she finally said as she felt the wave of ecstasy rising within.<p>

Colin just kissed her deeply before sending her over the edge and using his mouth to smother her cries of passion.  
>"Good morning, Matilda," he said, still breathless as he rolled off her.<br>"Good morning, babe," she replied, settling herself against him, knowing they only had a few precious minutes before it was time to get up. "You think it worked?" she asked, drawing on his chest with a lazy finger.  
>"Maybe," he said, kissing her head. "But if not, at least we get to try some more."<br>Mattie gave half a chuckle before looking up at him. "Am I getting obsessive?" she asked slowly.  
>"No," he replied, kissing her head. "You're eager to have my baby, a sibling for Kenzie, that's all...not obsessive."<br>"You'll tell me if I get obsessive, won't you?" she asked, pushing herself up on one elbow.  
>"I will," he promised, kissing her nose. "But I think if we both relax a bit, it will just happen for us...like it did the first time."<br>"Okay," she said as she reached across him to turn off the about-to-ring alarm.

Over breakfast, Colin told Mattie and Aidan about Kenzie's first word. Mattie wanted to wake the child there and then and try to get him to say it again but quickly realised her day was busy enough without adding a grumpy tot to the mix.  
>"Dad's going to be so happy," Mattie said, sipping her coffee. "Maybe we'll record him saying it and then show him."<br>"Sounds good," Aidan said. "What do you think Auntie Mac will say?"  
>"I think there'll be some banter between them, but she'll love the fact Kenzie loves his pappy and dad will love the fact someone's using the word pappy once more," Mattie said.<br>Aidan nodded as he played with his toast.  
>"Something wrong with it?" Colin asked, gesturing to the lad's plate.<br>"Oh, no, it's fine," Aidan said quickly. "Just thinking..."  
>"About?" he prompted when Aidan said nothing else.<br>"Doesn't matter," Aidan said getting to his feet. "I'm going to be late," he said taking his plate to the sink before heading to his bedroom to collect his books.  
>"What do you think that's about?" Mattie asked quietly as Aidan disappeared down the hall. Colin shrugged. "Oh well, we'll talk to him tonight."<p>

For all Mattie and Colin's efforts, they couldn't get Kenzie to repeat his performance of 'pappy' for them, so as they walked to the farmhouse as Aidan departed for school they decided not to say anything to Harm. Kenzie had other ideas and the moment he spied his grandfather he shot out his chubby little arms.  
>"Pappy! Pappy!" he squealed before giggling.<p>

Harm's eyes widened and his mouth opened as Kenzie wriggled in Colin's arms trying to get to him.  
>"Did he just say what I think he said?" Harm asked taking his grandson while looking at the child's parents.<br>"He did," Mattie said proudly.  
>"He said it for the first time at some ungodly hour this morning," Colin said, beaming, ruffling the boy's hair. "It's his first word."<br>"You love your pappy, don't you?" Mattie said, rubbing Kenzie's back.  
>"Pappy!" he squealed again and was rewarded by a dozen kisses and a great big hug from Harm.<br>"Well, someone's popular," Mac said as she kissed Kenzie's cheek. "Good morning, Kenzie," she said, putting her arms out for the child. He quickly shifted into her arms as while he loved his pappy, gigi was the one who gave him chocolate and candy. "Can you say 'gigi'?" she asked. "Gigi."  
>"Pappy!" he replied, hugging Mac tightly.<br>"You're pappy's little man aren't you?" Mac said kissing the child.

While Pappy was the word of the day, much to Harm's delight, within the next few weeks, Kenzie was making good attempts at lots of words, namely those of the people he loved most. As he continued to blossom, Mattie and Colin continued their quest to give him a sibling, enjoying each encounter and trying hard not to obsess about the outcome.

Meanwhile, Aidan was settling into school and while he often became quiet and withdrawn at times, it was something that he wouldn't talk about and something Colin and Mattie couldn't quite pinpoint.

Come the day of parent teacher conferences, it was left to Mac alone due to it coinciding with plans Harm already had with Mattie in Charlesville with their small business advisor. When he offered to reschedule it, Mac said no. After all, there may have been five children ranging from first grade to ninth grade, split across elementary, middle school and high school but, thanks to effectively having two sets of twins and the schools sharing the one campus, it was only three teachers she had to see in one venue.

The reports were good all around and Mac was pleased relaying the information to all gathered around the dinner table that night. The twins had settled in well and had made friends with other children, Lily was excelling and, except for a few incidents of talking too much in class, was behaving herself. Jessie had made great gains in her schooling, particularly in her handwriting, her injections and physical therapy paying off all around. And, as for Aidan, his efforts and achievements couldn't be faulted. However, his Social Studies teacher had referred him to the school counsellor after becoming concerned that he seemed to be withdrawn.

After finishing with the teacher, Mac had made her way to the counsellor's office and hoped that Mark Fraser would be able to spare her a few minutes. Luck was on her side and while Mark made it clear that he couldn't divulge the content of his conversations with boy he did allude to the fact Aidan was having issues related to family matters.

Taken aback, Mac sat and clasped her hands; she thought they were doing well as a blended family but as Aidan seemed to be having difficulties at school as well as home, then perhaps what she was hearing was the truth.

In her telling of the teachers' reports she only hit the highlights; informing the adults of Aidan's issues once all children were tucked up in bed.  
>"I was thinking it was something along those lines," Mattie said with a sigh. "When I think back it started around the time Kenz started talking. I don't know what has upset him but he won't open up."<br>"Who is the best person to talk to him?" Colin asked, knowing it had to be a one-on-one. "I'm more than happy to do it but I want to make sure..."  
>"I'd like to do it," said Frank, putting down his cup. "We developed a closer bond in La Jolla...and I'm a little more removed from 'family' than the rest of you."<br>The others couldn't find a flaw with Frank's reasoning and he was duly the nominated person. He promised to update them after he had the opportunity to talk to the boy; wanting the encounter to occur naturally and not be forced.

It was the following Sunday before the two had their chat and it was in the hangar as Aidan washed Sarah and Frank tended to some donations for M.O.M.  
>"I'm surprised the kids aren't down here," Aidan observed as Frank folded some sweaters.<br>"Well, the girls wanted to come but I distracted them by suggesting Trish needed their help in the kitchen," Frank replied with a guilty smile. "Don't get me wrong, I love them very much, but I needed a bit of a time out."  
>"I know that feeling," he said rinsing out his cloth. "That's why I offered to do this."<br>"Maybe we should have a secret signal when we want to get away from the noise for a bit," he suggested, his focus still on his task. "I'm sure between us we could come up with a job or an errand we need to take care of."  
>"Sounds good to me," Aidan said. "I don't want to sound ungrateful but all that noise and all those kids can be a bit much."<br>"Don't I know it," Frank replied with a laugh. "Especially now Kenzie's talking..." he added, knowing Mattie had said that's when Aidan's behaviour first seemed to change.

There was silence for a while before Aidan put away his cleaning equipment and headed over to Frank.  
>"Anything I can help with?" he offered, gesturing to the boxes of donations still to be sorted.<br>"Definitely," Frank replied. "Pick a box and go for it. You know where everything goes."

For a while there was just idle chatter as the two worked away before Aidan figured it was the perfect opportunity to discuss what had been on his mind.  
>"Grandpa," he said slowly and Frank took a deep breath.<br>"Yes," he replied just as slowly glancing up from the cutlery he was sorting.  
>"No, it's okay," he said quickly shaking his head.<br>"What's wrong, Aidan?" he said, going for the direct approach. "I know you've got something on your mind."  
>"It's going to come out all wrong," he said, absently balling up the towel in his hands.<p>

Frank put down the forks he was polishing and walked around the table. "Come and sit and we'll talk," he said, heading over to one of the donated sofas. "Now, just say what's on your mind...however it comes."  
>"I've been living here 10 months, me and Jessie," he said hesitantly. "And getting older..."<br>"Aha," Frank said, waiting for the actual issue to be raised.  
>"And I feel like part of the family, most of the time," he added, qualifying his thoughts.<br>"You are a part of the family," Frank confirmed for him when Aidan said nothing else. "When do you not feel like a part of it?"  
>"It's gonna sound stupid," he said shaking his head. "I shouldn't have said anything."<br>"If it's troubling you then it's not stupid and you should talk about it," he said, patting his arm.  
>"When we first came, when mom was in hospital," he started nervously. "Harm and Mac said they'd look after us for as long as needed. Then when she died, I heard them talking to you guys about seeing about adopting us..."<br>"Go on," said Frank, his hand still resting on the boy's arm.  
>"But eight months since then and nobody has said anything," Aidan continued, shaking his head. "And I don't mind for myself, really, because I know it takes time and if it doesn't start soon I'll be too old, but I think it would be good for Jessie. She's going to need parents for a lot longer than me and I know Children's Services have given Harm and Mac legal custody but it's not really the same thing."<br>"Why haven't you said something before, son?" he questioned. "It's obviously been playing on your mind."  
>"Because I don't want them thinking I'm ungrateful or want more from them than I already have," he said quickly, looking at Frank for the first time. "I just wanted...well, I just felt that..."<br>"You wanted some security?" he offered when the boy seemed to struggle. "Something a bit more official?"  
>"Aha," he replied tearfully. "I thought I'd be okay, after all, Mattie was never officially adopted and she's a big part of the family."<br>"What changed?" Frank asked, watching as the boy stood up and started pacing.  
>"Kenzie's first word was 'pappy', did you know that?" he asked and Frank nodded. "The kid's not even two and he knows who's who. He knows his pappy and his gigi and mommy and daddy...and you and grandma..."<br>"He's a clever kid," Frank said with a smile.  
>"I'm 15 and Harm and Mac are my parents but yet I call them Aunt and Uncle, I live with Mattie and Colin but I think of them as my older brother and sister. I'm the oldest of six, seven if you count Kenz but I only live with Kenzie who is more like my nephew than a brother. You and grandma are my grandparents because you're Uncle Harm's parents but my own grandparents haven't contacted me since I moved here...everything just seems convoluted."<br>"Well, when you say it like that then it's definitely convoluted," he agreed standing up.  
>"And I'm not ungrateful," he said, desperate for the older man to realise this. "I just ... I need to know my place in this family...in the world. I don't want to go back to my grandparents and I don't think they'd ever take me back but I'd feel better knowing it can never happen."<br>"Would you like to call Harm and Mac dad and mom?" he questioned gently, wondering what response he'd get.  
>"I think so...or at least to be able to refer to them as that when I'm talking to other people. I don't mind living with Mats and Colin but friends can get confused about things when I'm living with one set of people, calling others aunt and uncle who live next door and talk about all these little kids as siblings when only Jessie is my biological sister."<br>"My suggestion would be to talk to Harm and Mac," Frank suggested and Aidan nodded.  
>"I've wanted to," he said dropping his head. "I've even tried a couple of times. I just don't know what to say...or even whether I should..."<br>"If it will help, I could be there with you," he offered and the boy's face lit up.  
>"Really?" he asked wanting to check.<br>"Of course," Frank replied with a chuckle. "I could even speak to them first, if you wanted me to, to let them know what you've been thinking about..."

Aidan considered this for a moment before nodding. "I've been thinking about it for a couple of months so I guess it's fair that they have time to think about things too. Can you let them know that if they don't want to do the adoption or even have us call them mom and dad that it will be alright?"  
>Nodding, Frank smiled. He didn't think there would be any issue in either matter.<p>

Later that evening when everyone under 40 was tucked up in their beds, Frank wandered back to the farmhouse and smiled when he found Harm and Mac curled up on the sofa together looking at some brochures.  
>"Hey, dad," Mac said when she spied him coming back in. "Forget something?"<br>"No," he said shaking his head. "I needed to speak to the both of you in private and I figured it was best to wait til everyone else was in bed."  
>"What's wrong?" Harm asked as Mac untangled herself from her husband. A serious discussion mandated she needed her own space.<br>"Aidan and I had our chat today and I figured it was best you knew about it sooner rather than later," he said before giving them a rundown of the entire conversation.  
>"Wow!" mumbled Mac when he'd finished. "As far as the names go, he, they, are more than welcome to call us mom and dad, aren't they?" she asked, turning to Harm and watching him nod. "We talked about it in the early days but didn't suggest it to the kids because we didn't want them to think they had to call me mom when they'd not long lost theirs."<br>"It seems as though they're ready to take that step, well, Aidan is at least. Whether Jessie wants to will be her decision," Frank said looking between the pair.  
>"And as far as the adoption goes," Harm continued. "We have looked into the Pennsylvanian laws and it would seem our path is to go for a Special Needs Adoption..."<br>"Special Needs?" Frank interjected. "I mean I know Jessie has special needs, but Aidan?"  
>"Aidan's special needs are that he is older, there aren't too many almost 16-year-olds who end up being adopted. Most see out their time as minors in the foster system. Siblings who need or want to be adopted together are also considered as having special needs."<br>"That makes sense," he said nodding. "So, what's the next step?"  
>"Contacting Children's Services again, lodging the paperwork, having another Home Study and report completed," Harm reeled off.<br>"Um, I think talking to the kids is the next step," Mac said. "I know Aidan is keen for this to happen but we need to talk to Jessie too, make sure she's comfortable with it. Not to mention talking to our kids and letting them know what's happening." While she never usually referred to just her biological kids when she said 'our' she needed to separate them from the two newest members.  
>"How long do you think it will all take?" Frank asked. "It's just that Aidan thinks it will take too long and he'll be 18 by then."<br>"All going smoothly, I can't see it taking more than a couple of months," Mac said, "It could all be official early in the new year."  
>"Can you foresee any problems?" Frank asked, hoping there wouldn't be.<br>"No, not really," Harm replied. "Children's Services gave us permanent guardianship of them both. Their mother is dead and there is no father listed on either birth certificate. I don't believe Ronnie's parents will argue the point, after all, Aidan's been with us 10 months and except for Cormac Murphy turning up that time when mom hit him, we haven't seen sight or sound of him."  
>"Besides," Mac continued. "They won't be notified so they won't know ..."<br>"And probably wouldn't care if they did," Harm added, shaking his head.  
>"What about their names? Would you change them?" Frank asked, trying to think through all the legal implications.<br>"That would be up to the kids," Mac said. "And it's something we'll talk about before we lodge the paperwork as it will have to be done in both names if they want the change."  
>"Do you think they will?" he probed, it was something he should have asked Aidan.<br>Mac shrugged; "I saw a picture Jessie drew over summer and she had written Jessie Rabb on the back, so I'm thinking she may, but as I said, we'll ask them."

And as there was little more to say until the children had been consulted, Frank headed off to bed and Harm and Mac did the same. While adopting Aidan and Jessie wouldn't change anything on a day to day basis, they would officially be the parents of six, honorary parents of one, grandparents of one, in-laws of one and Harm couldn't help but shake his head and laugh.  
>"What's funny?" Mac asked as she pulled off her shirt.<br>"I was just thinking," he said with another laugh.  
>"Well, share," she said, focusing her attention on him.<br>"Do you remember the day AJ was born?" he started and she nodded. "And we made the baby deal?" She nodded once more. "We only ever spoke in the singular, even in the early stages of our relationship...now..."  
>"Now, it's seven kids and a grandkid...a few more than we anticipated, isn't it?" she said with a chuckle. "Would you change it?"<br>"Not at all," he said, his jeans hitting the floor. "I love them all very much."  
>"Me too," she replied. "Aidan and Jessie are such a part of this family I couldn't imagine them not living here."<br>"Me neither," Harm said, pulling back the covers and climbing in.  
>"Do you think they'll call us mom and dad?" she asked as she finished changing.<br>"Yeah, I do..." he said before pausing. "Well, Jessie has already called me dad a few times and then when she's realised it she's apologised. Given that neither has had a dad, I think it will be easier for them to call me dad than you mom."  
>"I was thinking the same thing," she said climbing in beside him.<br>"But I think you'll get mom," he said pulling the covers around her. "Maybe after Christmas and Ronnie's anniversary."


	30. Moving On 2

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

Thanks to those sticking with this family - I do appreciate it.

**Life Goes On - Moving On 2/5**

As was customary, when the children arrived home from school, they inundated the farmhouse making a lot of noise and devouring everything set out for afternoon tea. Jessie and Lily were eager to finish quickly and to go down to the hangar to sort out a few items they wanted to take to school. Harry and Rosie wanted to play outside, so Aidan volunteered to go with the girls to the hangar.

"How about I do it?" offered Trish, collecting the now empty platters, "Frank's down there and I need to speak to him."  
>"Oh, okay," he said looking around nervously. That only left him with Harm and Mac.<br>"Don't look so worried," Harm said, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder as the children, including Frankie, disappeared out the back door.  
>"Oh, I'm not worried," Aidan said but his fidgeting told another story.<br>"Come and sit down," Mac said, taking his hand and leading him into the living room. "Now, Frank came and spoke to us last night and we wanted to talk to you."  
>Aidan looked around the room. "Looking for something?" Harm asked.<br>"Oh, no..." he said slowly. "Just that grandpa said he'd be here with me when we spoke."  
>"We can wait until after the littlies are in bed," Mac said, standing once more. "We want you to be comfortable."<br>"No, no, it's alright," Aidan said gaining some confidence. "I can do this by myself."

Harm chuckled and shook his head. "Son, you have to know by now, in this family, you can never do anything by yourself...there's always someone there..."  
>"True," Mac agreed. "Even going to the bathroom is sometimes considered a group event."<br>Aidan nodded, not too sure of what to say, so Harm continued.  
>"Now, if we understand dad correctly, you had concerns about what you should call us and whether we wanted to or we were going to adopt you and Jessie, is that right?" he asked quietly.<br>"Yes, sir," he said looking from Harm to Mac and back again. "But I also said if you didn't want..."  
>"Oh, we want," Mac interjected not wanting him to think for a second they didn t. "The adoption papers can be lodged this week and should be finalised early in the New Year."<br>"And, as for calling us mom and dad," Harm said. "That can start now."  
>"We were going to offer earlier but we didn't know if it was the right thing," Mac explained. "It would be easy for you both to call Harm dad but we didn't want you to call me mom if it made you uncomfortable."<br>"I guess it would have been a bit strange calling you dad and Aunty Mac...that would be more confusing," Aidan said shaking his head. "I guess we're ready now."  
>"Have you and Jessie spoken about it?" Harm asked, glancing at a photo of the girl in question.<br>"Sort of," he replied. "A couple of weeks ago we were talking about something and she referred to Aunty Mac as mom. I looked at her and she blushed and just shrugged. Then she asked if I thought mom would mind and I said that I thought mom would be really happy that we've got a new mom and dad and a family who love us very much."  
>"And that's exactly what you have," Mac said taking his hands as her eyes filled with tears. "I know it can get chaotic here but never ever think you are not loved and so very important to us."<br>"Thanks...mom," he said slowly as a tear rolled down his cheek.

With that, Mac's arms encircled him and held him tightly. "You're more than welcome," she whispered before kissing his head.  
>When they were both suitably composed, Harm asked about names and Aidan sighed.<br>"I've been thinking about that," he said before standing up. "As you know, my name is Aidan Cormac Murphy...I have no idea why mom named me after grandfather...maybe she thought he'd accept me more if I had his name."  
>"Maybe she did," Mac agreed nodding.<br>"But I want nothing to do with him – ever, including his name," he said defiantly. "So, if it's possible, I'd like to change everything but my first name."  
>"What would you like to change it too?" Harm asked, wanting to hear it from the boy himself.<br>"Well, Aidan Ronnie, after mom, then MacKenzie Rabb but only if it's alright?" he said quickly.  
>"That's definitely alright by us," Harm said standing up and moving towards Aidan. "What about Jess?"<br>"Something similar. Keep Jessie, change Anne, which is grandmother's name to Veronica and then have MacKenzie Rabb too," he said, he'd given it a lot of thought. "But I guess she should be the one who decides."  
>"We'll talk to her after dinner," Harm said as the twins came running back in.<br>"Daddy! Daddy!" yelled Harry bounding into the living room.  
>"What's wrong?" Harm asked standing up.<br>"Kermit's on the roof and won't come down and it's so high and ...and..." he said panting as he pulled on Harm's arm. "You have to get him down!"  
>"Harry, Kermit will be fine," Harm said. "Cats get up on roofs all the time. They like to climb."<br>"But, daddy," Rosie said grabbing his other hand. "Kermit's not a cat he's a kitten and he's too little and you have to get him down."  
>"Come and show me," he said with the patience of a father.<p>

Pulling him through the kitchen and out the back door, the twins gestured wildly to the roof of the barn.  
>"There, daddy!" Harry yelled pointing to the black furry bundle on the roof.<br>Looking up, Harm spied a very frightened kitten peering at him over the edge at least 10 foot above his head, mewing pitifully. Wondering how on earth the kitten had managed to get up that high, Harm shook his head.  
>"Kermit will be fine," Harm said, "He'll come down himself when he's hungry."<br>"Get him down now, daddy, pleaseeeee," begged Rosie. "He wants to come down."  
>"He has to learn to get himself down," Harm said as he scanned the area to figure out the best way to retrieve the frightened feline.<br>"But, daddy, he's so sad..." Harry protested before his tears started. "I don't want him to get hurt."

At that, Harm's resolve faltered and he agreed to try and rescue Kermit. Aidan followed him into the barn to retrieve the tallest ladder they had but neither were sure it would be tall enough as the cat was perched at the peak of the roof and seemed too scared to move.  
>"Maybe we'll have to put it at the end and walk over the roof to get him, Uncle Harm," Aidan suggested and Harm looked at him. "Oh, I know I want to call you dad," he said quickly, "But I thought I'd wait until you'd spoken to Jessie."<br>Harm just smiled and nodded; the boy did seem to think everything through.

The problem with a barn the age of theirs was that the roof wasn't all that sound in places and Harm was reluctant to walk on it. When Aidan suggested he do it because he was lighter, Harm shook his head, they'd have to find another way.  
>"Daddy, hurry up!" Rosie ordered running into the barn. "Kermit's crying and crying and mommy's holding Harry's arm because he wants to climb up to the roof."<br>"Tell Harry to go and get Kermit's dry food bowl for me," Harm replied as they picked up the ladder.

As the twins scurried inside, Harm placed the ladder at the closest spot possible and hoped that the food bowl would entice the kitten to make the three feet trip to get to it. With the bowl in his hand, Aidan and Mac holding the ladder and instructions from the twins, Harm climbed the ladder and spoke quietly to Kermit, shaking the bowl and encouraging the cat to move. It didn't work much to Harry's dismay.  
>"Move closer!" he ordered from below and Harm stretched a little closer.<p>

With a sad mew, Kermit tried to take a step before Harm realised the problem, his collar was caught on a nail.  
>"Okay, buddy," Harm said quietly. "I'm going to help you out."<br>Climbing down the ladder, much to the twins' dismay, Harm repositioned to be directly under the cat before climbing up once more.  
>"Harm, don't go on the top step," Mac cautioned when she realised what he was going to do.<br>"I'll be right," he replied, holding onto the eaves before taking the final step.

It took Harm a minute to free the collar and pick up the scared feline. As he did, he realised Kermit was bleeding from somewhere. Not in a position to inspect now, he bundled him under his shirt, knowing the cat wouldn't move. Slowly, he descended the ladder, making sure his footing was secure at each step.  
>"Come on, daddy, what's taking you so long?" Rosie urged causing Mac to laugh.<br>"Quickly, dad," Harry encouraged wanting nothing more than to hold his cat.  
>"Okay, okay," Harm said finally on the ground. "I think Kermit has a boo-boo, so let's go inside and check it out."<br>Mac and Aidan put the ladder and food bowl away as Harm and the twins headed to the house, the twins urging Harm to go at warp speed.

"Now," Harm said quietly, as he pulled the chair from the table. "I need a towel..."  
>"I'll get it," shouted Harry as he raced up the stairs.<br>Unbuttoning his shirt, both Harm and Rosie saw the bloody streaks and Rosie's tears started.  
>"Oh no, poor Kermy," she cried staring at the lump.<br>"He's okay," Harm soothed as he pulled the cat out. "Aren't you, buddy? Hey?"

Kermit's crying did nothing to help the situation and soon Harm had a towel and two crying children.  
>"What's his problem?" Aidan asked pointing at the black bundle.<br>"I'm not quite sure," Harm said, turning the cat over and trying to find the site of the injury.  
>"Fix him, daddy!" Rosie said, as Mac picked up the towel and wrapped Kermit up to stop him wriggling.<p>

Slowly, Harm inspected each limb, paying close attention to the paws but found nothing. Next he inspected the tail and found that was fine too. Scratching the kitten's head, Harm raised the fluffy face and checked it out, finding a small nick on Kermit's throat but not a lot of evidence of bleeding. Making his way down Kermit's body, Harm soon found a bigger cut surrounded by matted black fur and a second one nearby, all most likely caused when he tried to free himself.  
>"Okay, Kermit," he said, gently stroking his head. "You're going to be just fine."<p>

Taking the kitten back from Mac while she collected the first aid provisions, Harm let the twins get a closer look but stopped them touching the animal, promising they could both have a cuddle before bedtime when Kermit was feeling a little better. He was sure they'd hug the poor thing to death if he let them have the kitten earlier.

With his doctoring skills being closely supervised, Harm cleaned all the wounds and removed the collar which had trapped Kermit. Applying a dressing pad to his chest, Harm wound the crepe bandage around him before taping it in place.  
>"See, he's just fine," he said, carefully showing the twins the kitten. "Now, we just have to keep him quiet and settled and..."<br>"I think he's quite settled with you," Mac observed as Kermit tried to snuggle up against Harm, something he had never done before. "The poor little thing must have had a big scare."  
>"I know I did," Harry said nodding, his eyes still on Kermit.<br>"I know what daddy can use!" Rosie shouted causing the kitten to jump, before she ran up the stairs to her bedroom.  
>Just as quickly she reappeared with a small calico handbag that she often wore around her neck with either Kermit or her cat, Misty, shoved into it.<p>

Soon, despite Harm's protests, Kermit was in the bag hanging around his neck, once again secured under his shirt. Mac could only laugh at her tough husband kitty-sitting, one who never wanted cats, never wanted them in the house and definitely didn't want them curled up on him.  
>"What?" he asked when he realised Mac was laughing at him as she packed up the first aid supplies.<br>"Nothing," she replied with a chuckle. "Just thinking that you are utterly adorable as a kitty-sitter."  
>"Hmph," he snorted. "Like I don't have other things I should be doing this afternoon."<br>"Isn't Kermit more important?" Harry asked tearfully. "He's only a baby and needs to be looked after and he's part of the family, isn't he?"  
>"Kermit is a part of the family," Harm conceded. "And he is important."<br>"Thank you, daddy," Rosie said hugging a leg as Harry moved to do the same.  
>"Okay, guys," Aidan said. "How about we play outside for a bit?"<br>"Cool!" Harry shouted heading for the door, his sister close behind him.  
>"Thanks, Aidan," Mac said, glad they'd be able to get a few things done before dinner.<p>

When dinner came around, Harm moved a cat basket into the laundry and put the two cats in there. Mac asked why he hadn't just put them outside in their enclosure and he just shrugged. As Mac stood at the door, she watched as Harm scratched the injured kitten's head.  
>"You'll be right, buddy," he whispered, unaware he had an audience. "We're just going to have some dinner and I'll come right back and get you," he soothed with one last scratch.<p>

Turning around he spied his wife biting down on her lip to stop laughing.  
>"No comments, thank you," he said realising he'd been caught.<br>Mac wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him to her. "You are such a softie," she said, standing on tiptoes and kissing his nose.  
>"Not what you said last night," he sassed, thrusting towards her.<p>

After dinner and baths, Frank supervised the Kermit-lovefest in the living room with each child allowed a ten minute gentle cuddle before bedtime. When the youngest three had had their turn Mac came in to collect them for bed and Harry tried to take Kermit with him.  
>"Not tonight, Harry," she said taking his hand. "We don't want him to get squashed in your bed."<br>"But I'll be careful, mommy," he protested with a pout.  
>"Daddy said he'll be in the laundry and warm and safe there," she soothed. "He'll be just fine."<p>

It took another ten minutes of goodnight kisses and pats before she got all three children up the stairs as Jessie and Lily took their turns. As the clock ticked on, Jessie reached for her k-walker and prepared herself for her trip to bed.  
>"Hang on a minute, Jess," Harm said coming into the living room. "Aunty Mac and I would like to talk to you before bed time."<br>"Why?" she answered quickly, not sure if she'd done anything wrong.  
>"Don't look so worried," he replied with a chuckle. "It's not a bad thing."<br>"Can I stay too?" Lily asked, patting Kermit who was curled up in her lap.  
>"Not this time, kiddo," he said. "It's your time to get ready for bed."<br>"Fine!" she said with a huff as she stood and handed the kitten to Frank. "I never get to stay up."  
>"You poor child," Mac said re-entering the room. "Woe is me."<p>

Not too sure what it meant, Lily had no reply so headed off to the bathroom to start her bedtime routine.  
>"Why are you looking so nervous, Jess?" Mac asked, sitting on the sofa beside her.<br>"Uncle Harm said you guys wanted to talk to me," she said quietly.  
>"Well, we do, but it's nothing to be nervous about," she said giving her a quick hug,<br>"I think that's my cue to see if Trish needs any help in the kitchen," Frank said handing the cat to Mac and soon departed.

Having organised with Aidan that they'd speak to Jessie alone then call him, Harm sat in the armchair situated at a right angle to the sofa.  
>"Have I done something wrong?" Jessie asked when the suspense got too much.<br>"No, sweetie," said Harm. "We had a chat with Aidan after school about a few things that were concerning him and thought we'd do the same with you."  
>"Oh, okay," she said slowly.<br>"Aidan wanted to know whether or not we were going to adopt you guys," Mac said getting to the point. "And we told him that we would file the papers this week."  
>"It is something we were always intending on doing, we just had to work with Children's Services first," Harm explained.<br>"Oh, okay," she said again.  
>"Is that okay with you?" Mac asked when the child sounded hesitant about it.<br>"Oh yeah," she said with a quick nod. "That would be pretty cool."  
>"That's good to hear," Harm said with a smile. "Now, Aidan also said that he'd like to call us mom and dad and we're more than happy for him to do that. Is it something you'd like to do?"<p>

For the first time during the conversation, Jessie's face lit up. "Really? I could really call you mom and dad?"  
>"You sure can," said Mac and Jessie threw her arms around her, disturbing Kermit who climbed off Mac's lap and looked around the living room.<br>"Thank you ...mom," she said squeezing her. "And...dad. Does that mean I can be a MacKenzie Rabb too?"  
>"Would you like that?" Harm asked with a grin.<br>"Oh, yes please and then everyone will know me and Lily are sisters and everything," she said excitedly before she considered her brother. "What about Aidan?"  
>"Aidan would like his name changed to Aidan Ronnie MacKenzie Rabb," Mac said, still holding the girl close.<br>"Me too!" she squealed excitedly.  
>"Would you like Jessie Ronnie MacKenzie Rabb or Jessie Veronica?" Mac asked and Jessie paused to consider it.<br>"Veronica, please," she said eagerly, "That way mom will know that although I have a new mom she'll always be part of me."  
>Mac could only kiss her head and fight her tears. This was one girl with an amazing spirit.<br>"Can I tell Lily? Can I? Can I?" she begged getting to her feet and grabbing for her walker.  
>"Go for it," Harm said with a laugh, he doubted they could have stopped her if they tried.<p>

As Jessie headed out the door calling for Lily, Mac watched as Kermit studied Harm before tentatively taking a step towards him, then another one. Kermit knew that he was not meant to be on the furniture and that the Master of the House did not like being sat on. However, he nervously walked towards the arm of the chair before attempting to climb over it, emitting a weak 'meow' as his chest brushed against the arm.

Mac gave him a hand up then watched as he put a paw out towards Harm and realising he wasn't being told 'no' or 'get down' gingerly put it on Harm's arm. It didn't take long before the cat was lying on Harm's stomach enjoying all the attention being lavished on him.  
>"I think you have a fan," Mac said, nodding towards the cat. "You're his knight in shining armour who rescued him from upon high."<br>"He really is a cute little thing, isn't he?" Harm said, smiling at Kermit.  
>"Well," said Mattie coming into the room. "I never thought I'd hear you say that," she said with a laugh.<br>"Hello, Matilda," he replied, "I'm just taking care of Kermit as he recovers from his injuries."  
>"Is he really alright?" she asked heading across to pet the cat. "Aidan said he thought he was but wasn't sure if you were just saying it for the kids' sake."<br>"Kermit will be fine," he replied, smiling at the contented purring coming from the animal. "I think it was a bigger fright than anything. His wounds are relatively minor but he'll need some adult TLC to recover. I think the twins would love him to death if I let them have him."  
>"Is Aidan with you?" Mac asked but Mattie shook her head.<br>"Was he supposed to be?" she asked looking between the pair.  
>"No," she replied before filling Mattie in on the goings on of the day.<br>"Well, that explains the happy buzz Aidan's got going on," she said with a laugh.  
>"He seemed to be very happy with things," Harm agreed. "I guess it's been playing on his mind for a while...speaking of the devil," he added with a laugh as Aidan appeared in the doorway.<p>

Before they could tell Aidan of their conversation with Jessie, Lily came running in.  
>"Is it true? Is it? Is it really?" she gasped stopping in the middle of the room.<br>"Is what true?" Mac asked, feigning ignorance.  
>"That Jess and Aidan will be adopted and call you guys mom and dad and be MacKenzie Rabbs and be my sister and brother forever and ever?" she said almost panting.<br>Harm and Mac grinned at their daughter's eagerness. "Aidan, do you want to answer that?" Harm said with a smile and a wink.  
>"Yes, it's true," he said with a smile which threatened to split his face in two. "We'll be just like the rest of you."<br>"So cool!" Lily said before hugging her newest brother tightly. "Now I have an older sister and an older brother and two younger sisters and two younger brothers! That's a lot of people to play with!"

Racing across the room she hugged her mother then father and thanked them repeatedly for making it possible. Before running out of the living room and hugging Jessie. Mac had to wonder how on earth they were going to get the girls to sleep.

When everyone was finally bedded down for the night, including the cats in the laundry, Harm entered his bedroom, closed the door and flicked the privacy lock.  
>"Planning on starting something?" Mac asked tilting her head towards the door.<br>"Well," he started slowly. "I figured we actively celebrated the news of four other impending arrivals, so I was just following tradition..."  
>"That's good thinking," Mac said with a grin, although the truth was she would have accepted no reason at all.<p>

Given they were expecting a double addition they celebrated accordingly and quickly found sleep soon after. It was near dawn before Mac stirred and realised her husband must have been up during the night as there seemed to be an addition to the bed. While it wasn't all that uncommon to have someone come into their bed, this addition had four legs and a tail and was most definitely a newcomer.  
>"What happened to get you in here, Kermit?" she whispered, scratching the cat's head as he lay sprawled over Harm.<br>"Guilty," Harm mumbled. "I got up to Frankie and figured I'd check on Kermit too and he had more blood on his dressing and was crying, so I fixed him up and brought him up with me."  
>"I find this side of you very s..." she started, running her hand down his arm.<br>"Very stupid...silly?" he offered, unsure of where she was headed.  
>"Sexy," she supplied. "In your Dr Harm mode you are incredibly sexy and just to see how you are with this little guy is adorable."<br>"I just..." he started before a reply failed him as Mac leant over him and kissed him deeply. "Love you."  
>"Love you too," she replied before they cuddled together for the last few precious minutes before another busy day would begin.<p> 


	31. Moving On 3

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

Thanks to those sticking with this family - I do appreciate it.

**Life Goes On - Moving On 3/5**

The ensuing days and weeks were hectic and lively as the business of life on the farm went on. The paper work for the adoption of Aidan and Jessie was filed and 'mom' and 'dad' became part of their vocabulary. Kermit made a good recovery and was enjoying a closer relationship with Harm; much to Mac's amusement and Harry's dismay. The boy often felt put out when Kermit jumped up on Harm's lap and not his.

With Thanksgiving on the horizon, there were many conversations between combinations of adults as to the form the day should take as, although it was a day to give thanks and celebrate family, it was also the first anniversary of the fire. While it was decided they would have the traditional lunch, it was also determined they'd book an extra session with the counselor both children still saw.

In the middle of Tuesday night, Mac awoke to the tugging of a little hand and an accompanying plea of 'mommy'. Thinking it was a twin, she was surprised to open her eyes and find it was Jessie.  
>"Jessie!" she exclaimed, throwing back the covers. "How on earth did you get up here?"<br>"I crawled up the stairs," she said quietly. "I had a bad dream and wanted to come sleep with you. Can I...mommy...please?"  
>"Of course you can," she said sitting up. "Let me..."<br>"No, I can do it," she said pushing herself up using the mattress before standing beside the bed. Slowly she turned around and sat down before pushing back and swinging her legs up onto the bed. "Sorry I take so long," she apologised.  
>"It's okay, gorgeous girl," Mac whispered, ruffling her hair. "Take all the time you need."<p>

Before long both were lying down and Jessie was more than comfortable wrapped in Mac's arms.  
>"Do you want to tell me about the dream, Jess?" Mac asked as Jessie snuggled closer.<br>"I kept dreaming that things were on fire and I couldn't get out," she whispered trying to get closer still.  
>"What sort of things?" she asked before kissing her head.<br>"This house, the school, the car, the...everything," she said with a sigh.  
>"And why do you think you're having these dreams?" she asked as Harm rolled over and stretched his arm out to surround them both.<br>"I guess I've been thinking of mom and Thanksgiving and the fire," she admitted, a tear sliding down her cheek.  
>"Do you want to talk about that night, baby?" Mac said gently as she raised the child's face. Since the event, Jessie had only ever spoken to her counselor in depth about the night which changed her life forever.<br>"Not now, Aunty Mac," she said with a yawn. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"  
>"Of course we can," she replied kissing her forehead before adjusting the covers. "We can talk any time you're ready."<p>

It wasn't long before Jessie was asleep and Harm moved closer and kissed Mac's head.  
>"I'm back to Aunty Mac," she whispered linking her fingers with his.<br>"So I noticed," he agreed, squeezing her hand. "It must have taken her a lot of time and effort to get to you."  
>"I know, the poor thing," Mac said tearfully. "Is there any way to make that easier for her?"<br>"I don't know," he replied. "We'll have to put some thought into it."

Lily was the first to wake the next morning and finding that Jessie wasn't in her bed and the alarm hadn't gone off, she flew up the stairs in panic before flinging open her parents' door.  
>"Jessie's not..." she started before realising where Jessie was.<br>"Shh," Harm said, beckoning her over. "Jessie came up to us in the night."  
>"By herself!" Lily asked with her eyes widening.<br>"Yes," whispered Harm in reply as Lily climbed in next to him.  
>"Is she okay?" Lily asked peering over her parents to look at her newest sister.<br>"She was having some bad dreams and needed mommy," he replied with a yawn.  
>"Aha," she yawned in reply. "But is she okay?"<br>"I think so," he replied, pulling her close and kissing her head. "It's just with Thanksgiving coming up she's thinking about her mom and the fire."  
>"I thought that was it," Lily replied as she settled close to Harm. "She's been crying at night a lot more lately."<br>"Why didn't you say something?" he asked, stroking her head.  
>"Because she made me promise not to," she replied, closing her eyes. "And sisters keep their promises. Mattie taught me that."<p>

It took a few days of thinking and discussing for Harm to come up with a better arrangement for Jessie. After a few false starts, he and Jessie agreed on an intercom in the living room. Harm had wanted to put it next to her bed but Jessie said that she needed the privacy of another room and while Harm couldn't figure out why, he went with it.  
>The second night it was installed, Jessie's voice came as a hesitant whisper into the master bedroom.<br>"Um...mom? Dad? Can you hear me?" she asked hesitantly.  
>"Yes, Jess, honey, what's wrong?" Mac asked as she swung her legs around.<br>"Um, mom, sorry to wake you but can you come down here, please, Aunty Mac?" she rambled.  
>"Sure, honey, I'll be right there," she said, grabbing her robe and heading out the door.<br>"Do you want me to come down too, Jessie?" Harm asked sitting up in bed.  
>"Ah, not really, dad. I...uh...just need mom, sorry," she said sheepishly.<br>"That's okay, just call if you change your mind," he said as he heard Mac enter the living room through the intercom.  
>"I will, thanks, dad," she said before the intercom went quiet.<p>

Having entered the living room, Mac headed straight to Jessie who was sitting in the armchair. Bobbing down in front, she caressed the child's face.  
>"How are you doing, baby?" Mac asked as she ran her hand along the child's forehead.<br>"Okay," she replied slowly. "I'm sorry to wake you up."  
>"That's okay," she answered. "Do you need something?"<br>"Aha," Jessie said before closing her eyes and sighing.  
>"What?" she asked, her concern escalating.<br>"Can we talk about mom?" she asked opening her eyes.

It took nearly ten minutes for Mac and Jessie to be ready for their talk, having organised hot chocolate and cookies, a box of tissues, some blankets and for Jessie to use the bathroom. Soon they were snuggled together on the sofa, their mugs still on the coffee table.  
>"Anytime you're ready," Mac said softly as she raked her fingers through Jessie's hair.<br>"It's Thanksgiving in two days," Jessie said, her voice shaky. "But tomorrow's the date...you know...of last year's Thanksgiving."  
>"I know," Mac whispered, leaning down and kissing the child's head.<br>"And it's been a strange year, you know," she continued, her fingers playing with the button on Mac's pyjama top. "There have been some really amazing things...and some really ... horrible ... things," she whispered, tears threatening to take her voice.  
>Mac kissed her head once more and tried to keep her own tears at bay.<br>"I love you and Uncle Harm so much," she said, "And I want you to know that...Me and Aidan were talking about how lucky we are ... because you guys and Lily and the kids made us family even before that night. And we're lucky that when all that stuff happened you kept us...even with my problems."  
>"We're the lucky ones, Jess," Mac said quietly. "You and Aidan are amazing kids and having you in our family is a blessing."<br>"Thanks," she said finally looking at Mac. "I guess that's why it's hard to talk about that night..."  
>"Why?" Mac asked, after all, they spoke about Ronnie regularly.<br>"Because as much as I love you all, I really wish that fire hadn't happened and mom and Aidan and I were still living in that crappy house, and I don't want you to hate me for it..." she said before sobbing.

Pulling her into her lap, Mac cradled the child and ignored her own tears. It was a few more minutes before she was being handed a Kleenex by Harm who had heard the conversation on the intercom. Sitting alongside them, Harm wrapped his arms around them before kissing both their heads.  
>"We could never hate you, Jessie," Harm said, raising the girl's face.<br>"Never," Mac echoed.  
>"Even though I wish I wasn't here?" she cried, swiping at her face.<br>"We couldn't hate you for that," Mac said, caressing the child's face.  
>"But you've done so much for me...and it makes me feel bad for feeling this way, you know, ungrateful..." she whispered, resting her head against Mac's.<br>"We understand that you would much rather be living with your mom," Harm said. "We really do."  
>"We would love for your mom to still be here," Mac said before kissing Jessie's head. "She was a beautiful person and a wonderful mom and we wish we could change what happened."<br>Jessie nodded and sniffled. "I was so scared that night," she said quietly. "Scared about the fire, scared about mom, scared about Aidan leaving, scared about what would happen to me."  
>"Oh, baby," Mac whispered, pulling her closely. "I'm sure you were."<br>"And when mommy was in hospital I was scared she wouldn't get better and I was scared about what would happen to us if she died and scared about where we'd live if she got better," she continued, all her fears finally tumbling out. "And I was so happy when she got better and came here on Christmas Day and was coming back to live here...and then...then...then..."  
>"The accident?" Harm supplied for her and Jessie nodded.<br>"The accident," Jessie echoed. "And I was scared all over again..."  
>"That's a lot for a 10-year-old to be scared of," Mac said, rubbing her arm.<br>"It was," Jessie said with a nod. "But soon I got caught up with living here and getting my legs fixed and being around all the kids and school and I stopped being so scared."  
>"And that's a good thing, isn't it?" Harm asked, raking his fingers through Jessie's hair.<br>"I thought so," she said with a sniffle.  
>"And now you don't think so?" Mac asked, glancing at Harm.<br>"I don't know," she sobbed. "I just feel bad."  
>"About what, baby?" Mac asked, cupping the child's cheek.<br>"About missing mom and wanting her to be alive and remembering that night and disappointing you guys and ..." she said in a gush.  
>"You have never disappointed us," Harm interjected. "We love you so much and we are very proud of you."<br>"Are you sure?" she checked, looking from one to the other.  
>"Absolutely positive," Mac said, kissing her once more.<p>

Happy enough with the answer, Jessie settled back against Mac and over the next 40 minutes they ate their cookies, drank their hot chocolate and chatted about Ronnie. By the time Jessie was on the edge of sleep, it was almost dawn.  
>"Jess, honey," Harm said as he lifted the child's from Mac's arms. "The alarm will go off in about an hour. Would you like to sleep in our bed and skip school today?"<br>"I want to sleep in your bed but not really skip school," she said with a yawn. "There's a Thanksgiving thingy on this afternoon."  
>"Well, how about you miss the morning and we'll drive you in later?" Mac suggested and Jessie nodded.<br>"That would be good, thanks, mom," she said and, before Harm had ascended the stairs, Jessie was asleep.

With Mac and Jessie curled up asleep together, it was left to Harm to do the 'morning shift' as he often referred to it. Deciding not to go back to bed, he prepared pancakes for breakfast and ensured all children who were going to school had their lunch packed, clothes ready and shoes polished.  
>"You've been very industrious, Harm," Trish said as she came through the back door and scanned the early morning preparations.<br>"Good morning, mom," he said as he kissed her hello. "Can I interest you in some freshly brewed coffee?"  
>"You can," she replied, before scanning the area again.<br>"What's up?" he asked, knowing his mother had something on her mind.  
>"Why haven't you been sleeping?" she asked, turning to face him. "And before you make up a story, I can see it in your face and in all the work you've done here."<br>"I wasn't going to make up a story, mom," he said with a smile. "Jessie had some issues and she only went to sleep about an hour ago. So, Mac's up there with her and I figured I'd get a jump start on the day."  
>"Is Jessie alright?" Trish asked, as Harm handed her her coffee.<br>"Well," Harm started before telling his mother what the night had encompassed.  
>"Oh my," was Trish's response as she dabbed her eyes. "What a precious child! Ronnie may not have had much but she loved her children so very much and taught them well."<br>"That she did, mom, that she did," replied Harm, still tearful about the whole conversation himself.

With the girls' Thanksgiving Pageant starting at two, Harm drove Jessie to school for one, while the others made their way in for the scheduled time. While Lily had been a little put out that Jessie was having the morning off school and she wasn't, Harm had given her a note to give to the teacher and made the task sound as if it was the most important duty ever. After that, Lily couldn't wait to get out of the door and onto the bus.  
>"Will the others make fun of me for being late, dad?" Jessie asked Harm as she wheeled herself along the corridor.<br>"Not at all, Jess," he replied, carrying her bag and walker. "I think they'll all be too busy with the pageant and thinking about tomorrow than anything else."  
>"That's good, she said, as he opened the classroom door for her.<br>"Jessie!" Lily exclaimed when she spied her. "I thought you'd never get here and..."

While she continued to catch Jessie up on what she'd missed that morning, the teacher came over and took Jessie's things from Harm.  
>"Thank you for the note," she said quietly. "It explains a few things about Jessie's behaviour in recent days."<br>"It has been a rough time, which is only to be expected," he said, willing himself to remain composed, something he was finding hard.  
>"Is there anything we can do to help her?" Jane Matthews asked.<br>"Keep her busy," Harm said watching his daughters' animated discussion. "But I think Lily's got that covered."  
>"I think she has," laughed Jane.<br>"Ms Matthews," a young boy interrupted, "I can't get the tree thingy to stand up," he said, pointing to a sad looking tree.  
>"Oh dear," she replied, having tried everything she could to rescue the prop.<br>"Anything I can help with?" asked Harm, after all, he had time to spare.

The afternoon at school was delightful for all and, although she was biased, Trish had to declare that Jessie and Lily made the cutest pilgrims. Dinner that night was loud and noisy with the general excitement which surrounds an upcoming holiday and time off school. It was after dinner, when the youngest four, including Kenzie, were fast asleep that the others assembled in the living room. While keeping the kids busy during the day was one thing, Harm knew that ignoring the fact that this was the first anniversary of the fire wasn't the way to go.

Not wanting a formal discussion where the children felt forced to discuss things, Harm went for the casual approach as the family remained scattered around, engaged in their own activities.  
>"It's hard to believe it's a year since you came to Bellevue, Aidan," Harm said as he sat beside him on the sofa. "It feels like you've always been here, part of the family."<br>"I know," he agreed with a nod of the head. "I was just thinking that myself."  
>"And what else have you thought about today?" he asked gently and Aidan's eyes darted to Jessie.<br>"Um..." he started hesitantly.  
>"Well, Jessie, Mac and I had a long chat this morning about today being the anniversary of the fire," he said, his arm sliding around the young man's shoulders. "And about everything that happened as a result of that day." They both watched as Jessie moved from her place on the floor over to them. Using her strength, she pushed up on Harm's legs and settled herself with them. "Didn't we, Jess?"<br>"We did," she said, nestling against Harm. "And we talked a lot about how I wish the fire never happened and how you and me and mom were still in that house..."  
>"But then you wouldn't be my sister!" Lily said, standing up.<br>"I know," said Jessie. "But we would still be best friends."  
>"It wouldn't be the same though," she said in a huff, too young to realise what Jessie had truly meant.<br>"No, it wouldn't be," Mac agreed, reaching out for her Lily's hand. "Jessie and Aidan love us, they love being here with us but they both really wish there hadn't been the fire and that Ronnie hadn't died."  
>"Yeah, I wish she hadn't died too," Lily said. "She was pretty cool."<br>"Yes, she was," Mac agreed.

And while not a lot more was said on the topic, it was enough to let Jessie and Aidan know they had the support of the family, just like they always had.

Thanksgiving dawned cold and rainy and everyone at the farm had their duties assigned for the day. Frank had volunteered to help Colin babysitting anyone who would be underfoot in the farmhouse. Rounding up the twins and Frankie after breakfast, he trekked the short distance to the Bates house and let himself in.  
>"Hey, Frank," Colin said as he scooped up Kenzie and placed him in the highchair. "I think we have the easier task of the day."<br>"Me too," he replied. Cooking wasn't really his thing and cooking under pressure with intense supervision definitely wasn't his thing either.  
>"Coffee?" the younger man offered and by the time it was ready, the children were all happily occupied and the men sat down to chat about business and the farm.<p>

Meanwhile, the farmhouse kitchen was a chaotic place and while Harm was trying to run it like a military operation, his mother was trying to do her own thing. Realising nerves were getting frayed, Mac stepped in.  
>"Mats, are you able to help mom for a bit?" she asked as the younger woman returned from the dining room. "I just need to speak to Harm for a minute."<br>"Sure," Mattie said. "Aidan is helping the girls with the table so I'm free. Take your time."

Taking her husband's hand, Mac led him upstairs to their bedroom.  
>"What's up?" he asked, checking the time on the clock.<br>"I thought a time-out was in order," she said, as she gently pushed him to sit on the side of the bed.  
>"A time-out for whom?" he questioned, looking at the clock once more.<br>"You," she replied. "You and your mom seem to have different ideas on what needs doing and when."  
>"That doesn't mean I need a time-out," he replied sharply. "I'm trying to get the pies in the oven and she's interfering. If anyone needs a time-out it's her!"<br>"She's just trying to make this a perfect Thanksgiving," she said, looping her arms around his neck.  
>"But she's questioning and changing everything I'm trying to do," he continued to protest. "I've had to bite my tongue a few times."<br>"Sweetheart," Mac said, caressing his face. "Why are you so worked up?"  
>"I don't know," he said with a shake of his head. "Mom and I have cooked together before but today she just seems overly bossy and contrary."<br>"I heard her talking to dad the other day and saying just how special she wanted today to be. Special for everyone, especially Jessie and Aidan and you and I," she said, her fingers dancing through his hair.  
>"I can understand making it special for the kids, why us though?" he asked, pulling Mac closer still.<br>"Oh, I think it's because of everything we've been through this year...you know, my mom dying and the aftermath of that," she said, fighting the tears. "She was really worried about me and us at the time and she's just trying to take care of us the best way she knows how."  
>"Well," he said with a sigh. "Don't I feel like an ass now?" He shook his head.<br>"I know," Mac said gently. "But maybe this will help..."

Stepping between his legs, Mac raised her husband's face before kissing him tenderly.  
>"I love you," she whispered between kisses. "And I am very thankful for you each and every day."<br>Forgetting the hassles with his mother, Harm melted into his wife's kisses."I'm very thankful for you too," he whispered before leaning back and pulling her onto the bed with him. "Love you so much."  
>And, for a while, gentle, loving kisses were the only things that mattered.<br>"Ah," Mac sighed, "I guess we should go back downstairs," she finally said as she sat up once more.  
>"Not yet," Harm replied, pulling her back down. "I'm not finished in time-out yet,"<br>"What about your pies? The kids? Lunch?" she asked, not resisting his advances in the least.  
>"They'll still all be down there in five minutes," he said, kissing her neck. "Or 10...15..."<p>

When 30 minutes had elapsed and there was still no sign of the pair, Mattie resorted to using the intercom.  
>"If you two have finished your...ah...conversation," she said, her voice surprising them. "There are things that need your attention down here."<br>"Oops," Mac said, getting to her feet this time. "We've got to go."  
>"Guess we do," he replied, standing up next to her and adjusting her collar. "What do I have to do to get another time-out in few hours?"<br>"You just behave yourself down there, mister," she warned with a smile.  
>"But it will be hard not to misbehave knowing that being in here with you is the punishment," he replied with a grin.<br>"Well, if you behave yourself for the rest of the day, I will reward you amply later tonight," she said as she headed to the door.  
>"Oh, that sounds like a better deal," Harm said opening the door. "Love you," he said, kissing her quickly.<br>"Love you too!" she replied, leading them downstairs. "Now, I'll sort out whatever that squabble we can hear is and you go play nicely with your mother."

Heading towards the noise, Mac came across two young girls arguing about place settings.  
>"What's all the noise about?" Mac asked from the door way and two shouted explanations came back at her. "You both know better than to yell at me," she cautioned them. "Now, one at a time..."<br>"There are four little kids having lunch and sitting at that table," said Jessie, pointing to the small table set up near the wall. "And there are nine people having lunch at the big table," she continued, gesturing towards the partly set dining table.  
>"That's correct," Mac said, not seeing the issue.<br>"But Lily keeps saying there has to be 10 places, not nine," Jessie said. "And she keeps moving the stuff I put on the table."  
>"Lily," Mac said, turning to the child. "What's your version?"<br>"There needs to be 10 places for lunch," she said simply. "And 'she' won't listen to me."  
>"For starters, 'she' has a name and it's Jessie," Mac said in a warning tone and Lily muttered apologetically. "Why does there have to be 10? Are we expecting someone else?"<br>"No, not really," Lily said, shaking her head.  
>"Then what's this all about, Lily?" she asked, just as confused as Jessie.<p>

With a grump and a sigh, Lily went to a bag which had been on the bureau and got out a framed photograph of Ronnie. "Amy Michaels said they always set a place for her dad on Thanksgiving and Christmas and stuff and I thought it would be a good idea for us to have one for Ronnie."  
>"I think it's a lovely idea, don't you, Jess?" Mac said as she watched the child's response.<br>"Yeah, it's a nice thing to do," she said with a nod. "But why didn't you just tell me?"  
>"'Cos mom was supposed to help us with the table and I was going to check that it was okay 'cos I didn't want you crying and stuff," Lily tried to explain. "But then mom went upstairs with dad and took forever and Aidan was here and I really didn't want to tell him, you know? But I thought if we set the table for nine we'd have to shift everything when mom finally came back and I didn't want to do that," she rambled.<br>"Sorry, I took so long," Mac said genuinely. "Can I help you finish it now?"  
>The girls nodded before Jessie moved over to hug her sister. "Thanks, Lily, it's a pretty cool idea."<p>

Meanwhile, Harm had headed to the kitchen and waited for his mom to put the tray down.  
>"I'm really sorry about before, mom," he said, hugging her and kissing her cheek. "What can I do to help you?"<br>"You've changed your tune," she replied handing him back his apron.  
>"I have," he agreed. "I realised you were right and that you do know best."<br>"Well, well," Trish said with a smile. "I never thought I'd hear those words coming from you, Harmon."  
>"I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong," he said, tying the strings behind his back. "Especially when my wife tells me so," he added with a laugh.<br>Trish gently patted his face. "Maybe we can work together on lunch."

This time things went a lot smoother and soon everyone was being told to wash up for lunch. There were lots of oohs and aahs around the dining room when Harm carried out the huge turkey.  
>"Dad, will you do the honours?" he said as Trish handed over the carving utensils.<br>"My pleasure," said Frank, standing up. "It looks wonderful."  
>"And is that your famous cornbread stuffing, Harm?" asked Colin. "Mattie raves about it."<br>"No, actually it's mom's," Harm reported. "And it's just perfect for today's meal."

After grace was said, the mountains of food were devoured by those assembled. When people were finally full and plates cleared, they sat contentedly around the table. Looking around, Harm couldn't help but smile. The only time he had celebrated Thanksgiving with more people had been in a mess at numerous military bases over the years. This time there were no random personnel sharing his table, they were his family, every single one of them.  
>"What has you grinning, Harm?" Frank asked from beside his son.<br>"The thought that everyone here belongs to me," he said turning to the older man. "It's an amazing feeling and still a little unbelievable, I guess."  
>"Overwhelming is probably my word for it," he said with a laugh. "For years it was just the three of us and for so many more just your mother and I...then along came your beautiful Sarah and things have improved from there."<br>"Definitely improved," Harm said looking towards his wife who was busy chatting to Mattie. "Not to mention multiplied."  
>"Yes," Frank said with a nod. "Your mother and I often discuss how suddenly we have moved from being retirees in La Jolla and the parents of one to being active grandparents of seven, eight with Colin and great grandparents of one on the east coast."<br>"Any regrets?" Harm asked quietly.  
>"Yeah," he said with a sigh. "That you and I didn't have this relationship years ago. I know that cannot be changed but I'm very thankful we have it now."<br>"Me too, dad, me too," Harm said embracing the older man. "Love you, dad."  
>"Love you too, son," he replied, trying not to let his tears fall.<p>

Trish stood and moved around her husband to her son, she caressed Harm's face and then kissed his head.  
>"This is why I wanted the perfect Thanksgiving," she whispered, not wanting everyone listening in. "For so long you would never let me be your mom...never let us be part of your life ... then with Mac and then Lily we visited but were always guests for Thanksgiving. Even last year, Mattie did Thanksgiving and we still felt like guests. This year, we're living here, this is our home too and finally, finally I get to make Thanksgiving for my boy and his family. You have no idea just how thankful I am for that." She kissed his head once more before embracing him.<br>"Mommy," Lily said, interrupting Mac's conversation. "Why is daddy crying?"

Mac spun around to find her very emotional husband still being hugged by his mother. Immediately, her hand was on his back, rubbing gentle circles. "What's wrong?" she asked looking to Trish and Frank.  
>"Absolutely nothing," Frank said with a grin.<br>"Everything is finally right," Trish added, kissing Harm's head once more.  
>"Harm?" Mac said as he pulled away from his mother.<br>"I'm happy," he said taking his wife's hand. "I'm very happy and I am very thankful for you, for everyone here. So very, very thankful."


	32. Moving On 4

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

Thanks to those sticking with this family - I do appreciate it.

**Life Goes On - Moving On 4/5**

A week before Christmas and there was a happy buzz around the farm. Though winter had hit hard and early, and there was snow on the ground, the place was still a hive of activity with festive preparations in full swing. Presents were already wrapped, labelled and hidden in Trish and Frank's home lest any inquisitive youngsters searched the farmhouse. Trees and decorations adorned all three homes and there was even one at the M.O.M counter. M.O.M had been a busy place too recently with Christmas adding to the financial pressures of local families who were, with the rest of the country, already experiencing economic hardship.

Just in the last week, three mothers and a father had come in trying to find items suitable for 'Santa' gifts for their children. With most of the items being second-hand, it was a search to find something appropriate on Santa's behalf. Having succeeded with the first few families, Frank couldn't find anything for the last family.

It was a young mother with two daughters aged 5 and 7. Her husband had left them during the summer and it had been a tough six months. Now unemployed, thanks to her factory closing, she was desperate to find something for the children while they were in school. Finding clothes but no suitable toys, the mother was visibly upset when Frank realised they had nothing more.  
>"I'm so sorry," he said sympathetically, "It's been a busy time here."<br>"Oh, I understand," she replied, wiping a tear away. "Lots of people are doing it hard this year. I am grateful for the clothes, thank you."  
>"If you'd like to leave your name and a contact number I can call you if we get a donation in the next few days," Frank said, pushing a note pad across the counter.<br>"That's very kind of you," she said and scribbled her details down.  
>Taking the pad back, Frank stared at the name, Beth Richards. Beth, the name of his late daughter.<br>"Something wrong?" the young woman asked. "Can't you read it? My handwriting isn't really the best."  
>"Oh, your writing's fine," he said, coughing to clear the lump in his throat. "I was just thinking I may have something in the office that you can have...I won't be a minute."<p>

Quickly, Frank disappeared into the small office in the hangar and grabbed his personal cheque book that he had stashed in the bottom drawer. Harm had cautioned him before about giving out his own money as they didn't want M.O.M to be abused. However, Frank felt that this case was different and he rapidly filled in the details.  
>"Here you go, Ms Richards," he said handing over the folded paper. "If you hurry you can get it cashed this afternoon."<br>Beth unfolded the paper and gasped. "Oh, no, this is too much!" she said looking between the cheque and the man in front of her. "I can't accept it." She tried to hand it back to Frank.  
>"It is not too much," he said. "Think of it as your Christmas miracle. Use some of it now and put some aside. You said it yourself, it's tough out there. This is just something small to help you remember that there are brighter days ahead for you and your girls."<p>

Moving around the counter, Beth hugged Frank tightly. "You have no idea just how much this means," she cried. "I can't thank you enough...there aren't the words to express...I...I...oh, thank you. I promise to put it to good use and to, hopefully, be able to pay you back."  
>"Sweetheart, you don't have to pay me back," Frank said, as he bundled up the clothes she had selected earlier into bags. "But I do ask two things..."<br>"Certainly, what are they?" Beth said quickly.  
>"Firstly, this remains our secret," he said as another customer came in and started to browse. "It's not something we can do for everyone."<br>"Oh, definitely," she said. "I won't tell a soul."  
>"And the other thing is, that if you are ever in a position to do so, you pay it forward," he said quietly, after all the whole concept of M.O.M was paying forward the generosity the community had shown Murphys.<p>

Two days before Christmas, Harm found himself in the kitchen baking with his mother, the weather too cold for any work with Rabb Runways. Looking out the kitchen window he saw the postman hand the daily mail to his wife and continued to watch as she scanned through the pile, sorting it between the three families as she walked back to the farmhouse.  
>Spying the official letter she had been waiting on, Mac placed the rest on the post on the back porch. Opening it, Mac smiled broadly and then re-read the letter again.<p>

Not wanting to wait for his wife to come in, Harm went out to the porch, shivering instantly.  
>"What's the good news?" he asked, crossing over to her.<br>"This!" She handed him the letter. "We have our court date. January 11th."  
>"January 11th" he repeated "20 days."<br>"20 days and they are officially ours," Mac said grinning before embracing her husband. "Oh, you're so cold. Why are you just wearing a shirt?"  
>"A shirt and an apron," he corrected. "I saw you through the window...wanted to know what had you smiling."<br>"Well, let's get you inside and all warmed up and then we'll tell the kids," she said, leading him to the back door.  
>"Do you mind not telling them today?" Harm asked and Mac stopped. "Just thinking it would make a really good present on Christmas Day."<br>"Oooh, yeah, that's a much better idea," she said kissing his cheek. "I knew I didn't just marry you for your good looks."

"Santa's been! Santa's been!" came a screamed chorus from the living room and soon the sounds of toddler footsteps scampering down the stairs were heard.  
>"Guess that's our cue to get up," Harm yawned, rolling over to find he was there alone. "Mac?"<p>

Climbing out of bed and pulling his robe on, Harm stopped by the bathroom before checking the bedrooms for his wife. Moving downstairs he checked the kitchen before heading into the growing chaos in the living room.  
>"What's with all the noise?" he asked scanning the room, his wife wasn't there either.<br>"Sorry, dad, but Santa's been...Look!" Jessie said pointing at the piles and piles of presents.  
>"Oh, so he has," Harm said, kissing her head. "But no touching until everyone is here. Understood?"<br>"Oh, dad," came muttered replies from around the room. No one impressed by this torture he was inflicting on them. "Understood?" he repeated and waited for the 'yeses' he knew were coming. "Now, where's your mother?"  
>"Don't know, dad," said Lily. "I haven't seen her yet."<p>

Harm's brow furrowed, now he was concerned. Turning towards the incoming noise, Harm spied his parents and moved to greet them before asking if they knew where Mac was; they didn't. As his parents went to supervise the living room crowd, Harm pulled on his coat over his robe and pushed his feet into his boots.

Three steps from the back porch, he caught sight of Mattie, Colin, Aidan and Kenzie making their way over.  
>"Pappy!" Kenzie squealed running over to Harm.<br>"Merry Christmas, little man," Harm said scooping the boy up and kissing him. "Pappy loves you lots!"  
>"Love pappy," Kenzie said, squeezing him tightly.<br>Settling Kenzie on his hip, Harm turned to the boy's parents. "Have you seen Mac this morning?"  
>"No," Colin replied. "Something wrong?"<br>"I don't know," he replied. "Can't find her anywhere and no one has seen her."  
>"When did you last see her?" Mattie asked, taking her son back.<br>"Got to bed about three after doing all the presents," he said. "We both fell asleep quickly."  
>"Well, it's just gone six, so given she would have slept for a while, and her car's still here so she can't have gone far," Colin said, "Want some help looking for her."<br>"Where do I start?" he said shaking his head.  
>"The barn?" Colin suggested and while Mattie and Aidan took Kenzie inside, Harm and Colin headed towards the barn.<p>

Scanning the area quickly, Harm sighed. "Not here either."  
>"Want to take a closer look?" Colin said with a growing smile.<br>"What do you mean?" Harm asked before following Colin's finger.  
>"I think that's your wife over there," he said before heading into the house.<p>

Jogging across the barn, Harm found his wife curled up on some hay bales, her coat pulled tightly around her.  
>"Mac," he said gently shaking her. "Wake up, gorgeous!"<br>"Few more minutes," she mumbled before clarity struck. "Harm!"  
>"What on earth are you doing sleeping out here?" he asked, helping her stand.<br>"Your present," she said yawning. "I came out here to see to your present and I was so tired, so I sat down for just a minute. Guess I fell asleep. Sorry to have worried you."

Wrapping her arms around her husband, Mac relished the warmth he provided. "Merry Christmas," she added belatedly.  
>"Merry Christmas to you too, gorgeous," he replied, leaning down to kiss her now that he was confident that all was well. "So," he continued when Mac pulled back. "You were saying something about my present?"<br>"You know the rules about presents before church," she said, trying to turn him around.  
>"C'mon, Mac," Harm chided. "I promise I won't tell anyone..." He fluttered his eyes and pouted. "Pretty please."<br>"Oh, okay," she said, taking his hand once more. "Now, you were saying you wanted to get a range of aeronautical paraphernalia for the office and hangars, right? So, I found some for your present and had it shipped from the UK. It was supposed to be here weeks ago but only arrived two days ago so I came out to check if it was all that I ordered and then when I opened the cases, it wasn't that clean so I figured I'd try and polish it up a bit and..."  
>"Mac, why are you talking so fast?" he asked, pulling her back to him.<br>"Because I don't know whether you'll like it and ..." she started before Harm kissed her.  
>"I'll love it," he said, rubbing his nose against hers. "And what else?"<br>"It's sooo cold out here and I'm freezing," she said pulling the tarpaulin off a large crate. "Ta...da!" she announced.  
>Scanning the area, Harm grinned.<br>"This one is a Watt's propeller," she explained waving at the item closest. "It was used on the very early spitfire prototype, Mk1 and the Hurricane Mk1. And that..." she continued, "Is a rotol prop blade from a Vickers Wellington...and well, there are a dozen things all together and there's an inventory with all the details and I hope you like it!"  
>"Like it," Harm replied, still grinning. "I love it! All of it. And I really, truly love you!" He kissed her quickly. "Now, let's get you inside and warmed up before we get put on the missing list."<p>

Once in the house Mac scurried upstairs for a quick hot shower and change of clothes while Harm headed to the kitchen where all the adults were assembled.  
>"Everything alright?" Trish asked, looking up from the plate of toast she was buttering.<br>"Yeah, all good, mom," Harm replied with a grin. "Mac was just polishing my propeller. What?" he asked when he heard snickering behind him.  
>"Polishing your propeller?" Frank said with a laugh. "Is that what the young people are calling it these days?"<br>"Dad!" Harm exclaimed as a flush came to his face.  
>"Not the young people, grandpa," Mattie continued, "Maybe the middle-aged are."<br>"Matilda!" Harm exclaimed and everyone laughed.  
>"In my day," Trish added, taking delight in her son's embarrassment. "We called it pitching woo."<br>"Now days..." Colin piped in. "It's really just called 'getting some'. Isn't that right, Harm?"  
>"We...I...she..." Harm tried to interject but the words wouldn't come. As bright red as the dishcloth in his hand, he could do nothing else but shake his head and make a hasty retreat.<p>

Deciding the company of his children was preferable to being in the kitchen, Harm headed to the living room and smiled at the scene. Scattered around in an array of night clothes were seven youngsters all very eager to get to the gift part of Christmas Day.  
>"Do we have to stick to the one present before church rule?" Lily asked when she spied him.<br>"Yes, Lily, we do," he replied, scooping up Kenzie who was trying to commando crawl past him. "And just where do you think you are going, little man?"  
>"Pappy!" Kenzie squealed, squeezing him tightly.<br>"Merry Christmas, Kenz," he said, kissing the child's head before taking a deep breath. He would never tire of seeing the joy of Christmas in the faces of children; his children, his beautiful, special and incredibly amazing children. "Well, maybe this year you can do two."

After church, and the opening of the rest of the presents, the living room was awash in discarded paper and boxes.  
>"Just how many trees do you think we killed here today?" Mac whispered to Harm as she wrapped her arm around him.<br>"None," he replied, snaking his arm around her. "Santa made sure all wrapping paper was made of recycled paper."  
>"Santa is a good boy," she replied, kissing his cheek.<br>"Yes, he is," Harm agreed pulling her a little closer.

For a while they watched the chaotic scene in front of them as the children played with their new acquisitions.  
>"Is it just me or have you noticed that Lily has been getting bossier lately?" Harm whispered as he watched said daughter,<br>"I've noticed it too," Mac said, her eyes on Lily as well. "The twins aren't taking much notice but it seems to be affecting Jess."  
>"Should we say something to Lily about it?" he asked, moving aside for his mother to access the room.<br>"No," she replied. "I think we talk to Jessie about it."  
>"Why Jessie?" he asked, watching as the young girl moved to the sofa.<br>"Lily can be over the top at times, not to mention persistent," Mac said quietly. "Jess needs to learn how to stand her ground, so to speak."  
>"So, do we speak to her now?" he asked, not too sure how to address the issue.<br>"No, we just wait for the right opportunity to come along," Mac said before turning her attention elsewhere.

When Frank announced it was nearly time for lunch, the children went charging from the room to wash up. Harm and Mac looked on as Jessie sighed sadly and struggled to get into her walker.  
>"You don't seem very happy there, honey," Mac said, holding the frame still for her.<br>"I am," she replied but her smile wasn't genuine.  
>"But..." offered Harm trying to help her out.<br>"But I just got back to playing with my doll and now it's lunch time," she said with another sigh.  
>"You didn't want to play those five games of Connect 4 with Lily, did you, Jessie?" Harm asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.<br>"Well, no but it's alright," she said quickly. "I didn't mind."  
>"I know you didn't mind," he said gently. "But what you really wanted was to do was to play with the doll Mattie and Colin gave you. Isn't that right?"<br>"Yeah but Lily wanted to play and well..." she said before stopping,  
>"Well what?" asked Mac standing between Jessie and the doorway.<br>"Well, when Lily wants to do something that's usually what we do," she said with a resigned air.  
>"Then next time," Harm said, ruffling her hair. "You just say no. Tell her you're sorry but you're busy and you'll play later."<br>"I couldn't do that!" Jessie exclaimed, looking from one to the other.  
>"And why not?" asked Mac, caressing her panicked face.<br>"Because...well, because..." she said not finding the words to continue.  
>"Because..." Harm repeated and Jessie shrugged.<br>"Because ...well... this is Lily's house and I don't want to upset her and have to move out," she said with another shrug.  
>"Is that what you think will happen?" Mac asked and Jessie shrugged again before nodding.<br>"Yeah, I guess," she finally said. "I mean you guys are her parents and ..."  
>"And we're you're parents too," Harm reminded her.<br>"Yeah," she acknowledged. "But you're really hers and I figured you'd take her side."  
>"We are really yours too and we won't be taking sides in any matter," Mac said, before helping Jessie find a path through the myriad of presents.<p>

Taking her parents' words on board, Jessie decided to exercise her independence straight away as Lily was determining where everyone was sitting at the big table and Jessie didn't like the seat Lily was pointing too.  
>"I'm going to sit here," Jessie said, pointing to the chair next to the one Harm had already claimed.<br>"But no," Lily protested. "I'm going to sit there and you're going to sit here...next to grandma."  
>"I'm fine right here. Aren't I, dad?" she said looking to Harm for some support in the matter.<br>"You are, Jessie," he said, before making a show of pulling out her chair. "Now, you sit and I'll move the walker into the laundry so it's out of the way," he added.

Lily was not impressed by the new arrangement but soon with a feast before her and Christmas Crackers to pull, her attention was diverted and she settled for happy chatter with Trish.

Once everyone had declared they were full and the dessert dishes had been cleared, Harm felt it was a good opportunity to announce the family's upcoming court date. However, Miss Lily seemed to be making announcements of her own.  
>"Now we can get back to playing with the toys and Jessie and I can..." she started but Mac interrupted.<br>"Maybe Jessie would like to make her own mind up," she said looking at Lily. "After all, it is her Christmas Day too."  
>"Yeah, but some of my things need two people to play and ..." she went to protest but Mac shook her head.<br>"Lily," she said firmly and the child gave an exaggerated sigh.  
>"Fine!" she said in a huff. "But it's my Christmas Day too."<br>"Maybe we can play Scrabble," Jessie suggested and Mac nodded.  
>"I hate Scrabble," Lily declared, "I never win."<br>Annoyed with her sister, Jessie pushed herself up and stood at the table. "And you only want to play Connect 4 with me because I never win!" she declared.  
>"That's right!" Lily said before she could stop herself.<br>'Arghhhh!" Jessie growled in frustration before throwing her arms up and marching off.

Suddenly, she was aware that everything had fallen silent, even the little kids weren't making a sound. It took her a second to realise why.  
>"Oh wow! Jessie!" Lily exclaimed jumping up and running around the table to her. "You're walking! You're walking!"<br>"I'm walking," she said looking down at her own legs in disbelief.  
>Harm stood and stepped closer to her. "How are you feeling, Jessie?" he asked, watching for any sign she might tumble.<br>"Um...okay, I think," she said. "I...ah...I might just..." She wasn't too sure what she should do.  
>"Maybe you should walk over to the bureau," Harm suggested. "There's a letter there that relates to you and Aidan."<p>

Under the intense gaze of all present and with Harm and Lily hovering nearby, Jessie took another four teetering steps before reaching out to the bureau for support.  
>"You did it! You did it!" Lily cried before hugging her best friend and sister. "That was amazing, Jessie. Amazing!"<p>

Quickly, Harm wrapped his arm around the star of the moment as Lily's hug left her unsteady. Reaching out, Jessie picked up the envelope before turning to Harm.  
>"Is this it?" she asked shaking it in her hand.<br>"It is," he replied with a grin. "Now, I think you should sit down before you read it..."  
>"I'm alright, dad," she replied. "I can stand for a bit longer."<br>"I know you can, kiddo," he replied. "But this is exciting news."

Soon, Jessie was seated back at the table as Lily hovered nearby. Only Harm and Mac knew the contents of this particular letter, although the other adults had a fair idea. Quickly, Jessie opened the envelope before unfolding the paper.  
>"Read it, read it," Aidan said eagerly, hoping this was what he thought it would be.<br>"Dear Mr and Mrs MacKenzie Rabb," she started before looking to Harm. "This letter is for you guys not Aidan and me."  
>"Keep reading," Mac encouraged as she rounded the table. "Go on."<br>"This is to inform you that your application for the adoption of Aidan Cormac Murphy and Jessie Anne Murphy will be heard on January 11th at 11:00am in Courtroom C," she read before realising what it meant. "It's official? It's real?"  
>"It will be on the 11th of January," Harm said, smiling broadly.<br>"And the name change and all?" Aidan asked, coming around the table to the rest of them.  
>"Everything will be done by close of business, January 11th," Mac confirmed, wrapping her arm around Aidan's shoulders.<br>"This is the best present ever!" said Jessie getting to her feet once more. "It's exactly what I wanted for Christmas!"  
>"Me too," Aidan agreed, tears filling his eyes.<br>"In that case," Mattie said, "All those presents can be given away, right?" she joked and to her surprise both children nodded.  
>"And mine too!" Lily added. "I know I asked for the games and iPad and stuff but what I really wanted was the adoption to happen so me and Jessie can be real sisters...oh, and Aidan too...well, not Aidan being a sister but being brothers...oh, you know what I mean..."<p>

There were hugs and kisses all around as well as praise and congratulations to Jessie for her efforts walking.

"I don't know how it happened," she said to Mac as she was being readied for bed. "One minute I'm really annoyed at Lily and the next I've walked halfway across the dining room."  
>"Sometimes we do better at things when we don't think about them too much," Mac said adjusting the covers. "Do you remember Donna telling you that you were thinking too much about walking and to try and let it come naturally?"<br>"Yeah," she replied with a yawn. "But it was still a big surprise."  
>"I bet it was," Mac said with a smile.<br>"You know what, Aunty Mac," she said quietly as footsteps neared. "Last Christmas, mom said I'd be running a marathon and I said I'd run one with her...maybe for next Christmas you and I can run one for her...do you think we could?"  
>"Of course we can, sweetheart," Mac said, tearfully kissing the child's head. "We can talk to Donna about it next week and make some plans."<br>"You're the best, Aunty Mac," she said sitting up once more and hugging her. "And I love you lots."  
>"I love you too, Jessie," Mac said, kissing her once more.<br>"And, Aunty Mac, one more thing," she added as Mac headed to the door. "I can't wait until January 11 when you officially become my new mom."  
>"I can't wait for that either."<p> 


	33. Moving On 5

Disclaimer: all the usual stuff...

AN: This is the last chapter of the current installment. They will return at a later date (when I get a chance to write!)

Thanks to those sticking with me - I do appreciate it.

**Life Goes On - Moving On 5/5**

January 11 dawned late as a wintry blast blanketed Bellevue in snow and the heavy, overcast skies made all below look bleak and miserable. This was in stark contrast to the mood within the MacKenzie Rabb farm as the excitement of day took hold of all its residents, well, nearly all. Sleep had been at a premium for many; Jessie and Lily had chatted and giggled their way through the night desperate for the day to come and the judge to declare them sisters. They could not wait to return to school with their family status official.

Aidan had barely slept either. Up to use the bathroom a few times in the night, he had inadvertently woken Mattie and Colin. When he had used it for the third time in less than two hours Colin got up to check on the lad's welfare. Nervous, excited and filled with a dozen other emotions, Aidan just couldn't settle. He had been desperate for this day forever; not just being adopted by this particular family but by being out of the home he had shared with his grandparents. Long before he had turned up for Thanksgiving 14 months previous, he had dreamed of living anywhere other than where he was. He was desperate to live with his mother and sister and, given the turn of events, he just felt incredibly blessed Veronica and Jessie had found these remarkable people and that they loved him. Alas, he also felt incredibly nervous that something would go wrong today. He'd had a dream that his grandfather had turned up and dragged him from court and back to New York. He'd had another dream that his grandmother had done the same thing. A third dream was that they were all standing before the judge and that Harm and Mac had simply changed their mind.

Mac's primary cause of disturbed sleep was her husband and not for the reasons she enjoyed. Tossing and turning, Harm found sleep fleeting and resisted his wife's attempts to hold and caress him. It had gone two when Mac had turned over and flicked on the bedside lamp. Pushing herself up to a seated position, she pulled the covers off her husband's face.  
>"What's going on?" she asked quietly. "Why can't you sleep?"<br>"I was sleeping. You just woke me up," he said, rolling to face her.  
>"You're lying," she corrected. "You have been tossing and turning and won't even let me touch you. So, I'll ask again, what's going on?" When Harm said nothing, Mac continued. "Is it the kids? Are you having second thoughts about...?"<br>"No!" he interjected. "Definitely no second thoughts about the adoption."  
>"Then do you feel sick?" she asked, placing the back of her hand on his forehead.<br>"No, gorgeous, it's not that," he said, taking her hand and kissing it.  
>"Harm," she said shaking her head. "It's 0208. I don't have the inclination to ask you a dozen questions. Please just tell me."<p>

With a moan and a sigh, Harm pushed himself up to be seated alongside his wife. Silently, he reached out and took both her hands in his and felt her pulse increase.  
>"Had a phone call today...yesterday," he said, looking down at their entwined hands. "And I was going to tell you...was just going to do it after the adoption. We've been looking forward to this day and I didn't want anything to spoil it..."<br>Mac freed a hand and used it to guide her husband's face towards hers.  
>"Tell me," she said gently.<br>"Sturgis called," Harm said, his eyes locked on hers. "He wasn't sure whether we knew or wanted to know but apparently Webb has been ill over recent months – cancer. He said he had cause to go to Langley and ran into Webb who was there finalising things. Said he looked pretty sick...pale, thin, frail...effects of the disease and of the treatment regime."  
>"Oh," Mac said quietly. While she had often wished the man dead, and meant it, she knew cancer was a bastard of a disease and she was reluctant to wish it on anyone.<br>"Yeah, oh," he replied just as quietly. "After the incident with Harry I would have gladly killed him myself," Harm continued. "But it came as a bit of a shock when Sturgis told me."  
>"Yeah, I can understand that," she agreed. "Did Sturgis know the prognosis?"<br>"He thinks it's terminal," Harm all but whispered. "Webb didn't say as much but Sturgis said you could see it in his eyes."  
>Shaking her head, Mac looped Harm's arm around her and snuggled close. "I'm at a loss as to what I should be saying...thinking..."<br>Nodding, Harm increased his grip on her. "There's more," he said and Mac looked up at him. "Apparently, Webb asked Sturgis whether or not he thought we would be receptive to seeing him. You know, as a part of him putting things in order."  
>"And what did Sturgis say?" Mac asked, sitting up once more.<br>"That he was nobody's go-between and it was up to Webb to find out for himself," Harm explained, watching her closely.  
>"What would your answer be?" she asked, moving to sit cross-legged. "Would you be receptive to seeing him?"<br>"Would you?" Harm countered, his eyes locked on hers.  
>"I honestly don't know," Mac replied. "My first inclination is to say no. Where Webb is concerned I don't trust him one iota. If it's true...the cancer...then that's sad for him, but a part of me thinks it could be a con and we both know that's not beyond him."<br>"Yep, they were my thoughts too," Harm concurred, nodding slowly.  
>"Then another part of me thinks that if he is dying, then what sort of person am I to deny a man his dying wish," she said, thinking back to the issues surrounding the death of her mother.<br>"Yep, thought about that one too," Harm concurred once more.

It was another 30 minutes of quiet, stilted conversation before they decided nothing would be resolved at that time of the morning and they should try and sleep in preparation for their big court date.  
>"Grandma's making Grams' famous choc-chip pancakes for our special family breakfast," Lily announced as she flung her parents' door open. "And she's wondering why you guys are the only people not up and dressed."<br>"We're coming," Harm said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "We were just talking about how special this day is."  
>"It is," Lily agreed. "It's like the day mommy had the twins all over again. Except this time you're not fat and going oooh and ahhh or calling dad rude names."<p>

Mac laughed as Lily disappeared down the stairs once more. "She forgot to mention no morning sickness or stretch marks this time either."  
>"And no sardine and pickle cravings," Harm added, pulling on his robe.<br>"Or the ..." Mac began before the intercom interrupted.  
>"Grandma says breakfast is ready now," Jessie announced. "And that she's not responsible if they're all gone before you get down here."<p>

At 1045 the extended MacKenzie Rabb family gathered in the foyer of the court. Dressed in their Sunday best, Trish spent her time adjusting collars and smoothing sleeves to make sure everyone was presentable. Jessie had been desperate to walk into the courtroom using her frame but the weather conditions outside were slippery and made her unsteady so Harm had insisted on the wheelchair. However, Frank had doubled back and collected the walker for the child to use inside the courthouse.  
>"You haven't said much this morning, Aidan," Harm observed as he wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders. "Are you okay?"<br>"Yes, dad," he said with a nod. "Just anxious, I guess."  
>"Well, before long it will all be over and..." he replied. "What?" he asked when he noted Aidan's distraction.<br>"Do you think there's any chance my grandparents will turn up and stop the adoption?" he whispered, not wanting Jessie to hear him.  
>"No, I don't," Harm replied. "I don't believe they have been notified. After Children's Services granted us permanent care of you, there has been no need to contact your grandparents. Why? Do you think they will?"<br>"No," he said, shaking his head. "At least I hope not. I just want this so much and I'm scared something will go wrong."  
>"You just take a few deep breaths," Harm said, rubbing his back. "This will all be over within the hour, you just wait and see."<p>

11:00am came and went with no sign of the family being called into the courtroom. 11:30am came and went too.  
>"Aren't they going to do it, Aunty Mac?" Jessie asked from back in her wheelchair, the wait too long for her to stand.<br>"I'm sure they will," Mac reassured her. "They must be running behind. It happens at times."  
>"What happens if they don't get to us today?" she questioned and lots of little eyes fell upon her.<br>"If, and that's a big if, they don't get to us today, they will reschedule our case. That means they will give us a new time and date to come back," she explained taking Jessie's hand.  
>"But...but..." she started, her lip quivering and eyes filling with tears.<br>"Hey, hey, Jess," Mac said, pulling the child from her chair and sitting her on her lap. "It'll be okay. I'm sure it will be."

Catching the scene between mother and newest daughter, Harm padded over and crouched down in front of them as Lily sat in the wheelchair and wheeled up and down the foyer.  
>"What's happening?" he asked, caressing Jessie's face.<br>"Jessie's just a bit anxious," Mac answered for her. "With the delay and all."  
>"Well, I was just about to go see how much longer we'll be," he replied. "Because the troops are getting restless," he added, gesturing towards the twins, Frankie and Kenzie. "Back soon."<p>

Finding a clerk, Harm asked the pressing question and after a quick phone call, Harm was asked to wait in a small interview room. His concern grew when Alexis Lucas from Children's Services joined him and shut the door.  
>"What's going on, Alexis?" Harm asked, quickly getting to his feet.<br>"Cormac Murphy," she replied bitterly. "I have no idea how he found out about the adoption but he contacted the office yesterday and wants to stop proceedings."  
>"What?!" Harm growled. "He can't do that!"<br>"He won't be successful," Alexis replied, "But he has the right to be heard."  
>"So where is he?" Harm asked, hoping he wouldn't turn up in the foyer before he got back.<br>"Caught in the traffic snarl caused by the weather," Alexis replied. "Given the sensitive nature of these particular circumstances, the judge has given him until midday to appear."

Meanwhile, Lily was busy occupying herself with the wheelchair as Jessie remained with Mac and Frank and Colin corralled the youngest family members. Wheeling too close to the automatic doors, Lily tried to reverse before realising it was a man coming in who had activated the doors. There was something familiar about the man and she smiled at him.  
>"Hello there," the man said, and Lily wasn't too sure what she should do. True he looked familiar and true she had smiled at him first, but she had been taught the concepts of stranger danger well and talking was another matter. Still, she figured she was safe in a courthouse, particularly as her family was scattered around.<p>

"Hello," she replied, wheeling out of his way.  
>"You do that well," he said stepping away from the door.<br>"Lots of practice," Lily replied, knowing she used the chair frequently when Jessie was doing other things.  
>"I guess so, Jessie," he replied and Lily's eyes widened. Now she knew why this man looked familiar.<br>"What are you doing here?" she yelled, catching the attention of all.  
>"Shh, Jessie," he said waving at her to get back in the chair. "Sit."<br>"You don't even know who I am!" Lily shouted as the other adults approached.  
>"I didn't think we'd ever see you again," Trish said sharply and Cormac Murphy couldn't help but take a small step back. "I hope you realise you are not welcome here at all."<br>"They are my grandchildren," he said gruffly. "I have every right to be here."  
>"You gave up that right when you failed to even acknowledge Jessie," Frank said, taking up a position between his wife and the newcomer.<p>

Not at all sure what to do, Aidan took off down the hallway where he had seen Harm go earlier. Rapping loudly on the first closed door he came to, Aidan pushed open the door, relieved to see Harm.  
>"He's here! He's here! Please don't let him take me. Please...please," he begged his hand clamped on Harm's arm.<br>Not needing to be told just who 'he' was, Harm was out of the room quickly, closely followed by Alexis and the security officer who was stationed nearby.

Stopping only to scoop up a sobbing Jessie who was still sitting on the bench Mac had left her on, Harm made his way over to the group.  
>"Mr Murphy," Alexis said, trying to diffuse the growing tension. "I'm Alexis Lucas from Children's Services. I have just informed Mr MacKenzie Rabb of your intention to stop today's proceedings."<br>"No!" cried Jessie, clinging tightly to Harm. Aidan came and stood alongside them.  
>"For what benefit?" Mac challenged. "Why do you want to stop the proceedings?"<br>"I am not discussing that in this forum," he replied gruffly. "And, contrary to your personal opinion, I am not answerable to you."  
>"You can't possibly have the children's best interest at heart," she continued, trying very hard to control her emotions.<br>"Mrs MacKenzie Rabb, we will leave the questions to the judge," Alexis said quietly. "We don't want to jeopardise things by saying the wrong thing out here."  
>As much as Mac didn't like it, she conceded that perhaps Alexis was right; she definitely didn't want to give the man any grounds to stopping the adoption.<p>

The original plan had been for the extended family to sit in court to witness the proceedings. After all, it had been long thought that this would just be a rubber stamp effort. Now that things were taking a nasty turn, it was decided that only Harm, Mac and the two children in question would go into the courtroom. The rest would go to the cafe across the road and wait as patiently as possible.

With matters pertaining to family law, particularly in cases which were meant to be straightforward, like this one, Judge Eldon Agar tried to keep things as informal as possible. It was often difficult circumstances which brought families before the court and he did not wish to traumatise youngsters any further by using formal, cold practices.

Having apprised himself of this case prior to today's proceedings, he had anticipated it as simple and clear-cut. However, when his clerk informed him of Cormac Murphy's attendance, he had reviewed the case once more prior to entering the courtroom.

With years of law behind them, Mac and Harm were both on their feet the moment the door opened and Judge Agar quickly waved away the gesture.  
>"Please be seated," he said as he took his own chair. "Now, this matter is the petition of Harmon MacKenzie Rabb and Sarah MacKenzie Rabb to adopt Aidan Cormac Murphy and Jessie Anne Murphy."<br>"Yes, sir," Harm and Mac replied in unison, each with a child tucked under an arm.  
>"Aidan and Jessie, from my reading of your case, you have endured so much. I offer you my sympathies on the loss of your mother," he continued as he removed his glasses.<br>"Thank you, sir," Aidan replied while Jessie just nodded.  
>"Now, Mr Murphy," he said, putting his glasses on once more and adjusting the papers in front of him. "I don't think I am the only one here who has been surprised by your attendance today. If my reading of the case presented by Children's Services is correct, then you have had nothing to do with your grandchildren since the week of the fire, some 14 months ago. Is that correct?"<br>"Yes, your honour," he replied, his voice much weaker than Aidan had heard before.  
>"In fact, you have never acknowledged young Jessie as your grandchild, have you?" Judge Agar stated.<br>"Um, no, your honour," he said quickly. "But I raised the boy for 10 years. Fed, clothed, educated him. Tried my hardest with him."  
>"I am aware of that," he said, flicking through the file. "It is also my understanding that Aidan had expressed his wishes to remain with his mother prior to the fire. Is this your understanding too, Mr Murphy?"<br>"That's what I was told when I went to collect him," he said with a nod.  
>"So, I have to ask why, after all this time, you are attempting to stop the adoption of one child who means nothing to you and another who does not want to live with you?" the judge asked and Mac held her breath.<br>There was silence.  
>"Mr Murphy, do I need to ask the question again?" Judge Agar asked and Cormac shook his head.<br>"My daughter, Veronica, was the about same age as Aidan when she left," he said, "Never saw her much after that...Don't want the same thing to happen with Aidan and I guess, if I have to, then I will have her as well."  
>"Jessie! Jessie! My name is Jessie!" she shouted, standing up and facing the man; neither Harm or Mac tried to stop her. "I have a name! You don't care about me at all...you don't even know me! You thought it was me in the wheelchair out there and it was Lily. You always told mom I was punishment for her sins, didn't you?" she asked but didn't wait for an answer. "Well, your punishment for your sins is that you don't get Aidan and you don't get me. You don't get a family because you don't deserve it! Aidan and I deserve a family who loves us and who wants us and who treats us good. Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm do that. They take care of us. They feed us and buy us clothes. They make sure we go to school and do our homework. Aunty Mac does all my physio with me. She takes me to all my doctor appointments and holds my hand when they inject me. When I cry because the exercises hurt, Aunty Mac cries too and she says she's really sorry but I know it's not her fault. Just like I know it's not mine that I have cerebral palsy. My mom loved me very much and I loved her too and I miss her and I cry when I think about her sometimes and as horrible and terrible and sucky that the fire and mom's accident was I got my brother back and now I get two more brothers and three sisters and a brother-in-law and a nephew and grandparents who love me, who really love me."<p>

Exhausted she slumped back onto the bench and was instantly embraced by all.  
>"Aidan, do you have anything to add to your sister's comments," Judge Agar said quietly trying to wipe a tear away.<br>"Sir," Aidan said getting to his feet. "I think Jessie summed it up pretty well. Not that Grandfather would ever say it here but I bet he only wants me back to do the work around the house not because he loves or misses me. I know it's your decision, sir, but there's no way I am ever going to live with them again. If you decide I can't live with Aunty Mac and Uncle Harm then I'll live on the street, I'll runaway...I'll...I don't know what I'll do. I lived there for ten years and hated it. Not just not liking it but hating it. I prayed every night that I could live with mom and Jessie. Prayed that I could live anywhere else and then finally two Thanksgivings ago I got that chance. Mom was so happy that I wanted to live with her and I promised her I would help out and try not to be a burden...but ...well, you know what happened with mom. I'm just so lucky these two amazing people took Jessie and I in and love us like they do."  
>"Fine," Cormac growled, throwing up his arms.<br>"Would you like to retract your objections, Mr Murphy?" the judge asked, knowing it wouldn't make a difference.  
>"Whatever," he said before turning to Aidan. "You are an ungrateful brat!" he spat.<br>"That will be enough," the judge said sternly. "The adoption of Aidan and Jessie Murphy is approved."  
>'Yes!" Jessie shrieked before bursting into tears, Aidan hugged her tightly.<br>"Your Honour, am I able to get compensation?" Cormac dared to ask.  
>"For what?" Judge Agar replied sharply.<br>"For the costs of raising the boy for 10 years," he said. "It didn't come cheaply, you know?"  
>"You raised your grandson," he said in disbelief. "You are not entitled to be compensated for that. Where did you expect the money to come from?"<br>"She...Jessie ... has money...a trust," he said, pointing to the child.  
>"That was it all along, wasn't it?" Mac said, getting to her feet. "Oh, sorry, Your Honour," she said when she realised what she had done.<br>"Go ahead," he said with a nod.  
>"You didn't want the kids at all, you found out about Jessie's fund...that's why you wanted her as well...to control that money," she said, glad Jessie had a grip on her hand, the hand she might otherwise use to strike the man beside her.<br>"I am not answerable to you!" he snarled.

Harm reached out and grabbed Mac's other hand, not wanting the matter to get out of hand. "Well, whatever your motives, Mr Murphy," Mac said sharply. "You will never see your grandchildren again or their money and that is something you will have to live with for the rest of your days. These two are amazing kids and you and your wife will never know just how much you have missed out on." Stopping, Mac drew a shaky breath. "Your Honour," Mac continued, trying to refocus. "We have also petitioned the court for the changes of names for both children."  
>"Yes, I see that," he said with a nod. "Are the children in agreement?"<br>"We picked them, sir," Jessie said proudly. "And we get to be MacKenzie Rabbs and call them mom and dad and everything."  
>"And it takes away the connection to those people," Aidan said, pointing in the direction of his grandfather. "And lets us remember our mother."<br>"Mrs MacKenzie Rabb, I think you summed things up perfectly," Judge Agar said. "Mr Murphy, these are two fine children and your life will be all the poorer without them."

With the wait at the cafe excruciating, the family had already assembled in the foyer by the time the case was over. No one had a chance to ask the outcome as Harm opened the door with a broad grin.  
>"Introducing Aidan Ronnie MacKenzie Rabb," he said proudly, as the lad passed him by. "Our son!" It was in much the same way he had announced the birth of Lily and the twins, Frankie's announcement had never been made due to the precarious health of his mother.<p>

There was a round of enthusiastic cheers and claps as Aidan was embraced by members of his new family, all very excited that this day had come.  
>"And, introducing Jessie Veronica MacKenzie Rabb," Harm said, taking the child's hand as she let go of her frame. "Our daughter!"<br>"And my sister! Finally!" Lily shouted as she ran over to embrace Jessie.

As Jessie was welcomed to the family, Harm slipped his arm around Mac and kissed her head.  
>"How are you feeling, mommy?" he whispered while still watching his family celebrate.<br>"Wonderful," she replied, reaching up to kiss him. "But I definitely think we have enough children now and that our family is complete."  
>"I think so too," he replied. "But there'll always be room for more grandchildren," he added looking at Mattie. "And if they follow our lead that could be a lot of little feet," he added gesturing to his offspring.<br>"A bit like 'As I was going to St Ives..." Mac said, and Harm looked at her curiously, the reference lost on him. "You know, 'As I was going to St Ives I met a man with seven wives and every wife had seven sacks and every sack had seven cats and every cat had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks and wives how many were going to St Ives?'"  
>"I don't get it," he said, not in the frame of mind to do the calculations.<br>"Well, you and I have seven kids, if they have seven each...that would be 49 grandchildren...and if those 49 had seven each that would be...um..." Mac paused as she calculated the number. "343. And if..."  
>"I get it...I get it..." Harm said with a laugh. "Who'd have thought it, hey? You and me and hundreds of descendents ... and all going where? St Ives?"<br>"Actually, the answer to the riddle is one...there's only one going to St Ives," she explained as his arms surrounded her.  
>"St Ives, Bellevue, Timbuktu... I don't care where we are going so long as we're going together," Harm said before planting a soft kiss on her lips.<br>"Ditto!" she replied, kissing him back.


End file.
